Absolutely Confused, I Haven't a Clue what to do...

Okay well I am absolutely confused as hell and it's actually hurting me too because I haven't a clue what to do.

Story goes I met this girl at Uni, she added me on facebook and we had pretty cool chemistry, joking a lot, having fun, one day she held my hand in a lecture, fell asleep on my shoulder another time, we went into town and she linked arms with me and tickled me and held hands and I really do believe I have fallen for her bad. I tested the water on Valentine's Day, bought her a card, a non soppy one, just a sorta casual thing with a flower on, and in it I wrote "sorry if you didn't want this" and signed it by the nickname she gave me. SHe rang me up and she said wh did you write that of course I'd want it.

This is where it goes wrong, I got drunk one night and rang her on the phone and she was really annoyed, I told her I loved her and stuff. But I honestly thought she liked me that way after everything that had gone on.

Then things after this were weird, she doesn't call me by her nickname for me anymore, doesn't call me up on the phone or text me like she used to, she only texts me when she needs to now and hasn't rang me at all since and only says the odd few words to me on MSN, actually makes me look for an excuse to say I have to leave because I can't stand there being massive gaps of silence, sometimes for an hour even, after we used to have great chats over it and the longest silence would be about 5 or 10 minutes at the most and that was rare. She seems to have distanced herself, actually forget that she has definetly distanced herself and it's killing me. I have asked her quite a few times and apologised for what I've done wrong but she has just said forget it and she'd be okay soon, but that was about a month or two ago.

My cousin rang her and told her that I really seem to care about her and I seemed upset that she seems to have distanced herself. She apparently said to him that I annoyed her with the phonecall and I seemed too full on because "we've only known each other about five minutes" and that she wants to be friends but nothing more. But she didn't explain to him everything that happened before the phonecall, the way she seemed to be flirting with me a bit, well that's how I saw it anyway.

I should have known I'd mess up though, I always do and it sucks. Anyways my problem is I haven't a clue where to go from here, we were back at Uni today. Mondays we usually have a couple of hours between lectures, and the past few weeks I've hung around with her, but it hasn't been the same since the phonecall and today I took my cousin's advice and slowed down a bit and instead of hanging around with her and her mates I made the excuse that I went into town to get a book when I saw her later, for the majority of the walk away from the lecture though, about a five minute walk I was pretty much talking to our other mate and stayed on the other side of her and we didn't hug like usual and tonight on MSN she didn't seem to be enjoying our chat so I just made an excuse that I had to have a lie down. It's terrible having to make excuses and stuff, it really sucks and I wish I didn't need to.

Just wondering what advice would anyone give to me? please...

Thanks.

OMG well i kinnda know what you are going though, the guy i like well i started to act really wired because i was scared. but any way.
do what your cousin told you to do,lay low. Even if better don't even talk to her for some time. Maybe she will come around and be like "were have you been" and that will show that she does care if you talk to her.
And I kindda find it stupid on how she said that you were being a bug when the way she was around you,if that is her being "just a friend" then she is a mager tease and that can be a really bad thing for the fact all she is doing is playing around with your emotions and getting a good laugh out of it.
Wtich I know how that is because I can be like that to some guys.
And she shouldn't get a stick but her butt if you were drunk, everyone does stupid things when drunk,and no one should take it as being anoyying or up the butt.
But yea,just try to get over her,because as I see it all she is doing is being a mager tease and it's not good on your part,give her time if you have to,because of you really like her you would still trying to get with her but just stop talking to her and let her be,let her come back to you because that is the only thing you can really do any this point. Let her try to contact you .

Best thing I can say is you have to wait and be her friend then maybe she'll realize what you've known all along.

Emma

Ah the sweet angst of the drunken phone call. Obviously you threw her off a bit, I agree, just give her some distance. Your declaration of love sounds like it was just a little overwhelming, so obviously even though she may have flirted with you, she was not in the same place as you. Just chill out and take it down a few notches.

Go appoligise to her, be sweet get flowers, ask her to give you another chance, explain everything and go slow.

Tell her you were drunk and that it will never happen again. Explain to her that your not like that and your a really nice guy. You need to show and tell her wh you really are. She prob thinks what you were doing before was just an act. I mean i would have if im a girl. But im not lol

So pretty much explain eveyrhting to her, tell her your not like that.

Slow down, take a break from her for a few days, she'll realize whats shes missing out on =)

Thanks everyone who has replied.

