What happened to you today [Fresh#2]

Lol I don't think your overreacting at all!! That's so adorable!! I think you got yourself a new bf!!! Btw you have really pretty eyes. Yea, I know, random right?

Thank you =] yeah, he was supposed to ask me out last weekend. but he says he promises he wont chicken out this time. lol. =]

and sorry to hear about your bad day=[ rumors are never any fun. when i was a sophmore this one guy spread a rumor around that i was a pothead, and that took ages for people to get over...though most havent...it sucks.

Sorry to hear about you losing another friend. i had to start over a couple years ago..for a while i had no friends at all, and im sorry to hear you are having troubles.

anyway, nothing new here. went to the dr today and got an ultrasound of all my organs..lol. that was fun i guess. and i asked gma about going to that marine ball w/ eric, and she said she'll think about it. she wants to meet him first and what not...

and she said i was allowed to "go sleep over at my friends house" this weekend, which is really im going up to see hiim again. now all i need are the days off of work! ahhhh.

Sorry about your friend. That's recently happened to me, so I know what you're going through. If you want to talk or whatever, I'm here.

Umm.. nothing has really happened yet today. I've just been stressed these last couple of days. Fighting with my mom, my dad never talking to me, fighting with my boyfriend. But stuff happens I guess.

I've been talking to my brother about the whole school situation and about our mom (we have different dads) so he's going to talk to her and see if he can get her to do this my way since he actually agrees with me. And I ***might*** hopefully move in with him when and if he moves. So yay for that. :D

Today im in the weirdest mood. i just feel like CRYING...crying extremely. i have no idea why though...my life is so close to perfect it's almost dreamlike lately. but i just want to lay in bed, cry, watch sad movies and eat ice cream. its so weird....i wish it'd go away. because Eric is thinking he's making me unhappy and thats not true at all! i just dont think im used to being so happy..lol.. i dunno. its weird as hell, but i'd like it to stop very much.

i had therapy today, but i didnt talk to her about it because my new therapist gives too much advice. i just like to talk, not be lectured to. meh. but i told her about Eric. classic adult answer..i shouldnt meet him. i told her i already did. lol. she said i should only be in public places with him for a few hrs here and there. i didnt dare tell her i stayed the night as his house the 1st time meeting him..lol. that'd be well....stupid. she'd tell my gma because that is a "danger to my safety". so yeah.

As we speak, my dear Eric is cussing out Logan. because last night logan and my best friend were talking on AIM, and apparently he felt the need to share some VERY personal/inappropriate secrets about me. he only did this as revenge because i rejected him when he asked if i'd hang out with him yesterday. so Eric is now letting go on Logan..lol.

the rest of my day was good too. saw my mommy after school today. Meadow and my step dad were theretoo. Meadow smiles whenever she looks at me...its so cute ^.^ and she was sucking on my fingers and what not. and i held her bottle while she was eating today. hehe. i felt like a mommy that is lucky and didnt have to change a pooey diaper lmao.
and i told my mom all about Eric =] and whats cool is just today she told me that she is moving again to some town 2 hrs away. well, 2 hrs away is Eric, so just wondering i said "is that anywhere near Perris?" [eric lives in that town] and she says it is just 20 minutes away. so YES!!! she said that if i ever wanna spend a weekend up there and be with Eric that i am more then welcome^.^ she says we can have a bbq and all chill out and i can invite him to join. i thought it was sweet =]

shes the only person i told the truth about this weekend to. i told her straight up that gma thinks im going to work and a sleepover this weekend, but im really going to stay up at eric's this weekend. i dunno..i cant lie to my mom at all. shes the ONLY person i told that to besides my p+q family..i havent even told my FRIENDS! so yeah. shes really supportive. YAY

Well, I'm going back to the doctor today for a check up and to get the resaults from my blood tests and stuff.

Umm.. nothing really interesting has happened with me in the last few days..

OH! But yesterday my ex did text me out of nowhere asking why I started cutting again. (I know, I know. Shame on me. But its been the first time in 6 or 7 months.) But anyway he made me call him. I guess my bf told him about it. (they are really good friends).

So I was really shocked to find out that he was really upset and still really cares about me. So I don't know. AND he's going off into the army in a year and a half. We always fought about that when we were together. But I guess when we broke up he went and signed up or something.

Oh and my mom is STILL driving me insane. Yesterday I went and hung out with my sis-in-law.. well soon to be ex, at her new apt just to get away from my mom. I had fun until my mom started calling to keep tabs on me.

But yeah... that's pretty much the extent of my news.

