All Cutting Self-Harm topics post here - #15

This is the only place where posts about cutting belong, either experiences, helpful hints or just sharing...

and please do not disrespect this thread......the cutting I am referring to is self harm, anything other than that will be penalized....Thank you

I have to say seeing the chaos at the end of the other thread, I am a cutter, I know others who live it and others who have not lived through it. Any opinions or help I offer in this thread comes from my own experience. At one point in my life I thought it was hopeless, that it was the only means of control I had, that I didn't need help and that it was helping me more than hindering me to cut. 20 years later I can see that I was wrong in every case, eventually I didn't control it, it controlled me. I was like a battered woman, making excuses, believing I deserved to be punished, thinking it was better to feel the self inflicted pain than the pain other people caused me. Cutting never took any of it away, it gave me more to clean up. I am 31 years old and have only been "clean" 3 years, I had one slip in that time. Too many times I see people romanticize self harm and talk about its benefits, some almost advocate it and many defend it. Yes it happens, many submit to this type of coping mechanism and sometimes we just need to vent, reach out, whatever the case may be. While I will be caring and understanding, I will not be dishonest and say everything is rosy and it is normal because it's not. Obviously if we were okay and life was okay we would not be in need of this thread. No words I have ever written in this thread have been offensive, only honest.

*addressed to all suicidal people*
I used to think everything was hopeless, mainly me but no i haven't cut in over a month!!! :D
yes, this is coming from a girl who was trying to end her life but what i realised was: if you commit than u are just another statistic BUT if you don't then u can show people how even if u have a knife against ur skin, it's never too late to turn back, until you're dead.
Having said that for most people in this deep it is not easy or even realistic for you to turn a leaf by yourself, i was hospitalized for a month before i was fine again, and yes i feel down but i know i never want to go back there again.
So, 2 questions to ask yourself when you feel crap:
1) What if I really die?
and even worse:
2) What if I fail??

^Thank you!

I just wanted 2 say that if any1 on here that needs help or some1 2 talk 2 than I'm here 4 them even if I may not know them. I know personally that I feel a lot more comfortable talking 2 strangers than talking with my friends and family. I know that may not make sense 2 a lot of u but friends and family (in my opinion) judge u faster. But that's just what I think. But I just want ppl 2 know that I won't judge but I will try 2 help the best way that I can. So please feel free 2 talk (even if it's not with me) 2 any1 that can help. And I hope that everything goes better in ur lives. =)

^ I completely agree with u hun. And congrats on not being a cutter anymore. But I agree with u when u said that any1 can stop. Ur right it's just the matter of them wanting 2 or not.

I think im gonna like this forum...I've been cutting for a year. Havn't stopped. I just feel...like dead all the time. And i guess pain makes me feel like im actually living. I know it sounds weird. I go to school counseling. Which is hell in a 10x10 foot room with no windows pretty much...I have friends, its not like I show my depression a lot. But...i just feel, dead. My parents aren't help cuz i havn't told them. I'm afraid if i do they'll send me to like...rehab or something.
Please,
Help.

Im 17, and i have been cutting for about 2 years now.
i always feel like anything i do is never good enough for anyone, especially my mum.
i have tried to talk to her about things, but she just brushes me off and changes the subject. i dont know what to say or how to feel, and sometimes cutting seems like the only way that i can feel anything, and be in control of what im feeling too.
i know that life isnt perfect, and not everything is going to turn out the way we thought, but i hate feeling like this, and being so ashamed of what im doing to myself.
if anyone here can give me any advice, or just talk to me about life in general it would be a great help. i feel like talking to a stranger would be easier than talking to a friend because i dont want to be judged.
thankyou for reading this.

Will the scars ever go away? or is there like makeup that will make it less visible?

There are creams and whatnot that you can get at the drugstore and they will help you scar better if you don't want to be able to see where you've cut.

It also depends a lot on ur skin texture. Like I cut all the time and some show and some don't. It depends on how deep u cut, what u used and ur skin type.

^^ And James, what r u doing? Trying 2 kiss the camera? lol =P

Yeh my scars are all still pretty visable...but i think if u put like emu oil (i know that sounds weird and gross) on it then it makes them fade quicker and become less visable...

My scars are really visible. My skin is also very pale. Doesn't help much, but still no one notices, so it isn't hard to hide them. Even in the most obvious place, they all look like random scars. No one asks, I don't tell, its the wonderful cycle of self hated life.

I nearly broke up with my boy friend the other day
and i would have cut, but i thought " No he wont make me do this, im stonger then that."
i think becuase i was angry at him .. it felt like if i cut i was being weak
also i would have hated him to see them and know he had the power to make my cut myself.

i know that all sounds super cringe but thats what i thought

^^God I am proud of you. It takes a lot to see that and stop yourself.

I think that my cuts would have been alot worse if i wasnt so scared. .