Yeah well an update from when I wrote last, last night she was on MSN to me and randomly started talking to me again like she used to, like joking about dressing me up as her so that I'd go on this holiday she is going on soon instead of her because she doesn't feel like going now. But then tonight she just seemed to be doing the shortish replies again. Suppose last night was looking up a bit but then tonight things seemed back to her being distant again.

So yeah what I'll do now like most of you have said is I'll distance myself a bit too, not like totally, still talk on MSN and around Uni but I won't go out of my way to. Like on Thursday's I usually send her a text after my lecture and find her for about 20/30 minutes between her lectures so this Thursday I won't, I'll just head straight home, see if she says anything or if she seems more distant or less distant than she has been recently after I've done that.

Anyways thanks for all the help and advice, I'll keep you updated on what's going on =]

Ok first of all,she is a tease/playing hard to get in a way,but still she is a tease.She wants to know what you would do if she played around like that.

And second,that sounds good...

girls are confusing,i would know,i'm on of them .. lol.

Thanks Billy, I saw her today in the lecture but she either didn't see me or either pretended not to, I didn't go out of my way to shout over to her or hurry out of the lecture to see her either, and I guess she went home or something after that, haven't spoke on MSN either, I think she was supposed to be going out tonight, but if not I haven't really been on MSN anyways tonight, been busy sewing my converse, but that's another story lol.

But thanks for that, really made me think though, if she does want to see what I would do if she played around would she want to see me either:

a) All over her trying to get her interested in me, and texting her to see her on Thursday between her lectures and stuff. I was thinking she might because it makes me look interested in her too but she might not as she might think I'm sorta a bit weird in an obsessive, clingy kinda way.

b) Play it cool and give her her own space, she might think that I am more mature and not obsessive, clingy, I have told her if she wants to be mates and nothing more we can be that so if I treat her like a mate and not be texting her and trying to be around her whenever I have the opportunity she might think I am honest and she knows how I feel anyway. The downside is if I do this she might think I'm losing interest in her as a mate or anthing more and might just get fed up and give up on me all together as a mate and anything else if it ever would happen.

I suppose to be honest everyone is confusing in their own way, it's just that people seem to be more confusing when it comes to relationships and stuff. I just don't want to mess anything up really, if like she said she doesn't want to be anything more than friends but still wants to be friends I don't want to mess that up, then again no one ever really knows what someone else is thinking, seems weird how she seemed to be flirting with me for a while, it's not something she does with any of her other mates, and now she only wants to be mates. I suppose if I back off a bit and act myself around her she may some day feel that way about me again, if she ever did feel that way.

By the way if I don't see her tomorrow the next I'll see of her will be Monday. But I'll probably and hopefully speak to her over MSN in the meantime.

Thanks again for the help and advice everyone =] really appreciate it!

Well a quick update now, I didn't go to see her yesterday, she seemed fine on MSN and didn't even bring it up. Today she's talking with me on MSN, she said she had a night out last night and for some reason I think she met some guy while they were out and he's older than us and I dunno if she likes him that way or not, so yeah I dunno.

Well an update from yesterday is that I was doing my work on the computer and she snuck up and tickled me and was laughing saying that was funny so yeah I'm a bit confused.

Hey Ashleigh Elizabeth, thanks for that. Yeah, she waved to me today too before the lecture, she looked up to where I was sat and waved up. THing is I haven't a clue how to react now, I haven't actually hung around with her at all for two weeks now and I dunno if I should try to because we only have a couple of weeks left in Uni now until Summer and after that I probably won't get to see her much, maybe the odd few times next year, but we all have different classes and stuff now and she's living in campus, I'm not so I dunno.

One thing I do know though is I really messed this up, the thing now is that she gives me these waves and stuff and tickled me on Monday but then on MSN she barely talks. I said bye to her before, asking if she wanted me to come and see her after my lecture because on Thursdays she's usually by herself waiting for a lecture and I asked if she wanted me to bring a copy of the Kooks album for her. She hasn't replied yet and I said this nearly twenty or so minutes ago.

I wouldn't worry about the msn thing. It's just the computer, you never know what she's doing. She could be studying, reading, playing games, or running around cleaning up the place. You can't expect her to always give her undivided attention to the computer screen, right? I think you're overanalyzing things in that department. Good luck.

Well today I found out what's going on.

