This guy and I.

So there's this guy, nick.

and we've been talking for about two years now, just as friends.
but the last six months or so things have gotten a little more serious.
Now, i may not love nick entirely, being so young i'm not really to sure if i know what love is for that matter. But out of all the guys i've known, i definitely care about him more than any of the others.
We talk everyday, give or take a few days and we do basically share everything together. He is one of my best friends.
But he hasn't talked to me the past couple days, and at first i thought maybe he was busy with work, school etc. but when i called him he didn't answer and he'll usually let me know if he's to busy to talk that way i don't think he's mad.

He hasn't said a word to me in maybe three days, and i've tried talking to him.

So i guess i'm just curious as to what you guys would think could be going on?

Obviously none of you would know for sure, because you are not him. but from the situation i think a couple opinions could be based off of it.

I'm not trying to start some big arguement or anything, just some honset opinions would be really nice.
if i need to clarify any of the story, or if you have any questions; i'm definitely willing to answer them.

thanks in advance for anything.

Have you said anything that may upset him or maybe you all had any kind of argument?

Nothing that hasn't happened before.

I'm currently having these stomach pains, and they're caused by a muscle pushing on my stomach.
and that causes me to never be hungry so i'm losing a lot of weight because i don't eat much.
and i also used to have a drug problem, and i just recently did drugs to deal with the pain that i was going through with my stomach. it was a bad idea, and a fairly horrible decision. I told nick the night that i did it, and he didn't seem all to angry, though logically he was still a little mad.

and then the next day he stopped talking to me.
i assumed this wasn't the problem though because him and i have argued about that same topic before.
and we always talked about it until we made up, he's never ignored me for it.

but maybe you see it differently.

i hope all that made sense.

Thank you a lot for responding Britt.

i definitely see what you're saying, the only reason why i didn't think it would be connected was that we've fought about that stuff before, but he's always talked to me. he never ignored me about it.

Now i feel entirely stupid because he sent me a text today, and apparently he's been ignoring me because he has some stuff going on and he couldn't deal with me i guess.
which honestly kinda hurt to hear, but at the same time was nice to hear. if that makes sense?

anyways, i told him that he has to tell me when somethings wrong instead of completely ignoring me. that I would understand if he wanted to figure some stuff out first, but i wouldn't forgive him for completely ignoring me for a long period of time.
I told him that this was definitely the most he has ever hurt me before, because he made me feel like i had finally done something that pushed him away.
and that was literally the worst feeling in the world.

I guess i'm still really confused about it, though i guess its sorta resolved.

Yeah it defintely makes sense.

and honestly i don't have many problems, my life is fairly well so i can't complain to much.
we definitely talk about what's going on with me more than what's going on with him but thats by his own choice.
when somethings really wrong he'll talk to me about it, but usually he doesn't even want to talk about it.
i try and talk to him about it.
i don't know, we definitely talk about my problems more than we talk about his own, but we don't talk about my problems much either saying as i don't have many problems to talk about.

i personally don't believe that he is just a shoulder, and that i burden him with to many things about myself. but i guess that doesn't mean its not happening.

Haha, guys definitely deal with things differently.

so is what your boyfriend said 'good'?
haha.

I had a guy to just "dip" out of my life before and to this day i still dont know why

Shayla - guys like that, or anybody like that, just get on my nerves. i know i'd definitely feel way more comfortable if i atleast knew why they left.

and thanks britt. yes, its good(:

thank you for your help and such.

"Hmmm, it always amazes me why women think guys are idiots when they step off, without even thinking what it is that they contributed to his decision to do such...."

elaborate a little bit, please?
i guess i don't really understand what you meant.

sorry i guess i'm just stupid or something.

"but in any event, if you don't have open and honest communication in a relationship, then you don't have much of a relationship to begin with"

^ All too true. It's sad that some people don't realize this.

"but any woman that I was in an intimate relationship with who felt the need to take drugs or drink rather than confide in me or talk to me about it first would definitely make me rethink my importance in her life"

^ I second that.

Just let him know that you still want him around and tell him that if he feels the same and isnt too mad , to contact you when he is ready, and then the ball is in his court. Dont keep running after him or it may scare him and make him stay away longer. There are probably a few factors contributing to why he's dissapeared, he may have a problem with your drug taking, he may have problems of his own and I know its a horrible thing to put into your mind, but if your relationship wasnt serious is it possible tht he could have met somebody else? I hope things get better soon hun and I wish u the best of luck. sian x

Thanks guys, sorry i haven't responded in awhile.

