Chuck Norris

This thread is dedicated to the best Chuck Norris Jokes, i will post 1 a day personaly. If you have any you want to throw in, please do.

Todays:
Chuck Norris dosent sleep, he waits

Chuck Noris doesn't buy butter

he round house kicks a cow and butter comes out of its mouth

Chuck Noris is the reason why Waldo's hiding.

"Chuck Norris is so tough there's no chin under his beard, only another fist." -- Peter Griffin, "Family Guy".

:P

If you have five euro and Chuck Norris has five euro, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

(:

Chuck Norris dosent read, he stares at the book untill he gets the information he wants

Chuck Norris dosnt go hunting, he gose killing

Chuck Norris can slam a revovling door.

Everytime Chuck Norris buys a song on iTunes, Apple pays him 99 cents.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Lol

ROFL @ "Chuck Norris is so tough there's no chin under his beard, only another fist." -- Peter Griffin, "Family Guy".

Chuck norris once had a staring contest with a statue, and won.

God:"Let there be light!"
Chuck Norris:"Say Please

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. ]

The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

:)

Chuck Norris - Enough Said

This thread makes me laugh !

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight becouse the darkness is afraid of him,

The boogy man is looks under his bed for Chuck Norris,

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you, If you cant see Chuck Norris, then it may already be too late.

Once a month Chuck Norris has sex with every woman in the planet, they then bleed for five days.

Chuck wanted to make his own energy drink, so he pissed in a can, we now call this Red Bull.

The extras are for the last few days Ive missed.

Chuck Norris can SLAM a revolving door.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a green number 4 UNO card, a dominoes and a cracker.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity....twice,

Chuck Norris can eat only ONE Lays Chip,

They decided that Nuking Japan was not has cruel has the alternitve...Sending Chuck Norris,

Chuck Norris once killed a dog for looking at him funny, it was a Pug,

Chuck Norris invented the color spectrum, except pink, Ryan Seacrest invinted pink.

Chuck Norris traded his soul to the devil for unparellad martiel arts skills and devistating good looks, he then kicked the devils ass and stole his soul back, respecting the sence of irony, they now play poker ever thursday.

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a McDonalds into a Wendeys.

The Bible was once called, Chuck Norris and Friends.

In a fight between Jet Lee and Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris would win.

^^^ HAHAHAHAHAH

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn�t lifting himself up, he�s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

i have sooo many more xD

Chuck Norris does not wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

"Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship."

True that. :P

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by yelling "Bang!"

-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.