She told me that she had a feeling she wouldn't like what I was going to say when I said I needed to tell her something.

I told her I was confused and sorry if it was my fault for the drunk stuff because she was all happy with me and I asked her if she wanted to go out sometime at one point and she said yeah and i said i dunno if you just meant it meant it or did it so you didn't hurt me. Then I said thank you for all the fun times and the best times I've spent in Uni.

Her reply was she did like me and did mean it, then she called herself a nobhead then said she doesn't know and that I can do much better than her.

I told her she was right about me not loving her, it's not being long enough and I said I don't even lust her because lust means to me that I only like how she looks and I said as good looking as you are I like you for your personality. I don't love or lust but I really like her, I didn't say this to her but really this "really like" is close to love for me.

She said it had nothing to do with me, it's her, she doesn't know what she wants and that's why she's single, she said she has issues. She said she changes her mind everytime she sleeps and plays games, gets bored and messes people about. she said she puts walls up and doesn't let anyone in, that way she doesn't get hurt.

So I said I know that I'm not a help but I wish I was, instead I'm stood outside them walls and I do or did the same before I met and got to know her. I used to be scared of getting hurt and stuff but said if anyone ever does or can knock down those walls I hope it's me but I'll be happy for you whatever happens. To which she said thank you.

Then I said don't worry about it, girls have always been doing this to me and she said don't put yourself down. Then she had to go.

She came back later and we had a short little chat of nothing much but I said if she ever needs help or anything I'll be here, but yeah, that's about it.

It's a horrible feeling.

Hey thanks James,

But that's the thing, she said it has nothing to do with anything I did, she said it's her, she said she's always changing her mind, she never knows what she wants. She told me about her ex, how everything was going great and then she went on holiday and came back and didn't know what she wanted anymore and broke up with him. She also said she builds walls around herself and doesn't let anyone in because she's scared of getting hurt.

Well from what i read i dont believe she wa fully annoyed with thephonecall. maybe she ignored the fact that you said you loved her, shemight not of been ready to here that just yet. i cant tell you if she liked you a the time or if she didnt like you, but what i do feel is that you should let her be the one to tak to you first. there id no use in you trying to allk t her if she is not willing to have a full conversation with you. things can get better for you to, you just have to hold on to hope loves. ( sorry if what i said isnt much help for you but that is how i feel about yur problem)

Sorry to bring up this old topic but things got better recently, well I say better but they're still quite complicated lol.

Well I met this girl, let's call her z, been out with her twice, we're just mates anyways and have been out as mates, nothing more, just had some fun hanging around and chatting and stuff on Wednesday afternoon and then Friday night.

Where the girl from Uni comes in, let's call her n, is well I think she already knew about this z anyways or she might not have, I dunno. But we were having a chat on Friday night on MSN when z asked if I wanted to go out to town with her, so I said yeah and had to tell n that I had to go, then she must have asked so I said I was going to town with z. The conversation was going well up until that point.

The night went well, z and me had fun, chatting and drinking but nothing happened, just mates, but i did see a hint of her in a new light if you understand, as in I did get a slight hint that I liked her as more.

The next morning I signed onto MSN and n was on within seconds, as though she was waiting for me. She asked how Friday went so I told her we had a couple of drinks and stuff. Then over Saturday and Sunday we had a big chat on MSN revising stuff for our exam which was today, when she was leaving on Sunday she told me I was "awesome" and on Saturday we also had a discussion on love, but I have also had a discussion on love with z so I dunno lol.

But yeah now I dunno where I stand anymore, as much as I want to only be mates with n now I still have feelings for her, but some people have told me she is only looking for attention and jealous that I seem to be moving on. But I actually feel sorry for her and still have feelings for her, when we were hanging around and things were good we had so much fun together and I really do care about her she said to me tonight when I asked if she is okay now that she goes through these phases. She said I shouldn't worry but I told her it is hard not to and that I do care and would be there if she needs anyone to talk to, she said thanks.

But then with z, I'm seeing her again on Wednesday and one of my best mates is coming too and we're going to plan on making a band and I know it is only a short time but z is loads of fun to be with and I do care for her already.

So you can see my problem here. Either n likes me like that again and z doesn't. Either n still doesn't like me like that anymore and z does. Either neither of them like me like that. Either both of them like me like that.

It's all just a bit confusing for me lol. I might just leave things as they are and see how they go.