Guys dealing w/breakups.

This is a question to all the guys out there. I was just wondering how do you guys deal with breakups because it seems like mostly us girls post up these discussions about love and being heart broken, etc. We're the ones who always seem to have a hard time moving on, or still wondering "what if?". We're the ones still crying over it, looking through the picture album, and what not. Do you guys ever think about your ex or want them back? I mean, are you sad about it?

Girls, do you know? I'm just wondering..

I agree with Britt. And most girls are more sensitive and emotional than most guys.

^^ Completely agreed

I know some girls which are cold and calculated and think nothing of breaking hearts and treading on toes along the way and then again i know some men who are sweet and genuine. Its the same for both genders, EVERYONE is different. I've seen Marcus cry watching Terminator, with the thumb in the lava as he goes down... =P Of course, his macho side will want to kill me for making that public =P

For me being a guy and all... Guys ALWAYS hide their hurt after a relationship. Girls talk about how they feel and talk about being hurt. If guys talk about how they feel and are hurt the appear and feel weak therefor they dont express their feels and "bottle up" the emotions! Even in a relationships guys never talk about how the girl makes them feel and stuff like girls do because it appears as a weakness. That is why guys mainly talk about sex and things while talking to guys is because if you can brag about it or something you are looked up to by other guys. But if you talked about your romantic evening where you sat on the sofa watching the notebook a guy might complain about watching a chick-flick when really guys are alot like girls and really love being around you more than what you are doing. Alot of what a guy feels is inside and he cant find the words to say is why a guy will go and buy something expensive is because the money repersents his love.. So to answer you question yes a guy is hurt he just doesnt show it so that he doesnt seem to be weak.

But Cale, thats not always the case. Like i said everyone is different and some men DO talk about their feelings. I know a few that do. =/

Yes there is always guys that do. But i was just saying that just because a guy doesnt say that he is hurting does not mean that he isnt hurting. All guys do hurt.

I think they hurt more because not a lot of them let it out, they bottle it up and make it worse =(

I completely agree. It is healthy to let it out. I personally have a girl who is one of my best friends that i talk to about how i feel. But i mean its just harder for guys to talk to guys. At least for me it is alot easier to talk to that girl who s a really good friend

Hmm, interesting. I completely agree with what everyone said. It really kinda sucks for guys 'cause they have these high expectations. They have to appear "tough" and show no/little emotion. I recently broke up with my ex and I guess I was just wondering how guys deal with it because it's really hard for me. I mean, I miss him like crazy..it just makes me wonder if he feels the same way, but then again, I guess it shouldn't matter.

It took me a really long time to get over my break up. I didn't post about it in forums, I talked to friends over MSN about it. most of the people who I talked to about it were from here.

and making poems really helped me through it too. I was kind of a bad wreck, but I'm good now.

Yeah im breaking up with my babys father. i love him but i need to heal.

Yeah, I still love my ex too. It's only been a week since we've broken up. It's hard..but I'm slowly healing...I love him but that doesn't mean I have to be with him.

When I broke up with my boyfriend I just assumed he didn't care because when I talked to him he didn't act like he was hurt. A while later I had friends tell me how depressed he'd been acting, but I never saw it. I guess they don't want you to know they're hurt.

When I'm hurt, I'll talk about it with friends and stuff, but I generally won't let the guy know that I am because I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

They hurt just like women hurt... sometimes more...
Ive met alot of guys that have cried after a relationship and get so depressed... for example my brother, he was with his gf for 3 years and they ended breaking up, I came home that night and he was outside waiting for me and he told me to hug him and he started crying... I couldnt help but cry with them... he was really hurt and was so sad about it...
But Ive met girls who break hearts left and right and they dont care about the guys emotions... they are so cold hearted...
But they do try to hide their feelings because they have that "MACHO" expectation... I think...

To say that women are more sensitive than men is just ignorant (in reference to what Bob had referenced). Is being sensitive any better than reserved? We women may be open to verbally dealing with and expressing our pain, but we also are willing to verbally attack others & intentionally do so too (not generalizing).

Most men, I would agree, keep it bottled up to themselves to not appear to be "weak" as a part of they're learned behavior from a parent, sibling, other family member, friends, environment or other. But you can always tell, just like you can with anyone else, that it does have its effect & takes its toll out on them. You can see it in their eyes and expressions & hear it in their voice. And when they do finally deal with or express themselves it may be either constructive; finally talking to someone about it, using a hobby to work it out of their system, etc. or destructive; drinking, getting into fights, becoming depressed, become sexually active, etc. But then again, like others have said we all deal with & express our pain in different ways, this could also apply to some women.

Maybe this fact about guys peeves girls off. Oh well, get over it. They can learn to break this habit, they just need to be comfortable & need you to understand.

As individuals and as men & women, we all deal with and express pain differently; in our own way, be it physically, emotionally or spiritually. But there is one thing that we both do share; what we have in common... Pain. It knows no gender.

