Moving in?

Alright, i have been dating my boyfriend, harley for about 3 years now. and for christmas he gave me a promise ring. and just a couple of weeks ago he asked me to move in with him and his family. well, his parents love me and he dearly loves me and treats me better than anyone i know. he told me that he would pay for my senior year in high school. we were planning on letting me move in like a week or two after my 17th birthday. and his parents are all for it. and i really want to move in with him because when i am at my house i am treated like a maid. every one were i live makes a mess and expects me to clean up. everyday it is the same old stuff, washing dishes, washing clothes, folding clothes, fixning supper, dusting and all kinds of stuff. and no one helps me, then if i dont get to do something or dont do it right, i get fussed at.then i am in school and it is affecting my studies. but at his house, everyone has a part to do in the house. and no one gets fussed at if they forget to do something. so if i move in there i will have more time for my studies and i will be better respected over there. but i want an honest opinion, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Well I just recently learned that when a couple moves in together, no matter how ready they are, they have problems. I might be wrong because I waited a year before I got an apt with my X bf Steve. But once we moved in together we both started to nit pick about the dishes the towels stupid petty things. and then i started going to college and making friends and he started having weird thoughts that i was cheating and then we broke up. its a really sensitive thing when a couple starts living with eachother. as long as you both keep in mind that your partner is the most important person in your world and that you both have to really work with eachother and talk as much as possible. talk about the little things and don't stop until your both agreed about who used the dish towel and didn't put it back.

I wish the best for the two of you, it seems like your really connected with him and his family. So moving in together will only make the two of you stronger.

I can tell by your writing that you seem to have already made up your mind , but seriously you may be better off waiting a while untill the two of you can afford to live alone. living with somebody elses family is going to be hard. even if you think you know them well, its going to be a shock to the system when you get to know their bad points with the good. their eating habits, family unit, beliefs and opinions may be very different to what your used to and you may find it hard to take on board. Also you have your own family to think of at this time, you dont want to make them upset by having them think that they are being traded in? Im not trying to make you feel guilty hun, but what would happen if you didnt get on with your boyfriends family as much as you thought you would, or you broke up with him. Things may be very unhappy when you decide to go home. You should talk to your family and tell them that they are making you unhappy. It may cause an argument but maybe after it has calmed down , things will get better for you.
Having your own home with your guy will be worth the wait, if you move in with his parents it probably wont feel like home to you. I hope I've helped a little and best of luck. sian x

My own personal opinion.. in a situation like this.. I think it would be better if you waited a year until you finished school and then got your own place and lived on your own for awhile.

That way.. when later on when you and your boyfriend do move in together and if something happens, you'll know how to take care of yourself and be out on your own.

Like Sluvious said "The streets are a cold place to live."

People seem to put the (Now) non needs of life in front. I've noticed that alot. Quit trying to be like other people and be yourself. Finish school first, thats the first thing that matters the most. You'd be surprised.

I have stayed at his house over the weekend and stuff like that. he makes sure that i have what i need and everything. he buys me the things i need and i have offered to do the dishes when i have stayed there and ate with them and things like that. and he wouldnt let me do anything. he wouldnt let me lift a finger. i have been with him for 3 years and i know him better than anyone does. he has told me things that no one else, (not even his mother) knows. he holds me when i cry, takes care of me when i am sick, he even got a job to better support me when needed. he has never harmed me, never treated me like crap or anything like that. and if he were to get what you would say "tired of me" then my older sister says that i am always welcome. she thinks that it is uncalled for for my parents to treat me like they do. i have thought about things and i have made plans if my first plan didnt work.

Boo hoo your parents make you do a lot of chores. That builds character. You'll thank them later on.

And that's good that he's there for you and treats you right. But its not right that you're using him to run away from your problems at home because you don't want to face them and deal with it.

Umm....he asked me to move in with him. i also live with an alcoholic father. i just want out of the situation

My boyfriend may be 19, but he isnt after just one thing.

