Heh... Look what my Mom found out...

Well a few of my siblings notices the cuts on my arms, but I made up something to them and they bought it. They're all yougner then me so they believe most anything that I say. Anyways, /somehow/ my Mom found out. It could've been from a lot of people. Like this girl, Stephanie, who was suppose to be my friend; she told the Guidance Counselor at our school (because "she cares" and because "she was worried". Though I don't believe that kind of b/s for a minute...), or my Best Friend and me were in a fight and she might have told her Mom. Or it was one of my Siblings. Or someone else. It sucks though, my Mom wouldn't tell me how she found out. I didn't get yelled at or anything. My Mom just SAT there. Omigod, shows how much she cares. Oh she did say, "It's just that you're scaring me." RoFL. She didn't even tell me to quit, or yell at me for doing so, or ask me what's wrong. She bought the /lame/ story I made up, and everything. I think there is something seriously wrong with her. But I don't really care. *Shrugs*

Always,
Manda

Ok. Well one of my Best Friends, Courtney, stopped. Her parents told her to quit, but not because they were scared, because they thought she was doing it for attention. But she quit because of me, Shelby, and Rachel. And you don't know Stephanie or my Mom. Neither of them are how you're describing them, so don't try and pretend like you know everything you just stated /for a fact/, because you don't know them. Either of them. You're making yourself sound like a know-it-all. But whatever. You wouldn't get it.

Always,
Manda

Stephanie- Okay she isn't really my friend. She lies /a lot/, and spreads lots of rumors. We're mostly accquaintences because I have nearly every class with her. She goes down to the Guidance Counselor a lot {mostly to get out of Class or tell on People}. She makes up a lot of things about her, so her life seems more interesting. Yes, that's Stephanie. -,-

My Mom- She yells a lot. We fight a lot. We don't get along, at all. She has 4 kids, me being the oldest. Let's see I've been thrown on the ground, and slapped the hell out of; hit in the face, back, and mostly anywhere she can get ahold of at the time. She accuses me of everything that goes wrong. I am expected to cook and clean. And be home every day. My grades can be the same as my sisters, but I get lectured/yelled at for it. I've been called all kinds of names by her. When she found out about me cutting, she looked at my arm, went and sat down after she asked me why. She bought my lame story, and started arguing with me about something else. And then like later she's like "you're scaring me" and that was about all that went on that day. The truth is she can't have a conversation with me, without judging me, yelling at me, or whatever. And she can't take a joke either.

Anything else?

Always,
Manda

Ok i agree with some of what both of you are saying but dont you think thats a little harsh Snowbird? If you didnt want to hear her story, why bother reading it?!

Oh sorry I kinda read it wrong then :S

Lol. Well atleast I'm not getting upset over anything. Lol. x)

Thats the spirit manda! :P

Aw thats so sad.....and at such a young age :( I guess people cut themselves cause they cant see any other way of dealing with the pain. When you cut you sorta feel like all the stress has been released....This is just my opinion. I used to cut and nearly went to far but im getting over that now and am trying to understand how I could of been so stupid! Take care, Hope things get better for you.
Rachelxx

When my mom found out.. she beat the shit outta me... but that's ok, I deserved it.. now she just doesn't care.. she doesn't give a shit about me...

well my mom found out aie was symphathetic for bout min and then all sie did was cry n ask me y then she got naggy n goes off in huff... she did this for a while wen se found out bout me but now wen sie does she goes VERY VERY mad... coz i wont tell ny1 y luv lidxxXxx ps ur mom was in shock sie didnt expect her kid to be self harming sie wants to no wots rong

when my parents found out, my dad was sad and he cried. my mother on the other hand, came upstairs in a rage asking to see my wrist. I showed and she was mad... I dont understand why you would get mad at someone for doing this! and no she wasnt acting mad because she was upset or whatever, she was mad! she was saying things like "what is everyone gonna think when they find this out" and stuff like that... then she made me go talk to a doctor about it.

