How to Come-Out

Ok so this might not be what this forum is for, but I'm bisexual... not the trend bi by really I love girls, I have for a long time, but this is the first year I'm admitting to myself that all those times I "checked out the competion" or "experimented" with girls wasn't as innocent as I was trying to convice myself it was... but i don't know how to tell my family, mainly me dad of my friends who are not bi which is all of them except 2... my next problem is i have a boyfriend who i love very much but lately I've been wanting a girlfriend... oh and i don't think I'm anyones type either I'd really love some advice thanks

Sadly many people never accept bisexual people and those who dont are stupid. Im straight but i have bi friends. You shouldnt worry about how your friends may react or your family. You are still the same person. If they are true to you it wont matter.

Hmmm youve been wanting a girlfriend. Well i dont have too much to say, but dont stay with your boyfriend out of desperation. Dont worry about being anyones type. Just be yourself and the right people shall come.

I can see how you feel. I've felt bi for at least a year now and I don't know who to come out to but myself. In retrospect, I guess I still need to come out to myself, because I'm still sort of in denial about it.

Where I would start is telling my friends who are either bisexual or have other bi friends (and are open to the idea, of course). They should accept you for who you are if they're accepting of your choice, and they should be accepting if they're good friends.

Now, telling your family is the very tricky part. See, parents half expect a gay coming-out instead of a bisexual one. Perhaps parents find being bisexual "wrong" or something, but that's just my opinion of course. I have no idea how I would even start telling my dad, I don't even know if I would! But I get the feeling you want to, which is probably the right choice. If you really feel that you are bisexual, then maybe just have a little heart-to-heart with him. Tell him that it's not your choice and you've felt like this for a while now. Tell him you hope that he can accept and love you for who you are and who you're attracted to, man or woman. If he is open-minded, you shouldn't have too much of a problem.

Now to the tricky part..your boyfriend. See, most guys are down for the "girl-on-girl" thing, but they don't get that that's not all bisexual girls want. We want love, just from women. I think what I would do is come out to my boyfriend first. Do it sort of in the same way that you told your dad in. Maybe wait for a girl to come along that you might want to date. If you feel like you'd rather pursue the girl's relationship rather than your boyfriend's, then it's up to you what you do. Some people may find this wrong, but, nevertheless, why break up with your boyfriend if you, in the end, want to be with him? If you love him, you'll most likely stay with him.

Now, if you and your boyfriend have a sexual relationship, that's a whole different story. Buut I can't talk about it on here otherwise I will probably get my butt kicked. If you have any more questions you can PM me if you want :)

Would talking to your boyfriend work?

You two could think of something out.

What your going through is completly normal for any bisexual. i myself am a lesbian, but i have many bisexual friends that have gone through the same thing you are.
there are so many ways you can come to your family and boyfriend. its just a matter of figuring what would work for them.
because after all, your the one who knows them best.

you can write them a letter explaining everything thats going on, or if theres someone you tell the important things to sometimes its best to tell them first and they can help you with the rest.
but as for your friend, im not going to sugar coat it for you. you may lose friends and family members because of who you are. and it will be hard but its gets eaiser with time. not everyone can deal with people being diffrent.

but if you have any questions or need someone to talk to feel free to ask or talk. sometimes its easier if you have someoen to talk to.

Well if you are bisexual then you should know that you're loving a person for who they are, not for what they are.

So you shouldn't 'really want a girlfriend' if you love your boyfriend. If you want a particular person for who they are and they just happen to be a girl, then that will work. Whether you're straight, bi, or gay, you shouldn't seek out a certain type of person, if that makes any sense.

As for coming out, there is no way to soften a blow. You have to admit, fact for fact, to your parents that you're attracted to both sexes. If they reject you or say it's just a phase, explain to them you've been through the phase and your orientation is the result of it. If they don't accept you, then they're not very good people and you don't need their acceptance.

Try writing a letter or poem to your parents explaing how you feel, at the end of the day, they are blood related.