"but any woman that I was in an intimate relationship with who felt the need to take drugs or drink rather than confide in me or talk to me about it first would definitely make me rethink my importance in her life"

- i understand what you mean, but its not that i did rugs just to make him feel unimportant. i didn't do drugs to hurt him. honestly, i didn't really think about how i was affecting him when i was doing them.

it would never be my intention to hurt him, i understand that sometimes i do hurt his feelings. but i don't do it on purpose and i hope with everythign that i never have the desire to hurt him in anyway.

SIAN - i guess it is very much possible that he has met someone else. i just hope that's not the case, and i definitely don't want to think about it.
we have friends in common so i think i'd hear about it if he was seeing somebody, but maybe not. i just dont' know.

and i know he has a problem with me doing drugs, i understand that. i have a problem with me doing drugs. but i don't do them because i try and push him away or because i try to hurt him. I do them for two reasons really, one because i truly think i have an addiction and two because its one of the only things i've found that works. one of the only things that no matter what can always make me feel better.
nothing or nobody else, including nick, can do that for me.

Wow. uhhm, i don't really know what to say.

thank you for the response, i guess.

was what you said meant to hurt has much as it did?

It seems kind of like you guys are straying off the subject. just a bit, but that's okay.

to comment on recent things -
i understand that the truth hurts, and i definitely appericiate you telling the truth. the truth is nice to hear, whether or not it'll hurt me.

and don't say that he doesn't understand things, because he could very easily know what's going on. and he could very easily understand. you don't know him, and you don't know his experiences in the drug world.

i DO want to quit drugs. regardless. i know its bad for me, i know i'm hurting myself and others around me. its just that sometimes the high seems worth it. its definitely an addiction, and i know i need help. i don't do drugs very often, but when i do its a little excessive and that's how i know its a problem. but this is all besides the point.

I appericiate everything you guys are saying, i took every word into full consideration. and i seriously don't know.
you probably wouldn't believe it because of how much i've wrote, but i really don't know what to say.
i can't go around saying that i want to quit and that i feel that i should, and then never do it.
i condradict everything that i say, but i don't do it on purpose.

thank you for listening, and i'm sorry i really don't know what i should say.
i don't know what you want to hear, and i don't know what i want to say.

i'm just really confused.

In a way that is seriously one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me, does that sound weird? sorry if it does.
but honestly, while i was reading that all i could think about was how completely right you are.

thank you, i really think that's one of the most meaningful things anyone has ever said to me.
now i feel kind of stupid, because it meant a lot to me but probably was nothing to you.

anyways, thank you. i yet again appericiate what you said. and it really made me think.

you're good(: haha.

You're nice, thank you.

you make me feel like quitting is something that i can do, and i'm not really sure how.

thank you.

You guys all have good things to say, and i just don't. haha.

goodness, i just don't know what to say.
because i'm completely conflicted in everything i say.

i can say that i want to quit, but then i never do.
i can say that its not affecting other people, but i know it is.

its like whatever i say i try and tell myself its true, but i don't follow through.
i think part of me is worried that if i try and quit or if i try and fix things with people that i've hurt, then i'll just mess it up and make it worse than it was before.

its my own fear that keeps me from doing things.
does that make sense? is that possible?

It sounds like you feel like you will fail no matter what you do. And you seem to think that if you don't try, you can't fail. (That's what I got out of it).

If you don't try at all, you are failing. You can't succeed without trying. Of course it will be very hard, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

The only one who can make you quit is yourself. If you are serious about wanting to quit, do it. Your friends and family can help to be supportive, but you have to quit for yourself before anyone. If you really do want to, but really don't think you can do it on your own, then put yourself in treatment.

There are a lot of sources out there for people with drug addictions, but it really does come down to if you are serious about it or not, because you could have all the help and support there is, but if you aren't 100% serious about it, it's pointless.

~BJ~

Thank you guys.
i try and be commited to it, i try to help myself because i'm in full knowledge that i need it. i just don't.
and truthfully, don't ask why. because i don't know.

maybe i just think its easier than it would be to quit?
I don't know.