Yeah i agree
being scared to do it would make it alot easier to stop..
wats hard is not knowing how far you will go, thats wat scares me because im not scared of actually cutting, but im scared that one day im going to do too much damage...

The cutting wasnt scarying me. . it was the fact that if i die what comes next. . all my life i have seen the reactions to the things i do. . so what happens when i dont see. ?

I was scared at first, but after the first cut, it began addicting. There's no other way to explain it. I worry about it, but I can only worry about something for so long before it becomes obsolete in my mind. The time is the only thing that varies, and some last for a very long time, as in years, and others are a few hours. It makes life both more difficult and easier.

You realize people are ostracized for being a smoker now days and most people who smoke wish they didn't, but now do it out of habit because it is an addiction, just like cutting. The problem is we cutters fail to recognize the significance of the act and the effect it has on not only us but those around us. We become to complacent and accepting.

Reading this post has enlightened me but still I am yearning for more answers, I self harmed because I wanted to cause myself pain, not because I was use to it and it became an addiction, I just felt worthless and everytime thought, should this be it? So along come another scar to state that I chickened out so to speak.

There are many ways to cause ourselves pain without resorting to cutting, there is obviously something that draws us to that behavior and holds us there.

Yeah cutting is used as a coping mechanism so unless you find another way to cope you'll resort back to the same behavior every time a crisis arises.

^^Instead of thinking 2 months down the drain, think "wow 2 months, let's see how long I can go without doing it again"

It is okay to have a slip but when you start attaching negative thoughts to even positive things, nothing is good.

MY NAME iS NEK0lE. iM 18 && ii WAS KUTTiNG MYSElF F0R 2 YEARS UNTil iI ST0PPED.
ii ST0PPED CUTTiNG 5 M0NTHA AG0.
&& ii SWEAR N0THiN ElSE WUlD FEEl BETTER
N0THiN ElSE CAN S0lVE MY PR0BlEMS BETTER.
iM TRYiN N0T 2 THiNK AB0UT iT bUT ii CANT HElP iT.
lAST NiGHT ii PUllED MY RAZ0R 0UT && iI TH0UGHT iT WAS 0VER bUT ii DiDNT USE iT iI JUST STARED
AT 4 WHAT SEEMED liKE F0REVER.
&& ii JUST REAliZED H0W G00D iM HEAliNG&& ii
D0NT WANNA MESS THAT UP bUT WHAT D0 iI D0 N0W? WHAT HAPPENS N0W? ii WAS NEVER MUCH 0F A CRiER S0 H0W D0 ii REliEVE MYSElF?
iM BEGGiN F0R HElP KUZ ii FEEl MYSElF SliPPiN ...
KUZ ii KANT SEEM T0 TEll ANY0NE THAT ii WAS
R A P E D ... UNlESS ii KN0 THEY WilL NEVER KN0W ME.

I am 26 years old, I am depressed and on meds, i've been a cutter for years now, mostly keeping it to my inner thighs and beneath my breasts, places that I could hide it. The reason i cut is because i have three children that i desperately love, as well as a loving husband. I can't help how I feel, and i know that i can't leave them. I have attempted suicide twice (when i was a teenager). ANd I know now that i would never be able to do it again. But the feeling of sadness gets so built up in me that i ache for release. Does anyone else feel like cutting is the only sane release? Please, I need some answers from people that have or are going thru what I am.

Well use to be a cutter myself, but stop because it just made the people that care for me worried and scared. It's hard to stop once you're use to it but you have a family and what if they are to learn about it? Won't they be worry, especially your husband? I mean cutting doesn't solve anything, I know cause I lost my one love because I cut myself, and know I regret every moment of it. But the sadness inside me, at times tells me to cut again, and i'll tell you this i have over 20 blades but none have touched my skin ever since I lost her...I write, I work out, talk to my friends, go out, I mean there are lots of things you can do besides cutting yourself. Don't harm yourself, of course it's not easy as it said but you have to try, restrain yourself from always thinking of the blade.

Better yet you should talk it with your husband if anything. I mean he is your loving husband, he's suppose to be there to care for you and listen to what you have to say. The one person who loves you regardless of what happens. I mean no one else should understand you better than him right? Surely he should be able to comfort you and help you with the sadness that is stored in you. good luck

I haven't cut for a while now least 6 months but lately its been getting harder and harder not to.I keep on running into stuff that triggers the urges and I think the urges will get the best of me, yet again.My scars are all healed right now only a few faintly remain.But it looks like i'm going to blow it and it'll be another 6 months of hiding scars.every time i wear shorts i'm nervous that someone will see the scars.It's embarrassing when people see the burns and cuts on my arms. I tried everything to stop. The rubber band thing, the ice thing, and the mock cutting with red food coloring.But i always end up back at square 1.

^^If that were true we would only have to cut once and we would never do it again.

