I NEED SOME WORDS OF WISDOM! =/

Ok its kinda long so i hope you guys will read it through because i NEED this help...

So i had VERY big crush on a guy named Daniel. I used to work with for about 7 months and he got transfered and then quit..but when we did work together we talked ALOT at work, got along GREAT and after he left i STILL couldnt get him off my mind...

So i kept contact with him on myspace and we exchanged numbers, talked alot and i started to kinda like him. After a little while i told him i had a crush on him so he finally asked me to hang out at his apartment and i was SOO EXCITED! When i went over there we talked for a bit and we ended up hookin up (not sex because i was a virgin at the time). After that had gone on he started askin me over alot and sadly i didnt mind us hookin up like we were because at least he wanted to see me(sickening i know!).

Months later after hookin up on and off for about 2 months he got a girlfriend and we stopped hangin out and it bothered me SO much but with time i just decided id move on. I feel in love with someone else and lost my virginity to him and it didnt last after that. I ended up making a STUPID mistake that id rather not say and i did it on purpose so Daniel would find out and get jealous but instead when him and his girlfriend broke up he came running back to me for MORE friends with benifits and i thought my plan worked! Well sadly my plan back fired because i am MADLY in love with him now!

We get along AMAZINGLY and im myself around him and he does alot of things that only a guy that has feelings for a girl would do like hold my hand, kiss my forehead, cuddle with me, and actually hang out and watch movies and stuff like that. But me and him had gone to the next level and actually had sex. I finally told him i had strong feelings for him and he said he was sorry that he had to much on his plate and didnt have the time for a girlfriend but i know its an excuse because if someone liked someone they would FIND time for them. So we stopped hanging out for a bit but now we are back at it and the pain is KILLING me but i just cant let go of him =[ EVERYTHING reminds me of him and he still texts me all the time to hang out and its just so hard to say no. I told him before we cant hang out because its hurting me and he said he understood and i started to miss him SO much that one day i broke down and text him and told him i wanted to hang out but he didnt want to because 'he doesnt wanna hurt me' but it happened anyway and we hook up probably about once a week now. This crush/liking/loving him has been going on for longer then a year and a half and I dont just sleep with anyone and im not sleeping with anyone but him but i just continue to hook up with him because i feel thats the ONLY way i can see him...

The reason why im writing here is because i just feel helpless and just cant let go and would love some feed back and words of wisdom from people...

If u plan on trash talking me just dont bother to post an answer...but people who are trying to help me THANK YOU SO MUCH in advance!

You took the words right out of my mouth, Bob.

How did i trash talk myself?? i know im not a bad person or a trashy girl but other people would judge what im going through as tho i am a bad person or a trashy girl.

I want honest answers and words of advice! i KNOW i shouldnt be doin what im doing because in the end im hurting myself but iv read in some posts that people posted trash talking them and making them sound like bad people or that they where easy and i KNOW im neither. i just LOVE this guy and have been in love with him for the past year and a half and i feel helpless. i can handle HONESTY and even trash talking me i just dont wanna bother on reading the trash talking because i feel like those are the people that like to put other people down to make themselves superior to them...so if you have a HONEST opinion on my situation then speak freely please otherwise i just dont wanna waste my time reading things that say im a bad person or easy or anything that I KNOW im not...

I know this is going to be difficult but I think you should MOVE ON. Deep down I think you know you should too because the thing you guys have right now isn't going anywhere. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, at least not in a serious one. All he wants is to hook up with you (I think you can see that), and he says that he doesn't want to hurt you but obviously he is, over and over again. It's going to hurt but you need to LEAVE HIM, it'll hurt more to stay in the relationship. I get how you feel because he's your first love and you lost your virginity to him so it's going to be really hard to get over him but you have to. You have to lose contact with him, delete his number, and just start hanging with your girlfriends to get your mind off of him. Your still young, there is still a lot of things you haven't seen/experienced, and there are better guys out there. In time, you'll move on and realize that. I don't think you need any of our advice because you know what to do. . .it's just at the same time, you don't want to. Well, eventually you'll have to. Good luck, you can pm me if you want.

