All Cutting/Self-harm issues use this thread only - #17

This is the only place where posts about cutting and self-harm belong

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So...Yeah I cut. Very few people in my life know. I think my parents suspect but they haven't confronted me yet. It's really addictive. It's hard to stop.

I have the urge to...but I don't I make some distractions in my life to just get away from the thought....

Nobody knew about me cutting either, just my best friend. I used to cut my hip so it would ALWAYS be covered up and I always opened up my wounds and cut deeper, so I now ended up with just 3 scars. It's easier to hide.

I once burnt my wrist, but that hurted like a mother.... thing so I never did that since. I didn't know how to take care of burning wounds, so that caused it to hurt even worse.

My parents found out, even after all my precautions and they confronted me. Telling me that when I was cutting my own flesh I was also cutting their hearts and souls. OMG it was the worst convo ever. The day they confronted me, was also the last day I cut myself and the worst cut I've even made into my hips.

I didn't feel urges till like 4 months after the confrontation and even now, almost 16 months later I still have urges ever now and then and I really want to do it, but I'm so scared my parents will find out again... I just want to do it once, just to see what it felt like again, but I'm a scardy pants, I guess.

I have a hard time fighting the urges, because I usually don't have anything to do and I feel like cutting when I feel really bad and usually I can't escape from the negative situation that caused the urges.

It's good though that you haven't cut in a while. I have some horrible scars. I never cut on my arms because that would be just way to obvious. I cut on my legs usually. I wear jeans and long pants all the time anyway. Really really bad scars are on my thighs so even if I wore shorts they'd be covered. I will go for a while without cutting, and then I will go crazy and cut alot really bad. Kinda like a binge. My parents have never confronted me, but I'm almost positive they know I cut.

Hmm they're prolly like scared it will be true. My parents had it, they knew for a while, but they never confronted me till September 10th 2007... OMG it's been a while...

Why do you cut? If you would solve it, would that make you want to cut less?

Hi, im sorry to hear whats been going on, and if i can help at all, id love to.

I used to cut really bad, big deep ones that probably needed stitches, on my upper thigh..
Then one day, I cried like a baby and said to myself "thats it.. No more"
I havent cut in 3 years.. I still want to at times, and I get as close to it as getting a knife, and holding it.. But then I cant do it anymore.
One day, you'll just wake up, and realise that even though it feels like its solving a problem, or helping to fix something, it just isnt..

And, even though your parents confronted you, it shows that they are scared, and probably just as anxious as you are. Try talking to them if you can? If you wanna talk, just pm me

lonely xXx

Dont you think using rubber bands is also a form of self-harm?

I used to use hairbands with the metal-strips to not cut myself, but I figured I was still hurting myself by using them so I stopped that as well...

I think it's really good though, that you haven't cut for 3 years :D

The elastic band is a form of self harm just because it doesn't leave a scar doesn't mean that it isn't. I have self harmed for years now. In the process of quitting but it just isn't easy going "cold turkey" as you all put it. I used to do the elastic band thing as well when i was too scared what would happen if i physically cut myself. and it did kinda help. But here i am about 5 years later. with well hidden scars. It just really isn't a habit to get into. It is just too addictive. hmptf. *rant over* i think.

You are so right.

I've tried the cold turkey thing, but when I had no REAL reason (just the reason of: "I wanna quit") I just couldn't do it and the elastic band was also my way out.

I could stop cold turkey when my parents found out and I felt incredibly guilty and then I could stop without urges for 4 months. After that, the urges came and went and they still do. Haven't cut for 16 months now though, so that should be okay.

I agree though, cutting is so addictive, I often wonder what it was like, why not do it just once more, to get to feel the feeling but I know I'd be back from where I left off.

My dad and I really got into it last night. Screaming at the top of our lungs and a few hits. He won't stop doing drugs and drinking and my mom doesn't want him to die but doesn't want him to go to jail, so she is trying to get him to go to rehab, but he is refusing.

Anyways, After the huge fight I went and cut really bad. I was just so upset and fired up. It is really bad. I don't know what to do anymore???? I feel Hopeless helpless and horrible. Can anyone help me? I don't wanna keep hurting myself but when I get into that uncontrollable rage thats all I do. I Hate my father and I cut because of everything he has done to my family. I just need some advise please. What do I do?

