Will she ever forgive me?

This is a long one guys, but its complicated so bare with me if ya can.

My girlfriend of two years and I decided to go on a break not long ago. The reason being she treated me like crap one night, ignored me the entire next day and then when I asked her about it she said she was unhappy with us, rather than being sorry... kinda blind sided me. She said that she wanted someone with more ambition and what not... and I admitted I kinda had been taking her for granted. She said she wanted to try and work things out.

We go on this break, and almost immediately she starts pursuing other guys. The first thing she did when she got home was change her facebook. She would call me and lie saying she went to the movies with friends when she went on a date. I couldnt take it anymore, so I confronted her about lying to me... and she admitted to it right away but didnt say sorry or anything. I asked if she liked the guy and she said yes... but never enough to ruin what we had. I was furious. Flipping cheeseburgers that she would lead me on after all we'd been through, she was my best friend I thought I could trust her... Then she said she was almost sure we'd get back together but after I confronted her that she didnt know anymore.

We ended the phone conversation with me agreeing to see her valentines day. She said I love you and I wouldnt say it back. You dont do that to someone u love. The next day, valentines day... she cancels with me and hangs out with the same guy. I wasnt aware that she did it at the time, but I found out later. So after valentines day I go and give her a teddy and her things back. I said I was sorry for what I'd said. I was, I love her with all my heart. She gave me a hug and was kissing my neck.

Within the next couple days, awful words were exchanged between us. She said I wasnt the one she wanted to be with, that shed been seeing this guy. I basically called her every name in the book... she said we werent meant to be. maybe we aren't.

She somehow convinced me, to meet her for coffee, she was wearing the promise ring I'd bought her not two months before. She basically just reiterated everything she had said before. That her feelings just changed, that she wasnt sorry she went out with this guy, but sorry our relationship didnt work. I said I didnt want someone who could do that to someone they love in my life and we couldnt be friends.

She dropped me off at my place, basically yelling at me saying she was sorry well I just sat there and laughed at how much of a joke our "love" was. She put the ring in a box and gave it to me. I was livid... that she wasnt sorry at all and that she was giving it back. I took it out the box and threw it as far away as I could and walked into the house.

I felt horrible about doing this, I love her. As soon as I stepped inside I knew what I did was wrong. When we were together I used to dream she was always leaving me, and laughing. Nightmares. But after we broke up I had a dream I gave her the ring back. I apologized to her on msn... and she accepted.

I saw her out at the bar a couple weeks later, I had heard she'd been doing some serious face sucking with a lot of guys. I didnt know what to think when I saw her... she attempted to talk to me and I completely ignored her. We havent really talked since, until I called her yesterday. We made plans to go for coffee...

I still want her back, I still love her with all my heart. Is there anything I could to make her believe in me? That we might not be meant to be... but we can make believe. When we were together it was great, she was my best friend. I'd do anything for her, but it seems like I keep making mistakes in everything I do. Like theres nothing I can say to make her love me the way she used to. She isn't perfect, but she is to me. Once the snows all gone Im going to look for the ring, if I find it maybe it is meant to be?

Wow that is long.
Um well look for the ring. if you find it it might mean a sign.
But if she doesnt love you back like you love her its something you are going to have to recognize and deal with, however hard it may be because you shouldnt love someone who will never love you back.
but good luck and let me know what happens.
xx

Honey, you two are swinging it back and forth. Obviously, it's not going to work out. I figure this is how it is: She isn't going to commit to you -- Hello, she gave you back the ring. You aren't ready to get back with her -- You THREW the ring. It's times like this, when after all those fights that you two have had, it's a big big sign that you guys just aren't meant for each other at the moment. I don't know about later, but for now, you have to just forget it. You're thinking too much and lingering on a relationship that's either deteriorated, or is deteriorating. Just stop thinking about everything that involves her, and go enjoy life instead of doing this little game where you both hurt each other continuously .

