I was molested...

I was molested by my grandfather when i was 4 til i was about 12. I was too young to understand it when it happened, obviously. But now that I realize what it really meant, I cant stop thinking about it. It brings me down some days, and I feel awkward whenever Im in the same room as my grandfather or my grandmother (who knew what was going on, but not the details and never did a thing about it). I get this terrible flash backs, where I cant stop thinking about the whole thing, and I start shaking and feeling really depressive and horrible about myself and everything. My friend tried to fake a rape last year, with this guy that she invited into her house and she lead him to her room. I feel bad for not feeling bad for her, and thinking my situation is worse and more important. I think Im just jealous because she told someone about it and I cant because Im too scared and I dont know how to explain. It happened so long ago, and I really love my grandparents. The flash backs are getting worse and its almost all I think about now. How do I tell someone? Im scared. =(

"My friend tried to fake a rape last year, with this guy that she invited into her house and she lead him to her room. I feel bad for not feeling bad for her"

Why would you feel bad for her to begin with? And it is easy to tell someone something when it is a lie, the truth is much harder to face, but you will be stronger for it. I am sure you are not the only one you "Grandfather" has contact with and that alone is a good enough reason to tell someone, you don't want it happening to anyone else and if it has maybe you coming forward will help someone else.

I don't know how you love him i guess the situation must be complicated. I guess i'm one of those people that if somone raped me or molested me i would hate them for my whole life and try and beat them. Honestly... it jsut could never ever ever be okay wit them. Go to the authorities. Stuff like this is hard to prove but you said your grandma knows too and like... i don't know. At least you won't have to be silent about it anymore. And don't feel bad for your friend who faked a rape either... that's pretty desperate for attention... maybe she was going through some bad stuff or something and needed some way to get people to pay attention... i'm just assuming the situation is more complicated. Don't feel bad for her... maybe its easier to tell youself to feel bad for her than to actually face what you've been through and feel bad for yourself... but its okay to be upset. Maybe go seek help from a professional... your gonna have to face it all one day... might as well face it now instead of holding it in for years you know? When your older it'd probably be nice to see it all in the past than having to deal wit it then

You are going to have to get over your fear, if you want to be happy, tell someone and get help.

Telling somebody about this is really hard, and embarassing and so many other emotions. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I can understand why you love your grandparents. At times they can be completely loving and have nothing to do with what happened and others, awful things happen. I don't know what i would do in your situation. I suggest talking to your parents first.

Its not that easy! You dont get it!
I dont know why I even bother with this place because your comments only hurt.

w/e

Of course it's not easy, if it were easy, someone would already know and you would be on your way to healing yourself. No ones comments were meant to hurt you. I understand your conflict more than you will probably ever want to believe and until you face it, it will rip you apart. Save someone else the pain you are going through and report it, help yourself.

How do you tell someone?
Uh, honestly I know it's hard but you just do. Find someone who has been through the same or a similar thing to tell to, sometimes makes it easier. Or call a rape centre (there has to be one in your area if you search) and tell a complete stranger. Sometimes people don't want to tell someone in their lives because they feel they will treat them different afterwards, but if you tell a complete stranger like a counsellor who's trained in it they can't see you different cause they don't know you.

And btw your friend faking a rape. That's pretty redicilous. People who feel the need to do that often have much deeper problems and are looking for attention or sympathy. Maybe your freind should seek counselling too.

Shes fine now, and was fine before that. She got a restraining order on the guy and switched schools, and currently she still sleeps around...I tried talking to her about my situation the other day but she doesnt even notice i exist anymore...

^THen find someone who does.

Im sorry to hear that Nightmare child. Its good that you have someone who understands and who you can trust in that stuff though. Ive been abused in different ways besides sexual abuse...and i dont really have relatives either. i do but they act like my part of the family doesnt exist.

My mom is very religious and forces me to go to ccd and church but i tried and it just doesnt help me.

MorbidCupcake: People who tell you that its your fault that you haven't told anyone is wrong... They do not try to understand your situation, however I believe that you must actually reflect on what has happened to you and understand that you are not at fault...

Just know that there are people who'll listen... And ignore those who fail to understand your trauma... Just remember they haven't lived through it...

Some people are kinda mean on this thread.. shrugs~ i think you eather have to have been throught the current situation to understand or have done a lot of studying and reaserching on it.
I understand that you love your grandparents that there suposed to be the nice old couple who give you preasents on your birthday come over for christmas dinner and spoil you. and maby they have but what happened is very wrong and it is scary. you shoudl tell your parents. Iknow its hard and very embarassing. but you were little and even at 12 yrs you might not have understood becasue it had been going on for so long and you grew up with it. Plus hes suposed to be a role model for youand you probably looked up to him in a way so how could do something so wrong?

Defenatly get help, especally because of the flalsh backs. I know you dont want to put him in jail but you need to speak the truth. and as for your grandmother.. maby he beat her or hit her or thrented her witch is whi she diddnt help you.
OR maby hes done it in the past to some one else and she just diddnt know what to do. but i do know that she could have helped you.

Get help and tell someone. go with a close friend or soembody else who your close with. if not youll hvae to go to the poliece alone. I know that sounds really really scary but at least youll be saying something to somebody.

Also thing about councling and please think about telling your parents! I know thats going to be REALLY hard too. because you might be afrade that thell balme you. but its defenatly NOT your fault! under any ANY circumstances. its his and he should have known that what he did was wrong as a mature adult. And dont be embarassed let him be embarassed! hes the one who did this not you.

peace*

if you have any thing else u want to share im here : )

Im sorry for my spelling errors its like 530 in the morning where i am. havent slept much

You need serious counseling...&& you need to report that situation.

You need to tell someone, no matter how hard it may be or how bad it may hurt. you need to get this behind you and help yourself

Get to a counsolor hunny. i know it must be hard to wanna report something like that on family....but you just have to.

And...why would your friend fake rape? thats...thats sick. i was raped. and everything thinks its a lie...they think i did the same thing your friend did. but there lies the problem with society..we dont know truth from a lie anymore.

people may not belive you. just stay stong and keep your head up/ your fear will pass; just like mine did. I can promise you that.