Before I start I wanna introduce some abbreviations I use alot and are used alot by others too... But just in case:
SI= Self Injure/Injury
SH= Self Harm
OD= OverDose

I'm so sorry to hear your dad and you don't get along and that he's the reason of you SI-ing.

Can't you find yourself a therapeut? Or someone you can trust to talk to if you feel like cutting again? You seriously need to change things... Is there nobody you can turn to? You need to trust at least one person and tell him/her/them everything, just to get it all of your chest... I'm so sorry to hear about you feeling so bad... It actually hurts me and touches me, even though I don't know you at all...

You can always send me a PM, I'll always get back at you =)

As a mother I would have to say it is time for your mother to start worrying more about where you are ending up then where he is ending up. If he puts his hands on you call the police, if he is drugging in the house, call the police, if he comes home drunk and abusive, call the police. Too bad if your mom would not like to see him in jail, I would rather he was in jail or on the streets than in my house hurting my kids, end of story.

I agree, although I think it is easier said than done. You'll probably think: He made the wrong choice, it won't happen again... and you let him get away with it but then it happens more and more and you're in deep shit and you can't get out and you let it happen... I don't know... Do you know what I mean?

I think it's a bad thing though.. Have you ever considered staying with a family member or friend for a little while? Just to get away from the trouble and the negative situation?

Having been in the position of both the cutter and the mother, the choice is as hard as you make it.

Yeah I talk to my school counsiler, and she has given me her cell number and I've actually stayed with her before. My best friend also knows and I stay at her house alot. My counsiler however doesn't know that my dad is abusive. I'm afraid of what would happen. I don't want child services in the way.

My dad left the other day and we haven't heard from him since. So I'm actually really happy right now.

He doesn't hit me that much. Not trying to defend him at all, I hate him. My mom doesn't think he has ever hit me. He usually doesn't shoot up at home, he usually comes home high. He only drinks at home usually.

My mom has been thinkin bout kicking him out, which would be smart but idk if she will.

I used to cut too. It's just a vicious circle. The more you do it, the worse you feel, the more you want to do it. I used to feel so guilty afterwards.
I only started when I was 15 and it was just scratches with scissors. Then it turned into using razor blades and cutting deeper. I used to hide my arms all the time, but when I went to college it was like EVERYONE was doing it, so I started to show it off. Stupidly I thought I fit in when I did it so it made me feel better about doing it and then I wanted to be the one who did it worse than anyone else. It's so stupid the kind of situations you let yourself get into.

I was still cutting up until I turned 18 / 19. I met my boyfriend when I was 17 and he found out about the cutting. He's got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from his military service and he tried to kill himself a few times years before he met me (he is quite a few years older than I am) and was getting treatment for it. He has been through a lot in his life and made me realise that I was not gaining anything from cutting when all I really needed was to talk to someone who understood. It turned out that someone was him!

I relapsed a couple of times, the first time he understood but when I did it again, he was so hurt by my actions that he S/H'd as well and burned himself. It made me realise then that I wasn't just hurting myself, I was hurting those who cared for me a hell of a lot more.

Well, since then I haven't cut at all. I haven't thought about it, or wanted to do it. I chew my nails, I suppose thats kind of like SH as I do it when I am scared or nervous or stressed and I make them bleed but at least it leaves no scars. :)

I think that's good 2 talk 2 some1. Cuz it really does help. But don't make them be everything. Like I think that it's wonderful that u stopped. But what IF (if, I'm just saying if) u 2 broke up? R u going 2 keep hurtting urself bcuz hes not there 2 help u anymore? All I'm trying 2 say is 2 depend on urself. Don't depend on any1 2 solve ur problems hun. And I'm not being mean. And 2 any1 reading this and has put there Self Harm problem in2 some1 elses hands, I'm talking 2 u 2. All I'm trying 2 say is, just trust in ur self. Cuz ppl can go, ppl can let u down. But if u just trust urself, it won't hurt as bad. I hope that I came accross clear and not 2 harsh. =)

You are so right....

But if you put your trust in yourself and you slip up, you have no idea what that's like. At least, for me.. I felt so disappointed in myself, I had the feeling I couldn't rely or trust on/in anyone, not even myself.