^Amanda has great advise, here. You are so concerned with whether she will forgive your actions (which were admittedly not perfect, but such is life) without considering whether you ought to forgive her. I know you love her, and you probably will not stop loving her anytime soon, but it seems as if she's made her choice. She wants everything - a new flame who excites her, and a steady rock (you) who will "always be there to fall back on." She's probably feeling guilty messing with this 2 year long significant relationship with you, so she's projecting the guilt onto you. Don't let her. I know it sucks, and it feels like crap, but try to hold on to some dignity. Let her know your displeasure, but don't take it down to her level. It sounds like you deserve a lot better than that - especially, ESPECIALLY by someone who says they love you. Good luck, sir.

I think you shouldnt be the one sorry..
She should be..
Its sounds like she was just playing games with your head && toying with your heart..
I wont be saying "get over her" because I cant get over my own lover myself but I think it would be best to see other people..look at your options...
Yea I know the love you have for her will be there && yea it will take time to move on, but why not start now?!?!
I just think its better for you to just stop making these "coffee visits" && try seeing other people..You dont have to like them 100% but it will help get your mind off of the things that hurt you...

You're better off with out her, give it time, all hurts mend eventually. Go out be pro-active and date other people. Soon she will be nothing but an ex who you no longer care about.

What i think basically is that if she treated u like crap, and then said she loved u and then treated u like crap again, then she will end up treating u like crap again....even if yall do get back together, there is a possibility that she will treat you like crap again....
u should find someone that won't sling u back and forth...that she will actually love u and mean it.........
u r better of without her,

hope that helps any
***aLy***

Thanks for all the advice guys. I kinda wish I got to read it sooner lol. We hung out yesterday, as friends... things were awkward at first. We were watching a movie... and I blurted out that I loved her :(, I said I didn't expect her to say anything back. I felt it, I was afraid to say it... but I felt like I had to conquer my fear. She said, that she panicked when we were on the break and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore, that she still cared and would always love me. Basically what I wanted to hear. She said it was her fault that it didn't work out. I said yeah you really pinned the tail on the donkey there. lol.

She said she wanted to see me happy, and she felt like we were holding each other back from growing as people. I told her that nothing would make me happier then a hug and she gave me one. Honestly it was the happiest I've been in a long time, just having her near. I know pathetic right? Im trying to find ways to make myself happy, to do the right thing... but it seems like lately I've been going about things all wrong. I actually got some solid sleep last night...

When we were on a break she said that it wasnt meant to be and honestly I dont believe in meant to be. If its meant to be then there is no worth, no struggle and nothing to overcome. There are no hardships to make the good times that much sweeter. There would be no reason to dig deeper or strive harder and no reason to grow. If its meant to be then it just is, and if it just is than its nothing.

After we started talking we started laughing, like we were friends again... and honestly in the beginning when she said she liked me I told her all we could be was friends. Its all I wanted and the only thing I ever expected from her, its the only thing I expect now... anything else is just a bonus. I love her with all my heart and they say "Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."

Honestly the damage is done, she cant hurt me anymore than she already has. I want her to be happy... If she truly believes in her heart their is someone else who can do a better job of giving her that than I say find him. If she finds him then I say be with him. But if he lets her down, I will always be there to catch her when she falls. We are friends. As far as Im concerned to quote rise against "If love is a labor I'll slave till the end". In my mind, it takes a stronger person to move on after losing someone they loved, but an even stronger one to endure the pain... to embrace it and continually love that other person unconditionally. Sure she's made mistakes, I dont agree that she loves me... if she did she'd be with me its as simple as that, but I'll let her think she has me convinced that she does, so I can convince her that she does to.

The only way to get smarter is by playing a smarter opponent. Love is a game, so is life. Your enemy will always hide in the last place you expect him to be. My enemy was my self, all that hate just pushed her away. Ever since I started to conquer my fears... to call her up cause Im afraid of the things she could do to me, to tell her I love her... without fear of her not saying it back I've been getting what I want.

When we were saying farewell I jokingly stuck out my lips for a kiss. She pulled me in and kissed me goodbye, like full on make out style. It was hot. lol. I said I loved her, got out the car, took off both my shirts screamed "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!" and jumped in the snow. She laughed, and thats all I wanted to make her do. Life is a game of chess, the trick is to feed your opponent pieces so they think your stupider then they are. I couldn't do this as her obvious enemy, ignoring her and acting like I hated her. so I picked a better spot to hide. However, she is still in hiding as well, but I already know her spot. My heart.