That's just it. The way my Mom puts things, in her words, it always seems like she is mad because of what everyone is going to think about it {or about her}. Like she doesn't want to look like a bad mother because her daughter does things she shouldn't and such. And then there's yesterday, we fought for 3 hours straight. She can't be calm. She's always /got/ to be cocky with me. I think the last time we had a civil conversation was... well a long time ago. But anyways, my point is, that yesterday when we were fighting she -made fun of me for cutting-!! I was like omfg Mom you must really want me to stop. Shows how much you care. And she also threatened me that she was going to send me to a psychologist {though I was suprised her vocabulary held such big words...}. Though I think that if my Friends, Family, and such can't help me with my problems, or convince me to stop cutting then how is talking to a complete and total stranger going to solve anything. I think that it is nonsense. Anyways, I find when I sit down and talk about what's wrong and why I cut {especially with someone who knows -nothing- about me} that I just slip further into depression. I have been accused of cutting for attention, though I never have. How can you accuse someone of that when you haven't even asked why they cut? Yes, for a while there, I wouldn't even admit to myself that I've cut over Danny {don't ask; long story}, and even now I've like never really admitted it out loud {or to him}. Typing it; thinking it; yes I've done those, but never really word for word said that I have. I'm a very stubborn person. But he's the only reason I am quitting cutting; because he told me yesterday that I had to. And even my Best Friend ever can't convince me, but there's just something about him.

And to answer the question about why we cutters cut; It really does depend on the cutter. I think cutting is like a drug. It becomes an addiction after a while. Like your only way to escape. The only way to get your emotions out, or why ever you're doing it. There are those few that cut for attention. I consider those people Posers, and such. Those kind of things really get to me, and anger me. It gives cutters a bad name/reputation. It gets us accused of being attention-seekers and such, and that's not true for /real/ cutters. When someone cuts all the time, but says they're trying to commit suicide by cutting; I don't by the bull. Because if you were trying to commit suicide you would've. Like I don't try to kill myself. I am just trying to relieve the stress/pain. It also annoys me when someone /thinks/ they're a cutter. Like they "cut" once, and omg they're a cutter. A friend of mine named Amanda did that, and her cuts weren't what any cutter would call a cut. Nothing but a mere scratch, which she did for attention; "miraculously" in the exact same spot I did. -,- Anyways, she also carved this guys name into her chest; and then told him about it of course. *Sigh* And it just made him feel bad.

So there are those people out there who /need/ {depending on your definition} to cut; those who are addicted. Then there are those who are just seeking someone's attention; seeking the pity of someone.

Always,
Manda

ok i have been a cutter for tree years and me and my two best friends all went to a mental instutution.
we were all put into different padded rooms. what im tryng to get at is i know what im talking about when it comes to this sh%% but if you ask me it sounds like all your doing this for is attention.

~My Mom just SAT there. Omigod, shows how much she cares.s for is attention.
~ I think there is something seriously wrong with her.

think about that
peace sara
and if you wanna chat my email is 031376@yorkstudent.org

Out of curiosity, without meaning to be rude, but have you ever thought that maybe your Mum thought that the reason you were cutting was because she shouted at you all the time? Maybe the reason she sat there, was because she didn't know what else to do and was preventing herself from over-reacting.
And can I also ask, if you don't like the idea of talking about your problems with a stranger, why it is you're posting a message like this, which you know full well would receive messages back.
I also want to know what makes you so sure you can define a 'cutter.' You know your reasons for cutting, and openly admit that people don't always understand and that people all ahve different reasons they don't always share. Ever thought maybe your friend had other reasons for cutting too, but chose not to share them with you?
..Just some thoughts.
Take care of yourself.
All my love,
Laura.

..And one more thing, if you didn't want your mum to just sit there, would you have preferred for her to beat you because of it? To yell at you some more? ..Think about what you're saying.

"She's always /got/ to be cocky with me." errm no offence but to me that sounds pretty damn cocky.