It's good to talk to people about it, but find the balance between being independent and dependent.

"But if you put your trust in yourself and you slip up, you have no idea what that's like"

Tons of people believe in themselves and fail at something in their life, it doesn't mean you stop believing in yourself or your worth any less. It is about training yourself and your mind to find new ways of dealing with the stress in our lives that push us to cut.

^ Yeah I completly agree with u. And Pamela, ur right about finding a balance between independent and dependent. but also like TPAM said, that doesn't mean that ur any less or that u should stop believing. We're all going 2 have relapese. No matter what kind of addiction we have, we're going 2 fall a little. But it's the matter of, r we going 2 say down or r we going 2 pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off? It's all ur choice hun

Hi everone i didnt get to read every1's comments but yeah wow i see that a lot of pple have so many probs in life and reading others probs makes me feel like my own probs are nothing!.....ya well i urged sometimes to cut myself so that i can hurt myself really bad and end up dead but then i thought again and it was like WAT ON EARTH WOULD THAT HELP IN???!!?? i couldnt answer that question because i was only hurting myself and no1 else around me so there is no point....i feel that one way to get over my grief is to laugh it off or talk to ppl who can advise me (like my bestfriend) well gtg now i'lll try and post stuff once in a while.......good luck every1....byeee

Why do People want to cut their arms up bad?
i got the feeling today an i have never felt that... (i have faintly wanted to cut a few times but nothing worth much mention)just wondering why it happens an what the feeling is, i dont think it has to do with having control bc i always thought that it was a control issue til now when it happened

Marwah,

U know I feel like that sometimes. But we all have problems that we all have 2 handle ourselves. Even if u think that some1 elses problems r bigger and they have the excuse 2 hurt themselves, don't think that way. I mean I'm not say 2 hurt urself, I'm saying talking about it is good. And don't feel that ur pain isn't as important has some1 elses ok hun. Cuz if it hurts u, than that's important. And we're all here ok. =)

Well then there is the fact i dont know why i wanted to
it was random other than that i was criing just bc i was(for no reason(

Yes i love u an one question,

Have u ever cut urself b4? R u saying that u wanted 2 but u didn't and u don't know y u felt that way?

I never have
an i didn't :) i promised my boyfriend i never would, bc he used to
anya an i dont know y i felt that way do u?

No I don't know but sometimes bcuz we hear so many ppl saying how certain things relive them, we wanna try it 2 even if its bad 4 us. Like sometimes I get the urge 2 pop pills. Would I ever do it, no. But bcuz so many ppl say that it helps them, sometimes I want that relief even though it's bad. Maybe it's like that with u. Idk

I dont know i just got the urge an thought about how my arms would look an really liked the picture but i wouldn't do it

i think ur right
i also think not many people did it when not many talked ab
out it

Cuz honestly 2 a POINT, that's how I started cutting myself. And tried other things. But it's a really really bad addiction, so please even when u get the urge don't do it. And it's a hell of a lot easier said than done, but just talking would help u 2. When u feel like u wanna do it, come on here and talk about y, and u'll feel better. That's the purpose of this forum. Or if u want, u can private message me and I'll talk 2 u ok.

I've been cutting myself for 2 years now.
I have also taken chemo pills from my mom when she was still alive, like vicoden and oxycodon.
same with alcohol.
And I've been depressed for bout 4 years now.
Any advice for the teenage failier?

"Any advice for the teenage failier?"

If that's how you see yourself, that's what you'll always be. Yes we fail, but it doesn't mean you're a failure. You don't want to be in the same spot 10 years from now, so find things you enjoy in life and focus, fill the void with something other than self harm and loathing.

I'm trying
just so hard

It is hard, that I know lol But usually, we are our own worst enemies, with bad habits we don't even recognize as such, which is why we always fall right back into our old ways.

I started cutting when I was ten. I am fifteen now. The first time I cut was the day my best friend's boyfriend raped me and she told me he got her pregnant. I was so upset. I had friends who expirimented with such things and they said it would make you feel better.

I finally stopped cutting, after several trips to the hospital, and I wish I could say that I feel happy and my life is perfect. No. I'm always miserable and, at random momments, the feeling of picking up a blade would come back. No matter what I do-the thoughts are always there. In school. During dinner. ALWAYS. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night because I want nothing more than to stop the screaming and, once again, feel that pure bliss having a blade in my hand would bring me.

