NEED URGENT ADVICE

I am 17 and am currently dating a guy who turns 25 this year.

Now I know a lot of you out there will sit there and think about the age difference. But thats not what we see. We don't even think about the age difference at all actually.

Anyway, the problem at hand is telling my parents. They aren't old fashioned and not exactly "strict" but they are protective of their youngest child.

Now they have met him and know he is polite, and generally seem to like him when he is over but I am praying that doesn't change once they know the truth. I know im dodging my responsibility but I need to know the best way to do it.

Any suggestions??

"We don't even think about the age difference at all actually. "

That's usually part of the problem.

None the less the only way to tell them is to tell them and then take whatever comes. They are your parents, you can't fault them for caring.

You're left with two choices.

Tell them straight out, or stop dating until you're 18. I'll say this though, they'll be more pissed if they find out on there own rather than through your word of mouth.

Like Amanda, I too am against teenagers dating "adults". Although my parents met when they were 17 & 25 as well, the only difference is is that my father waited for my mother till she was older & they didn't lie to their parents.

Like Britt said, if you didn't think you two weren't doing anything wrong then why are you hiding it as if you are? You say, "We don't even think about the age difference at all actually." but obviously you're sure thinking about it now. Maybe it doesn't matter to you but you obviously think it will matter to them.

Now, even though you say your parents have already met him & seem to like him that doesn't mean that when they do find out that you'd be lying & that he's older they're going to be okay with it. If you've been "active", like Amanda said, your parents can press charges & make sure that he doesn't come near you again. You can't blame them if they don't approve.

There isn't going to be an easier way to break it to them that you'd lied; you can't sugar coat it. Tell them the truth as soon as possible, but not with him there with you considering it is none of his business; it's between you & your parents.

Hmmm... I don't want to read any of the other posts...
If you don't want to come right out and say it then you can act like it's your friend and get their opinion on it. I mean... go to them and say 'my friend is 17 dating a 25 year old' and say how some people think it's weird but you don't or something and they'll reply. And if you like their reply tell them.
Or you could just simply say it. It's not against the law if you don't have sex and whatever so just say you're not if they get mad.
I read one post that says you're immature and what not if you don't tell them. You're not, ignore them. It's fear not immuturity.

"If you don't want to come right out and say it then you can act like it's your friend and get their opinion on it. I mean... go to them and say 'my friend is 17 dating a 25 year old' and say how some people think it's weird but you don't or something and they'll reply. And if you like their reply tell them."

^ Um, absolutely not. One lie is enough. She needs to be mature about this.

"btw what's a parent, lol"

^ Haha, that's reassuring! :P

"that was never an uncommon thing even in the old days, it's a known fact that young ladies mature a lot faster than 'boys' do."

^ Exactly. My mother was 17 & my father was 25, the difference from this situation being they didn't lie to their parents & waited. To me, so long as the law hasn't been broken (you know what this entitles), it's not a problem.

The problem:
You lied to your parents. Even though you said, "We don't even think about the age difference at all actually." you kept it secret nonetheless from them, so obviously you had thought about it. Even though the age doesn't matter to you, you do think that maybe it would matter to your parents. And maybe it might, maybe it might not. I'm not sure what your parent's reaction is going to be to finding out that he is 25, but I think they'll be more shocked to find out that you lied.

I remember once when my mom & I were talking about situations much like these, I asked her hypothetically what she would think, say or do if I told her that I was dating someone who was, say, 25 (I asked this at 17, coincidently, at the time). She said, "Well, if you lied about it or kept it secret from me I would be very disappointed in you. I would hope that you wouldn't lie about it to me or keep it a secret, that before you ever started dating someone that much older than you that you would tell me first. It would make all the difference & would be all I ever ask for. The rest would be discussed."