She may not be "with me", but yesterday she sure was. She was right there beside me... I could reach out and touch her. If she is confused as to what she wants Ill be whatever she needs, until she figures out its me. We should all use our brains to ask the questions, but our hearts to answer them.

But again I appreciate all the advice, for the length of my post, for the amount I poured out of my heart... Im impressed so many of you took it in. I miss this place. Maybe Im completely wrong, maybe Im crazy... but I need to do what I believe is right.

I quit my job to lol. Seeing as how I did it out of fear of losing her, when I should have gotten and kept it long before out of love for her. Now that its just me, and there is no us to work towards I realize its just wasn't making me happy. and besides jobs are for poor bastards, not rich guys like me ;).

^ I dont know why, But reading all this made me cry...Makes me realize && wonder what my Love thinks of me now that Ive left him...
I just thinks its so sweet && caring of you to be there for her after she has hurt you....
That is what I call ( L O V E ) =]

Thanks, for the support :)... thats just what I believe love should be. Unconditional. I tried it the other way and it broke my heart to pieces. Maybe Im just a selfish fool, who would do anything to keep the girl he loves around. Her birthday is coming up in May. That gives me a month and a half to find the ring... if I do maybe we will be back together :D. Or maybe we'll still just be friends... either way its better to have her around then nothing at all.

Thanks for the advice man. Thats an f'in harsh pair of shoes to be in. I feel for you. 8 guys in 2 days? Thats very... cunning. lol She prolly needed that money to abort all those babies. No offense intended. That really is a horror story and I feel for ya. So tell me, do you still love her?

Honestly I dont trust my ex at all, that went out the door the first time I caught her in that lie when we were breakin, thats why I wouldnt say I love you back on the phone. I wanted her to show me she loved me... and then she went and hung out with him again on valentines day. so... yeah, thats a no brainer. However Im all heart, self proclaimed fool. Ignorance is bliss. At least thats what I'd like her to believe for now. Im happy being her friend, but so far I dont think she's even ready for that cause I gots more moves than mchammer, and she kissed me lol. Truthfully right now, shes prolly hanging out with another guy trying to forget me, more than likely shes done the horizontal hokey pokey with someone else to... but thats fine. Its human nature, mammal mentality.

The thing that hurt the most was I thought we were best friends and we could tell each other the truth no matter what, I thought we respected each other enough to do that at the very least. So yeah, she cant disappoint me anymore than she already has.

As far as the game goes, the game of love, which is really just chess. I fed her some pieces and jacked her queen... she's the one who wanted to be friends with me and she pulled me in and kissed me. So me 1, her 0.

As for my next move... its difficult to say. Im sure she is even more confused than ever. Shes asking herself questions that her head cant answer... because she acted with her heart and kissed me. She's panicking. Probably making plans with as many guys as possible, but Im honestly stronger than ever, happier than ever. However I dont want to scare her away completely... I need her to come back to the board. So its difficult to say what I should do next.

Do I call her?... turn the tables. Say yeah, Im really confused right now and I just wanna be friends, so if u could respect that and just turn down the heat a couple notches maybe we can hang out or something? lol. Lure her back into the game.

Or just wait it out... see what she says?

what do u guys think?

Well, mate. You really shouldnt NOT trust her because of other guys.. Because frankly, she doesnt have to tell you the truth about them. She doesnt even have to tell you, best friend or not. There are some things best friends lack. Dont get my wrong, I can see why that would get to you. But she knows that now you two arent together.. She doesnt have to tell you things. And you're so used to the aspect of a relationship being open. Well, friends are different. What we're used to is hard to break.

If you want to be her friends.. You need to cut out the kissing. I'll tell you this story. I was with a girl a little awhile back after my girlfriend and I of three years had a bad split. (It's fixed now). This girl had just come out of a relationship as well and to be frank.. she didnt know what she wanted. She kept breaking it off and then she'd call me and cry. So after about the third split she stuck to her word and said.. "We'll just be friends" and she came over for dinner and a movie one night. Well to be frank.. She kissed me. But I wouldnt kiss her back and I told her, "Friends dont kiss friends. And that is what we are." and I refused to let her kiss me and cry this time. She begged and pleaded and I told her.. "Figure out what you want. Or go kiss another boy."

