Upset with myself for not going to my friend funeral

See my very special friend died in jan. of this yr she took her own life and it hurt me real bad and I could not make myself go for it hurt to bad to have to face her death and now it is eating me up for I did not go and I kick myself in the butt everyday for not going for I miss her alot and still love her very much I cant even go to the grave yard for it is to hard and I have not came to grips yet that she is gone for I was gutless and did not go to the funeral and say my good-byes ya I know it will get easier in time for I have lost alot of loved ones but with her it is different and I just dont know what to do to stop some of this pain so if any of u know how plz help me ok well sorry to ramble on thank you for listen to me.

Tammi,

First off all... sorry about your loss. I know the feeling about losing somebody you really care about..
But, you're making it even harder on yourself by being upset with yourself.. because of the fact that you didn't go to her funeral..
First, try to deal with her loss, it takes time.. but you'll manage =] Once you can do that.. try to go to her grave.. and just think about her.
I don't know if you're a religious person, but if you are, I believe that she'd understand that it was too hard for you to go to her funeral.. and that you truly care about her =)
Good luck!

Yes I am a religious person and I know she understands and I know I will see her again when I get to heaven and that makes it a little easier for me to know she is no longer in pain and all but that dont stop all my hurt and londing for her and ya I know it will take time to heal and ya I must go to the grave yard and visit but it will be so hadr to do but it needs to be done and thank you for ur kind words.

Like brigit said, I am very sorry for your loss.

I can understand why you would be angry at yourself, but if you were very close, then you are quite justified in not going, your friend would absolutely understand. I feel like the best thing for you to do would be to go visit her at the cemetary. Bring her her favorite flowers, read her her favorite poem or short story, draw a picture and leave it there for her. It might make you feel better if your feeling guilty about not going.

I hope this helps a bit...

Alright I dont care how bad this sounds but if your friend was stupid enough to kill herself you aint got a damn thing to feel sorry about. All that crap does is bring others around them down too.

I am very sorry for your loss, i know how you feel september last year i lost one of my best friends to a heart attack everyone thought she was healthy i only found out when i tried to ring her about an assignment i got left to tell my entire photography school, i couldn't bare going to the funeral and in the days before made a book for her parents everyone told me id regret not going the day before people covinced me to go i had the support of the entire school however even after goin i wish i hadn't of, i still fail to deal with it well, i dont know where she got buried i wish i could say goodbyye properly one day the day may come where you feel feel you are able to visit your friend otherwise you will see her in heaven it's never the end a part of her still lives inside of you she'll understand why you didn't go sometimes not going to such thing is a hard choice to make but everyone has there reasons i'm sure you'll begin to come to terms with it one day. In may i lost 2ppl close to me a couple of days apart i chose not to go to either funerals i dont know if i regret it or not although my dad isn't talkin to me (one was a family member), everyone deals with things differently and everyone takes longer to heal following death theres help out there if you believe you need it but i guess times the best medicine do what you feel you need to it may be to write about it, talk to someone, do some form of tribute each person has there own ways and remember one day your paths shall pass again, if u wanna talk u can pm me.

Yomammafoo:
whether you believe it i stupidor not, tammi is grieving and feeling badly about herself and you are only going to make things worse for her. So what if her friend made a bad decision, the worst decision. Theres nothing you cando about that now but cofor those she left behind andif that meanshelping her understand her pain and get over her pain, so be it., But calling her stupid and calling her friend stupid will only worsen thngs. Please, think before you write

I can relate to this a little. In the last five years seven of my mates have died (all young). My mate hung himself and my cousin drowned and it has never been established whether he took his own life. Three days ago someone I knew died through an OD and the police are treating it as suspicous. No one yet knows whether the OD was accidental, murder or suicide. I didn't go to any of my mates funerals, in fact I havent been to a funeral for over ten years and I haven't ever visited any of their graves once.

I cant wave a magic wand or tell you that you should or shouldn't have gone to the funeral. All I can say is that I'm sorry for your loss and the loss of a life and that you cant change what has happened. You cant turn back time and go to the funeral, just like you cant change time and 'save' your friend from themselves.

What has been has been and gone.

You are here now. You are alive and however much you may feel that you are not coping, or finding it hard, you are coping because unlike your mate you haven't thrown the towel in. I respect your strength and in time (as useless as that sounds) the grieving process will put your emotions and thoughts in to an order which you'll be able to more easily accept.