He's not speaking to me anymore, and i really don't think i did anything this time.

i know what was said, about how maybe i don't realize that the problems really me and that i don't see it.

but i can't do something this wrong this often without knowing it, can i?
all i know, is that i'm really tired of waiting for him to decide to talk to me and then tell me that he was going through things and expect me not to be mad.

when he doesn't talk to me i start to think i did something wrong, so i spend days/weeks or however long it is worrying that i did something and that i hurt him. and then when he talks to me he gets mad when i tell him that he should've talked to me.

i'm actually really tired of waiting around for him to decide he can talk to me this week but then have something happen with him or one of his friends and then he goes off and doesn't talk to me for two weeks.
even if he's hurt, by me or someone else. he has no right to intentionally hurt me just because something is hurting him.
in my opinion that is immoral.
if he likes me as much as he says, then why would he intentionally hurt me like this?

The first couple i let it go. because i didn't want to get worked up over something that seemed small. but when atleast once a month he just ignores me but then won't give me a reason, i shouldn't have to put up with that.
whether its my fault that he's ignoring me or not.
if he's not going to talk about it, then why should i try and fix whatever i'm doing that's hurting him?

So we spoke, for maybe five minutes.

i said "why aren't you talking to me anymore? you are not a jerk, but you are acting like one recently. and i love you but its getting to frustrating to always wonder what i did to make you mad. then you tell me that it was a personal problem just involving you, and you never talk about it. you shouldn't make me feel like i've done something wrong for two weeks when at the end you come back and say i didn't do anything wrong."

he responded with, "yeah that's really going to make me want to talk to you, you just tell me everything i did wrong. and you expect me to fix them."

I told him "i wasn't trying to be like that. you over dramatize the things i say, i was just saying that you can't keep hurting me like this."

and he just sat there silent, so i said, "just tell me what i did, i don't ask for some arguement.
but i have no clue what the i did to make you ignore me and get all pissed.

if you want me to stop talking to you, i'll stop talking to you whether i want to or not. but i don't know what i did.

i want to know what reason you have to ignore me, because i'm not going to put up with you just ignoroing me whenever you choose to. if we are going to talk, and we are going to be friends and we are going to be in this relationship its not just going to be when it is convient for you."
then he hung up.

this is frustrating, and i don't know if anyone's really reading this, but i guess i'm just typing it. for my own sake or something.
i don't know.

i may have all these problems that could push him away, but i don't see how he could sdpend six months telling me all these sweet things and confronting me about my problems and his own and then suddenly he won't even talk to me. i don't see what i changed, i have no clue what i did.

Yeah, i'm working on it. instead of just forgiving him when he says sorry this time (i assume he will because he always does at the end of this) i want him to tell me what i did and stuff.
because if this is going to keep happening, then i don't want to be with him.
no matter how much i care for him.

its just hard to be mad at someone you really care about.

One minute you're telling me to give him time, and to try and understand that i'm the problem and that maybe i'm the reason he's not talking to me. and the next minute you're telling me to care about myself and stop worrying what i could've done to him.

i can't help it that i'm confused and that it needs to be said 'simpler' for me when you change your stance. i'm sorry.

Well before i get hurt in this conversation anymore, i'd like it to stop.

i'm sorry, thank you for all of your opinions. espically yours sluvious, you were helpful.

Wow. okay.

Alright.
well i told nick today that i was done with him, and that i couldn't handle the way that he was acting and that he probably couldn't handle the way i was acting either.
i said that it would probably be in our best interest to just not talk for awhile, saying as we never talk anymore anyways. he never responded and i hung up.
i miss him, and i probably will for awhile.

and just to clear some things up with you guys, i wanted to stop this conversation not because i was afraid to confront things or whatever. but because the things you guys were saying were hurting me. and not really because they were rude things to say, just because things get to me easily. and i took it harshily. i wasn't mad, it was honesty and that's what i wanted. it just hurt.
and i definitely wasn't looking for sympathy, it hurts me that you'd say that. because i don't like to be told that i'm looking for sympathy. if it came off that way then i'm sorry, but that truly wasn't my intention. i don't seek attention, and i wasn't seeking attention. i was seeking advice, and that is what i got. i'm sorry if it seemed to come off any other way.

lastly, i think that the main thing that was being discussed here has been settled i.e. the nick situation. him and i aren't talking anymore and we probably won't be for a while.
thank you for your advice, on everything no just the nick thing. i do apericiate everything that you guys said and i'm planning on seeking help.
i'm going to start out trying to quit myself with the help of a couple friends. and i've already talked to them about it, if it doesn't work with just them then i told them to get me actual help in a rehab center or something. no matter what i tell them to do, if i tell them that's not what i want i don't want them to listen to me. because it is what i want, but more than likely at the time i won't think that. i'll thank them for it later. and i can thank you guys now.

thank you, truly(: