Get some feedback 1:1, 2:2, etc

So I went through some times of writing a lot, then writing a little, and I see my poems aren't all commented evenly. I know some with 1 rating of a 5 doesnt deserve a 5, they have so much room for improvment.

So pick a poem of mine with less than 5 comments, and tell me how to improve, and post a title here. I'll comment as many of yours as you comment mine. I give good ones in my opinion. =]

I did "Land Of Insanity"

[:

Could you please do:
When The Stars Come Out

Thank you!

Please do It Wasn't Him That Picked Up The Pieces

=]

Anyone else?