Um, my friend is considering suicide, so i told the councelors, and now im pretty sure, hes gong to hate me for life.
but people have stopped stereotyping me as emo..
and my mum is currently moving in with her boyfriend.
oh and my period is totally messed and just made my whole day seem worse. but im pretty sure you dont care about that part..
oh yeah, and i got a 75% on my first math quiz of the whole year, which is lower than my parents's excpectations, so im worried of what they'll say.

Super tired..the drama between Eric and Logan went on til 1am, and i didnt wanna g2 bed til it was over..

Eric was really nice..lol. yes, he was threatening logan, but it was for ME. no one has ever stood up for me and faught for me. he said "Im more of a lover then a fighter but i will fight for what i love." ^.^ that made me grin.

so yeah...i got like..5 hrs of sleep last night. so im waaaay tired. but saturday i see my dearest Eric. i cant wait.

OH! and today Logan came to my school..i bet he did it on purpose..coming the day after a fight.lol. and he ignored me completely, which i was fine w/ completely. besides, why would i like Logan when i have someone as perfect as Eric? lol. so logan stayed until he saw that him ignoring me did absolutely nothing to me. and he kinda..left. like..ran out. lol. it was weird.

but whatever...i dont want logan to hate me again..i just wanted him to leave me alone and stop asking me out/telling my friends personal things about me.

Well, got back from Eric's an Hr ago. last night he finally asked me out ^.^ i am so happyyyy..lol. took him long enough, sheesh.

so yeah, we just cuddled and watched movies and what not. and then later on today after lunch we went to an arcade, and i totally kicked his butt on this one game..lol. =p

so last time we watched 7 movies, this time 9..lol. =] and i met his mom this time [yeah..i was @ his house last time but i never met any of his family except i caught a glance @ his grandpa..lol]. and his little bro..i think hes 4..came up and hugged me, it was so cute ^.^

Today i had to come home before 2nd choir because my throat hurts like no other. and so yeah.

we had a motivational speaker @ school today. he is a guy that has no arms or legs. he was really funny. and im not saying he was funny because he looked funny, cuz he was cute [lol. im weird]. but he was funny like...humorus. lol. and he said that he loved every girl in the room and that we were all beautiful =D yay..lol. then some stupid freshman turned around and was telling his friends they were gorgeous..lol. then he looks at me and says "you're gorgeous too" X.X no thank you. lol. im taken by a non-freshman..lol.

anyway, so i came home after that and then gma started sounding like she was dying again [has happened 4 times since i got back last night'. so i told her i wasnt going to let her just wait for it to pass this time, so i took her to the hospital. they did nothing about it. so we came home and here i am.

i have work @ 6 though. eww. sucks since i can hardly talk..lol meh =[

Well today is my BIRTHDAY!! YAY!! But I am stuck at work until 5pm!! Sucks!!
But oh well!!
I dont know what awaits me at home!!

I turned 20!!
Next year I will be 21!! Yay!!
and thank you!!

Today I came to work and Adrian the guy that i am crushing on were txting each other and is going to my birthday party that my friend is throwing for me! I am really glad that he is going!!
I cant wait!!

Oh ok..skip me..thats cool..=[

still sick as heck. but slowly getting better.
seeing eric not this weekend, but the next one
and hopefully i'm going to be allowed to go w/ him on november, because that would be amazing to spend a full 3 days with him rather then like..1.5. =D

but yeah.

I have just started my day today, so nothing except killing a loud, annoying cricket, drinking a cup of coffee, and reading my Bible has happened to me today. I will be mowing my church's lawn and tudoring PS kids tonight though.

I feel your pain. I absolutely HATE crickets. I swear, there is like a SWARM of them living in the downstairs bathroom. (Okay, really, there's probably only like, one or two in there but it sounds like more. :D) It's so annoying. At night they chirp, chirp, chirp and you can hear it from anywhere you are in the downstairs. And they hide so you can't kill them! Sneaky little devils. ><

Yeah, im seeing him this month, but i mean november i'll see him more.

im so nervous, but he told me to ask him to dances and stuff @ my school, and homecoming is nov 1 but im so nervous to ask! lol.

yeah, im seeing him not this weekend but the next one i hope..and hes getting a car [FINALLY] this weekend he thinks, then he says he needs to find another job, and then we can see each other more often. =D

edit:

well, i just asked him to homecoming, and he said yes. lol. =] im so excited now. except i'veonly had a date for a dance one time, and that was logan when i was a sophmore. and well, he broke up with me the next day..so im scared...=/
but its good thatwe're going to a dance, because the next weekend is that marine corp ball im going to w/ him. so it'll give us a practice dance =p

and then all my friends will meet him! OMG!!! ahhh i didnt even think of that! haha =p

I am out for blood. Like a week or so ago I broke up with my boyfriend (who was my best friend) because I thought we were just better off friends. (Its more complicated than that, but that's the easiest way for me to explain it.)

