Death Threats

How do you handle them? I am not going to deny that I was in the wrong by sleeping with him and then turning around and turning his girl out to the gay lifestyle. Since then though, I have been "kicking" it with HER for the last 5 months. About a month ago I started seeing another female. It didnt take anything away from how I felt about her, but I am just not the type to sit on anyone's backburner.
Well tonight HE called me and said that he would see me in the grave no mater what it took. So how do you handle that? Yes, I know that you can call the police and make a report, but the reality is, in situations like this (domestic violence), subjugatges tend to be ignored, or they wait for something to actually happen before they do anything.

^^I agree Amanda

When you put yourself in these situations, try thinking of consequences ahead of time, but also your children. Whatever happens to you or in your life affects them.

Is this a personal moral trial of sorts, or a help thread..obviously rebecca is old enough and wise enough to realize the corner she's backed herself into, and in my opinion only, i'm thinkin' that's why she posted this, not to be judged for her behavior, which if you took a poll of everyone on this site, i'm quite sure that she's not the only one who has gotten caught up in an awkward situation, MYSELF included (waving hand back and forth), emotion, passion, sex, and whathaveyou...can make people do strange things, i've talked with rebecca previously, and to insinuate that she isn't thinking about her son is just cruel..parent's do have lives too, and as far as the threat goes, my suggestion is to be very, very careful and aware of what is going on around you, be a little suspicious (not pararnoid), this guy might just be blowing smoke up your...lock your doors, check 'em twice, watch your back, and if it appropriate, call the other person, and see if this "threat" is actually valid, because just like passion goes one way, possible his went the other...i have been celibate for many years now, but back in my whorehoppin days, i slept with a few wives, and get a few threats myself, most of them turned out to be nothing, but a couple of them ended up being beatdowns (doesnt help that im a pacifist)...anyway, protect yourself and your son by any means necessary, and try to stay out of dangerous situations...
john

If we all thought of the consequences of our actions before we do something, then how would we make mistakes and have the ability to learn and grow from them?
The situation between Gen and I wasnt just a sex thing. It included strong emotions. I never claimed what I did was right, but sometimes people get caught up in situations and I as a human being am fallible. My son is and will always be the most important thing in my life but that doesnt mean that I shouldnt be allowed to conduct adult relationships. We all make mistakes in love and friendships. In retrospect, if I would have known how things were going to turn out, I would have made different choices. But at the time, I was too deeply involved with my feelings to see where things were heading. And by the time I did, there was no closing the barn door, so to speak.
None of this post is meant to be an excuse for my actions, just an explanation.
Yes, John, I have taken extra precautions and intend to protect myself and my son, however possible. It is hard to know whether he is just blowing hot air or not. I know that he is violent and abusive to Gen. I tend to lean more towards the possibility that he is capable of this, and hope that he isnt. Because of that, I have taken measures to protect me and mine.

Yes, alot of major things have gone on in his life, not the least of which is an absent father. I take offense to you implying that I dont take care of my son first and formost. I am the one that has been there for him from day one, through thick and thin and all the tribulations in between. I've only recently started dating again. I spent the last 10 years of my life not going out, rarely dating or getting in relationships because I was afraid of letting anyone NEAR enough to my child to have an opportunity to hurt him or cause him harm. You say you are not being judgemental, but practically every statement you make to me appears to be so. For you to imply that because of who I choose to date, is the reason my son is having "major stuff' going on, is judgmental in itself. My son is 12 years old and knows nothing about who I go out with or the types of mistakes I have made in my relationships. When I do go out, that is my time and he is with a babysitter or at a sleepover.I dont discuss my adult situations with him, anymore than I hope you wouldnt do when or if you have a child. And I also dont bring around him who I choose to date, and in his entire 12 years of life, I never have.
I mean no disrespect to you Amanda, but at times I feel that your opinions and judgements are overly harsh. People make mistakes in life, big, little, and even throwing themselves to the dogs as you say. In my opinion, when you come across this way, it appears that you set yourself so far above the rest of us that you feel you are incapable of making mistakes. Again, in my opinion, it makes you appear closeminded and unforgiving of people who fall short of being perfect.
I try to always be respectful of other members of this site, so I will continue to do so with you. I just thought that you should know that your statements hurt my feelings. You dont know how close my son and I are, or all the things we have gone through in his childhood, including the death of his sister. I hold him close and treasure every moment and everything about him.

If people don't want the whole story commented on, don't post it. When we place ourselves in these kinds of situations the odds are it isn't going to work out all butterflies and daisies. I don't really consider it an "adult" relationship, aside from the fact that it involves people who are supposed to be adults. It's not meant to be insulting, it is just fact, What touches you, touches those who are close to you.

