Big Girls

I used to be a big girl. I have since lost 60 pounds. The way I was treated as a big girl was quite humiliating. Even by other girls, not just men. I just wondered if anyone has had the same experience? It was suprising to me how differently I was treated in just common places.

I have gone up and down my whole life, people will find whatever they can to hurt you, it is just more obvious when you are overweight or have some other issue that sticks out like a sore thumb.

Its a shame that people judge by outer appearance,so much beauty they miss. I saw a tv show once where a slim beautiful girl dressed up to make herself heavy,it was unbelievable the difference....The slim girl was offered a guys seat,the heavy girl ignored. The slim girl offered help with packages,the heavy girl left to struggle on her own.It kind of made me wonder if when people do kind deeds ,do they have an ulterior motive?

It is not just about you are "big girl"... People treat you differently if you change your outlooks..in any possible way.. People has these strange attitudes towards to you just because of outlook.

Well...Only thing I can say is that I don't really care what people thinks about me... Yes, it is too sad sometimes to witness how differently I could be treated only by some little things.

I try to treat people fair, not based on their outlooks...that is soooooo stupid...

You dont have to be big to feel big, and anyone who uses a person's weight to get at that person isn't illuminating that person's size, but their own lack of wit and taste.

I've a real good mate who weighs 101 kg and 164cm tall. I weigh 59 kg and I am 171 cm tall. When we were a few years younger I was the same height and weighed only 44kg. I was 'skinny', with an hour glass figure, large boobs and I even did a bit of modelling. Did it make me happy? No. I wasn't happy and all I could see was this mate of mine who could shake her arse, get guys attention, be thel ife of the party and make anybody who was crying forget why they'd been sad. She was amazing. I never saw her as a 'fat' person. She got the guys. She had a million friends and the few times I've heard someone call her fat she's used her interlect and wit to make them look a million times less attractive than a fatty in fashion week.

People see what you show them.

Beauty is subjective.

Obesity isn't western societys current ideal (if you arn't physically fit you cant work as fast and hard, and you may notl ive to work as long), but I find it hard to look at my mate and not see someone who's damn beautiful.

And being a healthy eater and someone who exercises regular I might out live her, but I'd have to live another whole life time to fit the positive and caring things she's already achieved in her twenty years on this earth.

As an adult my weight is my own personal issue, yes there are horrible side effects to obesity, but calling people names and casting stones is not a way to encourage a healthy lifestyle, which I think is more the point of the conversation. Both of my parents have struggled with their weight their whole life, sometimes I was so scared to end up being that way, I developed my own set of dangerous health issues.

-Laughs- I didn't say its ok for my friend to die due to anything, but we all do die due to something whatever I (or you) say.

Regardless of her weight because of her attitude, outlook and character she has done more in her life than most to not just look beuatiful, but to do more beuatiful things than most people and that shines through.

I'm saying that beauty is subjective.

Of course I dont want her to die, but -shock horror- thin people die too. I smoke cigarettes and understand the health risks, but non smokers die too ('fraid its true guys). Even if we avoided everything in life which is unhealthy...we'd still die. I'd rather have some guilty pleasures and die a few years younger than die regretting all the things I never did in case they killed me. I'd happily trade quantity for quality. That is my choice, whether people agree or not and my mate lives a similar way. I respect that some people wouldn't want to live that way...Swings and round-a-bouts -shrugs-.

The government doesn't want us to be healthy because they love us, just like they dont give us free health care in England because they care. They do it because healthy people work harder and for longer. You keep your slaves in good condition and you get your moneys worth out of them.

Not everyboy is the same and my mate being obese is her choice and doesnt mean she isn't beautiful, outside and in. People value different things. I value what a person does with life more than the years that they live.

I ain't going to waste my life or hers trying to change her or her decisions. I'm her friend, not a dictator. She is responsible for her life, not me. Saying that doesn't mean i want her to die...it just means I cant make her live either. She has to want something before I can even offer to help her get it.

And about trying to understand or imagine how I'd feel if my parents were obese:

Well, I don't much see my parent, but 'course I love her.

She isn't obese, but she has had bulimia and had anorexia since way before I was born. SHes nearly died a few times . So I can relate to how someone worries about a loved one with self inflicted weight problems.

...and I stick by my guns, by every word of what I have said.

Rikki:

I see things like this:
If someone is drug-addicted he can not control himself (and his disease) anymore. Just like if you are drunkard you have loose control to alcohol.

Yes, it is caused by people itself somehow... But if we get deeper in the problem there might be something happened to the person what caused this misbehaving.
It could happen to anyone of us in the same situation..

