All Cutting/Self-harm issues use this thread only - #17

I got overwhelmed by all the pressure my parents put in me. I cut for the first time. It's just 4 little scratches that'll heal and go away. I'm afraid this will turn into a daily thing. I think it will. I have the urge to cut right now...only deeper than before. My parents pressure me to be something I'm not. They want me to get perfect grades, do my chores right, do everything right and not screw up. Sorry if this made no sense at all...I'm just afraid I'm...idk..

I have been a cutter since I was 15 and though I haven't cut for about 3 weeks now, which is to the thanks of my long lost family finding me, I doubt that I will stop cutting all together. There is just too much of an urge there to harm myself. I haven't only cut, I've burned myself multiple time and on a few occasions broke my wrists from wrist banging.

LifesALovePoem, I know how you feel. I started cutting because of my parents about 2-4 years ago. You cant let them get to you though. Even though its hard. You have to find your own path anyway.

^^I'm like that 2 Melissa but slowly I've been stopping. The longest I've went is about a little longer than a month. It's hard but we just have 2 keep fighting. Don't let it control u. When u have the urge try ur hardest 2 not do it. I sometimes but my figures or snap my wrists w/ a rubber band and even though it's not that satisfying u can still win. Cuz a ear ago I couldn't go 2 weeks w/o cutting, 2yrs ago I couldn't go a week but as time goes on we can get better. Just keep fighting

Ive been cutting for going on 7 years now. its greatly lessened in the past year, though. I used to cut up to 10 times a day at one point. it was the only thing i had, only thing that defined me in a way. I tried "quitting" about 2 years ago, while i did do it far less often i still found myself with a blade at least every 2 months. then i did stop for about 8-9 months. since then i really feel that ive lost myself. ive gone "numb" so to speak, i dont think, i dont feel anymore. i feel empty. so i began again. and i must say there was no clear cut reason why i started. i just did one day when i was angry. but ive had SI behaviors since i can remember. when i was a little kid i used to bang my head against walls and bite my arm or fingers. only in my pre-teens did i start using blades, then burning. i think its just me, in my chemical make up to hurt myself. stopping didnt make me better, it made me worse in a way. i mean yes i stopped inflicting physical harm on myself, but ive also lost myself. its a really scary thing when i sit there and realize my mind is Blank, seriously blank. its so odd, i dont have black outs i have "white outs" i just sit there and see white nothingness. so now i cut from time to time just to stop the nothingness. and i dont need help, ive gotten help. help doesnt help. its just who i am. and honestly i not ashamed. i used to be, i used to hide my scars. i still hide my cuts, but thats to stop my lil siblings from seeing. but honestly ive accepted who i am and what i do. i just wish others could. i dont see my cutting in terms of addicting/relapse/needing help. i see it as a part of my life, almost as normal as breathing. i dont do it everyday. and i cant say i get "urges" i just do it.

Everything in life happens for a reason, anger, self loathing, a hurtful past and a million other reasons. When we accept the harm we inflict on ourselves that is even scarier. It is funny what can come to seem normal after a while, though funny might not be the right word, maybe more disturbing than anything else.

I use to cut
but i was never really the suicidal type
i did it more for the pain
i love the pain
pain is the strongest feeling a person can have
so i like to feel it
i moved on from cutting because it got me no where
wasnt very satisfying because all it did was annoy me making me have to hide my wrists
so now i carve stuff into my chest
pretty much anything
i dont carve deep
not enough to scar because once i carve again i want to have a clean slate pretty much
i mean it is kinda like my art
i have a little joke with my friends i call it my van gogh art
idk it is just what i like

When I would cut, i did it to see blood. i liked the way it shined across my skin, and dripped. i like how sticky it was. i liked how it looked as it healed into a scar, and i like the look of my scars. the only reason i havent cut in a while, is i dont want to worry my boyfrienf, and its summer and harder to hide. i have a yearly physical at the docters every summer, so i wait until after that to cut. thats the only reason. ill probably start up again in the winter.