Amanda, you said...
" I'm not trying to be judgmental mark my words on that but you have to admit Rebecca you have some out there problems and I think you should be taking care of that boy first and for most since a lot of major stuff has gone in his life. A lot of his actions make sense at least to me now that you've explained this problem."

But you did say that Amanda. I am only quoting you. But with your wording...

"A lot of his actions make sense at least to me now that you've explained this problem."
Again your words.

You judged me and the situation before even coming to me and asking about all the facts. No, I didnt put my/our whole life history on this post, because that wasnt what this post was about. I came with this post, asking pretty much what alternatives were there when you are in a situation when someone is threatening violence and death to you. I didnt ask for a hanging or moral judgement on my actions, or even a critique on what you obviously feel is my lack of parenting. The KEY notes I included, had nothing to do with anything but giving a little bit of history of the situation, and why I thought it was so volitile. The fact that I mentioned that I started seeing someone else, was just to let you know that I had already recognized that I was in a bad place and chose to move on from it, rather than be the victim she still is today.

And in addition to that, you called the situations my son is going through "major stuff", (Or not MINOR)and "now you see why." AND you can tell that because of the posts I have made. Look back, not many of them are MAJOR ISSUES. (Or not minor) So, my son is 12 years old and started saying cuss words. That is not a major issue. There are many parents on here or even adults who remember they started experimental cussing around the same age. So, he found a knife on the way to school and wanted to impress his friends by showing them what it looked like. He's 12. How many boys are like that? Many. Which is another one of my posts that you have criticized my parenting.
That topic too was judged by you and I will quote:
"I'm not trying to be judgmental (In a way I guess I am) but isn't this the same child who accidentally burnt the house down? I may be mistaken if so I'm sorry my mistake. I understand his curiosity but I wonder if he really knew any better. Again please don't take offense as I don't mean to put it that way."
And while we are on the subject of the fire: you again judged. My son was 11 1/2 years old and had not shown any type of indications that this was an area of concern. In addition to the fact that it was the 4th of July weekend. Where they are all hyped up, and stuff happens.
The problem I see is that you are not yet experienced enough in life to automatically presume and judge other people. Many posts you respond to say that you are not judgemental (or not meaning to be) but they are. You are 22, according to your profile. I am not saying that that is too young to gain wisdom, but your portrayal of things are judgemental. Like I said in an earlier post to someone else who PM'd me about this topic: At least know me and ask me before you judge me. I realize that I could be taking exceptional offense because I came up to far in my life for someone your age to judge me in the manner you have. I have visited your profile and even 1 or 2 of your poems to see where you come from. I have not had a chance to read them all yet. We have a very similar amount of poems submitted. And because I am an adult and a lady and because I am a lover (no pun intended) not a fighter, I invite you to a challenge to get to know me. Here is my deal, Amanda. I will make a sincere effort to know you by reading your poetry. All of it. To see where you are coming from. No comments are necessary or votes, only if I feel something that I want to comment on. I only ask that you do the same.
So, shall we be ladies and handle our difference in opinions and thoughts, like the strong women we are?

"I tend to believe that no matter how strong the urge is to criticise a woman for making a mistake, one should not do so unless they themself have been in a similar situation."

In that case, been there, done that, have the t-shirt lol

"You are 22, according to your profile. I am not saying that that is too young to gain wisdom, but your portrayal of things are judgemental. Like I said in an earlier post to someone else who PM'd me about this topic: At least know me and ask me before you judge me."

Sorry for actually quoting from a post directed at Amanda, but reading your first post Rebecca, you know that every action you make would entail the consequences. You posted your story to the board, expecting not to be judgement for your own mistake, but ofcourse, you're wrong.

Wisdom comes to those with experiance, at any age, and I'm sorry Rebbeca, you're not wise, if you got yourself into this quandry.

Amanda, was ofcourse judgemental, but hey she's entitled to it.

You are human, you can make mistakes, but when you showcase a problem based on you're own mistake. You need to take the criticism with the help.

Now to the topic, I believe that this death threat is more to scare you that to actually be implemented. If you're former lover truly wanted to hurt you, he would've done it by now, with nary a word.

You need to actually apologise for the mistake that you have created. You may be a lover, but fights always arise from love. Nobody is discounting you as a person, just the person you potrayed in your own story.

Off topic: Amanda is a bit too over-zealous when it comes to handing out judgement...Lol. But she actually took the time to read your story and give her own opinion for it.

*Takes a bow* It's a date, M' Dear. :) But please, let me bring the wine. You, however may do the dishes. lol

Chardonnay okay with you?

Right.

I do have my ditzy moments, but an AIRHEAD??? Never!!! lol

I think we need another bottle of wine. These two seem to be empty. Dang dog must of slipped in and drank them while we were off reading each others poetry. Surely we didnt go through both bottles ourself! :)