Well.. my ex before him, has been texting me and everything and I thought I didn't have feelings for him anymore. But like, talking to him and hanging out has resurfaced those feelings. And I found out that he wants to get back together with me as well.

We had been TALKING, enphasis on the word talking, about getting back together, but we weren't going to do anything until my recent ex was totally over me since he's really upset about it and can't seem to grasp WHY I broke up with him in the first place.

So I was talking to my "best friend" about all of this, or at least I think I did, or she guessed, I'm not really sure because I can't remember. But anyway, the other night she texted my recent ex up and told him that he was just a rebound thing and that me and my other ex were going to get back together.

And apparently some friends of both of my ex's (which they just happen to be friends as well) has been texting my most recent ex up and saying the same thing.

You do not know how utterly and totally pissed off I am right now. I mean, how could my "best friend" backstab me like that? And who's business is it to be telling him that when we were just TALKING about it and it wasn't going to be a for sure thing and if it was then WE should be the ones telling him. NOT EVERYONE ELSE!

So I'm probably going to lose ANOTHER one of my best friends. Since my ex is my BEST FRIEND. I told him EVERYTHING. Even the smallest most insignificant detail.

So I don't know what to do, but I'm about ready to go around shooting people. >.<

Yesterday i got raped. no, not by Eric. no. by my Ex, Jimmy. Last night i told Eric after i took a shower, he's so hurt. so so so hurt...I am less hurt then he is, and i'm very hurt. i think i was sadder telling him then i was when it was happening...=[

but now he believes me that i was raped and didnt just cheat...and hes becomming more supportive. when i first told him he was very much not believing me and he kept asking if i was lying to him and that if he found out i AM lying, he will not stay with him....sounds insensitive..but hes right. and im not lying...

but yeah, eric said something really nice earlier.."i dont blame you at all. you went through it...and its wrong that i question you. You mean the world to me and always will" =D

thats basically the only time i smiled today...

Aw. I'm so sorry. ):

It's ok...i'm not as torn up about being raped as i was that eric was hurt. but, i mean, we're a lot better now. yeah, he doesnt really trust me..but it's still fresh, i'm hoping with time the wounds will heal...dont worry about me though, i'm doing well thanks to eric. he's very supportive. hes the only person that knows besides a ton of p+q people. the only things that i've disliked since i was raped was like..if im not busy in class, like..a replay will start in my head. and then i feel like crying. but as long as im busy for the most part, im ok. =]

i think im taking the whole situation a lot lighter then most rape victims just 'cause i still have feelings for him of course. i dont want to date him, but he was my first everything pretty much...but i told him no clear as day, so what he did was wrong...mehhhh

Wow. I'd say you are taking it alot lighter. I can't imagine what would happen if I ever went through that. You are a lot stronger than I.

It's good that Eric is supportive. That must help some too. I've never went through that, so I can't really give you advice or anything. :/

But regardless of if you still have feelings for the rapist (sp?) you should still report him. What if he were to rape someone else? What if it was someone close to you?

I know, I know, what ifs are bad and there are a million of them, but do you get where I'm going with this..?

I know...i just REALLY dont want to get him in trouble. and of course he feels bad now..i really dont think he going to do it again in all honesty...

but today was a busy day. went to school and rose my hand for the first time all year -gasp- lol. that happens about 4x a year, where i ACTUALLY participate in class.lol. =p

then after school i went to the store and got some snacks cuz i wasnt hungry for food food, just wanted some chips. then i came home and talked w/ eric.

then i took a nap for an hr before i had to go to the dermatologist. that was great fun [not.] then we went out to dinner then i had to rush my butt off to work and was almost late..lol. =p

then i came home and now im repainting my nails cuz im spending the weekend with my dearest eric. =] YAY

No worries, i'm peachy. have my moments when i'm not of course, like again today i had another flashback thing..that sucked..but other then those from time to time, i'm doing surpisingly well. maybe i'm just stronger then i thought....i dont know....glad to be with eric tomorrow though so i can have some loving arms around me...not arms forcing themselves upon me...-shrug-

Well today i woke up got some drama stightened out with my cousin and her man! then got on here and just forgot about it!

He better not do it again, or I will beat some sense to him as well.

And no problem Zeenat, I'm here to help. xD

Well... Umm... OH! Last night I went to the football game. (We were playing our rivals, which I love that town. Hah.) First game I went to all year and saw everyone since I dropped out.

