I need someone to talk to... Someone who understands...

There are so many different things going on in my head.. Everything is coming back up from my past.. I have no one to talk to, no one who understands.. There are so many different types of people on here.. People of my age, younger, & older. I don't know any of you, but opening up to all of you.. Doesn't scare me as much as opening up to someone close.. Friends... Family.. They all think they understand.. But no one truly does..

I've been molested, & almost raped. I was molested when I was younger, by my stepdad, who still, lives with me. Who I see every day... It's so hard sometimes.. The relationship we have.. It's so hard to understand.. I love him, but hate him at the same time..

The only guy who I've ever been truly in love with.. I've lost forever.. I still to this day, don't know how to deal with it.. The memories.. Everything that was said.. How long I waited for him... Everything is still here.. It's been almost two years... I still miss him so much.. I just want him to go away.. I want to stop thinking about him.. I want everything to just disappear... Forever... I want all my unanswered questions, to be answered.. I want my reasons.. I want the reasons he left.. I've been such a mess..

I've been dealing with depression & suicide for years. I've been fighting with suicide back & forth.. I've been wanting nothing more then to give in.. It's so hard sometimes.. I just want to leave this place..

I've been thinking about drugs.. I want pills more & more everyday... I'm tired of fighting off my addiction to suicide & pills.. I want nothing more then to be free, to get away from this place.

I miss my father.. But I don't even know him.. How is it possible that I miss him?

I feel like I'm not good enough for anything.. I've never felt so low in my life.. I just need someone who understands.. I need someone to talk to, someone who won't be an ass & judge me for anything I have said.. I figured.. People who write poetry & can open up in some way, could help.. I can't talk to anyone about any of this.. I feel like a fool for saying anything, I feel like an idiot.. I feel.. I feel so pathetic..

The quick and easy answer I've been telling myself and people as of late, is watch the movie Slumpdog Millionaire, and re-think.. "Is suicide really an answer?" ..

Life is tough, not only for you, but for everyone else. People sometimes have easy solutions, and some people hardly ever get a break. The ones that stay positive, and keep working hard, and never give up, are the ones that are successful. Just look at some of the people who are role models in the media. Just take a look at what they went through, and how they came out on top. There are a lot of inspiring stories out there. Keep in mind all of them.

I've had the same contemplations as yourself, I'm still around. I'm not a depressed person. I had my share of battles. Life isn't easy, if it was, it would be boring. I have tales to tell, that makes my life, worth living. Will you have a story to write one day? Or will you be another statistic in the books?

"I feel like a fool for saying anything, I feel like an idiot.. I feel.. I feel so pathetic.."

If you feel that way about yourself, you're giving the right to other people to treat you that way. Treat yourself with respect, and people will give it to you.

Brytanee, i know exactly where your coming from. The feelings in the past follow you if you let it. Letting the pain and emotions over come you without the escape, it soon becomes despair, let me tell you ive been thinking about suicide since im 9 years old, this is actually the first time saying it. I havent been on drugs for about 5-6 years, or have i seen a doctor i still think about it everyday, nothing can stop me from thinking about it, it feels so great to me. What im trying to say is, if you dont like a feeling escape it that means you should just walk out and feel free.