It's been a while since I've posted in here. It's been a while since I've been on this site at all. My pill popping got out of control so I went to rehab for a month. While there I found out just how serious I was addicted to cutting. It was horrible. Not only was I having withdraw from drugs but also from not being able to cut. And the withdraw from drugs made me want to cut more. It's most certainly not a good thing to be addicted to!! I haven't cut since may 11th so i'm pretty happy about that, but I still feel like cutting all the time. I still wear jeans alot because of the scars, but they are starting to fade so I wear shorts every once in a while.

If anyone wants to talk to someone who has gone through cutting addiction don't hesistate to pm me.

I'm soooooo proud of u TPAM. I'm sorry that u had 2 go 2 a rehab in the 1st place but I'm really glad that u stopped. And it will always b a struggle but @least ur fighting. And remember that ur not alone in this war. We're all here 2 support each other. So congrats again hun

- MorbidCupcake,

I completely understand what ur going through. I do the exact same thing. When ever I know that ppl have 2 c my arms I don't cut 4 about 2 weeks b4 so no1 says anything. Like when I'm going 2 the doctor or when I'm @ the beach or whenever I make sure that no1 an c. I h8 that I'm looking forward 2 winter just cuz I can cut myself w/o 2 much worry. Sad but it happens.

I stopped cutting. I realized I didn't want to end up with scars later on in life. It's just not worth it. Plus, I wouldn't want to upset the guy Im going to date when school starts if I cut...

Cutting is a very serious issue.
It starts as something harmless and then one time cutting is not enough and 7 codeines is and after that who knows maybe a 9 m to your head. I know I've been there. Recently I overdosed on codine and was sent to the hospital and was on pysch watch for the entire time because I tried to kill myself. And all of it started with cutting. I understand things get hard but here are other non self destructive ways to deal with your emotions and stress such as excercise (it releases endorphines to make you feel happy), hanging out with friends, talking to people about it, maybe going on depression pills, talking to a therapist, doing any activity where your brain is stimulated and just learning how to deal without cutting yourself. Well i hope my words of wisdom helped you guys are all wodnerful. I mean that too.

I have been cutting for two years. I sorta stopped in the middle then tonight i couldn't resist. No one really knows about my cutting.... I have scars all over my arms and according to my family i fell... After that i started cutting on my thigh. Lately its been really hard not to cut myself until i have completely bled out...to make it hurt as much as possible.. i dont know how much longer i can resist...

Okay, i cut, and i guess i havn't been for a very long time, but since i started, i can't seem to stop, even if my days aren't that bad i seem to feel the need to it's like a release? i guess, very few people know and some have turned their backs since finding out but i dont know what to do i need help but im too afraid to ask someone, because i dont think im strong enough to actually get the help i need. is that stupid? please some pm me or write back? i dont know what to do.

Hi again everyone.I just wanted to check in and say thank's to everyone who has helped me in the past on this thread.I'm doing much better than i was and i havn't cut in a long time. I'm the happiest i've ever been in my life now. I couldn't have done it without the support of the people in this community.Anyways thank's you guy's have really helped me turn my life around. and to all those who feel like everything is hopeless i want to say that there is hope.The world is a great place and it's full of beauty, love,and friendship and you just need to go out and find it for yourself.but at the same time the world is a sad place full of tragedy and hate and mindless masses that will step on you to get ahead... after you accept the fact that everything can't be perfect and the world is very flawed.you could move on from the pain and find what makes you happy. good luck to all you people who are hurt right now i hope thing's go better for you soon.

~cory~

Good to see you Cory and the new found attitude, some good advice and I am glad things have been turning around for you.