Three days later she figured out what she wanted and it was "more than friends." Give her what she wants without commitment and you will get hurt even worse. Because she still has the familiar commitment and pleasure without all of the ties that come involved with a relationship. And people will take advantage of that and you will end up even deeper in the hole.. Because you will get false hope and a lack of understanding.

You dont have the upperhand here, mate. Why? Because she's the one making up the board. She put every piece in place because she wanted it this way. Be careful about how happy and comfortable you get. Just might earn ya another heartbreak.

Cool, thanks for the words of wisdom. In every con though there is an opponent and a victim the trick is to realize when you're the latter so you can become the former. If I was expecting her to kiss me, I wouldn't have joked around and stuck out my lips like an idiot. The thing is I don't want to be her friend... but thats really all I'm expecting. I would be happy with that. If she does end up in a relationship with another guy I won't even hold her hand. I have more respect than that, for her and myself.

If she has in fact rigged the board, and she wants to be friends and nothing more. Than so far shes losing the game. If she is just confused as to what she wants, than Im pretty sure I just gave her a big heads up. Or if shes just using me to screw around... than what have I got to lose? A friend that was never really that, or a girlfriend thats already gone. Nothing.

She has my heart, she knows that... I've forgiven her for the things shes done, and I will continue to. By not trusting her that is exactly what I meant. She doesnt have to tell me anything, so there is no truth to put faith in. Unless we do get back together, but until then all I can do is play my opponent to the best of my ability.

You are absolutely right though about vetoing the face sucking. Now that I've used that move shes going to expect me to use it again, shes going to expect me to expect it. Friends dont do that, and thats what I need her to think I want to be. Which Im fine with, because like I said its all Im expecting. Its all I asked of her from the get go. I will apologize for putting her in that position and the next time we do kiss it will be on her accord and I will put on the breaks.

I actually wanted it this way, I was the one who said we should only be friends from the start. Then we got together, it was great... and I pushed her away. She thinks her feelings just changed, but it was me who changed them by getting mad. I was my own worst enemy. Then she wanted to be friends, and I said I didnt want someone like that in my life. I ignored her... and then to bring us up to speed, I asked her to hang out as friends. We did... and she kissed me. I asked her to come out and play, on my terms. She just thought they were hers. Now I have to convince her, that I was wrong... and that were playing by her rules again. lol this shits hurting my brain.

Basically she thinks Im the victim, that she broke my heart and now shes leading me on. When in reality Im the opponent leading her on, feeding her pawns. Saying the things she wants to her, and getting the things I want. I must look like a giant asshole, trying to manipulate someone like this, but I really do love her and I have the best intentions.

"Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise." Sometimes we gotta risk it all to get all that we desire.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Imagine if I do win her back, if I can trust her again... how unbelievably amazing that would be. When all hope is lost, when she is already gone, there is nothing left to do but try.

So I'll leave you with these immortal words by none other then Jack Sparrow himself. Take everything, give nothing back.

Sorry to double post, I just called her... and we're hanging out saturday as "friends" mwuahahaha. First the movies and then Im gonna take her for a ride on the DJ go round! lol kidding. Im pretty pumped though, that she isn't freaking out about the kiss. We didnt even talk about it... see told you guys! Friends can make out! Even after a two year relationship. Now, all thats left is to play innocent until she pulls me in for another one. And then bam! I hit her with the "friends dont kiss" routine, the other dude suggested and wait for her to come crawling back! haha kidding again... its definitely not gonna be that easy. In fact Im almost certain now shes doing exactly what Kodak the brilliant predicted, assuming she can have all the pleasure without the commitment. If all has gone to plan, than eventually she'll go in for the kiss and than its my move.

Well if it doesn't work out now be friends, who knows maybe you'll have something in the future with her.That does happen sometimes.