Yeah.. they KILLED us. It was... like... 40-something to 0. Apparently a lot of our players got hurt as well.

Anyway, the girl I absolutely LOATH was at the game. She had the nerve to start mouthing off to me as well. I wish I would have just hit her. I really do. But then again, if I did, one of her... um... bigger... friends would have jumped in and yeah... It wouldn't have been good. All in all it was a pretty good night.

Oh and a few days ago I cut and dyed my hair. I absolutely LOVE it. xD

Oh and me and my mom have decided what I'm going to do about me being out of school. I'm going to get my GED up at the community collage thing that's in town and afterwards I'm going to start classes there. And then later on, if I can, I want to transfer to MSU.

So yay. I'm glad there's a plan. I hate not having a plan. (:

Well I'm bored... nothing to do... listening to ICP-Rainbows and Stuff at the moment.. Blah.

Im going to go dress shoping for my very first dance (homecomming) i dont really like dances and im not really girly but since my bf asked i decided that i would go and i find myself getting more excited about it its really weird...but yah im excited we're going to beable to go on our first real dinner date so im happy about that too...

Well, had an amazing weekend with my dearest eric <3. got there at 11ish saturday morning and hung out at his house until 1. then we went over to arby's and got some lunch [yum i've been craving arby's so that was amazing..lol], and then went over to Hollywood video and got 5 movies for later. Then we went to the movies and saw Eagle Eye, Pineapple Express, and Lakeview Terrance. they were all really good. i was so glad to go to the movies again, i havent since last november!!! lol.

so then by the time we'd finished w/ all the movies we were starving again and it was 9:30 pm and so we got some carls junior and went home [yes, i call his house home now..lol. i told him that =p] and watched some movies and ate. then we cuddled up -blush- and while we were watching I am Legend we both fell asleep..lol. so we both reawoke and we turned off themovie and while he was in the other room i fell back asleep and when he came back and i woke up again i was so confused. lol. i guess i was still in a dream kinda when he came back and i was like "what took you so long its been like hours?!?!" and he was like.."i was gone 10 minutes...." lol. my bad. =p

so then we went back to sleep. and by now it was like..3:30am..lol. so we woke up at like 8 for about 5 minutes til we fell back asleep. then we rewoke at 9:30ish. and he fell back asleep and i just watched him..lol. he snores so its really funny to watch him =p and he randomly was all like "awwww" while he was asleep..haha.

so then we watched the rest the rest of i am legend and then a couple other movies. and by then it was time to go. =[ so i packed up all my stuff and left.

and when i got home @ 8 i was exhausted and too sleepy to talk to grandma...my MISTAKE. so i fell asleep at like 8:30 last night and woke up for school this morning. and when i got home from school gma said she knows im lying, and she assumed i was @ Eric's and not at a friends house like i said. so i came clean to save myself some. and so now i cant go up and see him anymore until she's met him and decided she likes him =[ and we have no idea when he'll be able to come up here..so it SUCKS. =[

Hope u have a good holiday ^.^

anyway, today wasnt too exciting. had no school though, that was nice...lol. so wokeup at like 12:30, and then talked to eric for a whole 8 minutes before he went to eat lunch and didnt bother to come back til 3:30, which was when i had to leave for therapy..lol. so we texted and stuff. then i got home and talked to him on the pc, then left for work. it was busy as HECK!!! lol. it was awful...=[ but then when i got home eric helped me w/ my homework and we talked more about homecoming because i wanted to make sure he wanted to go and stuff. so yeah...=] he says he wants to come here soon but he thinks it'll be a while which sucks =[ cuz the marines arent paying him much right now, so he has to get another job too..cuz he has to pay for car insurance and stuff..so yeah, it sucks =[i miss him..lol...-sigh- long distant relationships kinda suck. lol. yesterday he asked me to just live with him. and i was like..uhm. wow. ur parents would appreciate that..haha. that'd be funny..

so now hes eating dinner and then hes gonna call me and we'll have our nightly routine of goodnights which started when i first met him because i was having nightmares every night..lol. ooh hes calling ^.^..anyway.

him: so, have any nightmares?
me: no...
him: good good
me: yep..lol
him: well, sweet dreams
me: thank you
him: no bad dreams -pause- only good dreams
me: okay
him: and -MUAH-
me: muah
him: night
me: night
him: bye
me: bye

I was watering the plants earlier. Decided to spray myself with the hose for fun, then when I finished ran over to the pool and jumped in. Fully clothed. Ever feel like doing something stupid?

Blah.. The last few days have been so hectic...
I don't even know where to start.