I understand how u feel. When I was little my uncle had molested me. Even though it never got serious 2 the point that I was raped, 2 point I understand how u feel. I started cutting myself when I was 12 yrs bcuz my dad would hit me all the time but that day he took it 2 far. It punched me in the face and I couldn't handle it anymore. I was going 2 kill him that night if he came near me, but instead I started cutting myself.

What really helped me 2 get over cutting was talking about everything. Personally I love helping ppl. And focusing on other ppl helps me not 2 think about me. Try volunteering and/or talking 2 a Physiologist. That's what helped me

Hun, what u have 2 know, ppl can't tell u how 2 live ur life. We can only tell u our experiences and suggestions. Only u can see what works 4 u. But what advice I do have 4 u is, just never give up. Things will get better. But we have 2 wait it out ok.

*********Message 2 all posters*********

If any1 needs 2 talk about anything, please feel free 2 talk 2 me about anything. Even if u just want 2 talk about ur day, I'm here 4 u. And if u really don't want 2 talk much, I'll do most of the talking ok. ^.^ Please if not me than give some1 a chance 2 talk 2.

The other day..somebody in my gym class saw my scars. she thought she was being slick but I heard her tell the girl next to her to "look." They said it was crazy. I automatically filled up with anger. because the only reason they think it's crazy is because they haven't been through what I have or what many others have been through. I think I was mostly angry because I don't like to be judged. I hate being judged.
But the more I think about it..I start to think they're right.
I haven't cut myself since August of '08.
But when I did do it..it was bad. Not only was I addicted..I loved it. The blade was my soulmate. I would cut myself all over. And my god was it beautiful. I don't know why I stopped. I think it was because I started to scare myself. I thought one day..I was going to go too far. I didn't do it because I wanted to die. I did it because I actually felt something that I thought was good..for once in my life.
But now that I think back on it..yeah It helped me for get through life for a while. But it was so stupid on my part. I feel so stupid for doing what I did. But atleast I did it to myself. and not someone else. I have times where I want to do it. and I get really close. but I'm tired of hiding it. I'm sick and tired of looking at it. and I refuse to give in to this ugly urge of mine.
I just wanna know that someone feels the same way I do. because right now..I feel so alone.

"the only reason they think it's crazy is because they haven't been through what I have or what many others have been through"

That's not always true, some people react badly because they have been through things and didn't resort to self harm or such things and they don't get how others can.

None the less we have to expect that when people see it, they are automatically have a feeling or an opinion on it, as with everything else in life. You can only hide things for so long, eventually someone will see it, it is a chance we all take. It is actually kind of helpful when someone finally sees it because you are forced to look at it, which means looking at yourself, it's not always a pretty picture, but it is something we all have to do eventually. people are going to be mean, uncaring, helpful, compassionate, scared, angry because that's just the way it is. You have to learn to let go of what other people think and start worrying about taking care of yourself. You are definetely not alone.

McGeek,

Hun I know exactly how u feel. When I do cut I love it so much. The blood and the cuts and after the scars. So I understand. And the funny thing is, during gym 4 me as well I overheard kids talking about me 2. Calling me crazy and suicidal, instead of actually talking 2 me, ppl like 2 just jump 2 conclusions. And u can't do anything about that hun. But when u said that u felt like u were crazy 4 it, (which I've been there 2) ur not. Cutting in the 1st place isn't good but don't think that ur crazy. We all handle pain at different levels. And that doesn't make us crazy but honestly just a little different. I mean ppl smoke, do drugs, have meaningless sex, and drink 2 solve their problems. And they hurt SOOO many ppl in the process. Self Harm is exactly like those things. It's just a way of masking our problem so we don't think about it at that moment. So we can feel better even if our high is just 10 min. long, we don't care. It's the fact that we want it at all.

I agree with Beautiful Chaos, I think that u should take a LONG look at urself. And think y u do the things that u do. It's not going 2 be easy. But it needs 2 be done. And once u do that (or during) I really think that u should have a talk with a mature Adult that u trust and who cares 2 help u. Those things r steps towards recovery. In the end, it's going 2 be worth it ok.