Should I be doing this?

I've been dating this guy, for about 5 months. i care about him, but he's going to be moving to oklahoma city at the end of May. (oklahoma is almost 2,000 miles away from me) the distance would suck and we both decided we weren't going to continue things because we think it'll be to hard.
but i figured that meant things would continue until he left.
but if i even remotely act like i care about him, then he tells me i'm getting to connected and that i need remember he's leaving at the end of the month.
i don't want him to go, but its what he wants. and i've respected that until this point.
he says he doesn't want to break my heart, that's why he tells me not to get so connected just for him to have to leave. but he's hurting me in the process of saying not to get to connected.

its gotten to the point where i have to dilberately ignore him for a day, not because i want to or anything. i just have to make sure i don't text him, because i'm always worried he'll tell me i'm getting to connected again.
i don't want to ruin the last month we have together, but i'm starting to feel like its not a relationship and its more of a friends with benefits type of thing.

iI just don't know if the things i've done have been 'right' or 'wrong', and i'm confused about what i should do now?

i think he's trying to be sweet by saying that he doesn't want to hurt me when he has to leave, but it just doesn't feel like that to me.

i really just want opinions, because i don't know what to do about it anymore.

any questions? just ask.

thank you guys, in advance.

"its more of a friends with benefits type of thing"

He doesn't want you to get connected but there are "benefits" seems a little contradictory.

If you guys have already been together for five months, then I'd say you're already connected and it's kind of a lost cause when he says he doesn't want you to be connected..

^I agree with Britt. He's using you. "I'd cut your losses, move on, and spend time for you. This guy isn't worth the pain that's about to show up in a month." I totally agree.

Alright. well thanks you guys.

you're right actually, i just wanted opinions. thanks.

i'll just let him know, that since it seems i'm just going to be used for the last month of this, then i want it to end now. because its going to hurt either way.

Mmmmmh.. i don't really agree with you guys.. ^^
ok.. he's leaving.. did he have a choice to stay? or was he planning to leave before he met you?

I don't think you can say 'right away' that he's using her for the (its more of a friends with benefits type of thing).
A lot of people before leaving, have that kind of way of talking. 'We shouldn't stay together, cause you're gonna get hurt.. nanana.. better you back up a little bit...' (you know what i mean) and i think you can't judge that. You have to settle down with him, and talk honestly. Of what he wants, what he feels, and what you really want. Cause maybe he's not using you, and it's his way of not getting hurt, and not wanting to hurt you. And sometimes, some moments, he just doesn't want to lie to himself or you anymore, and he can't resist...
Maybe he's waiting for you, to tell him you do want to stay 'connected' . you know what i mean?

This kind of situations, there is no 'right' or 'wrong', the best thing to do is just sit down and talk. And then you'll know what's going on.. i guess .
But i find it's unfair to judge him without knowing.
^^

Well that's what this site is about, they don't really know him. so they judge him. you can't fault them for that.

i don't know, i thought about that. i thought that maybe he's really trying not to hurt me. but what if i take the chance in hopes he's just trying not to hurt me. and then i get hurt? that's my fault.

i'm afraid to get hurt. and i don't want him to go. not anywhere close, i'd so much rather him stay.
and truthfully, he could stay if he wanted to. he has the choice. he choose moving over being with me, why should i try and fix that?
he's about to finish his first year in college, and he wants a change in schools.

i feel like i should respect that, but i don't want to. because i don't want to lose him.

'Cause they put themselves in your position, since you're the one talking about it. But they've forgotten the other side of the story.

In any way you're going to get hurt, if you have some feeling for him, and he's leaving, or it all ends. Might as well try to fix it..?
Doesn't mean he's moving that it's over.. long distance relationships aren't that bad.. they allow you to get to know very well the person. Not the way you can, by being close. (if you really want to be with him)

if you don't want to respect that.. why don't you tell him to stay. Have you asked? honestly? Just like.. sit down both of you and talk seriously? Maybe he's waiting? i don't know, i don't him. But you should tell him, everything you are saying here..

I've been through a lot with somethings the past couple days (my best friend died friday night) and so i haven't had much time to look at this. sorry guys.

amanda, honestly. my advice to them would be to forget about him, even though you don't want to. let him go, because as much as you want him around. its going to hurt in the end.

and its easy for me to say, but not so easy to do. i'm trying though.

i told him that i don't want to talk about it right now, with what's happened recently, and that we could discuss it some other time. but that no matter when we discuss it, i don't think we'll be staying together.

he got mad a bit, but then he finally said that he understands and that its probably best anyways.

Thank you britt.

you're both right, and i'll most definitely just take my own advice. hard or not, whats happened the past couple days have taught me the sometimes the hardest things have to be done anyways. like realizing that my best friend has died, and nothing can change that.

eventually i'll learn about guys, or at least how to be smarter about them and i won't have to go searching for advice that i already know myself anyways.

Thank you Amanda. and britt.

you two have been helpful :D

Indeed(:

i told him today. i said that him leaving is hard for me, and its even harder to be with him up until that point.
i told him that i cared for him, and that its hard for me to say. but that i didn't think we could see each other anymore.
i also said that i'd love to hear about his new school, and how things are going there. and that i'd love to keep in contact with him.

i thought it was the right thing to say. was it?

Haha, yeah. i know i've done it before, and i know people that have done it. girls always do it. i just don't want to never talk to him again. like we don't have to be best friends or anything, but whether it was good or bad he was an important part of my life and i don't really want to just get rid of that.

i don't expect us to talk everyday, i just think i'd feel better if we kept in contact. it'll be hard, of course, but i wouldn't mind trying it.

I agree. and i know i'm kinda going against that.

but i'd really like to try to be friends with him, if it doesn't work - than it doesn't work. i think i might be able to eventually come to terms with that, but i don't want to think later down the road "i wonder what happened to him" i want to still be friends with it.

i know it might not be the best idea, but i'll give it a shot.

"Chelsey,

Be prepared to know what he's doing though. Also be prepared to take whatever emotions may come when he finds someone or his reaction to you finding someone else. It's nice to keep in touch but you have to ask at what cost to you both."

Oh so true. I moved away from my home town, like, 4 years ago now? Something like that, I lose track. And that absolutely tore me up. Well, there was a boy that I dated off and on for about a year. My first, "puppy love", so to speak.

And when I found out that he was dating one of my friends not too long ago, it really hit a nerve. I kept thinking "what could have been" etc etc. In the end, I'm happy for them. They've been together for like, 2 years or so. But deep, deep down, there's still a spasm of jealousy that she has the option that I'll never have.

If i was in your situation i would go and tell him you know wat your right i shouldnt get to attached to you so we should be friends and see how he reacts and if he doesnt seem to care then that shows hes being nice trying to not hurt your feelings but he has other things in mind when hes gone if you know wat i mean.. but thats my opinion.