Ugh... advice?

Ok so my boyfriend is going to college...and thats all good. except hes moving like 2 hours away. thats the part that sucks. we've been together for almost 2 years and im so used to him ALWAYS being around and im going to miss him so much! i know im being selfish...but thats not the only problem, he forced me to drop out of school because we didnt get to spend enough time together. well not really forced but threatened to break up with me, and i brought that up when he told me all of this and he said 'im tired of waiting around for you, youre too young, blah blah blah. ' and hes not really the one waiting around. so it is really unfair. we were also supposed to get engaged when i turn 18 and i just found out that wont happen =( Sometimes age differences SUCK! anyway im planning on going back to school so that will take up some time but i also gave up most of my friends for him too and i dont know what to do with my new spare time...

so does anyone have any advice on any of this stuff?

Honestly... he sounds like a manipulative, selfish jerk. He compromised your education (your entire future, in fact) because HE wanted to spend more time with you? It seems like if he actually cared, he would support your education and your wishes, and would find time to be with you outside of that. And after all of that, bad as it would be, he's not even willing to make some sacrifice? I'm not saying that he should not go to college, but he's definitely holding you to a double standard. I'd say dump the jerk, try to contact some of your old friends, go back to school, and live your life for YOU... not for some sop who doesn't see when he's got something good.

^summed it up perfectly.

Its hard to contact old friends, they all hate me. i burnt a lot of bridges while i was with him. and im planning to go back to school =)

Oh and i could probably talk him out of going but i dont want to do the same thing he did to me. obviously he needs to grow up, hopefully college will help that along.

I can see how it might be hard to try and reach out to some of your old friends. Have you tried? Admitting that you're sorry for leaving them might go a long way. Certainly, some might not have patience with you, but maybe some just miss you a lot. In any case, there are plenty of friendly people out there. Speaking from experience as a shy person, I know it can hard to establish connections with people you don't know, but it sounds like you really need a support base of friends and or family.

And no, don't try to convince him not to go to college. It's obvious that you know that that would be immature. But you do recognize his hypocrisy, right? He only wants you there when HE wants you. Have you confronted him about how poorly he's treated you? Or do you think you somehow deserve this?

Uhm actually both. i have confronted him and he says he'll change. but to a point it does feel like i deserve it because ive also treated him really badly in the past, and it was a lot worse than what he's done to me.

Has he made any actual action towards changing?

You may have done bad things. I don't know all of your story. But human relationships don't work like financial debts... you're giving into him now, to pay back from what you've done before? Either he should forgive you for what you've done, and forget it, or not forgive you, in which case you perhaps shouldn't be together. But there should be no "debt" to be paid.

Perhaps I'm sensitive with this subject. Frankly... I've been in a similar relationship before. Going back, and reading my poems from when I was with him... they were never happy, you know? I wanted him, I NEEDED him, I was attached to him, I was hurt by him. These feelings all came through. But I was never just... happy, confident, and at peace with him. I went along with it anyway. I wish I hadn't.

I'm with someone new, now. It took a lot of growing, and a lot of pain, but I'm so much happier now. I'm so much more myself. I've learned that, despite how attached I was, it was not a healthy relationship. Love should strengthen, and fulfill, and support... not tear down. I learned that it is possible to be with someone without having to wonder constantly whether I'm doing something wrong.

I've read some of your poems as well. Maybe they're all made up, maybe not. But from what they sound like, you are not happy in this situation, and unless he changes, on his own, which is rather unlikely.... things aren't going to get better. You spend months, years, even, thinking "maybe if I do this, maybe if this happens..." But it doesn't. People have free choice of how they act... but why force something that's so painful and unnatural?

Wow...you like described me.
he took everyone else away just so i would only have him, and i would only need him.

but he has made small changes, like not swearing at me as much, stuff like that. nothing big.

but i think youre right, i dont think we should be together anymore, its not healthy. i dont think it ever was =/

It will be hard to let him go. You probably know that. Even when it reached the point where I knew my own relationship wasn't right, I still continued it on for a year after that. But really, it just dragged out the pain. I think the sooner you cut off this type of thing, the sooner you can move on. Once I did, it happened faster than I could believe.

See, I felt like I belonged to him... like I had given so much of myself to him that I couldn't get it back. But that's not ok. A healthy relationship doesn't make you abandon all your others... a good boyfriend encourages you in your other friends - realizes that sometimes you'll need your mom, or a group of girlfriends, or even platonic guy friends. There's no problem with that.

Bottom line, I think the hardest thing to get over is the fact that you've stayed in an unhealthy relationship for so long. That's the part that I'm still working on. But looking back now... I have no desire to go back, anymore. I'm finally free of it.

I'm with a great guy, now. We have FUN. We are NICE to each other. We don't bicker about pointless things. We don't tear each other down. I never knew that I could be so... just... at peace and confident in a relationship. I never knew I could be romantic and giddy. For a long time, I kept laying out tests, seeing how he'd react, expecting a reaction like my ex... and I never got it. Now I'm realizing that I didn't get a bad reaction because, hey, he's not a bad guy, and he actually likes me. People can just like and appreciate me! People can treat me well! Ha... : D

And I never would have known this, had I stayed with him.

So i broke up with him....

it hurts so much ='(

Dang.... I'm sorry to both of you. If you think it's for the best, stick it out. My thought are with you girls.

Listen, I know you might be alittle younger than he is, but listen to me, ok cause i'm 19, so ive been through this sort of stuff. ok, if any guys threatens you then you don't need him. i know you probably love him and you'll do anything for him but sweetie, he shouldn't threaten you period. and no body should make you want to quite school, because school is the most important thing to you. and your friends, my mom told me this one time, and i'm gonna tell it to you, their a chart you go by, when you are stuck between your friends and boyfriend. God is first, family is second, your best friend is third, then your boyfriend, and so on. If something in the three things that are first comes along and tries to take the place of someone's place than you let them go. Well i hope i was able to help you.

If he is doing all this to you now think about what he is going to do to you in the future. It sounds to me like he wants all the control in the relationship and that he wants you to do whatever he says and that is not good at all and it is not fair for you.

Well God...eh
family i definitely agree with
and sad thing is he was my bestfriend before dating

and he never made me choose between him and family

not that it really matters now. but yeah now that we broke up he said he's making all of these changes and he'll learn to control his temper, same old crap. but its a little too late for that, i asked him to change like a year ago, he shouldve, because now look where he's at.