But how can we draw a line who should be treated first? How can we say one person's life is more valuable than others? I have no guts to say me and my life is more important than someone's else. For me we humans are all equal.

And if you think why for example drug users are treated before someone in some situation... I think (maybe I am wrong, if I am, please forgive me God) it
is because he is not only a danger for himself but also for the whole society.

Well...this was my thoughts about the issue...

Obesity, anorexia /bulimia etc / drug addiction are all more than simple stupidity; They are complex conditions in which the sufferer has a distorted self image and perception of themselves and / or the world around them.

Working out whether an accident was a persons' fault or not would take more time and thus cost more lives than the current system.

If a person comes in with a broken leg because they tripped should they be treated last because they are responsible for not looking where they were walking? If an addict comes in having OD'ed should they be treated last even if the people before them arn't in critical conditions just because they're an addict? If a person comes in suffering a heart attack should the doctor go through their personal historys' to try and determine whether they deserve treatment, and when? That'd be chaos.

Unless you're just saying that junkies, drunks, fat people and anorexics etc should be ignored until the rest of the world is treated. Remove every patient who is guilty of inflicting pain or bad health of some form upon themselves and there wouldn't be many patients left. You'd be treating five people while a hundred die in the next room. That wouldn't make for a great economy, plus plenty of anorexics and fat people, and even junkies, pay the taxs which mean you get your treatment.

Y'know. Today's junkie could be tomorrow's doctor.

...And today's junkie could save your life tomorrow somehow.

Life isn't that simple. If it was then there probably wouldn't be junkies, drunks, fat people or anorexics to have to worry 'bout this stuff.

That's just the way it is. I think the person who posted above is pointing out a similar flaw in that theory.

"When you have genuinely sick or injured people having to wait up to 48 hours in the Emergency Ward for treatment because drunks and drug addicts are given priority, then it is about time for harsh measures to be taken."

You must be an American lol Our wait isn't that long. None the less, some people eat compulsively, due to emotional reasons or whatever the case may be. Some people are overweight due to health problems, some due to their own choices. It isn't up to us to say "hey you shouldn't be fat" or "fat people shouldn't get medical treatment" How absurd. Drug addiction and alcoholism are diseases, so turning away sick people doesn't really seem like the sensible thing to do if you are a medical practitioner, I think that would go against their code of ethics (not that, that stops them in some cases) but that's another discussion. If you are unhappy with your medical care, take it out on the providers.

Vix-- I think you are very wise and I agree with many things you stated in this thread. Your "mate" has a wonderful friend in you :) Smiles.

I initially went on my diet because I used to be "small" and hated how I was treated in every day situations. Just walking into a restraunt or the grocery store or clothing store people wern't as friendly, and sometimes were quite rude. I am almost at my ideal weight now, and changed my eating habits and became more physically active and I feel alot healthier emotionally and physically!

"mom you are too fat you will die young can't you loose weight, don't you love me????????"

Well my daughter would not come to me and say that because my food issues have nothing to do with my love for her. Weight is something we talk about openly and honestly and I don't throw my bad habits to her. I go to counseling for this and other things in my life. Maybe we complicate it, but it isn't always as easy as getting more active (which I am) and eating better (which I do). My lifestyle today is much different than 5 years ago, but the weight still doesn't melt off and it doesn't make me worth less or forfeit my right to medical care.

Your daughter was instructed in health class to ask why someone doesn't love her?

My mom is a smoker, just because she smokes doesn't mean she doesn't love me, to teach children to tie these things into love is rather destructive.

If that were the case no one would be treated for anything because everything that happens in life is a result of a choice. Lets be realistic, you can't tell people how to live or demand they live according to your own set of beliefs, just like religion, appearance, health, addictions, each thing comes about as a result of something else. In the end no one is better than anyone else because we are all still the same miraculous pile of universal waste when it comes down to it. You can hate me, judge me or ridicule me, that is your choice, personally I love me and so does everyone else in my life, no matter what I look like or how much I weigh. Some of us struggle everyday,but still do the best we can whether you feel we do or not. I do yoga, I box, I bike, hike and camp, I work my ass off on my feet all day and still I have weight issues, for reasons you can't possibly see or know by looking at me.

Regardless, you can't make people be who you want them to be. Being crass and overbearing won't make a stronger point.

"People are over weight for one reason only, They consume more calories per day than they are using."

I will have to let my father know that. I guess the doctor was wrong about his Thyroid and the effects of steroids he was on as a child.

