This feeling called love...

I have this question bothering me all the time when I think of love's meaning. I adore how beautiful it really is and have always seen a proper reason for it being present in my life.

Yet whenever I dwell into thinking of having a long term relationship I take notice to all of the negatives that are brought on by hate, and because of this I've never bothered enduring any relationship that surpasses friendship. I've always feared the result of the negatives because I view them as inevitable. I've seen the result of what becomes of them, the heartache and sorrow. I've dared to feel the apathy from their remains...

My real question is that do you think it is wrong or indifferent to not become deeply present with love? To only appear to others as an acquaintance or a friend and nothing more? I believe to stand by it. I wish to stay caring to others equally... without the sporadic obscenities that often can be created from love itself...

It's easy to say that now, and perhaps you do go out of your way to avoid getting involved in a long term relationship. Honestly though, I guarantee that someday someone is going to sneak up on you, and you'll be willing to take risks all of a sudden. As long as the relationship is healthy, then the positives far outweigh the negatives.

I wish at this point I could believe it to be true. It's strange really, I don't know what it is that I had come over me. I allowed myself to think the things I did for so long that I believe I've dreaded myself into a cursed state. I've felt what it's like to have a crush, and thought for a time I understood love, but I didn't. Perhaps I never will... I am not so sure of that truth.

Even when you know love you will never understand it 100%. Some over think it, some under think it and some of us just bask in the moment and accept it might not be forever, enjoying it while we have it.