(Pardon, posted on the wrong thread.)

I guess that it really depends on the guy, the break up and who they broke up w/. I know a lot of guys that cry over there break ups. My ex is still hurt over us breaking up, but 2bad. lol I guess that he should have done better when we were 2gether huh? lol =P

All right, my ex broke up with me, I cried and couldn't stand seeing him, but I realized how upset he was afterwards. People told me they saw him so depressed and that he didn't do anything and just moped around. He took it worse than I did and I didn't break up with him.
After that, he broke up with me again after on day of being together, long story, he was depressed again and did nothing for a few months while we were broken up. We talked and he told me he had cried everytime and that he really loved me and he was so sorry he hurt me and a bunch of stuff. After that, we got together again and i broke up with him because he became very rude, he changed. After that, he just became an a******. At least, that's what everyone told me, i just never saw it till then. Overall, he told me a few days ago he wanted me in his life, (i told him i needed time to myself and that i needed to have distance) and that he missed me and always wants to talk to me and wnats to be best friends.

Guys do hurt, most admit it to the people they are comfortable with, and with my ex we know everything about each other, well we did so it was normal.

Guys have just as many feelings and emotions as women.. except don't show the soft side. Behind closed doors everything changes. It took me over a year to get over one of my ex's we were together for years, was a young romance. It tore me apart, but nobody realised how much it hurt me. Only myself.

I actually think, she got over it before I did and I was the one that ended it. =/

Wow, I can totally understand. It can even hurt more for the one who ended it, I can relate to that. . .

I just don't know how guys do it. How can you guys not share your feelings. I HAVE to talk to someone if I'm going through a break up or something or else, I'll explode XD

I feel like talking to other people makes me feel so much better.

Well, it's just the whole mentality of being a male. The "manning up" when deep down you are really torn. I never had a dad growing up so I never heard the man up speech. If I wanted to cry, I cried. The thing is that you have to have the support system necessary for it. For me that was just music, friends, and just hugging my mom. The mom thing I don't understand either but she was hurt when my dad left her. Deep down I know she still loves him and that when I hug her I feel safe I guess. But anyways, for example I am a pretty emotional guy I'll admit it. If I hear a few songs from my past I break down. For me, I just hide it from the general public. I'll cry in my house, at school on occasion, and out with my friends in their car but you just learn to deal with it. Cause every other guy is just going to try to say that you have to "man up" and get over it. Sometimes I wish it was just that simple

Hmm, I think it's good that you don't "man up". I don't think holding in your emotions is ever good so, I think you should keep dealing with your problems the way you want and forget what other guys say.

Okay when we fight my bf and me will get heated then ill end up crying and i always end up thinking "wow i must love hiim and he doesnt love me" because he doesnt cryand one time we got into it so bad that i decided to leave town for a month
and just yesterday he father was saying "please dont ever do that again to him...i sware he like died, he never left the house and he was so sad"
but when i would call him when i was gone he acted like he was happy and out having the time of his life.

so i agree that guys do have to put on that tough front and i feel bad because i dont know if im hurting him if he wont show me or tell me.

Alcohol helps but definitely not the solution, but time does heal. although some wound do left a light scar afterward but at least the pain is gone ^^

Yeah, alcohol definitely isn't a good solution haha.

To BrokenInside:
I can understand why your bf would pretend he was fine because I'm pretty sure I would do that too. I wouldn't want my bf thinking that like I need him THAT badly ya know? Like..I would want him to think that I'm in control and make him or see if he would run back to me. :P

We are complainers LMAO thats why darl

If i really wanted whoever i break up with I would be sad for months then move on

Guys take it just as hard as girls, sometimes worse. We'll just cover it up so you never know, its the whole be a man and never break down thing.

As a guy, personally I've taken a break up hard. Even though I was the one to end it, it's never easy. It does hurt, but as guys we tend to save face. Now if we are alone we may get emotional or we channel our sadness or anger into other things.

Everyone may cry and such, but we learn from a young age to not let people see it.

In my cases, I have found myself going through some old pictures and laughing about the good times, but I have never felt bad, or sad about a break up with a girl. Im a firm believer in the Karmanic Web and the Release to Restrain personaly. I deal with a break up in a weird way that most men dont even do, I dont deal with it, I just pick up my head, move on and live my life becouse I know that I cant chain myself to the past becouse eventually that chain is going to run out of links and catch my neck. Ill wait about a week, out of respect for my ex, to show that she wasnt just a flinge or something like that. So thats just me, no use crying over spilt milk, just clean it up and buy another carton.

Wow, I wish I was able to do that but hey, whatever works!

I've been hurt before by a breakup before... cried it all out ALONE u cant let ppl see u cry that is part of my philosophy u cant let ppl see u cry, if a man is weak thats it talk about being walked all over on and thought less of a man, lack of leadership, lack of honor in himself. Only ppl i feel comfortable crying around is my family and cousins no one else

Guys aren't robots, they just don't blabber all their feelings to the first person they see.