Embarassing

Right, i suppose its not so embarrasing to talk about this online because it's not face-to-face.

but i am 20 yrs old and still a virgin. i didn't think it was a big deal. but the more i get made fun of, the more i think there is a problem with me.

i have always been kinda shy when it comes to the opposite sex. and in high school i was a bit of a loner. i want to fall in love with someone. someone who will love me back. but i don't want and try and force myself on somebody. i want to let love, ... happen. but it's starting to bug me. not to mention the riddicule from my "so-called" friends.

i never really though of myself as much of a loser before. but this type of social stigma is really demeaning. there used to be a day when being a virgin was sign of purity. but now it is just a word that means dorky loser. what happened?

Isn't it funny when the one who has standards becomes the "loser" Just because you are not giving it away to anyone who looks at you sideways doesn't mean there is a thing wrong with you. You got one thing right, they are your "so called friends" if they run you down and make you feel like a loser for making good choices and being responsible. 2 of my close friends were in their 30's before they lost their virginity, they wanted to wait until they were married and they did. Others were in their 20's or late teens and some of us younger. I wish I would have waited. Don't let other people make your decisions or tell you who you are. If you friends make you feel bad because you make good choices, what kind of friends are they? Be proud of who you are.

It's people who wait until they are in their 20's and 30's for sex that make examples to the teenagers who so badly want sex but know it's morally wrong before marriage. Be a role model, dude!

*hugs* You most certainly are not a loser or freak or any of the other ridiculous things people say just for having morels and valuing yourself to much to throw that away on the first person that shows interest in you. I'm 18 and still a virgin, it's not that I haven't been tempted, I have been, but I knew it wasn't right and that he wasn't the right guy. Having morels and caring for yourself is not something to be embarrassed about.

Isn't it odd how our culture has changed so much that something that used to be viewed with pride and meant that you had pride and values for waiting and saving yourself is now viewed with ridicule and embarrassment? I know people that first had sex when they were 9 and that now is considered normal. Don't be embarrassed, be proud to be different. That's why your aptly called "so called friends" make fun of you, because your different from what has become the "normal" is all. Don't feel bad, embarrassed or give in, you'll be glad and thankful that you were strong and held out for someone special, it'll mean twice as much to you and that person if you do :)

Continue to be strong :)

It feels like i'm missing out on life though :(. i don't want to be a 40 year old virgin :( :(. they even have a movie about people like that. (40 year old virgin) Its not something that is viewed in a possitive light. it's like some great secret that everyone is talking about but i can't seem to find out from anybody. how can i "calmly" wait when the most pleasurable experience known to existance is passing me by?

damn my morals! i'd rather do it and get rid of the ridicule. it's not worth the abuse or emotional stress.

EDIT: i'm sorry guys. you all have great input. thank you all very much

Why do you have to stop being who you are, wouldn't it be better to get rid of the people who make you feel that way?

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20! How many of your so called friends that make fun of you are married or lost their virginity and are still with that same guy? 20 is still a very young age, and just because your not one of those teenagers that don't have values to themselves doesn't mean your a loser. The way i see it, your reason for being a virgin is the best reason out there. Wait for love, don't lose your virginity, because you can't get it back to give it to the special someone you'll find later in life.

Believe me, wait! I am 18 and lost mine when i was 17 to someone that i wasn't even dating very much for the same reason. and i regret it so so so much. now i am actually in a very loving relationship [not with the same guy], and i regret so much not saving it for him. save it for someone who loves you and that you love...don't make the same mistake me and so many others make. 20 is not old! many wait for marriage to give it up, you have your whole life ahead of you. and sex isn't the most important thing in the world. <3 stay strong and surround yourself with others who support your very very good decision, not those who make fun of it!

I know it feels like you're depriving yourself of a lot of life but believe me, its worth it. Once you let yourself go to far thats it, you can't go back and undo it. Just because society as a whole has a low view of it's self does not mean that you have to lower yourself to their standards, that means that your agreeing with them and the people that make fun of you for it win. And no one ever said waiting is easy, it's never easy waiting for anything good or worth it, but it IS worth waiting for to be able to give the person you know WITHOUT A DOUBT is is special and will value the fact that you saved yourself for them. I was embarrassed and actually rather ashamed of myself that I was still a virgin after my previous relationship. Everyone else I knew were sleeping around and had had sex for the first time a LONG time ago, that guy actually broke up with me because I told him I wasn't ready to sleep with him but anyway. When I met my now fiance I was embarrassed to tell him that I'd never been with a man like that but when I told him it touched his heart a lot that I valued myself enough to not throw myself away. We're still waiting because we want it to be special. I won't be his first, something he regrets but it'll mean twice as much as it ever could've because it's the ultimate expression of your love for another person. Don't give up on what you believe in just because everyone else is doing it or because it's easier. More times then not the hardest way is the right way. Don't lower yourself to others standards just because it's easier

" Its not something that is viewed in a possitive light. "
T.v. takes up too much of our time and changes people into human beings they never dreamt of being. And, the actual movie was viewed in a positive light, if you think about it. She loved him for who he was and he was happy that way. He might have lived in heck the week/month/even years before, but when he fell in love and after told her who he was and his 'problem' she still loved him. Of course he needed to be honest to begin with and they wouldn't have had the problem of her pressuring him. (but it's a movie and they needed that part to have viewers, lol) AND, He was a good role model to her daughter, as well. So if you acutally think of the movie rather than laugh at the movie then it was shown in positive light with reality. The guys made fun of him but the one person that actually mattered to him was the one who didn't really care. It proves the whole 'bandwagon' thing isn't something you always need to follow, in reality it's better sometimes not to.