Doctors may be wrong sometimes, Rikki, but they are still far more knowledgeable than you and your utterly skewed logic. Doctors help people based entirely on their need - they've taken an oath to serve people through their knowledge and skill. They know that it is NOT their job to turn medical aid into a venue for moral judgment and personal bias.

In reply to Cyrano's post:

I laughed because I often laugh. Laughing, like most reactions, isn't confined to situations in which a joke has been made. Humans, their emotions and their responses, are more complex than that:

I don't believe being obese makes a person beautiful, but I don't think it means that an obese person cannot be beautiful either.

I have already said that obesity is not an aideal for the reason that it can cause health problems which shorten an individuals life. But we are not robots. We function on am uch more complex level. Reducing our behaviours to the purely physical is denying what we are and ignoring the reasons for our behaviour. It's ok to not be perfect 24/7. Teaching anyone, especially kids, otherwise often is the reason people beocme obese, or anorexic etc.

If my child came to me and said they were worried I was going to die because of my weight I would not suddenly stop all of my behaviours which caused me weight. I would want my child to understand that I can try to live a healthier life style, for myself and as an example to them, but in return I'd want my child to better themselves as well. I'd want my child to try and understand that obesity or any self damaging habit is deeper than the actions with which the user copes.

Say I *was* an obese mother and my child had said that and so I lost weight. Then my child comes to me and says 'mum I'm worried you're going to die because you drink alcohol!' Should I stop? What if I do and then my child says 'Mum, I am worried because you use beauty products which contain agents that are reportd to cause health problems!' Should I just stop? Where do you draw the line?

I'd hope that I'd raise a child to have more understanding, from a young age, than to think on such a superficial level that they might ever believe any behaviour I engage in which could potentially damage my health could ever mean that I didn't love them.

I grew up witnessing both my parents engaging in very harmful and potentially life threatening behaviours, but even as an anorexic (my mother)and as a violent alcoholic (my father) they managed to instil in me a better understanding and appreciation of human psychology than to doubt that they loved me for those reasons.

I'd be wondering why teachers at my kid's school feel it's ok to manipulate children, and in such a way which causes them intentional ditress. And I'd be asking why the government is using a child as a pawn to guilt trip parents in to altering their life styles in order to fit a very narrow model of the ideal parent, person and worker.

And I wasn't using the fact I don't see my mother often as any excuse. Look through the posts I have made on these forums and then ask yourself whether you think I am a person who uses excuses. I am not perfect, nor willI ever be. But I am and always been responsible for myself and my choices in life.

I'm sorry that you are disappointed in me. I hope in time you can cope with that disappointment and transform it in to something positive. I do not like to disappoint people, but simultaneously I am proud and unapologetic for what I believe. Any effect that has on other people because of their own beliefs and personality is something they need to be responsible for and identify as something which they may need to address, as I do in my life.

Congratulations on your success ReBecca and thanks for the kind words. Really interesting topic you've got up here too! :)

In response to (not aimed at)Rikki's post on responsibility:

I agree with a lot of what you have said. I take full responsibility for myself. My obese friend takes full responsibility for her weight and her lifestyle and never whines about it. She knows she has problems and isn't perfect, just like the rest of us. Being responsible isn't about being perfect.

A lot of eating problems and drug addiction have large elements of self pity and people do not accept responsibility, but calling those people 'lazy' or making judgements (based on generalisations or circumspection, when that time could've been spent listening to or motivating a person instead of judging) often provides an already self piteous person another excuse to think 'woe is me' and to dislike themselves.

I believe a person can both be responsible and compassionate.

While a drug addicts problem maybe self inflicted and a lack of intelligent perception of themselves, even someone who takes responsibility for their own actions and has a good perception of themselves' may still have little insight, empathy and perception of other people. In this manner that person is as blind as a junkie. People blind themselves with a lot of things, including their own virtues...ironically.

When a person is responsible for their own actions it is easy for them to dislike those who are not. Though different, this is as a much a vice and negative behaviour as being self piteous.

I guess I'm just a freak of nature because what someone looks like, overweight, tattooed, pierced, skinny, doesn't matter to me. Their choices are their choices and since I myself am not perfect, it is not my place to judge them. If they are happy, productive and love themselves who am I to say their appearance makes them worth less than you or I?

Yes Rikki I am still somewhat overweight, but I am at a place where I am happy with myself and no longer morbidly obese. I am active, I cut out junk and fast food and it was hard because I am a compulsive over eater. Food was my happy place, my sad place and my rebellious place. I will never be model small and I am okay with that today. You can inform people on issues, but when you start cramming it down their throats you do more harm than good.