As for you boyfriend, all you can do is be honest. It'd be a lot harder to do later on and also, a lot more hurtful.

If you think there going to judge you then dont tell them, unfortunatly alot parents dont like hearing that their child is anything other then straight.

Im sure talking to your bi friends will help you more then any thing els as they know that kind of situation, and have probably been through it aswell.

I think you should talk to your boy friend about your feelings and work things out, because im sure he will understand, you may just need some one from both sex's to kind of stop that erge. (which in my mind kind of sounds wrong... as i dont believe in any kind of two timming what so ever -not that theres different kinds :P)

Sweetness im bisexual 2 =) *hi5!* haha srry...

4 me..ive told sum of my family..not my parents though but i think tht u should tell ppl when you think the time is rite 4 u....

well im my oppion if u luv ur bf very much but wntin a gf then u should discuss it wit ur bf.....and jus see wat happens......

Good luck =)

Gabbi

This first step to take is the turn the handle, the rest will follow. haha

I can sympathize with you because I'm trying to come out myself. :) It isn't easy. If I were you I'd tell my boyfriend what's what and hope for the best. Not good advise but I hope it all works out. <3

"Anymore over the rainbow and he'd be coughing up Skittles." -random quote for ya

Hmm.. i'm not -bi- but i 've done my come out.
not that long ago actually. (a year)
mm.. if you do love your boyfriend, you should talk to him about it. Because if he too loves you, he should be there for you. Even if it means, you're having doubts? wanting to change a bit? to try out a girl?
He shouldn't take it badly or anything..
mm.. parents? O_o" i 'd wait.
I 'd wait till your fixed. and well... till you've fallin in love with a girl..
Anyways, the most important is to have accepted it yourself. i think that the hardest to do

Hmm... i came out to my parents a year or so ago... an d they didnt believe, and i dont think they do to this day... but if u want to tell them.. go for it... but make sure ur ready 2 explain first

I dont get all this 'I'm bi and dont know how to come out' stuff.

When I was a teen and growing up I never said 'I'm bi' or 'I'm gay' or even 'I'm straight', but I was attracted to guys and girls. I never 'came out' to anyone. People sort of figured out that I was open minded through my behaviour. I never left the need to question whether I was bi, straight or gay even...I just acted how felt right and if anyone asked I answered 'I'm open minded'. I dont feel the need to have a label or to 'come out' to anyone.

People saw that I was open minded through my behaviour and relationships and accepted that or they didn't. Anyone who didn't either discussed it in an adult manner wiht me or dealt with it themselves, because their prejudise isn't my worry.

Be whoever you want to be. It isn't the labels which make you, its your behaviour. People can say anything...and lie, but actions become dispositions and it is a person's disposition and behaviour which tells you who and what they are.

I think that if you tell your family they should be supportive because you cant help who you love, its just a feeling from inside, a connection made in the mind, and its a beautiful thing. If you love your boyfriend, just open up to him and im sure he will be understanding, maybe a little shocked, but understanding. Just tell him its not that you love him less, its just that you realized that theres something about both sexs that appeal to you. and if he doesnt understand, than hes not good for you anyways. if he loves you he will want you to be happy, whatever it takes.

hope this helped.
peace and love.
Kelsie

This may sound foolish, but I believe that if you love someone, then you accept all parts of them. You don't need to agree all the time, or even like all things, but we all need acceptance and understanding. If not we shut out a most important part of ourselves: compassion. As for freinds and family, that's one you'll have to take one step at a time. Not all my friends know the "real" me, nor do even my family. Have been very selective. Some accept and support, while others have completely rejected outright. You need to take it on an individual basis. Just remember, you're still you, regardless, and don't sacrifice yourself just to please others. If you do you'll loose yourself. If they can't or don't want to deal with it, then maybe there's some other area of your relationship you can strengthen. By giving up yourself you loose your honor with others, and so loose your own honour in yourself. (Jessica)