Thank's chaos and it's good to see you also.I especially couldn't have done it with out you.^ _ ^

Yeah so any people who like the pain?? Masochist or whatever I'm not sure if that's the right word. But yeah what now what do you do if u just like it cuz I love getting hurt, from anything getting hit beat up hitting walls. Those are the only other ways cuz I can't cut cuz they all think it's just blocking my emotional problems which it does but that's not why Id do it these days. Yeah so anyone?? I know somone here is

Hmmm does it count that I enjoyed the feeling of the blade slicing my skin? I'm an ex cutter. Was nervous bout coming back onto this thread, but I really don't know y now... I'm here if anyone wants to talk, or just vent their frustrations and pain.

I started cutting in year 8 im nearly at the end of year 11. iv just started anti depressants and have been on them nearly two months and i haven't hurt myself why i have been on them although sometimes i still have those thoughts to want to cut, i found cutting as a release off my pain, but in the end i would cut myself cause others had hurt me, but cutting myself just hurt me it didn't hurt them at all. i hate looking in the mirror and realizing what i have done to myself, the scars are all along my wrist and my legs. i guess i just wanted to share my story, its hard to stop cutting, but you have the strength within yourself to stop, we all do.

So i thought about cutting tonight,
im so sick off life and feeling so alone.
i just wish someone understood what im going through.
im still thinking about it,
but it wont make anything better.

Hey I understand how u feel. It's hard 2 stop, but I think that what u need 2 know is that relapsing is normal. We all will relapse and have. So hun, if u do, it's not weird or bad but let that make u stronger. Tell urself that u won't fall back in2 the traps that the blade made 4 u. We all on here have gone, r going through, or will go through the same thing that ur going through. We're here 4 u and 4 each other. And if u ever want or need 2 talk, I'm here. U can always come and pm me if u want.

As black rose said.
We've all gone through it at least once in our lives and im sorry for the souls that are going through this now, including you.
We've all done this and we've all relapsed.
But all in all you need to do this for a reason, not just to stop.
For example i was walking down my street and i saw these kids running past me, cutting, self harming, smoking (the whole shibang) and i stopped and looked down at myself, my wrists and arms and shoulders where i cut. I looked at the kids experiencing so much pain just to find a flicker of relief and i couldnt cut anymore. I couldnt imagine myself that low where i need to hurt myself to feel relief.
But thats just me, my 2 friends left the country, thats how i started, maybe your reasons are more understandable than those. Just I hope for your sake you realize something that will make you stop, nobody else can tell you what it is, you have to figure it out for yourself.
If you ever need to talk, we're all here for you, were one big incredibly weird family haha, and i have no problem with talking to anyone about this problem, you need friends more then ever now.

Well I hope you still dont feel like this cause I remember when I thought about cutting almost every night cause I just felt like I was alone in life and no one understood me along with that i lost my mother when i first began to cut due to a car accident and I had no one to talk to about it and so I felt alone and didnt think anyone understood anything i was going through. If you need to talk or anything feel free to send me a message and i could help you in the best way that i can

Im not good today.. im in a hell.. more question need to find the answer.. my life is always a mess.. i hate the things going on.. im crying right now while typing this msg. i couldnt help but cry. the one i love left me now... i dont know what to do.. where did i go wrong... still hurts.

I'm not sure if this is open to the whole public of this website but you guys are active talkers and I was just wanting part of it.

I was into self mutilation, for years. I hope anyone with this issue comes out on top. I remember not caring aout anyone but myself, and i let my pain consume every part of me. It became an obsession, a horrible ritual. I would do it to feel better, get that high back up, than go so low after i did it, because i was ashamed of myself for doing it.
what helped me, was once i started living my life as if i wasn't the only one. I had been offered help by a million plus folks it felt like, but the second i really felt i wanted out, and started working WITH everyone, instead of rebelling, thats when i stopped.
I think anyone can kick it, just they would any other addiction, its a much brighter journey when you get off your high horse and ask for help. trying to do it yourself gets very lonely.

At times I think it is harder just to stay happy. What is it about sadness that beckons so strongly?