But she betrayed you. not the other way around. she may have been on a break but she left you

Everything you're saying about her feelings, her life, your relationship and your friendship being a "game" is quite insensitive. although she's hurt you, you can't treat her like a piece of meat and whatever action she makes.. like you already knew it was coming. sure she is confused, that's even more of a reason to not take her as a vulnerable pawn to play with. I think to be perfectly honest you shouldn't bother with your so-called 'friendship' because both of you are making moves trying to get back into a false relationship. you two quite obviously don't work and you laugh about her in your posts.. neither of you seem to care about the real issues here anymore, and are just trying to create a fantasy.

Ok i change my answer i am going to go with the person above me

True, but if I didnt confront her about lying and going to the movies with that dude... more than likely we'd be back together. It was my call. In reality I should have just ignored her... but I was afraid of losing her which drove me to the point of madness. I mean I don't regret doing it... but now Im just having fun playing the game. Lets see how much she doesnt want to be with me now that Im being overly nice, instead of completely ignoring her. So far I've procured a solid kiss. Have you guys ever looked at yourself puckering up waiting for a kiss? It looks ridiculous... like zoolander blue steel style. who would want to kiss that? and yet she did. I have fun with her regardless, she brings out the best in me. Im expecting nothing but friendship... but it all depends on how well I play the game as to whether or not I get what I truly want. Next stop is friendship town even if she tries to kiss me.

I thought you did confront her.

But just tell her that or this
It was my call. In reality I should have just ignored her... but I was afraid of losing her which drove me to the point of madness

"The game" life is not a game. as much as you're playing around with jokey words.. it is NOT a game. people's feelings can be hurt and it is a serious thing. if you want to be overly nice to her, don't play with her, that is really a horrible thing to do. sure, she made bad actions, but you're making bad actions now, so who's the loser in the end? If your friendship is a game to you, it is not a real friendship; and you cannot have a friendship even if she tries to "kiss" you.. that's just her making a move, you saying no, and considering it being a friendship. Words don't make actions, actions make words.. so either tell her straight how you feel right now, and stop playing games with her, or leave her alone, because the damage is done.. and you continue to make it worse. I'm sure she's sorry, so accept her apology.. that's what true friends do.

as for your zoolander comment, i laughed my arse off.

I did confront her, sorry if I was unclear on that. She said she was sorry and that she loved me, and I wouldnt say it back. I wanted her to show me. Then she hung out with him on valentines day. After that she said she loved me and she knew in her heart what was right but her head was telling her otherwise. She acted on fear instead of love. Which is what I did, I tried to reason with her cause I was afraid of losing her... she said she just wanted to just be friends. and again I acted out of fear knowing full well what she was capable of doing to someone she loved nevermind a friend. So I pushed her away... and nothing seemed to be getting better. So I called her and everything just felt right, she knows I love her... I told her that. Shes the one who kissed me, in reality... it isn't a game, but theoretically life is. Im just better at playing it now.

It really is a choice between the lesser of two evils, hate her for what she did and outcast her from my life. Or forgive her and do my best to be her friend regardless of what I want. When the fog clears, I will be there either way. I will always be there for her. Shes doing what she has to, to make herself happy and so am I. Sometimes you gotta do what isn't necessarily right for the greater good, thats the way I see it anyways.

I've spent so many days and nights thinking about her, I've gone through so many nightmares to wake up missing her... I've cried so much and been sensitive that Im sick of it... its time to do something about it.

Just don't treat her like she's there for your entertainment, if you truly love her, respect her and realise she's capable of making decisions, and sometimes mistakes if she's desperate, and that you can't pin down her every action as though you can predict everything she does. because.. life really isn't a game to most people, and it's not as easy as you think to just "play".

Well that's all the advice i gots for know

Lol honestly if I took all advice everyone gave me from the start. I'd still be the sensitive guy at home alone crying waiting for her return, but guess who's back? I did tell her straight up how I felt. I said I love you and you dont have to say anything back and then pointed at the tv and said "OO scary part lets watch!", everything that happened after that also came from the heart. Im not a bad person trying to make her do something she doesnt want to... Im just being myself and trying to help her figure it out, if she wants me as a friend thats all she has to say. If she wants more than that... then so be it.

