Long rant....a best friend who become my bf, only to crush my he

I had this best friend who i had also liekd alot for around a year nd yeai never dreamed that he would ever like me back, or consider me as a gf

but then like a bit over a month ago we were at a party nd i told him i liked him nd he said he liked me as well but he wasnt sure if things would be awkward...but yea he asked me out nd at first it did seem weird, since we were so used to being just best friends but after a few days we had gotten comfortable, and over the next few weeks i just got happier nd happier being with him...it was everything i had ever wanted

he would message me early in the morning, late at nite nd all through the day just to randomly tell me he loved me, and he would come to see me just cause he missed me...nd once when i said dat i was being annoying he said
"no, i luv talking to you, it makes me forget how much i miss you"

he was more into our relationship than i was...he talked about going away with me at the end of the year...nd everything was going so well.

he told me he loved me, nd i gave him my virginity
i really believed that we were going to last, and all i wanted was to be close to him...just lying in his arms i felt happier than i had in years...

then one day he went cold, i tried to hug him but he was so stiff, i asked him wat was wrong nd he said nothing then he would walk away...i asked one of my friends if she knew anything nd she said he was fine...but i could tell something was wrong

over the weekend i tried to talk to him, i messaged him nd he wouldnt reply, eventually he replied nd wen i asked if he was ok if nething was wrong he said he was fine...on the monday after that weekend things were still weird

nd it was crushing me, i just wanted him to kiss me nd be happy again

i asked my friend again if he was ok, nd she said that i needed to talk to him

we broke up...he said he had made a mistake....that he thought he had loved me more than a friend, but in the past few days he had realised he only ever felt love for me as a friend...

and now, i see him everyday at skewl, and he acts like were best friends again, like nothing had ever happend, like he didnt crush my heart

I still dont understand wat happened, wat went wrong, i dont understand how he could have told me he loved me and acted the way he did, then realise he never felt anything more than love for a friend

and it makes it so much worse to think that someone i regarded as my best friend could do something so cruel and hurtful to me

Hes gotton on with life, and i want to do the same, but i still love him, and it sucks cause to him i dnt mean anything...

Whenever i see him, i just want to hug him nd kiss him, i want to lie in his arms again, or just muck around being stupid....
the pain doesnt seem to stop
i want to be friends with him like we were before, but wenever im around him i just feel so hurt, but then if im not around him i hurt just as much....

i want to tell him how i feel, but i dnt want to upset him cause i love him so much that wen hes sad...so am i

It feels like the hurt will never go away, like im always going to be wondering wat went wrong, nd i'll always want him back
nd sometimes i just feel so shit that i wonder is it all worth it

no one has ever hurt me as much as he did
and yet i still love him with all my heart...

=[

I know waht it is like to be hurt and still love the one who did it. It is very hard. And the pain will eventually go away. It just takes time. Some longer than others.

Maybe he did think he really loved you. Maybe he didn't know what he was doing at all. But you should talk to him. Because if he is your best freind, he will know, you are not sying it to hurt or upset him. You are telling him because you care and this pain you are holding inside can cause a void that could grown and soon you may not be friends any longer. He will know you are being honest for both of your sake.

Well lets be optimistic and say maybe he just realized he didn't like you that way, but from the bystanders viewpoint you were going out maybe a month and you gave it up. You saved it for that long and it didn't even take a month to sweet talk you out of it and leave you, in a cold way. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and your heart to him, if it hurts him, that's on him, you're just being honest and getting out what you need to get out. Just don't be a doormat and be a little more careful in these decisions. Time will lessen the hurt, but it won't necessarily make you wiser, grow from your pain.

^Ok, with most of that, I agree. But it almost sounds like you are insinuating that there was something she could have done to keep him from leaving. With all do respect of course.

There was nothing you could have done. He made his decision and there was nothing you could do about it. I say tell him how you feel, sure. But then be done. He isn't worth your time. Bit I agree with ^ You can't be a doormat. You need to tell him that what he did hurt and that it's NOT ok that hes just going to be best friends with you and forget everything.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk more about it.

<3 Loni

I know how much pain you are going through...
I am really sorry...
If he is the best friend that you say he is.... he will understand you and talk to you..
It is kind of difficult to keep things the same after you guys shared so much...
Just talk to him....and I hope things get better with you because I can just imagine how much pain you are going through....
Keep your head up and smile...
If you need anything just PM me....
-Jazz

"it almost sounds like you are insinuating that there was something she could have done to keep him from leaving"

Nope wasn't insinuating that at all. Self respect was my point.

Thanx for all the support guys...it helps to know that people are there to listen to me, soz to complain haha
yea just sometimes i feel like i cant even tell my closest friends how bad i feel, so its gud to know that other people will listen to me and help me
if that makes sense

any way i luv u all and thank you
xxx