And also, who are you to judge someone that you dont even know. you may be a sexaholic. but my baby isnt

If you don't wish to be judged, don't put your problems out there for people to judge and give an opinion on, that is how opinions are formed, judging the situation.

I never asked for someone to judge him though (my boyfriend)

You put it out there, they are automatically going to look at all scenarios, even bad ones.

Well...i have been with him for 3 years and he isnt like that. i am just getting this suspicion out of everyones head

Since it seems you already have it figured out and you know what you are going to do, why even bother posting and asking for other peoples opinions anyway? Do want you think you should and hope it turns out how you thought it would. In the end you are the one who has to live with your decision.

Umm....he asked me to move in with him. i also live with an alcoholic father. i just want out of the situation

^^^
Sounds like you may be running from the family situation You said you have an older sister, maybe you could move in with her and complete your schooling and then see if you still feel the same.

Kids want to grow up so fast. They fall in love and think that person will be with them forever. I know ... I was 16 once also. Had a boyfriend for 4 years or so ... and he gave me all the things your boyfriend is giving you now.
I thought ... he loves me ... I love him ... we'll be together forever. He tells me everything, I tell him everything .. ect. Same as you hun
Guess what he dumped me a week before my prom.

Give yourself 2-3 years and then see if you still feel the same as you do today.

If he loves you like he says he does ... he'll understand.

And I'm sure if you are anything like I was at 16 ... nothing anyone says is going to please you ... except yeah move in with him.

Your parents make you do chores ... wait until you have a baby on one hip, a load of clothes on the other, a sink full of dishes and a baby (maybe even 2) screaming to be fed.
At 16 this isn't what you want is it ?
I know you will say ... we use protection, it won't happen .... protection has been known to fail. Ask the thousands of pregnant teens, who said the same.

Best of luck !!!

Agreed ^

You may think your seeing love, although love can't be seen.

Your the person who should know. There's no buts, or ifs. It comes out of maturity

I'm glad I'm young, so many opportunities.
you should be to.

Inlove, with eachother? (Generally) Its just the
beginning. Imagine the next life, love is pure paradise to me its a (fact) its what i believe in

God gave us love, so when we do die together that love portal would guide us to its divine worlds.

Think about it.

But Luanne, just because you've been there, doesn't mean you understand, I mean her situation is different, it's real love...
^^^
Lol ... yeah at 16 I thought it was too. But I sure got over that love quick. Took me about 3 weeks, a cup of tears and a pint of ice cream ... lol

I went through a situation like yours. My mom got re-married when I was 5 and she and my step dad had a son. I was the outcast, the maid. Whenever I would stay with a friend they would go out to dinner and movies and do family things together, the only time I got that was on my birthday. I was constantly grounded for not cleaning the house good enough, not doing my chores, talking on the phone 5 minutes after my curfew, stupid things like that. I practically raised my little brother while my stepdad worked long hours and my mom worked and went to night school full time. It was really hard, and from 4th grade I said I was moving out the day I turned 17. I had a boyfriend to move in with, we had been together forever, I had stayed with him and he was always great, etc. Same things you described. Then I moved in with him, and everything changed. You think it won't be different, but things really do change no matter how long you've been together or how in love you are. 3 months later he dumped me, and I bounced from one friends house to another's night after night, slept in a park in my car half the time, and was more depressed and weak then ever. I eventually got my own apartment a few months later and started college and got my life back together. Then we ended up getting back together, he moved in with me, and everything went crappy again. I had a lot of fun and life seemed soooo much easier for a while, everything was great, I made it by paying the bills, etc. once I had to, but after a while it builds up, and I really regret not staying home longer and just taking it. I could have so much more now if I had stayed at home longer and just listened to everyone that told me it would be harder than I thought and that I would regret it.