Well i've never told you to do anything other than be weary of her feelings.. so i'm not trying to tell you to not be yourself.

Yeah. i here ya

I am well aware she is capable of making decisions, and I know full well the mistakes shes made. But they seem to be parallel to the things I do. I love her, I am going to continue to show her and tell her that. Its the truth. I forgive her for whats she done... and I still want to be with her. She knows that. Like I asked her back out as a joke and she just laughed. I admitted that I must seem like an asshole earlier, in fact I agree I am an asshole... but Im doing it out of love. I seem to be doing a lot better job of making her happy now, then I was ignoring her at the bar and what not... so yeah, not to argue with u guys. You are right, life isn't just a game, but if you plan a head and treat it like one you will be better off for it. Lots of guys go out and get jobs and have money for the sole purpose of getting girls. Not that they care, lots of guys play multiple girls at once... Those are the heartless guys looking for entertainment, im just doing what I need to, to try and win back the girl I love... and might yet still love me. I dont mean to offend anyone.

On a side note I have no job, or money so... basically my only asset is my heart. I barely have a brain.

Yeah but she has to make the right decisions..

Look before she leaps

I agree with you 100%.

But she said it herself, she's listening to her head and everyone else instead of her heart. I believe you should ask the questions with ur head and use your heart to answer them. My heart says that I love her, I would never do anything to hurt her, everyone who cares about me, even everybody on here says I shouldnt even talk to her. She wanted to be friends with me, I gave her that. It took everything in me to conquer my fear and call this girl I love and ask her to hang out, to forgive her. I did. It took everything in me to tell her I loved her. I did it.

She knows I want to be with her, that I want to be more than friends. I told her whatever I have to do to be in her life, friend or boyfriend I would do it. I said if she wanted me to stop saying I love you I would, she didnt say she wanted me to. I said what if I go to this, councilor and he says I shouldnt see u anymore... she didnt say anything. she obviously wants me in her life, so there I am, like I said I'd be. She kissed me, Im not expecting anything more of it. If she tries to go again, wouldn't the right thing to do be to stop her? I do want to be with her yes, so I would be stopping her for myself Which is selfish, but I am also doing it for her. For us. so she can figure this out... I cant blame myself for hoping it goes in my favor and that she decides to be with me.

Im sorry though, I shouldn't have used the term crawling back... and laughed. or used such evil text laughter as mwuhahaha. lol. just makes me look like more of a prick... but yes I am excited that there is hope for us yet.

I must confess though, at the same time I am that sensitive guy while simultaneously being a ginormous dickasaurus. I cried when we were talking about us, and how her feelings just changed and how I couldnt understand it... so it really isnt all fun and games. I just paint a prettier picture then reality. Also, take in to account... that maybe I've just convinced myself I know whats going to happen, maybe Im still the victim who believes himself the opponent and Im setting myself up for a world of hurt. See how much I laugh then lol. either way its worth the risk. shes worth the risk.

Anyways, I will keep everyone updated as to how Saturday goes. In case anyone cares to see how this thing unfolds. Am I the bad guy or the good guy? Will she love me, or will she hate me? Stay tuned!

It did annoy the shit out of me the way you kept putting it into terms of a chess board. I just didnt say anything. You're handling all of the criticism well... But you know, what does she have to forgive you for? It's you forgiving her. She left YOU, mate. Some part of me thinks you dont understand that she has and you have all this false hope built up that maybe you two stand another chance. It isnt like that.

She doesnt need to tell you the truth about that guy, it isnt your business. You arent her boyfriend anymore and as much as that might make you wrinkle up your nose like a bull dog licking up piss from a nettle... It sucks to be you. I dont mean to be harsh and I do want to understand. But you're expecting all of the aspects of a relationship out of a friendship.

There isnt any opponent or victim, there's two people. One boy who wont let a girl make her decisions by stepping aside and cooling off. If you truly love her.. you would give her that space to clear her mind. All your "game tactics" are confusing her more and more.

You have all of these quotes.. So here's one of mine.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Love is PATIENT, love is KIND. It does not envy, it does not BOAST, it is not PROUD. It is not RUDE, it is not SELF SEEKING!!!!!!, it is not easily ANGERED, it KEEPS NO RECORDS OF RIGHT AND WRONG.

