Random death of my friends

It seems all those I care about, my family members and more appearly my friends, have left. My father by divorce, my brother with just him going to college which isn't so bad but then there's my closest friends. 3 of my closest friends have died on 3 separate occations. One tried heroin once and.. that was it for him. If only I were there. The other from a car crash. I should've been in that same car too but I decided to ride with my brother instead and.. my friend died in a car collision. Her big sister lived through it but my friend didn't. The furtherest one away was 2 yrs ago but had the greatest effect. We were walking to a chistmas party that we were invited to and then this car came screaching towards us. It hit the brakes and I saw a man with a gun give off one shot, and murdered my best friend in front of my very eyes. It drove off and was gone just as qucikly as it came. It could've just as easily been me that had no more life ...it should've been me. I've never been able to recover from that night and I might not ever do so. I held her in my arms and just cried. I didn't know what to do. I just cried and yelled out for someone to help, somebody help! She lay dead in my arms and I caught a sudden realization and ran toward the both with a phone and dialed 911. Ambulance and police showed up...they never caught the one who killed my friend. and just like that, just in a spilt second..she was gone. I never got consuling and I don't really talk about it. Does anyone know..how best I can deal with this?

aww omg poor u . mabe u shud get consuling. or try try tlkin it through wif sum1 b4 u go or even tlk yaself!!! im soz im not much help but im here at vimto@veggie.eclipse.co.uk if ya wana tlk emialor msn . luv lidxxXxx

Wanna email me? I dont want to discuss this in forum it seems pretty personal if not...your in my prayers