All Cutting Self-Harm topics post here - #15

Hey so i recently like fell into a very deep depression and i cut my arm in 5 places.......ummm........and i had told 2 ppl that i really trusted and they have been helping me with it but the thing is i need advice on telling my boyfriend of 3 months......i really feel guilty for not telling him so how should i bring it up and do you think he will understand???

If someone is going to think less of you because you have problems, how much can they care about you? Of course he may worry and be thrown off a bit if he has no clue that you are or were a cutter, hopefully he will be a support, but that can only be if you let him in on your little secret. It could go either way, as I pointed out before we don't know him so we cannot say how he will react, just be as honest as you can about it.

I haven't cut for about 4 months now. I have scars, some fading, others not so much. But I look at my scars as part of who I am and my history. They've become part of me because that part of my past was a huge part of my life. When I get upset, I still find myself wanting to turn back to the cutting, but I don't want it to control my life again. And to whoever is trying to quit, never quit (or attempt to quit) for anyone but yourself. If you quit for someone else, it's so much easier to fall back into the habit. Anyone needing to talk or whatever, I'm here. Just message me and I'll give you my msn or myspace.

Hi. I don't know if I clicked the right thing to post... So yea, if I pressed the wrong thing sorry I'm new here.
Okay so I guess I'll come right out with it, even though it gives me a weird feeling in my stomach to think about it, but maybe if I get it out there I'll feel better..?
Okay, so I inflict harm on myself.. And I don't really want to put too much out here, but if someone thinks they could talk to me on the private message thing (I don't quite understand how it works though, do you have to be my friend or can anyone send me messages..?) that would be awesome. I'm going through some weird stuff right now and I really just need someone to talk to, but I can't talk to my friends about it because I don't know what they might think.
Okay, so if you give good advice I could really use some.

I used to cut and now every day when i see a knife i want to do it again. when i see the scars on my wrist i think of temptation of how bad i want to do it again. and esheshally lately my life is a mess right now and i cant think of any way to cope with my issues rather than to do it again. but i didnt quite because i wanted to i quit because i had to i was so adicted to it and my friends became really worried and they told the school counsiler and then she told my parents now they dont trust me with my life they check my wrists all the time for more cuts and they wont trust me when i say that i am fine because actually im not. there has been times when i wanted to take me life. espehally right now i am so close to doing it right now, because i just lost my best friend and she hates me so much i have tryed to make it right but she refuses to listen to me. i really need to talk to someone, someone who wont juge me and i cant talk to my friends because they will just tell my parrents again so can someone PLEASE message me so we can talk

I cut myself over a chick who tried to kill her self...
but she was lying to get attention and when i though it was true i was really upset and now i just found out that she cheated on me for 3 months of our 6 month relationship i really wnt to cut myself but i know i shouldn't.
i feel alone right now more alone than ever before and i cant cry no matter how much i want to. normaly i would be sobbing into the phone with my friend maggie. help

I feel as though burning a candle and pouring the hot wax on ur arms leggs and stomache feels great and it doesn't leave burns or anything

I'm sorry your girl friend did that to you it really sucks. My ex boyfreind cheated on me for 2 months with one of my best friends so i know how much it hurts. i carved his name on my left leg. Candel wax is a good idea it wont leave scars or very bad burns. If you need any one to talk to let me kn0ow

YEA I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL MY FRIENDS HAVE FORCED ME TO QUIT THEY JUST DONT GET HOW CUTTEN IS ADDICTION I KNOW THE PAIN AND HOW HARD IT IS TOO DEAL

Rubber bands are good too.
I wear them on my wrists and you can just snap them against your skin and not get attention that way.
But I agree, fire and candle wax come in second to cutting.

IM SIXTEEN AND IM A CUTTER ON AND OFF SICE IWAS 11 WHEN I WAS RAPE I ALWAYS FEEL DOWN
I STARTED CUTTING CUZ IT WAS SUMTHEN I COULD CONTROL I IN MY LIFE BUT NOW ITS KINDA LIKE AN ADDICTION I CANT HELP IT MY GF HATES THAT I DO IT ICANT HELP IT SHE DOSENT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO TRY AND STOP

Well if you want to stop then treat it like an addiction.
Take it easy.
I'm sorry that your life has been so horrible though.

I used to cut all the time... i lost so many of my friends... i lost so much of my life by doing it... i want to do it so bad right now but i know what will happen if i do... once i started doing it... it was like an addiction that i coudlnt control... one minute i would be crying... then the next i would have blood running down my wrist... its like i was blacked out when i was doing it.. i didnt even know i had picked up the blade until i felt the blood dripping down... my friends found out and they got so mad.. they wouldnt talk to me or look at me or anything.. i felt so ashamed... like i wasn't human because of the marks on my wrist... i felt like everyone was watching me... like they would never stop judging me... then one day i threw all my blades away... so i coudlnt do it anymore.... and i havent cut since...