Thanx a bunch lovestruck!

thats the type of post i loved to hear...

he text me today talkin about hockey (we both have a love 4 the red wings) and i just didnt respond to his text...im not gonna lie it was SOOOO hard but i did it...hopefully i can keep it up...

Well your getting on the right track..hopefully you'll keep it up because you don't want to fall back and start all over again! Just try to have fun with life! Good luck! (:

I agree that you have to move on. The hardest part is to remember that you're doing it for yourself. You can't just be playing hard to get, with the secret hope that when you begin to withhold yourself he'll realize what he's lost and suddenly want you. It needs to be about you and only you, especially since he's made it clear that his needs are his only concern. I think you can do it, though. It's tough to realize that your actions need to stop, but once you've managed that, which you have, the rest will fall into place easier. Good luck!

You're just a bouty call and that's it. I agree with bob 100%.

There are good guys out there, they are just really hard to find or in the least likely place that you would ever think of.

I can assure you of that. It's the same with finding a woman who's not crazy and doesn't want to kill you in the middle of the night(long story).

If you don't want to hook up, then DON'T it's the same as this one chick who sends me texts. When she and her bf are fighting I get a text, she askes how i'm doing and drops hints about coming over. I eventually had to end up saying I'm talking to my gf and busy and stuff with school, but another time. I'm too nice to say that.

You sound like a lovely person with a lot of love to give and you're giving it to the wrong person who doesnt deserve at it ALL!! Plus you're gorgeous judging from your avatar and it sounds like he loves having a beautiful girl at beck and call when HE wants it, with no regards to how you feel. He knows you love him and seems to be counting on that fact you will never say no to him to get what he wants when he wants.
The minute you put a stop to it, who knows, he might decide he does love you after all and ask for a serious relationship but untill he does that, you're hurting yourself because you never know where you stand. And thats not good for anyone's self esteem. You're confidence levels will drop and you'll beat yourself up over the fact he doesnt seem to want you enough to commit to you when there are tons of nice guys out there who will drop everything for you given half the chance.
Stand tall and keep your self respect and don't run after him anymore. You're an intelligent girl, don't let this guy sap the love from you. Keep your heart for someone who deserves it
Good luck sweets x

Hes been contacting me like crazy lately and i seen him again promising myself that it was my last time...i swear hes like a drug 2 me and i think i have finally realized i have 2 give him up...so hard tho when he keeps tryin 2 see me...i dont have the heart 2 tell him off cuz in a way i love his chasing me but i never give in anymore just cuz i know i shouldnt...im the most giving, caring and sweet person 2 the ppl i like/love but it seems no guys want that they r just after the mean girls that can care less! idk i just wanna give up on all guys cuz im almost 21 iv been in love 4 times and all 4 times i was madly in love and they did not even LIKE me...and i NEVER had a REAL relationship and wats happening with daniel im starting 2 think something is wrong with ME...i know im attractive and an AMAZINGLY sweet girl just seems no guy wants that anymore...UHHHH! IDK!!!!

Honey, my friend went through the exact same thing, and she is still looking for Mr.Right, three relationships where the guy used her. We think she's found a nice guy now but she's taking it slow. Thats what you need to do. Stay away from this guy but don't rush into another relationship right away. Stay single for a while. You're only 20 so there is no mad dash to the finish line for a man just yet. You have your whole life ahead of you. Have some fun, go out with the girls, have a few dates, nothing serious untill the RIGHT guy comes along who will love you right back.
I think you should text this guy one last time to tell him, you'll only be interested when he's willing to commit because you're sick of playing games and being second fiddle all the time.
And guys do what that, but you have to be patient and let them come to you. =)
P.s. You got facebook at all? If you ever wanna message me on there as i'm on there a lot more and i'm taking a vetted interest in making sure you find the right guy now, haha.

I took it slow wit hmultiple guys b4 him and all the guys just gave up cuz i wouldnt give it up...makes me feel like im not good 4 anything but hookin up =[ it really sucks wen u start 2 feel like an object =[ i just wish there was a decent guy out there that would wanna b with me! not wat i can offer sexually...idk i just wish i didnt care about anyone and didnt care that no guy has ever loved me...i just wish daniel would see wat he was missing by not bein with me =[ and no i dont have a facebook but i have a myspace...

