My 16 Year Apology...

Sitting here, just thinking that one month from now i will be 16. I contemplate suicide. I wonder if life is what i am meant for.
Inside, there is nothing left.. Nothing.
I know I;m a smart young girl. But whats living if you have nothing to live for!?
Things eventually get better.. but fo the past 2 and a half years i;ve been waiting for that change. I cant go on anymore. I miss my dad terribly. And my sweet 16 wont be so sweet. I just want a sign that everything will be okay. That change is on its way.
But until then, My 16 year apology.. I;m sorry i cant move on..

You know what's to live for?

here was my reason to keep living when i really had nothing..

Suicide is showing the world you give up, give in, that it wins.
I wanted to prove the world wrong.

^^ exactly
think of it as a test, after great misery comes great happiness, stop waiting for something good to happen to you, do something good for you, love yourself, go out, have fun, treat yourself like a queen and stop waiting for things to get better, make them better yourself. Instead of beating yourself over the bad things that happened to you think about the good memories you had and if you miss your dad so much do something in his honor, he wouldn't want you to kill yourself.

^^ exactly
think of it as a test, after great misery comes great happiness, stop waiting for something good to happen to you, do something good for you, love yourself, go out, have fun, treat yourself like a queen and stop waiting for things to get better, make them better yourself. Instead of beating yourself over the bad things that happened to you think about the good memories you had and if you miss your dad so much do something in his honor, he wouldn't want you to kill yourself.

Sometimes the world changes unexpectidly. ive been wishing for a change for years. and then when i least expected it, everything finally started to look up. dont give it. dont let the world win. they dont deserve it. there are awful people out there. dont give them the time of day.

Sounds like the only person you should appologize to is yourself.

You don't owe anyone anything, so stop appologizing to the world.

In this world there are many people who believe that you will fail in the end; prove them wrong.

Last night i relapsed. and after 6 months of being clean i cut.
i dont know why i gave in..
but thank you guys so much. really.
i owe myself something for once.
<3

You all make sense. and i know that.
its just.. i no longer feel. its really weird. i;;ll pinch myself to see if im awakee and i know im pinching myself but i dont feel it. and when people talk to me, it seems as if im watching a tv show.
maybe its just a phase. but its getting weirder and weirder as days go on.

im not the type of person to be obscene. and not make sense of things. i look deep into everythingg.. just this time its so different.

I know exactly what it feels like to miss your dad
because I lost my dad when I was 3 and am now 17.
I have been in hospital numerous times due to failed suicide attempts but have come to realize that life is worth living.
And although yes, it is hard and some days are worse than others, I found that what helped me a lot was writing, drawing and playing drums.
you just have ton find a way where you can escape into your own world where everything is right .
It also helps to talk to people and to read about other peoples stories.
These days suicide has had an unbelievable increase,
especially in teenagers but in the end
what would you rather be,
a statistic who simply gave up or a survivor who proves the world wrong!!
if you ever want some one just to talk to then look me up!!

^^
thank you everyone for your support.

&& the reading other peoples stories, yah I might try that one :]

Just think who you would leave behind..i have tried to commit suicide many times..but one thing always stops me, the hole i will leave in peoples lives, my friend commited suicied and left a huge hole in my heart, i couldnt do that to other people. just look at the brightside, make the most of today, because remember you were placed here for a reason, you just have to find that reason it might be difficult at times but when you succeed it wioll be all too obvious
if you want to talk pm me i might just be able to help

I am so sorry friend for you, but think twice, think about what are going to achieve when you die believe it is not the real escape from life's stress, but the real soloutin to overcome these troubles is keeping looking forward and have this confidence that will make stornger than anything else and i am sure you will a much better person.

At 16 there are alot of emotions that are extreme. I remember. I understand how it is to miss a family member (your dad). When I was 16, I was in a group home because my father had abused me and my mom chose to stay with him, and they severed their rights (gave me up for adoption). So I know the desolation you can feel. I guess the only thing I can say is to maybe appreciate what you do have and try not to think of what you dont, after all it could be worse.