Ive been really depressed lately for a number of reasons...my boyfriend used to cut too and we promised each other we would both stop. he hasnt cut since last summer and i havent stopped since i made the promise and i feel so bad. becuz of my mood i have been cutting my upper thighs like crazy, each time deeper than before. last nite on the phone with him i broke down and started crying but i took deep breaths and tried to cover it up becuz he has been depressed lately too and its not always about my problems, plus i didnt want him to know what ive been doing. i feel horrible...and im close to cutting a little bit more now its like it never ends...

I wanted to let everyone know that doing things like pouring candle wax over yourself and the rubberband aren't helping you at all. It's the same thing, you aren't going to get better if you just find different forms of the same behaviour to do it. I can't really tell you how to not do it, besides sheer will power, but that's really not the way to do it. Talking is the best strategy I think.

You are right Glory, it is all well and good to go to lesser forms, while working on what brought you to the problem in the first place. Gradually stepping out of that process is a good thing but we have to be willing to take a real look at yourself and want to fix the big picture.

I used to cut and then i stopped for about a year or 2 then i started cutting again a few months back and i stopped again and now i want to cut again cause i feel i need to and there's no other option. I'm just so tired and fed up i don't know what to do

There is always another option, we just don't always want to recognize it. Giving up is never the answer, even if you slip, you gotta pick yourself back up. Nothing good comes from deliberate self destruction.

Hi everyone... I need some help and I would really love any advise you guys could give...

This is probably going to sound horrible but I cut and my dad found out now he basically examines my arms and wrist everyday I need some help with places that are not noticable even in bathing suits and don't itch when there healing... if thats possible... thanks

I would hope people would not give you ideas, I know I can't in good conscience.

HidinVictim if you would like advice about not cutting or advice on talking to someone about it, like your dad, I would be more than happy, but I won't give you ideas for cutting. If we have to hide it, we know it's wrong, it is much easier to reach out and get real help.

I started cutting in my sixth grade year and it took me until this year about a few months ago to stop. I suffer with the problem still. I still want to run to it and there are days where I run and grab my razor just wanting to end it but I end up breaking down and crying for hours. I have had those thoughs of suicide and I have always felt so hopeless and useless. But when I truly thought about it, you take your life how many others will you take. The other people may not take their life as well but you take it. You do it and they die inside all the people who loved you and cared about you die inside. Everyone who cares would have to live with the memory. Suicide is never the answer ...

But what if no one cares about me, then why would it matter if i die because no one would miss me

Theres gotta be someone who cares about you out there...either a family member or your friendor somebody.

SOmeone always cares, even if we believe no one does.

Unless you are cutting your face, clothes should cover your scars. Pants cover legs and long sleeve shirts cover everything else.

You have 3 choices, long sleeves and pants everyday, wear whatever you want and accept people are going to notice and comment or make up some insane story every time someone comments on it lol Your scars are a culmination of your choices, if they shame us deep down we know it is wrong and not productive, which is a good realization to come to because it is the truth. I don't hide mine and I answer honestly about them, but that is a little easier since making the decision not to do it anymore.

I have been wearing long sleeves all summer long and once it started getting really humid i started covering them with make up it seems to help me quite a bit

Yeah...my cuts were deep, and it's been about 7 months since i quit. Makeup doesnt cover it, and i dont wanna ask my mom to buy that scar cream stuff or she'll ask what for...and i never told my parents. And it gets about 80-100 degrees here in the summer.

So what do you do about hiding your scars?

The scars we have given ourselves are there for life, even though they fade we will always know that they are there.
and makeup doesnt help at all, and wearing long pants and shirts all summer long is pretty much a dead giveaway.
the best way to make sure noone sees ur scars is to stop making new ones, and come to terms with the ones you already have. be prepared that whether ur putting makeup on them, wearing long sleeves or just letting them be seen, questions are going to be asked, and most often jokes will be made.
everyone here is ashamed of what they are doing, hense why they want to cover it up, if it was seen as publicly "acceptable" to be a cutter then none of us would be having this conversation right now. but the truth is that its not, so the best way to hide them is to stop before you have to many to explain.
i know most of you are gonna read this and be like "well its not that easy to just stop" and its true, it isnt, but if we want to be able to get out lives back on track, and not have to account for all of our scars, then stopping is the only solution.
cutting is only a temporary relief from our pain, and though the relief may be temporary, the consequences are long term.
all of us here need help, we are just too scared to admit it or tell anyone in person, so we all blog to eachother because its easier to type and read responses than it is to sit face to face and confront our demons.
no matter how much we cut, we will never take away the pain and helplessness that makes us turn to cutting in the first place. the only real way to fully recover is to talk to someone face to face, and let them help you.
this will be the hardest thing any of us will ever have to do, but in the end, theres always hope. and we still have to chance to treat our bodies with the respect and dignity we deserve, instead of cutting and scratching and digging into our skin to banish the pain within.
because we all know that these scars, they stay forever.