It is a warped way of trying to find happiness, to feel that release, we have to find other ways to feel good because truly that is not making us really feel good, it just numbs. I have had slip ups, but I went over 2 years without cutting, I know it is possible, even if I do relapse.

Hey guys.

I want to thank everybody for all of this good advice, and writing, and opinions. It's really helped me, and I'm sure it's helped a lot of other people.

I began cutting last summer. I lied to a friend about being raped, cause i was trying to make her feel better. Very backwards. Something happened to her, so I didn't want her to think she was alone. I should have done it, and now it's too late. How could I think that would help? It makes me want to cut just thinking about it.

When I cut I took to like...writing things in my blood. Crazy, I know. Masochistic...just off. But my step mom say what I wrote and then my parents found out. My dad yelled, and step mom yelled, I locked myself in the bathroom. A couple days later, my step mom was pissed, and my dad ended up hitting me. That had never happened before, and it hasn't happened since.

I haven't cut since then. What's that, almost seven months? With a couple minor slip ups in between. The only thing keeping me from cutting is their reaction, I don't want to know what the reaction would be this time.

For a while, it wasn't actually that hard not to cut. But now it is. I want to cut for the tiniest things. I've picked up those scissors so many times, and have only just barely been able to get myself not to. Sometimes I punch my leg so I don't. It's really the same thing. Now I have bruises there, and it feels weird to walk sometimes. God I feel screwed up. It's so weird to write about this. I've never told anyone before. I feel like I'm just so off, and screwed up, and no one will like me after they know this stuff. I honestly don't know what to do.

I love seeing the scars and bruises. And I don't know how to escape the addiction.

Thanks for reading guys.

Boxing, kick boxing, running, yoga, meditation, dance, find something that works out your anger and/or calms you down, I found that helps a lot, especially the boxing. Mad, depressed, just frustrated, I found punching the crap out of something helps lol

I try to listen to music a lot. Music is my FAVORITE! I blast loud music, and like...head bang...sometimes its not an immediate release, you know? And that's what you need. I'll try to do something else.

Yeah music helps me some too,but when i joined martial arts that helped the most.I think it's cause exercising is healthy therefor it makes you happy.

I have a friend that used to cut runes into her self. It's not really good practice, you know. It's basically the same thing--some people cut for fun, weird as it may sound. But if it was just the one thing..that's not really good!

I know from experience that it's not fun to think that someone you really care about cuts, so you should try to quel it.

Hey guyz
im a cutter, clearly or else i wouldnt be here. im 16 and i have cut on and off since i was 13. i started just after a guy abused me a bit and i havent been able to stop for long since. i have neva spoken a word of it to my family because i dont want to worry them. they have 6 kids and i dont want to burden them with anything else. i have told a close friend but she just doesnt understand and doesnt like me to talk about it.i have also suffered on and off from eating disorders and i just want to know how any one got betta coz im sick of feeling so unhappy and hopeless but iv been doing it for so long its just the only thing i know makes me feel better even if its only for a little while. plz help me!!

Hey,

I'm 16 and I've been cutting since I was 14 or so. I've recently been trying really hard not to cut because I cut too deep sometimes and it scares me. I only cut on the inside of my right wrist, so it's all really just scar tissue.

So, I've been trying not to cut for a while. I got in a huge fight with my parents a couple days ago, and I freaked out and got really close to cutting, but instead I called my best friend Adam. He came over when he heard me crying and convinced me not to cut. But here's the bad part...when he got there, I basically just threw him on the bed and we had sex. And no protection, and I'm scared that I might be pregnant. But I don't really know right now. And I just want to cut, and now it's weird seeing Adam and I don't know what to do.

Did anyone else do something stupid like that?

It's all related behavior, wanting and trying to stop is a good start, you should be proud of yourself.

I dont like the scars i leave on my body. but its no one care i told my mom i have showed my mom she just said please stop. at times it gets so bad i had told her i wanted to end my life all she said is she would miss me and to please not do it. idk why she is the way she is like my life does not matter. she spoils my little sister and im sick of it. im in school now i stay on campus but things have not changed i just feel more alone then ever!!!

if any one has any thing helpful just message me thanks guys

I had a really hard time growing up,
a lot of my poems that are up pretty much tell my story
but for a long time I would cut when ever I felt low,
I battled with both anorexia and am still battling bulimia
and use to find that by cutting
it was like taking some of the pain from
the inside and inflicting it on my body.
A time that was probably one of my worst was when I ran to the bathroom at school smashed a glass bottle... I was drinking on the field attempting to escape and began cutting my self, my wrists were splintered from glass, the blood was coming out faster than I could have imagined and I landed up fainting and waking up in hospital, shortly after that I was released
and cut over the scabs.
However I have now found other ways of coping,
if anyone ever wants to talk
then I'm a pretty understanding person and have been through a lot.