Just gotta get out...

I'm sorry for this post i just needed to get this out.

I'm so tired of guys and their... i want to be with you. i cant live without you. your so much fun to hang out with.... oh p.s. wanna have sex.

after my ex broke up with me in February, i figured by may... when my best friend died, i didn't want to be with him because of some of the stuff he does. He doesn't drink or smoke... but one night he tied me up and ripped off my lower clothes. he scared me so much and i wasn't sure what to do. but even after all that happened. these past two or three days, I've missed him more than anything. i feel so alone, and so not myself. I've gotten lonely and scared that I'm never going to find anyone.

why am i not good enough, what am i doing wrong.... is it me? i just need something.. i need my best friend back.. i need her. =[

The problem isn't what's wrong with you, it is what's wrong with the people you let in your life, why do you feel like you deserve less than you desire? I lost a friend in high school, it has been 15 years and I still miss her. You need to look inside yourself for what you need, what do you want to do with your life, what kind of people are you going to allow yourself to be drawn to, your last bf sounds like a scary guy, so time to re-evaluate just what it is you are looking for.

Well that is one thing i dont want right now... sex. i dont want to do it at all. not even think about it. and he says he doesnt want it either... which is why i was so confused about all that crap that he did. so i decided that i am going to tell my dad's friend who is a judge about this whole thing that happened. but just to see what the outcome is going to be.... what do you think.. is it a good idea?