All Cutting/Self-harm issues use this thread only - #16

It feels good to cut again.
i know it's been 5 months, but it felt like a lifetime.

i cut my exboyfriend's initials into the inside of my right ankle, and it's kinda faded, but you can still see it cuz i made it into a tattoo. it's stupid, and it's been there for about a year, too. he also hurt me, but, like being any other hurt girl in this world, i can still make him pay for letting me down, instead of just confronting me. >P

"but, like being any other hurt girl in this world, i can still make him pay for letting me down"

You hurting yourself isn't making him pay, that's making you pay and that's not like any other girl who gets hurt in this world.

No, i know that hurting myself isn't going to hurt him, or make him pay. i'm just writing him a very 'strongly-worded' letter :)

Good! You should write him that letter! But Beautiful Chaos is right. I know I know that I'm a hypocrite but even I know what I'm doing is wrong... it's just really hard to stop.

I really agree with ya on that one.
it just feels so good tho... >.<

Hey. i used to come on here all the time and i'd always come in these discussion boards. This is my first time on in years honestly and it's weird being here...like hello past! haha. But anyway....i used to be a cutter. I still have scars but after like therapy for forever and all that shit...I've gotten over it and i'm a changed person. My scars now represent strength instead of pain... like.... i don't know. I feel bad for all those people going through it cuz it's weird to me that I've overcome shit and a bunch of you guys haven't but yea... i'm not gonna go into my whole schpeal... but i doubt there are meny people who were or are more screwed up than i was... i was suicidel and abused and shit... back when i was 13 was when it was super bad... now i'm seventeen and...well.. my life is completely different... i still struggle. always will.... but like.... i got a big group of friends now and am really into music and hope to be successful with that one day. Look for me baby!!! haha
but... it's just sad when i read shit about people havin no hope...wanting to end it all...wanting to give up...wanting to cut...and i know for a fact life doesn't have to be that way but theres nothing that i can say to assure people that's true. I guess i'm just saying to all you guys who wanna give up...don't cuz... i survived it.... so you can too...

i'm sure this wasn't really too modivating but... i'm not lying here.... stop being depressed and thinking theres no way out cuz there is...don't doubt that! THERE IS A WAY OUT!!!! i wanna just scream that at anyone thinking it's all gotta be over...that stress means you gotta cut that fighting means you gotta cut that fucking breathing means you gotta cut....cuz theres other ways to deal....

but yea.... i'm just randomly typing....so if you wanna contact me or whatever my email is on my page or whatever.
so by guys
:)
love yourselves!!!

I havent cut ..wow...in nine months and i feel good but bad at the same time...i feel good because i feel stronger i feel like i overcame my oh idk my hurt? the thing that i thought was the only way out? but it also hurts because believe me there are still times where i feel like cutting but what i do is pull out the blade, set it to my wrist, feel the rush or pulse of "me about to cut myself" and how i would feel, then put it away...i just put it away and listen to music, write poetry, cry, punch my pillows i mean anything to help me get out of my anger or depression...that is what helps me because i still feel like im in control...i could cut myself at anytime but i have enough control that i also can stop myself from cutting and that feels the best to me...when i no that i have enough control that i won't cut myself even with the blade touching my skin, i feel like i am in control...but thats just my input if you would like to reply that would b great!
Best wishes to ya!

^^ I do the same things. I havent cut in 5 months, and now things just went downhill again and i can just put the blade to my skin and then realize i dont want it again. I dont want that need again. So i put it away, and I always end up writing or drawing, with music in the background. I would hate to have the need to cut again.

I havent cut in at least 2 months (im not sure how long, thats jus a guess) and sometimes I have urges but Ive learned to deal and push them away. But now I feel empty, not like i felt when i wanted to die but i dont really care about anything. im extremely apathetic and i dont feel like talking to any of my friends anymore. i dont feel like doing anything and i dont really feel emotion lately. could it have to do with me not cutting anymore?

Cutting does not make us care about things, so I would have to think that no, not cutting does not take away our emotions. Obviously there are bigger things at work in your life. Kudos to all 3 of you for not cutting in a while! It is a hard road sometimes, but well worth it.

Thanks and yah i agree with beautiful chaos cutting doesnt really change your emotions but it might give you a new way of looking at life something where you have control and when you decide to give up that control to try and have a better life you may feel empty but i promise it will get better and you will feel good about your desicion

I think I have figured out why Ive been feeling so shitty lately, and it worries me. I have all the symptoms of Anemia. And it says tht you can get it from lots of blood loss...and i havent felt like this since I started cutting

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/understanding-anemia-basics

But i cant tell my mom to take me to the doctor because theyll take a blood test to find out if thats wht i really have and theyll find my scars tht havent fully healed yet. Im so scared, and im sick of feeling nauseaous all the time and having no energy, but i dont DONT want them to find out.

Beautiful Chaos:

When I still cut (stopped like 15 months ago.. still struggling big time some times though, but that's another thing lol) I didn't have emotions anymore. At first I felt everything in the extreme ways but later on I just had no emotions left, couldn't be excited no more and I couldn't even cry (I mean... I'm a girl and I cry easily... lol) I just felt bad all the time.

Cutting is a symptom of something in our life our emotional make up, it is not the cause, was my point. We cut because of something, events in our past or present, mental and emotional problems. Cutting is like being an addict, you need the high, the release, the escape, to feel like you are controlling something. I have extreme emotional highs and lows as well, though I have learned to control it in a healthy way now days.

Yeah well the emotions are the reason of me cutting myself actually, because it was a relieve, the extreme emotions just went out of my body as I opened up my skin.

Do you still cut or have you stopped?

How do you people cope with urges? I can't really deal with them and I need to like really do the best I can to stay away from the tools

In the last 5 years I have maybe slipped 3 times, but for the most part I have myself in check. I have learned when I need to cut myself off and breathe. I dive into writing or music or meditation and therapy helped a lot because I had a great doc more concerned with helping me than medicating me.

Owwe your feet? well i with ya when i would cut i only had me and my best friend and that was it i couldn't tell anyone and then my parents figured it out...if i were you i would just wear tennis shoes and if you swim just go get some swimming shoes...i no they dont look good at all but it's worth a try...

I never cut on my arms cuz I figured people would figure it out way to easy. I always cut on my legs. I wear jeans alot in the summer anyways, but I'm gonna be screwed when I go swimming. I used to just cut on my thigh so even shorts would cover it up, but the past couple months I've cut on my shins. There's not too many bad scars but def noticable.

This thread is done. No new posts here please, a new thread has been started.