"{though I was suprised her vocabulary held such big words...}. " You are basically moaning that your mom doesn't care, when it's pretty obvious that you don't help the situation.

You said yourself, there are some cutters who cut because they are depressed and some who just do it for attention. Which category do you feel you fall into? Personally I think you are in the second.

I think you need to come down a peg or two and try to understand how yourmom really feels about you cutting. And I also think you should listen to yourself, and stop being a hypocrit.

Just my two pennies x

No that is not what upsets me. It's that she laughed at me and made fun of me for cutting. I'm sorry, but that is worse than yelling and/or beating me. Maybe you failed to read that section of my previous post. And I am sorry, I was really pissed when I typed up my most recent reply, therefore not everthing came out as it maybe should have.

And what I meant by how I don't like discussing with strangers my problems, well when I originally wrote that post there was a lot more detail than that, but it didn't go through right. Anyhow, I mean a successful, happy psychologist would just show me what I /could/ be, and make me feel worse.

On here there are people that can relate, therefore I don't feel alone. And I know they answer honestly, though some just leave a rude comment and be on there way.

And I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't call me a hypocrit, because how can you say that when you don't even know me? You only know, and are judging me by, what I've posted here for who knows who to read and reply.

If I wanted attention I could find better ways to cut. A few a my friends just a blow it off, anymore, but my Best doesn't. So I don't tell her, because I don't want to see her feel sorry for me because then it makes /me/ feel bad. And to get attention I wouldn't scar up my body. Some people find that truly disgusting. I could get more attention other ways, I am sure. Though I'm actually quite a loner when I look from an outsider's point of view.

Though I say; take what I saw how you like. And judge me as you wish. I know why I do what I do, and such. And I don't define cutters as really anything. That's just /some/ of my opinions, point of view(s), and such on cutting. There is so much more that is unexplained, and only we can understand.

Always,
Manda

PS: Where did I say something about a friend cutting? Because I don't recall saying anything about that.

Lol. No I'm saying the only reason I can talk on here is because there is a lot of people here who know what I'm going through. Maybe not exactly, but they can at least /relate/. I don't try to find sympothy, only some people to talk to about what's going on. Occasionally I ask for advice, but I love hearing what other people have to say. Though I'm not big on judgemental people. I think you can't judge someone unless you really know them. Some people like to make other people think they are complete asses. I'm not sure exactly why though. Lol. Anyways...

Always,
Manda

Your mom is probably sitting there going, 'shit, my daughter cuts, what the hell do i do?'. Maybe try telling her what to do or how to react cos she is probably somewhat unsure of how to deal with the situation. If you want her to take you to get some professional help then tell her. If you think she doesn't care then ask her why. If you want to keep cutting then tell her to get used to it. If you want to stop then ask her for support and help. If she can't accept it tell her how you feel. But if you care about your relationship with your mother do something.

It also annoys me when someone /thinks/ they're a cutter. Like they "cut" once, and omg they're a cutter. A friend of mine named Amanda did that, and her cuts weren't what any cutter would call a cut. Nothing but a mere scratch, which she did for attention; "miraculously" in the exact same spot I did. -,- Anyways, she also carved this guys name into her chest; and then told him about it of course.

...That's where you said your friend cuts.

Well it really doesn't matter anymore because I am quitting cutting. Otherwise I'd lose Daniel, and that would make this life even worse then what it already is. Anyways, I'm sorry about what I said about Amanda. You guys may have taken it the wrong way, but I just wish that you'd understand. She came right up to me the next day and was like, "Omg look what I did?" She was all smiley, grinning, and showing it off like it was some prize trophy. It made me a litt uncomfortable to think she could just go around like that, and smiling and grinning. Then she told Mikey, the guy she carveds name into her chest, and he started to feel really bad. Amanda hasn't done it since, and then she didn't even say why she did it the first time. She just came up to me and started bragging about it, like she'd win some stupendous prize. Well anyways, keyboarding class is almost over.

Always,
Manda