Let us examine the cliche' s of western society; "The bigger I am the harder I fall". If I had never posted a profile image you would only know me by the words I choose and the order I put them in. The profile that I have posted is the image of the woman I am married to. She wants half of everything I own. To be honest I would not mind giving her all of the weight I have gained, and all of my debts she left me with. I am confused because in her present condition she is capable of hustling many men, yet she wants to hustle me in a court of law that is very effective at times of forcing societies opinions down throats, as I am certain my friend Bob would testify to. In my philosophy bigger is not better even when it comes to ego. My nephew is engaged to a large woman that has overcome her addictions to controlled substances, and she is not locked up like my wife. Some people believe that since we depend on our atmosphere and environment for survival, society as a whole has the right to determine the chemicals we release. We don't have to be prophets to see that many of the members of society are headed in the wrong direction. Thank all of you big people that took time to read my humble opinion for I am not a Hierarch. I am just a would be poet that likes to point my finger at the man in the mirror.

I enjoy life as I am Rikki, you may poo poo the 120 pounds I lost but I don't and as I said I am fine where I have landed. How about you start penalizing the makers and approvers of the bad food products made available, some even disguised as better choices. I will never forgo my freedom to be who and what I want to be, to the likes of you or anyone else.

^^ BC you're right and actually I'm quite shocked at certain people's opinions and their refusal to their own ignorance, has led them to believe that somehow being big makes you obese...

Please! I think that people really need to understand the concept of bmi... I think freedom is really put into question here...

Is freedom our downfall as a society? And should we protect others from the choices they've made? I think many of you answered my question...

Bob, I use the term "big girl" as a generality for any girl that society doesnt deem an acceptable weight or size, but especially so if she happens to be on the plus side of the scale. Though, I do know that girls (or women) who are extremly thin are looked at negativley also.

Noir, I too, cannot believe how harsh and judgmental certain responses have been. I can only say that I feel sorry for people like that. They must live in a very narrow, shallow world. Being overweight does not make them unworthy. Perhaps one day an overweight person will be in the position to save their lives or bring meaning to it.

BC>> Congratulations on your 120 lb weight loss!! You deserve to feel proud!

Some arguments are just ridiculous Rikki. You cannot refuse medical care to people. I pay taxes, those taxes go towards my health care.

BC has lost 120 lbs and yet you tell her she could be happier. Who are you to tell someone you don't know how happy they are?

Lol I wouldn't be refused medical care, I live in Canada, everyone is entitled to medical care. My weight is of no concern to myself or my doctor any longer, how Rikki can you judge my happiness or worth as a person by looking at my weight? You can't. You can form an opinion by looking superficially at someone, but it doesn't make it anything more than an opinion.

Its considered child abuse if a child is obese... Wow, knock the parent off for another extreme, which is loving too much... I believe the original issue which is the way big women are treated in society is left un-answered, and please lets leave the issue of obesity out, because its demeaning to any women whose proud to call themselves big and beautiful or in such case bootylicious....Lol.

While there are cases of extreme obesity among children, who is judging and what guidelines would they be given? Does it matter if your child is 10 pounds overweight, as opposed to 100 lbs overweight? And how would it make kids feel to see their parents prosecuted? What kind of guilt would you carry around from that? How long have governments agencies known the food they approve and allow out on the shelves are not only endangering our kids health, but ours? It all comes down to social issues we have created as a society, what we have been willing for decades to be ignorant of. Even "health" or weight loss companies are allowed to sell products that have adverse effects on our health. Why is it cheaper to eat bad food? Why are our local farming communities disappearing? There are an array of issues in this area that no one wants to look at because it is easier to just point the finger at the one openly "offending" you with their appearance. It doesn't matter how they got that way or if they like themselves, it only matters that they live up to someone else's standards? Everyone has their own set of problems they should deal with before trying to tell someone else how they should be living their life.

Rikki: The discussion is about big girls, not about obesity, you've discussed the dangers of obesity as though this thread was a health and fitness class... I understand the dangers but it doesn't highlight the original question, which is: Should girls be prejudiced because of their weight?

Judging from certain answers from certain people, the answer is yes

People have all kinds of issues that can cause them to be overweight,but like Rikki said it is usually considered to be unhealthy,That doesn't however give anybody the right to treat them less considerate than anyone else,but it happens.I do think you can shorten your life by your actions,I have seen too many teens who think they are invincible do things that cost them their lives. Would they have died at that time anyway,I don't think so.Like a fourteen yr.old sniffing gas, a 18 yr. old who just learned to ride a motorcycle driving 90 miles an hr. I believe making wise decisions extends your lifespan.