Lonely Romeo's Begining-Intermediate Poet Critiques.

~~~~Praises Are Appreciated =))))))~~~~

I will critique ONE of your poems. If you believe your poetry is of an advanced literature you may request one too, but don't expect an indepth comment xD

There will be no nice, "I love this poem..." "This is fab-o-lous!!!" "239874/5" ....

I may get harsh, i may be in an unbelievable awe of your poetry. My comments will focus on, Grammer, Spelling, Rhythm, Form, and all around visual appeal of the poem itself =)

So-so written I would say. Youre vocabulary is quite astounding compared to various other poets I've read. Although when you try to mix too many advanced words, you mess with the natural flow of a poem when you read it. We read poetry to enjoy a mental image, it makes it much easier when we don't have to confer to ourselves what rhythm we need to take.

My heart travels deeper than the spellbinding eyes-
tyranny of newfound catastrophes casts injustice;
I fell in love with this crisis- it has such beautiful irises,
so, feel it with me- let your thoughts race.

This is a very advanced peice of writing, but the beat is thrown off a little going into the 3rd line. "It has such beautiful irises" , kind of a line I would try to manipulate to fit better. The vision is perfect, the way it is worded, can be rewritten to fit better.

Your next 2 stanzas are pretty much the same in comparism. Not because of their material, but in the style that they are written. Which is why it is almost unappealing to the eye. Naturally when you read a longer stanza you take your time and the beats are almost longer, but when the stanzas are 4-6 words a line, then you expect the beat to be almost "stacodo-like" and quick.

The reason this is bad, is because you get into this slowgoing feeling but then you have to pick it up to read the next couple of lines. Either adjust the stanza above into 2 smaller ones like the 2 & 3rd, (which i would recommend), or adjust the last 2 to fit a longer slowgoing feel. Which would be a little harder to still exhibit the same emotion inside the writing itself.

The actual content of the last 2 stanzas go well together, and the repitition of the "feel it with me" line makes the end as powerful as it should be.

Overall
VOCAB = ./5
RHYTHM = ./5
RHYME = ./5
FORM = ./5
GRAMMER/SPELLING = ./5 This is not a school teacher grading, its merely just making sure that nothing is horribly messed up in the poem, and that I cant stand to read on without something bugging me consistently.

Final Vote = ./5

There are a lot of complaints about people just giving out non-stop fives... if you have a poem you LOVE and it has its 5.0 rating out of 23 votes, and i believe it deserves a 3-4, I won't hold back. So if you want that perfect rating and a bunch of comments sucking up to you, dont request one from me.

I am going to guesstimate that there will be quite a few requests, so please allow me to take my time.

Please try to keep it to One per Person. If you want to r/r/c one of mine back, then please youre more than welcome =) but try to keep it as constructive as you can =)

POST LINKS PLEASE. =)

Http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/sad/poems.php?id=1076705

thanks in advance :)

"The Raging Wind", please?

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/sad/poems.php?id=1076122

Thanks.
:]

Http://www.best-love-poems.com/poems.php?id=1058238

It's Best to Just Pretend...

you may have to read it twice to find the rhythm.

thank you very much

Http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/sad/poems.php?id=1077839

you've been brutally honest in the past, i hope you remain constant. =D

Http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/life/poems.php?id=1077481

thanks.
ahead of time
i'm sure i can take a ctitical analysis

Http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/dark/poems.php?id=1077803