Wrong or Right?

I don't know if it's wrong or right to dissown my father...he doesnt want to see or no me yet I feel wrong. He had an affair whilst with my mum and then they divorced whilst the divorce was happening i was abused. I don't know if i should keep going back to him whilst he puts me down and treats me with rubbish. Although I come away with tears I still want to fight for my right to have a father. I thought I deserved a Dad or atleast a 'friend' relationship with him...but now im not to sure if i deserve anything. you see he sent me txts saying this world would be a better place with out me...I feel some one with a higher power is punnishing me...i find out if i have cancer on my 17th my Grandpa is going to pass away soon and my brother hates me as he doesnt think im trying hard enough.

HELP!

Don't we all want 2 loving parents we can look up to and depend on? Sadly we don't always get them. You need to stop looking at it like you are doing something wrong or you are not doing enough. Your father is the one to blame in this situation. No matter what goes on in the marriage you don't take it out on the children and your children should not have to fight for your love or think they are not worthy of it. It is he who is not worthy of you my dear.

Britt:
the pain isn't worth it, but I can't help but keep going back time and time again. I think it's in hope that one day he will look at me and say 'Hi' with a smile on his face.

Beautiful Chaos:
see I get the feeling I am not worthy of his love as he can't even look at me. I have believed what he has said all my life and I guess he figured this out and is using it against me as when he told me the world would be a better place with out me, I tried to commit suicide by over dosing. My mum walked in and I was rushed to hospital where they saved my life and I hated everyone for it....but i guess my mum did it coz she loves me?

As I said it is he who does not deserve you. Instead of hating yourself, pity the man who doesn't see the love that is right in front of him. Feel bad that his own selfishness is limiting his life and come to the realization that your father's behaviour is not your fault, you cannot and will never change it, only he can do that.

I realise I can not change who he is and his behaviour etc.....but I still have the urge to go back and get 1 smile or 1 Hi...I mean is it really that much to ask for.
I want something I can hold in my heart forever if I can't have a relationship with him.

From the tone of his replies I would say that Yes, unfortunately that is probably too much to ask for. Maybe in time he will see the error of his ways, one can only hope and hopefully should that day come you still want that with him. If I were you I would stop trying, take an hour out of your life, write him a letter saying everything you want to say to him, give it to him and then walk away. That leaves the ball in his court and hopefully he has some sense.

Ok...Im going to try that I'll write the letter and hope to have something come out of it...the only thing is im going to be scared of if I hear back, what I hear back and if I odn't I am going to be extremely hurt.
I hope he can come to his senses just this once

I had a strained relationship with my father, but he never would have spoken to me the way yours has spoken to you. To intentionally reach out and hurt you, that is not the action of a father, that is the kind of thing he is supposed to protect you from. I hope in the end he comes to his senses and if he doesn't I hope you realize that none of it is your fault.

I know, i dont see how my dad can live with himself.
I hope that he comes to his senses too. it may take some time but i think in the end i will realise itas none of my fault but who knows what lies ahead?