You are none of these. You need to let her breathe.

Dually noted. Alright, screw the chess board. Love and life are like a scrabble board... there are two players, 7 letters!lol just joshing. I thought I had given her enough space. Its been like, 3 weeks of me ignoring her, when she was the one coming up and trying to talk to me. When we were on a break yes, I did deserve the truth, she led me to believe that we were gonna get back together, after two years at the very least I deserved the truth.

Had she said yeah I went to the movie's with this guy, instead of lying, nothing would have come of it. I told her the night we decided to break I didn't care if she went out on dates. So there was no need to lie, other then to keep me in the dark.

And just so everyone's aware Im not some sort of x-men with mind control powers who's able to manipulate whether or not she wants to hang out with me over the phone. I need to be in person for those to work... as long as shes not wearing her metal magneto helmet? So as far as I can tell, if I am not able to determine the outcome of her actions the way you guys say I am, then shes making these decisions on her own.

That is a good quote and it has given me insight that I've been going about things wrong, but shutting her out of my life completely was wrong as well. I have forgiven her, if I hadn't we wouldn't be talking. I didn't expect the kiss and I don't expect another... but I'm not sorry about it. If I look back on us, and what was left of our relationship... I couldn't have asked for a more perfect kiss and in fact I didn't ask for it. She gave it. As I stated before, it won't happen again unless we're together. I am happy being her friend, its all I expect.

That why the title of this thread is will she forgive me? Forgive me for being such a dick and acting out of fear in our relationship when I should have acted out of love. I was asking will she forgive me enough to be my friend, for ignoring her until I was ready to give her that. Which I am, can you really blame me for wanting to win the girl I love back? Like I said before it felt like I was going about things all wrong acting as though she was dead to me, so I tried it the other way... maybe Im wrong again. I'm not pretending I'm the gatekeeper of right and wrong here.

All I know, is that I've missed her more then anything so I called her. We talked and I asked if it was alright if we saw each other. I didn't employ any of my super powers and she said yes. If she wasn't ready all she had to say was no. She said she wanted to see me happy... and I asked for a hug. Friends hug no? When we were hugging she said this feels so right and honestly for the first time in a while nothing else mattered to me, everything else in the world that doesn't make any sense to me suddenly did because I was holding the whole world in my arms. I told her I loved her so much and she didn't say it back. As I expected.

If love is patient, I'll be her friend forever. If love is kind, I'll treat her like gold despite the mistakes shes made. According to everyone else, she doesn't even deserve the words from my mouth, the grace of my eyes or the time of my day. Yet she can have it all.

If it does not envy, I will let her go on as many dates as she wants, be in as many relationships as she wants and still I will love her unconditionally. I wont ask for the truth, I only expected the things we said before we breaked to be honest. and as far as being proud goes I am anything but. She dragged my pride through the mud. If I was proud I wouldn't talk to her... Im not proud to be hanging onto someone who doesn't feel the same anymore, who has done the things she has. But I still love her.

RUDE is what I have been, when I was ignoring her. When I called her all those names because I was ANGRY, I acted out of fear and I was wrong. She seems to have forgiven me for that... and from what u guys say I shouldnt even be sorry. But I am.

As far as being self seeking. I am guilty. 100% guilty... the truth is plastered in all of my posts. I would love nothing more then to have the love I feel for her in return, and I can't imagine anyone not wanting her love. To me shes perfect.

If there is no records of wrong or right, then I can do no wrong and I can do no right. I've forgiven her for all shes done... she at least has forgiven me enough to hang out with me. So whats wrong and whats right? I love her, that feels right to me, maybe its wrong. doesn't matter the fact is I do.

Love doesn't rejoice in evil, I hated hating her for the things she did. I hated myself for hating her and treating her the way I did and so the truth was told. I missed her, I called her, she came over... I told her I loved her still.