Hunny, I know u've probably heard it all b4, but you deserve better than this. This guy is messin u around and thinks that every time he's single and on the rebound he can come runnin back to you! Please pull your head togethr and go find a decent guy who will make the time for you, and will take things at whateva speed you r comfortable with and treat u like u deserve to b treated. Dont confuse real love with what this daniel has shown you coz trust me it isnt, he sounds like an idiot who you are better off without. Clear him out of your life and make way for mr right! lol hugs poppy. x

If u plan on trash talking me just dont bother to post an answer...but people who are trying to help me THANK YOU SO MUCH in advance!

^Appalling. Bob's response to that was spot on.

I agree with bobs advice but not his comment about the trash talkin thing but watever....

i finally told him 2 not contact me anymore unless he changes his mind about me and wants 2 b with me...but it took sooooo much outta me =[ he said he understood and would stay away and it made me break down...iv been pretty heart broken =[ hopefully i wont feel this shitty 4 a long time =[ this really sucks!

I love you, Baab.

Im so glad uv had the courage to do this hun, u really wont regret it. x

U act like i jumped into bed and had sex with him the first week i knew him...the 1st time we hung out i was still 18 and i didnt think anything of hooking up the way we did but i didnt have sex with him till i had ALOT of strong feelings 4 him and if i can turn back I WOULD HAVE NOT done anything with him but i cant turn back time i just learned...i actually have a phobia of hookin up with guys now cuz of this situation im in...i DID learn i just cant go back in time and change it...i wasnt sayin watever 2 u and my dad isnt the type of dad who is worth my time so ya maybe if u were my dad things would b different but ur not...everything we do in life has a reason for it happening...i dont blame my dad 4 the position i put myself in BUT i do think if a girl gets the love she needs from her dad she grows up alot better and has alot more self respect and knows how a man SHOULD treat her...

but anyways i still havent talked 2 Daniel but he keeps dropping hints on myspace that hes thinkin of me...i really dont think he wants me 2 get over him cuz he loves the attention he gets from me cuz i do love him...in a way im happy he is thinkin of me and another part of me wishes he would just stoop cuz it would b easier 2 move on...

I was in a similar situation like you but we would only hook up(no sex!) We were like that on and off for a couple of months, then I met someone else, and we started talking, but I was still into him, ALOT!! And I talked to him ALL the time!! one night he took me to the movies and that was the last time I ever saw him or kissed him.... Becauase I told him that I really liked him and I though we had something special going on... he told me he wasnt ready for a gf... we were both 19, and he had NEVER had a GF... So I told him it was ok, he told me that we were going to remain really good friends, and I told him yes, i would really like that because we had fun times together... so he stopped calling,texting, and seeing me... but after the guy I started talking to really came through and we started talking... now were engaged....
So my point is START LOOKING!! You never know who might step in and sweep you off your feet like my fiance did....
I felt really bad, because I liked the guy too ALOT!! But I believe everything happens for a reason...
I really hope you find someone else to make you happy....

GOOD LUCK!!
XOXO

I HAVE been looking 4 quite a few years...all the guys i date r either assholes and dont no how 2 treat a girl OR they were just tryin 2 get in my pants...its just really frustrating! im just SOOOO fed up with disappointment!

What do you suppose is wrong with your outlook, then?

^
<-- Need I say more?

Hey I was the same way... all the guys I dated were mean, or wanted to get in my pants, but was always smart enough to not let get to me.... it took me awhile to find someone... but I did... and it was unexpected... so that was the best part... Yes, i went through my heartbreaks and tears but ask me now, it was all worth it....
Were the same age, I am 20 too and it took me this long to find someone, which wasnt a bad thing... because I have enjoyed my life so far with friends and my family...

Just go with the flow...

do you have high expectations for guys? Because I mean no one is perfect and if someone loves you very much they are willing to change....