I'm sure your parents would have appreciated that. Perhaps, if you told them the truth in the beginning their reactions may be different from what they could be. But what's done is done. The only way you'll ever find out what they think, have to say or will do is if you tell them the truth. Simply, just sit them down & tell them the truth; his real age, why you kept it a secret and anything else that's on your mind. Then, listen to what they have to say. Don't sugar coat it. (And again, he shouldn't be there at the time. It could look bad if they don't take it well and because it's between you & your parents.)

I think most of the people here (if i understand correctly) agree on one fact.
the prioblem was that you lied to your parents.

it doesn't show maturaity if you don't tell your parents, if you are mature enough to date this man then you should be mature enough to tell your parents. and if the two of you aren't doing anything wrong, then there really shouldn't be much worry about telling your parents.

in my own opinion though, age does matter. it may no be the deciding factor of a relationship but it is still something that should be recgonized. if you and your boyfriend are years apart, then it should be recgonized.
"we don't even think about the age"
i highly doubt that, you may not think the age is a PROBLEM but that doesn't mean you don't think about the age.

and lastly, i'm definitely against the idea of asking your parents if 'one of my friends was dating a 25 year old.. yada yada'. because when you finally tell them its actually you, no matter what they say, all its going to mean is that you lied to them. not only once, but twice when you told them it was your friend and not you.

Most people who answered to your question are about your age, if I saw correctly.
I am a mum of a 19 year old son. If he came home with a girl younger/older than him, I would not mind. I want him to be happy and I think an age difference isn't crucial in a relationship. I would want him to tell me about it, always. A parent always feels there is something going on with his/ her child and not knowing what it is exactly is far more upsetting then knowing!

Hey, I didn't read all the responses so I don't know if what I'm about to say has already been said so I apologize if it has.

First: I know that in NYS it is illegal for a 17 year old and a 25 year old to have sex. I'm not asking whether you do or not but if you do don't let your parents find out cause if something does go wrong with him and them they can have him put in jail even if you don't want it. (just a warning and I don't know if the law is the same where you live)

Second: I think that your parents need to know, as you've already stated lol. I would just straight up tell them. There is no other way to go about it because 25 is 25 my friend lol. Anyway your parents probably will be a little shocked and more over protective than usual at first but if they love you and you guys really love eachother i'm sure they won't care.

Good luck. =]

"Why can't you tell your parents the truth? I mean, if you weren't doing something wrong as you both assume you aren't..why are you hiding something from them?"

Backin' that. You clearly have no idea how devastated your parents will be when they find out you'd been lying to them. Keeping something like this from them does not scream maturity. Heck, it doesn't scream anything but stupidity.

We are the same age, and frankly, I'm not impressed.

Yes why can't you tell your parents the ones that made you that tucked you in bed at night yes they might not like the situation but at least you wouldn't feel so guilty your parents are going to be there for you no matter what and support you but if my daughter lied about her mans age I wouldn't be able to trust her some men crave younger women for attention I'm not saying that your man does but you have to be careful he might be some rapist or heck who knows all the diseaes out there now if that was my daughter I couldn't say you can't date him cuz love is love it will be the way it should be but I would seriously talk to my child and her man and think bout is this what you want? You have to realize men these days will take advantage of women in a heartbeat I wouldn't be impressed either but its wrong to keep it away from your parents the ones who raised you! That's not being mature at all 17? Come on I was still in school focusing on my goal in life men will be men I've learned bout plenty of them!!

Being a male I can sympathise with your parents if they stop you from continuing this liaison with your older boyfriend, as most males are sexually motivated towards the so called weaker sex. When I met my first wife I was a randy sailor out for one thing and she was strong so I waited out of respect for her to make the decision on our active sexuality we were married for 29 years she was 14 when I met her I was 20 I married her on her 20 birthday, Love can stand the waves of time don't be impatient listen to your parents and respect their wishes if this man loves you he will wait. Ray S

Well where i live the legal age limit is 16. so i dont see anything wrong with the age difference. you should talk to your parents cuz if they like him then it shouldnt be a problem that you two are together.