A few nights ago my mom and I was going to Wal-Mart (and its in the next town over, where all my friends are). But anyway, we're off to Wal-Mart and she goes and tells my dad what we're doing. Going to get some food and what not.

Well, I just happened to be standing in the hall and heard him say, "She better stop eating cuz she's put on a few pounds." Honest to God, that's what he said.

Sure, he's said other things to me like, "I'm such a selfish brat, the world doesn't revolve around you, grow up... blah blah blah." But that was a few years ago when we were in our home town visiting and I didn't want to leave so I was outside crying. And thats when he said all that junk to me.

But anyway, I stomp up the stairs and go into my room and take off my shoes, willing myself not to cry. But before I could fall to pieces or whatever, my mom comes in and says "not to listen to him blah blah blah. Put your shoes on and lets just go."

So finally I do, and we leave and before going to Wal-Mart, I asked if we could stop at my ex-boyfriends house (who is also my best friend). We do and when I walk in, his band is having a practice.

But immedately when he sees me he asks what's wrong and drags me to the backyard. (I swear, that boy knows me way too well sometimes.)

Anyway, we start talking and I tell him what my dad said and he cheers me up. But all the while, we're holding hands or he has his arms around me and I really don't think anything of it.

So later that night after I leave, he texts me wanting to get back together. Relunctly, I said yes. I say that because, I care about him and everything and he's the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I just don't feel that spark like there was when we were first going out. And I just couldn't find a way to say no to him. I hurt him so bad the last time I broke up with him and I don't know.. I just couldn't do it again I guess.

Okay... well that's the first part of my ginormously huge headache. The second part is that yesterday (the day after me and my boyfriend got back together) my aunt comes over and is talking to me about being out of school and stuff.

Well, later on, she calls and asks me to come live with her and go to school in the town she lives in. (Her town isn't very far away from where I live, but there's quite a bit of distance from there to where my boyfriend lives.)

I've always loved my aunt and uncle. We've just had a special connection or whatever and I've pretty much always wanted to go live with her. And it would be the chance to get out of my house and away from my douche-bag of a father.

But on the other hand, I'm horribly shy. I hate meeting new people. I'm talking, melt down into a panic attack, shy. And since I lost my credits from last year and this semester, I don't want to be behind from my class. (And that school doesn't have a credit recovery thing there either.)

And there's also the issue of my friends and boyfriend from Grove. I'd barely get to see them and I don't want to lose contact with any of them.

My boyfriend and our friends are wanting me to go to school in Grove with them since that school has a credit recovery program. But the issue with that is getting up there every morning. I don't have my license and my parents both work in the morning. Plus the money for gas, it would be outrageous.

They were talking about me staying with my boyfriend's sister since she only lives 3 houses down from the school, but my parents are way overprotective and I don't think they would let me stay with her.

Blah. I just don't know what to do. Oh and there's still the option of me getting my GED, but my parents want to use that as a last resort kind of thing. I just don't want to disappoint anyone, but also I want to do what I want to do at the same time. (Which is go to Grove and get my credits back.)

So I'm stuck. Sorry for this being so long.. I just needed to write and vent and get this stuff off my chest a bit.

Lol, yeah, that is a big step. i wouldnt do that until i graduate if even then..lol. even though i'd LOVE to move up there because my mom is there and that'd be amazing, i dont know if i could live w/ someone all the time that i hardly know =p.

anyway, im in a bad mood today. i think just cuz im hormonal cuz its my special time, but EVERYONE is pissing me off today except eric. he's somehow keeping me sane..haha. =p

and today theres a spider in my room..i dunno where it is now because when i saw it i ran away crying and screaming, but its here..somewhere...=[

eric is making fun of me cuz im making such a big deal about a spider..lmao. whatever...

Edit:

well, i'm in a much better mood all around now. except Eric and i had our good night convo very early today (its 8:45 now), so now i have no reason to be online cuz hes asleep..so i guess the rest of my day will be boring/lonely

Today has been lonely thus far....havent talked to eric at all since last night before he went to bed =[. in fact, no one (except you) has IMed me STILL! and no one at all has texted me..its a lonely day...meh.

school was ok. took a test i know i did well on because it was open book...and now im going to work in 10 minutes, which sucks. but -shrug-
and i have to give my manager the note i wrote her w/ all the days i need off.

im really hoping that Eric DOES come next weekend, cuz i asked for it off just in case,
and i know that i wont be able to get next weekend off too..so he better get his butt down here....=[

anyway..i guess ill update later if anyone decides to talk to me EVER...

Sighzz,,my school activities really driving me crazy,
i dun even know where to start,,i cant even think well,

Thanks Zeenat. (:

I'll wait to actually post something until you start a new thread or whatever.