No i actually dont have high expectations...everything i expect in a guy is easy...sweet caring guy that will treat me with respect, want a serious relationship, decent looking with a decent job, good hygen and a nice smile....simple enough!! haha i just dont get y all the guys i meet that seem interested arent really interested IN ME...

i am living my life and i dont go out literally SEARCHING 4 guys but if someone i meet im interested in and seems interested i try and see were it goes...which is usually nowhere haha 2 be honest i think the reason y guys dont like me is cuz im TOOOO nice and TOOOO caring...iv done the hard 2 get thing, the careless acting, the b**** acting, the hard 2 get acting, and i think they see right threw it. im just not any of those. im caring and nice and very givin and im just hoping theres a guy out there that can see that and APPRICIATE it...i work i full time job and i dont go 2 skool YET cuz im waiting to move to a different state 2 start skool but untill then im just dealing with work.

Well, after reading everything here, I have a few things I'd like to say. In regards to your last post, don't change who YOU are for anyone else. If you want true happiness and love, then you need for someone to fall in love with YOU, not an image of yourself that you think other people will go for. You just the way you are is just fine. As far as being TOO nice as you say. First off, theres no such thing in my opinion. ;) lol Secondly, guys will soon realize that you are exactly what they are looking for. Not the hard to get, or careless, or b**** acting. Just be you! I've been through the exact same thing you're going through myself! Except I let it go on for 7 years before I stopped it. Now that I've finally moved on, I couldnt be happier! I feel free again and ready to love someone new when they come around! I think you should do the same and try not to be so hard on yourself. If you need to talk about anything else you can just PM me or post on here. I'll keep an eye out on it.
Hopeless Romantic

"Not the hard to get, or careless, or b**** acting"

You may not be implying this, but not all girls who play hard to get necessarily develop a bitchy attitude, or exhibit carelessness.

"don't change who YOU are for anyone else. If you want true happiness and love, then you need for someone to fall in love with YOU,"

One shouldn't ever have to change themselves in order to suit the taste of another, you're quite right. However, there is a subtle difference between changing your and actually considering your approach to things. Sometimes self-evaluation answers a lot of questions, like 'hold on, I didn't drop a stupid hint just then, did I?' - if a relationship that revolves around sex is what you're trying to steer away from.

I didnt change who i was just gave the impression i didnt care 2 see if they care enough 2 stick around and MAKE me care...i was still caring ENOUGH but not as caring as i TRUELY am...

i NEVER meant girls who play hard 2 get r not caring or b****y...it was one of the 3 at different times with different guys...

idk men confuse me =] haha

Stop trying to find love or the perfect guy. Stop working so hard to find someone and just learn to live with yourself. When you stop searching so hard and let it happen is when it will find you.

And maybe if you're finding that you have a pattern of going for and finding losers then maybe you need to take a look at what you're sending out. It works about the same as karma, how you view yourself and what you think you deserve and what you keep saying is the only thing that will happen is what you'll get.

I know there is good guys out there but the only ones that approch me r the bad ones...i even went out of my way gave a few guys i was interested in my number and THEY werent interested or only tried 2 get with me 4 the wrong reason...and KNOW i dont put the wrong idea out there...its not like im winkin at them and telling they hey call me if u wanna have a good time...i am a NATUALLY big chested girl and i dont wear revealing shirts ON PURPOSE so guys dont get dirty thoughts and respect me. i even gave guys i wasnt interested in a chance and tried 2 settle and give them a chance and it just doesnt work...u cant FORCE urself 2 like someone...and the guys i go after r not models! haha i mean they r either decent lookin or just cute its their personality that attracts me 2 men and they seem nice untill i realize wat they want from me...i know im not doin anything wrong and iv changed so much with the way i think of men but i have a really hard time trusting them now cuz i always assume they wanna just get in my pants so i put my guard up and i question everything they say or do in my head...and i dont make it obvious that i do that cuz i dont wanna chase them away...

i have been alone 4 a long time and i do love the person i have become and i know theres a guy out there 4 me but its really diffcult 2 just go everyday and not have being alone on my mind wen i am out and see couples everywhere...and working as a waitress is really hard sometimes cuz i always watch couples kiss and act all cute in front of me...i mean couples r everywhere so u cant go on everyday and not realize HEY UR ALONE! haha i dont need anyone 2 make me happy i just REALLYYYY WANT someone in my life that i can hopefully share my life with...and im sure im not the only one...