As far as protecting goes?... Im not very big, but I drink milk. so. check! I trust that she's confused, I trust that she needs to and will be with other guys to grow. I trust that shes also able to make her own decisions and I very much doubt I have the ability to alter that final decision whatever it may be. Either she loves me or she doesnt, I trust you can't make someone love you. So here I am HOPING for the best, I want nothing more then her to be happy. If someone else can do a better job of giving her that so be it, I just hope its me.

So here I am busting my balls, trying to give this confused girl the things shes asked of me, which is just bamboozling to me considering if she really loves me nothing shes done makes sense. But here I am giving her what shes asked for, a friend and the truth. Expecting nothing in return, but yes hoping selfishly. Maybe it is me she wants, maybe it isn't who knows. Not her, not me.

Love has pulled me out the gutter, all the hate I had inside me for her has vanished. I feel a million times better, love has given us the opportunity to be friends again at the very least and it has given me hope. False hope? maybe... hope nonetheless is better then nothing. better then hate. It takes a strong person to move on after being left behind by someone they love, but it takes a stronger one to forgive and continually love them. to try. Love has persevered.

and finally... if love never fails. Then I have nothing to worry about, if she really loves me someday we will be together. If not I will always love her and be her friend. There is nothing to fear anymore but fear itself. I've already lost her, due to fear... Im not afraid anymore. Im not afraid to fail.

So maybe, I've done the wrong thing? I could have asked her over to watch a movie... alone, just the two of us. I'm pretty sure she'd have agreed either way, but given what happened last time I didn't think it was in her best interest. As far the kiss goes, she seems completely undaunted by it, like either it meant nothing, or it was the right thing to do. If she thought it was wrong I'm sure when I asked her to a movie she'd have said it wasn't a good idea and that she needed time and space. Maybe she does and she doesn't know it. She would have said something on the phone about it even... but she didn't. So, as far as I can tell she doesn't seem to think I'm in the wrong... I mean it was her who pulled me in with the force of ten elephants and one grizzly bear.

Anyways, Saturday is tomorrow for those of us calendar challenged peoples. Namely me, maybe Im right, maybe Im wrong. Truth be told though its gonna happen, so wish me luck or bad luck. You make that call just as I have to make mine, but Im going to be eatting one hearty bowl of lucky charms tomorrow morning. I can tell you that much.

And Kodak I just read your "Sometimes, I Say Semitemos." that shit is brilliant, kinda makes me think I should just listen to you because you're smarter lol. But anyways I don't mean to argue, its just differences of opinions. Everyone else tells me I shouldn't talk to her as well, that I'm only digging my own grave. Sometimes we gotta do things are own way, even if its wrong so we can learn and grow from it... either way shes going to love me because of the things I've done my way, or not. Time will tell.

Hey guys, not to bring the thread back from the dead without warrant I have some actual news and need advice... to bring you up to speed in case you haven't read the rest. me and my ex went through a horrible break up, she gave back the promise ring I gave her back and I threw it like a live grenade, hail marry. She was pissed, but since then we've been trying to work things out... let me just say that panned out like a flaming bag of dog poop, I'll spare you the details. Anyways today the impossible happened, the ring is sitting on a chain around my neck... I threw it absolutely as far as I could and was sure I wouldn't find it. But I had a dream I gave the ring back to her... I was planning on using a metal detector to find it once the snow melted, but already... its back.

The neighbor from across the street who I explained what had happened to, dropped the ring off at my house last night... She found it and asked if I was going to give it back to my ex. I couldn't answer... Me and her still talk, we play online scrabble together at scrabulous.com you guys should check that out, last time we hung out we hugged and kissed like old times, which was less than a week ago, like I have the best time with her. anyways yeah I still love her... I just dont know what to do now that I've got the ring back. Her birthday is in less than a month, like it would be perfect... I just don't know if its right? what do you guys think? Should I give it back to her... everyone I talk to is against it, my dad was going to hide it from me so I wouldnt give it back to her lol, my brother says he wouldn't... but I'm giving it some serious though...

My secret was revealed. i have a girlfriend who is also my bestfriend. her mother found out and hates me now. she does not want my girlfreind to ever see or talk to me again. she is hurt because we hid it from her for so long and lied to her face. i wish she would give me a chance to apologise and even if she did, would she forgive me?