I loose everyone i love, and its my fault.

Iv been so hurt in life, that now, i push everyone away, espically my boyfriend. Most peoples advice might be just stop, but its not that easy, its so hard to control, and i feel like im going crazy and its disturbing me, im going to loose him if i dont stop, and i dont know how to :'( i feel so messed up!

Maybe you should talk to him about it, if you haven't already. It'd do the of both of you good, that way he can understand as to why & you can get it off your chest. Maybe then the both of you could work together to overcome it.

Yeh i have talked to him about it, he still doesnt really understand, but its hurting him so so bad. and i dont know why im doing it.
I dont want to loose hiM!
it took me so long to find a guy like him!
and if i keep this up im scared i wil!

It isn't easy to stop hurting people and pushing them away. Especially when you do not know why you are doing it. I know plenty of people say "trust me" and give their advice. I don't know about you but I don't trust people. but I have been in the same boat. It hurts so badly to you and the other people. Do you have depression? that could be what it is. Keep talking to him and trying to let him know. He will come to understand in time. If you'd like someone to talk to message me. I can do my best to give advice...

"It's more simple than you make it to be"

James,
for those who aren't used to it or don't know what it is it's simple. But once you understand it it is simple.

We all know what our own problems are, unless of course we have repressed our past, it is about finding the courage to face it and change what it is we don't like. If you don't want to change, you won't. A rut becomes a comfortable place, you live what you know, if you don't like what you live, find a new way, no matter how much it scares you.

With out knowning more of why you push people away there can be little useful advice anyone can give on how to stop pushing away others.

it seems that the best way to help prevent losing your bf would be to tell him what you say here, tell him it all let him help you, if you care for him and him you, then he will be of more help than any one else could ever be.

but also if its hard to control, then dont try to, instead reason with it and shape it but let it run its way. if you dont want to lose your bf, and if you can understand what you would feel with out him then perhapse you can use the fear of losing it all to shape what your actions are.

The only thing i can think of as to why would be maybe i lost to much and people who were never meant to walk away did so i gues i push everyone away before i get to the point of where i was, when it broke me bad i did some things i regret and completely changed.

and no it is not easy, if you were going through this, you wouldnt think it was easy.
you think i like pushing people away and loosing people i love?
no.

it just seems so hard. i have talked to him about it and he is trying his best. but i guess theres only so much people can take.

Sure nobody has been in the same situation. It's never the same but many peoples problems are pretty similar. It sounds as if you are taking this a bit personally which in my opinion you can't do because you are the one asking for others advice. You can't be mad or judge others based on how they try to help you.

"people who were never meant to walk away did "

If they were never meant to walk away, they wouldn't

"and no it is not easy, if you were going through this, you wouldnt think it was easy.
you think i like pushing people away and loosing people i love?
no."

But you don't hate it enough to change it yet, don't get offended, it's not about liking it, it is about accepting it, you have accepted that this is the way you are, until you accept a different way, nothing will change.

My bf doesn't really get a lot of what goes on in my head either because he has never really been in the same spot as me, but if he is doing his best to try, we owe them the same.

The best thing you can do is try when you feel yourself pushing people away instead hold on to your bf and talk to him about it right then at the moment you feel yourself pushing people away.
the way its always been for me is the words the thoughts fail to come to my mind when i try to talk about it to others. but when its happening and the only person i trust is there i try to talk, its the only time i can ever get thoughts to words on it.

advice is an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct.

its not useful to simply tell a person what to do, neither is it to tell them what they do is stupid and they should just stop.

"You do not know the first thing about me, How are you so sure I have not gone through this? Just because you don't like the answers you are getting does not mean that you can be rude about it."

being rude, while its not helping its also not with out cause. i think that anyone whos ever had any kind of problem in life knows that it doesnt help and sometimes hurts to have people tell you "just stop" "your being stupid by not ( )" ect. such responses from people tend to make the reciver of the info abit hostile.

i dont believe there is such a thing as "a person who is meant to walk away or not" each person has a threshold in which they will either remove themselves from an enviroment or choose to try to alter it. if someone walks away it is outside your control you dont control people. they stay because they want to and they leave because they want to.all you can do is curve the flow of events to try to affect the outcome.

"But you don't hate it enough to change it yet"

hate rarely has useful outcome, hate is not required and i would advise against it if your trying to change the way you are.

"It sounds as if you are taking this a bit personally which in my opinion you can't do because you are the one asking for others advice. You can't be mad or judge others based on how they try to help you."

true people should not. but can you honestly tell me that in emontional or physical pain that you would think like that? if i asked for help, and you told me that my problem is simple and easy to fix, what would you expect me to do, i know id be further hurt and lash out at you for it.

im not trying to change anyone or make anyone upset im just saying what i see and what i think and trying to help everyone help the actual issue here.

"...you have accepted that this is the way you are, until you accept a different way, nothing will change."

^ Possibly the best piece of advice here because of how it has hit the root of the problem (that I myself noticed). If you accept that this is the way you are or this is the way things will be, if you don't have faith in yourself, then nothing will change and you won't change.

What Britt had to say about, "Why is it EVERYONE thinks they are the ONLY one who has a problem? You..." is too true.

Do I know what it's like to push someone I care about away? As far as I can remember at this moment, personally, no I probably don't know because that wasn't the type of person I was or am. Does that make me ignorant? No, because many, many, MANY times I have been the one who has been pushed away by someone I cared about out who I thought cared about me... Do I know whether or not it is as simple as that or easier said than done? No, like I said, I can't recall ever pushing those I care about away. But I do believe it is different for every person; perhaps simple as that for some or easier said than done for others. I also believe that you'll never know if you don't try, try and TRY again, and again and AGAIN.

[edit]

There actually has been a few incidences that I can recall where I thought that I was pushing someone I cared about away. When my mother is angry with me or my father (mostly my father) she tends to ignore him for hours or even days. There have been several incidences when I behaved exactly as she had and does towards my boyfriend. But the only difference was that I caught myself before I let it go to far (I never ignored him). I apologized to my boyfriend and told myself I didn't want to be like that; I didn't want to be like my mother (in that way).

I'll tell you right now, if you ever want things to change & if you want to change, it's not going to happen overnight; in one day. If you truely want things & yourself to change it's going to take practice, commitment and patience.

^^ agreed^^

You can't keep saying it is your fault. You need to do something about it. Talk to them. Gets some help. If you really have a problem and really want things to change you will try to change it and not just sit around and think about hoe it's your fault..