Having a friend die is hard. I remember when the first three of mine had died, I was seventeen then, and I asked an adult why. They said 'you're at that age' and I'm twenty now and since turning fifteen on average two friends year have died through car accidents, OD, suicide...stupidity and one through cancer. I'm still waiting for someone to say to me 'You've passed that age' and for my mates to stop dying, but time is all we've got and I'm waiting patiently too for that moment when thing seem ok again, when people are ok, when I'm ok.

My thoughts are with you. Try to remember that people grieve in different ways. I dont think my mates would dislike or hold it against me for not being at thier funerals and I dont think yours would either. Mates are understanding like that...that's why it hurts when they're no longer with us.

Stay strong.

Tammi" Sorry about your loss. In a way I think I may understand why you did not go. Dealing with the pain of losing someone so close hurts. there were 2 cases I can think of were I thoguht I could not bare the pain and did not want to go. And another where I couldn't only because I couldn't nake it to the other state in time. but I had to. I thought it would make me feel somwhat complete. (I don't know if that's how to explain it)Maybe other stories my help you understnad. you are not blamed for not going. And you are not the only person who feels it.

It's been 3 years. these three people took huge parts of my heart with them. My uncle and I had a special connection not many understtod. My baday being 9/11. There is a holiday thing celabrated within a week of my bday and we called it "our holiday" He passed away Sept. 13. I saw him a week before and said I'll be back to visit you in a week. As I walked away he got a really big smile. ledd than a week later he was brought to a hospital and passed on the way here.

the next month in November a cousin who had had cacer as a child passed away. he and I were close. as a kid they removed the cancer. it cam eback when he was in Jr high. (He's a year older than I) He was in tho hospital for 17 months before he passed. hhis sister who was in my class left on a friday for "an emergancy" I hurt inside something that I couild never explain. the next day that pain was gone and I felt happy. It felt wront to be happy. but I felt as if he were happy and pain free in heven. Monday I hear he had passed and I could not bare it.

the next month I get a call my other uncle is n the hospital. My parents leave the state to see him and I get a call. He won't make it too much longer. He passed and I hadn't been able to see hm in years. My parents cam eback to get more close. they pretty muches lived there for a few weekd with his kids while he was in the hosptial.

Well I want to say that is not for the greater for my mind for it is eating me up inside still after almost 7 months now becuz I did not go for I was in love with this woman and I let her and myself down by not going and it hurts be bad still to think I was to weak to go I have wrote a few poems about how I feel about not going sorry to ramble.

Im so sorry for your loss.
i cant say i know how it feels because when my friends have passed we have been told.
but i'll tell you somethings that got me through one of my mates deaths.

i know this may sound weird but just in your room or something, talk to her, on your own, tell her things because, she'll be there she'll be listening. just remember her memory lives on as much as you want it to, maybe make a scrapbook of pics and things shes said etc
find a nice pic of you and her, and when you feel up to it, tell her your going to her grave and you want her with you in spirit, you definatly know when they are there. walk through talk to her even if its in your mind, put your pic there at her grave, cry talk about the good times. talk about whats been happening with everything.

my thoughts are with you,
pm me if needed eh

U know this is really so sad coz if im ur situation i have to go to my friend funeral coz it was ur last chance to see her and to say a last goodbyes,,, i understand ur feelings. but u know u lost ur chance thats why untill now u still hardly accept the fact that shes gone,, im sorry for ur loss

Hey Tammii...

well im really Sorry for Erica, but the only way i think you would make things easier for you, is to go to her grave... and tell her exactly how you feel, im sure she would be listening to you, and im sure she isnt mad at you... you can still say your goodbyes, its always better late than never... dont beat your self about it... keep cool...
and it would get better soon

luv Robie

Tammi;; ^^i agreee

Im sorry for your loss.

But don't feel bad about not going. Some of us just cannot face it right away. The best thing for you is to go to her grave. Say everything you need to say to her there. It may be hard, but it's very uplifting. Trust me I know. My dad died two years ago, I finally went to his grave a months ago, and even though it was very hard to bring myself to grips with his death. I said all that I needed to, to him. And by the time I left. I felt alot closer to him, even while he's gone.