^every thing you just said is completely right. I've been "clean" for a year after cutting for three. i dont like to admit it at all and it gets worse when its summer becuase when i get darker their more visiable. i was a freshman in highscholl last year and that summer i stopped, my mom was doing body check on me and it couldnt do it. it didnt help things and what she said on the phone to her friend just keeps playing over and over in my head. i know people who show it off with out regaurds and i hate it. i dont know why, but they do it where everyone can see it and doesnt even care. everyone knows they do it too, which i dont see why you'd want someone to know. i kept mine asecret for years and when i started i didnt know what it was or how bad it was.

I havent cut for almost 2 months..have been for about 3 years..it feels amazing to know you have the strength to get through it..i havent really even thought about it until today..wasnt a good day..there is one person that i always think of before i do it and your post about your mom ^ reminded me of how much i dont want to hurt that person..i really hope i can make it through the night...

The pale skin of my arms and legs are the sadden truth of a horrid couple of years. i guess the first time i cut was about the end of grade six, and its just escalated from their. depression runs deep in my veins, maybe thats why i slice so deep. i guess im trying to convince myself that blood will wash it all away, but the more i cut the harder it is to hide, and the harder it is to hide the harder it is to stop. skin so white is hard to hide, so the questions asked by naieve others are hard to deflect. others think im crazy for wearing sweaters in 25 degree weather, but i think that its only to hide the truth.

I thought I might add in my two cents to this topic..

I used to be in a position where I thought I was completely hopeless and worthless. I didn't think I was special at all, looking at all the other people around me in school who were captains of a team, or president of a club, won medals and awards for sports or academic competitions... I didn't do anything cool like that. My parents often berated me and belittled me for not being as good as those other people and asked why I couldn't be like them.

At 17 years old, I wanted to die. I went through a three year period where all I did was cry and sleep, draw, write poetry, cut and think of ways to kill myself and attempt to convince myself that maybe at least one person would care if I died. I was going through a severe bout of depression and in that three years, I had attempted suicide sixteen times.

On September 21, 2007, I had gotten into a fairly bad argument with my parents that night and drove out to the mall to get away. I sat on the roof contemplating jumping off that two story roof onto the truck that was parked below.. I wanted an escape. Having no guts to really do it, I walked downstairs and wandered around.

And there it happened. I ran straight into him. From the floor, I looked up and started to panic 'Oh my God, I just hit a cop!' He helped me up and I was to a point of crying and I was apologizing for running into him. He patted my head and said it was fine. He sat me down at a table and asked why I looked so upset. We ended up talking for quite a while. At the end of the night, he took me to the roof to watch the stars. He turned me around and said "I'm sorry, but I've been waiting to do this all night" and he kissed me.

Since that night, everything has gone nowhere but up. We've been together for almost a year now and are planning to get married in a year or so. I have an excellent job as a security dispatcher and I'm going to college for degrees in Homeland Security and Criminal Justice.

Being with him has helped me build my confidence and has brought me out of my depression. All I ever really needed was someone to care and I bloomed into something I can respect. My parents still don't approve much of me (not that I think they ever truly will), but that's their opinion. I'm happy with who I am and what I'm striving to become, and it's all thanks to his kindness and my will to take the risk and hold his hand.

Wow is that for real!? ^ Thats such a beautiful story! I'm so glad things worked out so well x

I used to cut, but i got so bad t where i would cut and bleed, and not feel a thing. i started to lose friends, because they couldn't help me. i asked my mom for help and she was like i have to work, and no one else in my family could help, so i wasalone. but now i'm learning to love life and be thankful for what i have, i've relapsed a few times, even started taking pills, but i know that i'm better than any blade, or pills. and i hope you guys know that too. i don't care what you're faced with, you can do anything if you put your mind to it. plus i'm here so talk to me. Shanik

I used to sometimes. like my mom yells at me alot and when she would get mad at me it would make me mad and i would cut. in fact the very first time i cut was becasue of that. but now i just ignore her. i mean i have two more years of high school,then i never have to see or hear from her again. Shanik

I used to cut out of anger, I had a lot of rage.