Why?

Why do I keep going back to a relationship that isn't there. I love my Dad but he doesn't love me he acts like he does around his girlfriend but when shes not their it's horrible!
I go to his house when shes there to get the feeling that he loves me like he used to...if he ever did. I hate what I'm doing to myself, but I can't stop.

Hi. :)
Have you tried actually telling your Dad how you feel and what you want from the relationship? It's worth one shot. If he doesn't start trying to show you he cares, then perhaps it's time to let it drop.

Take Care x

Yup i Have tried that many many times but he shuts me down and gets angry with me. He doesn't want to know what he has caused. Also he doesn't want to know me as he said this to my face.

Although he is your father I believe that you can't do anything more. I think you should stay in his life because he is family, but don't put yourself through this everytime. I don't even know my father and I always wondered what he would be like, but you just have to let things go sometimes.

I understand that he is your "father" but you can't make someone love you. Why hurt yourself even more than he is hurting you already. Maybe one day he will wake up and maybe he won't. All you can do is live the best life you can and take care of yourself. Sadly, you shouldn't have to fight to make your "parent" love you.

In the same breath, perhaps it's for you to walk away and build your life without your "father" in it. It actually sounds like he is mentally abusing you and it's not fair on you. It sounds like it's messed you up big time, so if I were you, I'd just leave him to be miserable and selfish by himself. He doesn't sound like he deserves you to be his.

And it takes more than a one time event to get someone pregnant to call yourself a Dad / Father. He sounds more to me as though he is just a sperm doner.

Has he ever had anything to do with you / your mother / your upbringing?

My sons father is a very unemotional man. He hates anything that has to do with "feelings". Even when I call him on it, he just gets angry and defensive. I think sometimes it's just a make up of who they are. I know he loves my son but he is incapable of showing it or acknowledging it. Perhaps it goes back to his own childhood, who knows? I know how it hurts my son, and I just reassure him that his daddy does love him but has a harder time showing it and expressing it than some other daddy's. Probably he will never get that from his father, but I just try to keep him a very central figure in his fathers life, because I understand him as an adult where my child does not. I know that some people are incapable of showing love or affection even if they feel it.

There is a difference between not expressing emotion and saying hurtful things to your children. My father was not good at the love stuff, I doubt he has ever said it except generically in a card, this however never led to him telling me he didn't want to know who I was or anything else about me or what is going on in my life. Even when we clashed and drove one another crazy I never doubted that he deep down loved me and I always knew in his own way he just wanted what was best for me.

Beautiful Chaos: I continue to hurt myself even when I'm not wanting to...All I want is for him to care...even if he doesn't love me I want him to care. I hurt myself by going back to see if he would take the time to care about his own children as well as his girlfriends. but it hasn't happened he ignores me and he has told me to end my life as the world would be a better place - I thought at the time that that was his way of protecting and loving me so I tried to but then mum came home and the rest is history - i think you can gather what happened.

"he ignores me and he has told me to end my life as the world would be a better place"

Exactly the reason he doesn't deserve the title of father. We all want to loving parents, but we don't always get it. Live your life the best you can and show him that you can do it without him.

Well you seem to be trying really hard and i can tell that you really want this relationship to work with your father. He needs to see that you are his gift and he probably does know that but just doesn't actually acknowledge it.

I'm not trying to sound weird or anything but maybe you and him should go together and see a counselor. just to talk to someone and get some professional help on improving your relationship. you don't deserve to suffer and you do deserve to be loved. so maybe it could help, x

I keep going back beacuse i prefer to believe the best in people.. and even though I know they'll never change I still hope every day!

Shellaine shelli: I hate counsellers1 honestly I will never go to another 1 in my life!!
plus trying to get my dad to one...hmmm a bit of a problem there...

Beautiful Chaos: I know he doesn't deserve but how can I give up on a father? I know and understand we don't all get loving parents but I want him there sooo much. like you wouldn't believe.

You can't make people love you or act like they love you, it doesn't matter what you do or how hard you try.

You don't have to give up on him in order to move on in life, darling. Sometimes people can't express their emotions in a good way rather than a negative way. I've been through this with my father, I'm still going through it today. He's hurt me multiple times and I know he'll continue to hurt me. He holds a lot of resentment toward my mother (when it's not her fault - he just needs to blame someone else) which in return is put out on me and my brother. I suggest taking your father out of your life in certain ways. My father and I have worked through this, slowly and not quite completely yet, by phone. He moved away which made it easy, but we were able to talk on the phone and write each other. It's easier that way. It gives him time to reflect on things. We've yet to 'meet' up again. We plan to next month. So, I'm not sure how that's going to work out.

But, all you have to do is find ways to communicate with him just enough to where it doesn't hurt you too much. Any kind of 'bad father' is going to hurt their children, even if the child isn't in their life. It's that simple. But, learning to control your emotions and your life changes is something you have to do.

Things will get better, they always do. You just need to work on it.

I bet deep down he really does love you he just doesn't kno how how to express it....give him time and just see if anything changes....
And the post above me is absolutly right things do get better thay always do....

Yeah, things can be hard but just be grateful you actually have a father. you have to look at your relationship and be open minded, i use 2 hate counselors and i know that many other people do as well but then i started seeing an amazing counselor who helped me so much but i guess everyone to their own.

Everyone goes through hard times with their parents, some worse than others but i totally agree that things do always get better.

Things don't always get better, though it is a lovely sentiment, but life can always get better. 15 years my cousins have been waiting for both of their parents to grow up and love them and act like parents. It has yet to happen. They have, however, found a loving home with their Grandmother.

Things don't always work out as we would like them to but if you look at the situation with your cousins, although no, they haven't yet sorted things out with their parents they have found a home with their grandmother so often we move to better places in life but often don't actually realize it and so take things and people for granted.

That was my whole point, you can't force your parents or anyone else to love you or care about you, but someone out there will, so stop wasting time and emotion on someone who hurts you and celebrate and move on to the people in your life who lift you up, not pull you down.

Things may get better and things may not, with my relationship with my father - things really won't get better. I think i can tell as I am here trying toi make it better, i understand - yes I have a father and yes he may not love me and hyes its more than most, but to have a father wanting you to kill yourself is a bit...well ... disturbing to say the least.
sorry if its sounding bitchy or anything like that i dont mean it to be im just trying to get my point accross...

Everyone has an issue with someone they love in life. like with parents you cant live with them but you cant live without them. at the end of the day they are still your parents, they are still the people who created you and gave you life.

your dad obviously has problems of his own which he cant deal with and so he is taking them out on you, its very common for people to take their issues out on the people they love most and often with out even realizing it.

Although things are hard say THINGS WILL get better. often people become so caught up in their owns minds life crisis that they become blind and negligent to how they are treating those around them and those they love most. Don't give up on your dad and your relationship. i would give anything to have a dad in my life and its so sad to see other people who do but don't really have a relationship.

Even if things don't work out as you would like them to wouldn't you want to say at the end of the day that you tried and so it wasnt on your behalf that your relationship didn't work out.

well i hope things work out and that yhou find inner peace!!