Prison

Please if you have time to read this do...

last week my boyfriend was sentenced to 4 years in a state prision, for an accident he was in 3 years ago.

to give you a brief recap:
His friend was suffering from chest pains so he was driving him to the hospital, unfortunatly along the way a pick up truck turned in front of him to make a U-turn, he swerved to avoid it clipping it instead sending him into another car, killing his friend instantly-the state charged him for his death. and no, he wasn't under the influence of any substance.

we've been together for a year now, and i know to some of you that might not seem like a long time but he gave me the best year of my life, as cliche as that sounds. it's never been very easy for me to let my guard down for anyone and he was the first guy i was completely comfortable with.

I love him with all of my heart, he's such a wonderful person. he gave me a kind of happiness i didn't know i was capable of having and now that he's gone-i don't know what to do with myself. he's my everything...

he made me promise not to wait for him because he wants me to live my life and be happy and doesn't want to hold me back, which i understand and admire him for. but...i want to wait for him, i want to fight for him. but, i'm a person who stays true to their word especially to people i truly care about and i don't want to go back on my promise, but i don't want to risk losing him.

i'm afraid to fall in love with someone new at the risk of not being able to know what could have been with him. I guess what I'm seeking is guidance-if you can give me any i would apperciate it so much.

4 years in state prison is nothing compared to being sentenced to 10 years with no parole. My boyfriend is currently in prison. This year is his 2nd year. We've been dating for 4 years. When I found out that he was getting locked up, I went into a panic attack. It was too much to take in,.. I thought my life was over. He also told me the same thing "not to wait for him because he wants me to live my life and be happy". I refused to move on. Though at times I even thought about it but nothing ever felt right except when it came to him. We have been through so much and during these 2 years he's been in prison, we've proved a lot to those that thought that we would never make it. And even more because we're of different races. Our relationship has become so much stronger. With him being there, there's not much to talk about. After a while, it's just you, pencil, paper, and your heart. You spill out every feeling of any sort. If you see my profile and read my poems, you can see that all my love is for him. He will never be replaced. The relationship can work, it just takes a matter of time to get used to. 4 years is nothing, just like high school. Nothing.

Good Luck <3

Amanda, once again, I'm in complete agreement with you. I think that's a pretty petty thing to do.

And that has got to be tough. My boyfriend and I have been together for [roughly] 11 months and although it's not a long time for some, [as you said], it is not nothing.

I haven't ever been in that situation, and hope I never am, but all I can say, [and yes this is going to sound incredibly cliche], but follow your heart.

On the one hand, you don't want to give up something great, but on the other, you shouldn't pass up something that could be great by waiting for him.

Tough choice. I wish you the best of luck.

*hugs* I know that can be a very hard place to be in and even harder choice to make. I've been in your shoes and its hard but...it does sound like you've already made up your mind on what you want to do and what feels right to you hun. Like Bob said, he'll probably be out in mush less time. Is he worth waiting for to you? If yes then theres your answer. If he doesn't want you to wait for him and move on, which is a very noble thing of him to say, and you don't want to move on then tell him you'll wait anyway and that its your choice to make. Be his friend while he is in prison, write to him as much as you can, support him and be there for him and just tell him that you'll wait till he's out and then you guys can figure out where to go from there if thats you're choice.

I have a new problem- today my brother told me if i continued any type of relationship with him whether it was friendship or romantic he would be sure that he and my grandparents would disown me.

he also said i can make my own decisions and if i decided to be with this guy when he gets out he would be more then happy to cut me out of the will because it would be one less thing for him to worry about.

guys- i dont want to lose the relationship with my brother but i dont want to lose the relationship with my boyfriend either. I hate that hes trying to make my decision for me. he tells me he loves me, but how can threating to disown me be love?

i want my brother to be an uncle to my children, i want him to be there at my wedding, but i fear if i stay in contact with my boyfriend-even if it fades into a friendship, i won't have a brother at all, he wont be apart of my life.

I love my boyfriend with all my heart and it hurts that my brother cant see that, he wont accept that because all he sees is "convict" not the person he is.

I have no idea what to do. I dont want to give up on my boyfriend, i refuse to-but i dont want to lose my brother. please help me.

I apologize, I know it reads like that but I was just typing as I was thinking. And it's not so much to say "well that's nothing in comparison to my life" but as Someone has stated in a different post, there are others that have it worse. I'm not trying to be like "stop whining" , just saying that if you don't give up on it no matter what others say, you can make it. It will take patience from both sides.

^^I second that.

For this situation....its tough...
You have to really think about what you want...
because this is not going to be easy....

I know how you feel, my boyfriend is in prison. And I know how you feel inside. He shouldn't have made you promise him you wouldn't wait for him because hes not leaving you any choice. I think if you really want to wait for him, write him a letter and say that it was wrong for him to make you promise that but instead say, i want to wait for you but I wont promise i wont because in case i do meet someone new.

But i guess do what you want to do!

That's a really tough decision to make, especially now that your brother has threatened you. I will tell you that my best friend's boyfriend went to jail about four or five months ago. She was so in love with him, promised him she would wait for him, and wrote him letters every day. Well after a couple of months things changed, she realized the stress that all was putting on her and that she just wanted to be happy and be a normal teenager and not have to worry every minute of every day. Their relationship faded, he's still in prison and she found someone new. Sometimes that's just the way things work, even if you don't initially plan on it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes love isn't strong enough for this kind of thing, and you really need to think carefully about how worth it this would be, considering the threats your brother has made. I wish you good luck.

Follow your heart, if you really love him... (usually its hard to fall in love with another person if you really like the person and be faithful) btw get a good lawyer might help too ^^