You've already decided what you're going to do, you just want reassurance. I tell you what, you'll learn some invaluable life lessons, and you'll grow up -- and fast. But you have to consider what you'll be losing in the long run, what options you would have otherwise, and if it's really worth it. I think someone above me suggested moving in with your sister...that would be my advice. Get out of the bad home, but don't complicate your life by living with your boyfriend and escpecially with his family-i loved my boyfriend's parents but it put a strain on everyone-it's not all about playing house and having a good time. Even if they say they will support you-you can't depend on other people that much and will have to support yourself. So I'd suggest the sister option-Give it a while longer before you try moving in with the boyfriend. It can only get harder and more complicated.

It's not all about playing house and having a good time. Even if they say they will support you-you can't depend on other people that much and will have to support yourself. So I'd suggest the sister option-Give it a while longer before you try moving in with the boyfriend. It can only get harder and more complicated.
^^^
You are a very wise young lady Sierra. You've walked the road and know just how hard it really is.
I applaud you hun for telling your story. Hopefully it will fall upon open ears.

"You know, I always was told not to ever move out unless you can support yourself - financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, any shape or form."

^ And whoever told you this was clearly wise. :)

Everything everyone has mentioned it true.. Just because you assume you're "in love" doesn't mean you really are.. but then again only you can honestly know.

I'm 19 and will be 20 in five weeks. I still live with my parents. I work and go to School. I pay my OWN bills (cell phone, car insurance, internet, loans, etc.) and then I help my parents with their bills. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years and I can still say I'm not ready to move in with him. I do love him, his family is great and all but it's a big step. Sure, he's been in prison for a year and a half but I still don't feel the time is right. I know he loves me, cares for me, and wants the best for me.

My opinion would be to wait.. but I can tell that all you wanted to do was post something else on this site. You've already made up your mind.. why come for opinions if you're just brushing them off to the side anyways..?

Good Luck to you.

No one.. actually asked how bad it was for her at home..? Maybe it is worth leaving..?

how can you judge the guy (even though he's 19) . 2 years right? then he's was also minor when he knew you. And i don't think he is (all that happy deep inside of him) to be with a 16 year-old. What i mean is, you're just 16.. you agree, having someone his age would have been easier? But i guess we don't choose who we have feeling for.. and it just happens.

You're all talking about money, responsibilities (ouch i can't spell that lol), bills, waiting to be responsable.. na nana.. she's 16. What are you guys talking about? Haven't you ever been 16? Do you even think about it? Do you even understand?
Right now, she thinking about what she has at home , and that chance to geeeet out of there.

I don't know your situation.. but my girlfriends 16 (i didn't have a choice.. it just happened..)
and she wants only but one thing, is to get out of her place. For a lot of reasons.. which are worth calling the police.. but certain things inable her to do that [..]
Before going out, we we're friends (she was a bit TOO young back then). So i promised her, once she's 18, i would take her in. And like you all say, might not work.. couples break up a lot! But that doesn't mean i'm going to throw her out. Just because you don't love the person anymore, doesn't mean he means nothing to you. Just the love went away.

Though 16 is a but young to move out.. i think you should wait.. like i'm asking my girlfriend to do.

"You know, I always was told not to ever move out unless you can support yourself - financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, any shape or form."
true.. very wise. My dad tells me the same thing too ^^. But that's when you have caring parents.. not when home feels like hell.

^ Amen.

I would like all of you to live in my shoes for a week and see how it makes you feel. everyday i get cursed at, hit on, yelled at, and sometimes even starved because i live with an [abusive] alcoholic father. my boyfriend has always been there for me through thick and thin. he is the only one that i can call when these episodes happen. he is the only one that makes me happy. and moving in with my sister is not an option now because her husband lost his job as a car dealer [the dealership shut down] and their house cost about a thousand dollars a month. so therefore they are probably about to lose the house considering my sister is a stay at home mom. my boyfriend is the only option now. i am 17 now [turned 17 may 3] and i will probably finish this school year, then i guess i will figure things out from there

I didnt wish anything on anyone