"damn my morals! i'd rather do it and get rid of the ridicule. it's not worth the abuse or emotional stress."

^ Damn your morals? More like PRAISE because you have them!

It'd be a disappointment to see you throw them out so callously like they're not worth anything, to see you degrade your self-worth and lower your standards for yourself to, basically, "fit in". You'd be no better than everyone else, and honestly, I don't even know you but from what you've told us & the way it sounds, you are better than that. Why are you letting other people dictate your life & the way you live? If they make fun of you (which is highly ridiculous & immature) then that makes you the better person, only shows you who they truly are & that maybe you shouldn't give people like them the time of day.

There's nothing embarrassing or ashamed about being a virgin, at your age, whatsoever. You're still very young! Be patient, wait until you find that one person you love & who loves you, it'll be more meaningful & worth the wait. Trust me, you'll regret it if you don't.

I've never been "peer pressured" into wanting to lose my virginity. Even when I was younger & all the girls would gossip about how many "notches" they had, I just felt sorry for them & appalled by them. Even when I'd dated a couple of guys who decided to cheat on me because I wouldn't sleep with them, I just laugh at them because they were willing to sleep with anyone who offered & I didn't care that they did because I was young, we weren't together that long & we weren't serious. I had more self-respect for myself & my morals, I wouldn't degrade myself in that way or lower my self-worth. I was PROUD to be a virgin!

I find it strange that society's standards have dropped to the point that they don't exist at all. We use to view those who waited & saved themselves for that one person with pride. It showed that you had pride & morals. Now it's been looked down upon with ridicule? Well, for me, I still look at it the way that it should be . You should too. You're a good role model, continue to be so for others presently, for future children & your own!

I guess that it will always seem like the grass is greener on the other side. people who already had sex wish they had waited, while those who are still virgins want to experience it.

having individuality is all well and good. but i didnt ask to have a higher moral code than most people. i just want to fit in. i'm don't even want these higher morals!

normally it wouln't be so hard. but its a little different when you are constantly reminded of what you don't have. it makes it completely impossible to restrain any jelous feelings.

to me... not having sex until 20 years old seems just as pathetic as not having a job until 25 years old. or not owning a car until 25 years old. or not having a girlfriend until 25 years old. or wetting the bed at the age of 12. there are things that are expected of people at certain ages.

most of my friends are younger than me -_-

I don't expect my friends to have sex at a certain age, they are going to do what they feel. To do it just because you feel embarrassed, seems pretty frivolous and meaningless, so what was the point of saving it, if you were just going to throw it away anyway. Sex, though pleasurable, is just another complication in life. If all of your friends got knocked up and were teasing you about not having a baby, would you go out and get pregnant? I guess I just don't get the logic. I'd rather think for myself then let other people decide what should happen in MY life.

^ *applause* Exactly.

"i just want to fit in. i don't even want these higher morals!"

^ I haven't heard something that immature & ridiculous since I was 12... I can't believe someone of your age is talking like that... But I guess that's the difference, people mature differently than others...

"but its a little different when you are constantly reminded of what you don't have."

^ I was, and at a younger more impressionable age than you are now, but I was not deterred by it.

"there are things that are expected of people at certain ages."

^ You consider sex to be expected at certain ages? ...This is what is wrong with society; people & their statements as such. At a certain age I didn't expect myself to have sex. I wanted to wait till I was older & until I found someone whom I loved, and that itself could have been at 18, 20, 24 or 29 & I wouldn't have cared.

"most of my friends are younger than me"

^ Hmm, I expected as much considering how immature & ridiculous they sound. Certainly not "friends", of mine I would say, if they make fun of you...

^^^agreed.
is losing your virginity really worth that much to you? have some respect for yourself and don't just give in to anyone that is willing. there is no telling what you might end up with.
you shouldnt be embarassed or ashamed to still be a virgin at 20. most people would kill to go back in time and still have their virginity so that they could give that to the person they love most and it can never happen. don't be so hard on yourself.

I dunno. maybe you guys are right. perhaps i am just over-analyzing.

thank you all for your input. it is very much appreciated. i'm sorry if anything i said offended anyone. i'm just a little frustrated.

Hey I'm almost eighteen and I'm a proud virgin. There is nothing wrong saving yourself for the one you want to spend your entire life with. Sex is a beautiful thing between husband and wife. Not just a game to play with. Disease, heart ache, and many other things come with having sex. There is no shame in waiting. It makes you a stronger person than everyone else. Its easier to say no than yes. Be proud. :)

I think your friends are making you feel bad about it as they have already done it and know how awkward the 1st time is, there probably wasnt very meaningful and so taking it out on you, wanting you to rush it and mess up.

i can relate to your situation, i lost mine 2 weeks before i turned 21, i never did it again for a while after that as the guy i was with - well lets say we both had intamicy issues. but a couple of months after i met a new guy-flipt my world upside down, i broke up with the guy cheating on me and the new 1 was so considerate. it wasnt until afterwards that i found out my new man was a virgin, when i asked him why he never told me, he said he thought id run a mile.

the point is, find a relationship that makes you happy, be comfortable enough to talk about everything! make sure they know your a virgin otherwise it might hurt alot more than it should.
when the time is right it will just happen, but let it happen naturally..the place your in at the minuet id suggest just having lots and lots of fun.plenty time for sex, and after your 1st you'l make up the missed time.

^hope it helps^

PEACE N LOVE
IBE
X

Save it for the person you really want. Don't lose it over jealousy or simple desire of something others have and you don't. You will get your time with this, enjoy being able to say you are a virgin not many people are able to without lying.

Well, being a virgin is something I adore in a girl, it's not embarrassing at all.. plus, you should pick the right person and the right time, don't just do it for your friends, do it for yourself...listen to your heart..