The Attack of the Moderator Terminators

Following the Interesting People and Forums On Track thread, I think we, the moderators and other members of PnQ, need some good old-fashioned relationship counselling activity...with a twist. In this thread, we are all going to roleplay and express ourselves in a hearty fictional arena-- one of jungles and territories, armours and weapons.

Here are the rules:
1) Add to the story in any way you like, BUT
2) if you are a regular member, you must write from the Mod team's point of view, and
3) vice versa.
4) Stay within the forum rules: no poems (unless it's a war chant...), no non-PnQ web links, no obviously nasty and personal real-life attacks.
5) Don't lock the thread without first editing posts with reason, or giving warning.
6) Stick to the spirit of the story- if you want to complain, site another thread.

Let it be known this thread was created in the spirit of good-will, building bridges, and ridiculous, dangerous, interesting fun.

The sun was setting elaborately over the mountains as Bob surveyed the Mod tribe. They were tense, every muscle was taut, every neuron was firing. Even the leaves were silent.

"They have returned," Amanda whispered, her hair rivalling the glorious light of the dying day. She stood painfully onto her feet, and limped towards Bob. "The Moderator Terminators have risen again."

Joe was cooking beans on the campfire. His lip was bleeding, or was smeared with tomato sauce. "Yum," he said, stirring. "You know, I'm thinking... Battle makes me hungry, right? So...war and famine must be related. If we could only stop all the war, we could probably alleviate world hunger simultaneously. In fact,-"

"Joe!" Britt shouted sharply, her sweat smudging her warpaint. "Let's focus. Bob, what are we to do?"

The tribe cast their minds in a backward direction. For two years, after the last attack when the terminators had been subdued and had left the jungle, the Mods had ruled the jungle in peace, relentlessly upholding the right, and discarding the wrong. Sure, an occasional dragon was exiled, or a unicorn was de-horned...the leprechauns were a constant annoyance...but, overall, the jungle was a place of Michael Jackson, oversalted hamburgers and pregnancy problems. Only one problem remained, and noone wanted to acknowledge it:

The jungle was dying. There were never any clouds in the sky, it was far too blue. The trees, which once soared to misty heights, were now stunted and rotting. The rivers, which once roared abuse and giggled with cheek, were now gaunt and silent. The flowers were fading, the fruit was hollow. The fairies had disappeared altogether, and no longer shed their mischievous magic over the spread.

The Mods missed the Jungle of the past. On occasion, they even missed a terminator or two-- after all, unlike the other creatures of the jungle, the terminators were of the same species- human: passionate, proud, power-hungry and prone to completely stuffing everything up. But the Mods brushed off these thoughts and continued their role, working tirelessly to create peace and justice, and though they developed ulcers and various disgusting skin diseases, and received little thanks for their work, they enjoyed each other's company and loved their jungle dearly.

But today- today it had all started again. Abby, that pompous fart, had made a suitably pompous arrival, jeering loudly and mocking the jungle. The loyal Mods would not hear of it and had armed themselves for battle immediately. It was quick and bloody. Abby had stunned Joe in the head with her club of doom, but Illuminati had then swiftly chopped her left hand off with his sword of rainbows. Fortunately, Abby was right-handed, and had whirled her club towards Amanda's nose, which had been quivering with righteousness. This was blocked by the beautiful Sherry and her saucepan lids. They had been successful.
But now, there were others...

And blue skies quickly turned gray
as I, Raven, over this carnage flew,
surveying for miles.

Treachery and Obedience has clashed.
Knowing now, twas only the beginning,
Darkness ensued, a Abattoir!

and the Terminators gathered.

..."long ago before the nile came a bee with a wicked smile, she flew and flew, until she discovered cannibus, now spends her days known as fly by night janis"...

...And the waves slowly grew uncertain and the mountain plains went darkly dim...While all stopped fighting and asked Janis, "Tell us ye fa**ot, wat's yer scheme? Oh you who want to play our God, must we now pull ye off yer whims"...Still remained mute that vanished brat, seemed nothing really mattered to him...

Then deep from the darkest of cracks, a chilling voice could be heard...It whimpered, stammered, groaned and growled but none could understand a word...And all abrupt an angel ape, came bearing wings of whitest birds...It showed its thumb to everyone and for Janis raised finger, third...

All could feel by the swing of its tail, their quest of freedom's soon to end...But why should they follow such lead? still some mods could not comprehend...Duhs n' blahs...aaahhhh shsshhoooo...and the story continues...

So how's everyone? Don't say pitiful for that would simply spoil the drama...

GI Jane stepped briskly into the shadows of the forrest floor, looking out from behind a tree with her back pressed against it firmly. The ground was a mess of trenches, zig-zagged between boulders, shrubbery, and trees that near blocked out the sun. One hand rested on the hilt of a kitchen knife tucked into her slick leather belt, while the other clutched an AK-47. Her bullet broof vest gripped firmly about her sports bra and around her forehead was a bandana made from a torn grey army shirt. Camo pants flapped against her legs in the chill wind. Worn combat boots sunk into the mud. The rain stopped several years ago, but without much sunlight, the forrest stayed sticky wet. Difficult to sneak around in.
GI Jane turned her head back from surveying the land and leaned it against the tree with her eyes closed, but in thought, not with any intentions of sleep. She waited for a command from Fabby Abby, and thought with a smile, "This attack was her idea, so she better have a plan!"
-
Not too far off, but in a sunny patch over a hill and partway across a small valley, sat Sluvious cross-legged upon a rock. He inhaled deeply. A familiar and distasteful smell tingled ape-like nostrils; filled their vacuous chasms.
"They are coming," he said to no one but himself, but Sherry Baby heard and nodded in agreement. She shuffled her luxurious hair and sighed, then sat down on the cold ground and put her chin in her hands. "Nothing to do but wait," she said. But Illuminati had other plans.
He eyed Bob and Sherry Baby, and the others of the mod squad who appeared oblivious to the seriousness of the day's unfolding. He felt only he knew what the coming of the Terminators meant. Only he could stop them. Even if it meant breaking a few rules, quieting a few smiles, and overstepping his authority. He could and would stop them.
But his thoughts were interrupted by Joe's approaching footsteps. "Hullo Illuminati, I hope I'm not interrupting your thoughts. Did you want some breakfast? I made some beans and linguini. I thought we could discuss some matters over a quick bite." Illuminati couldn't help notice the tomato sauce splotched on Joe's white t-shirt. He snorted disdainfully, crossed his arms and looked away from Joe, towards the rising sun. He watched the pale streaks of sunlight whisper between tree trunks and light the moss and mud. He tried to remember what he was just thinking about, but trying to remember was quickly replaced by mindless images of Joe's mess of a t-shirt and tight butt cheeks as he walked away, muttering, "Well, you didn't have to be rude and ignore me like that..."

Bob was covered in sweat, grease and dirt. He knew he'd need his warmachine, which some idiots called a motorbike for the impending war, if only to make a speedy getaway to the land of Sluvious when he got pawned by Abby and Kevin. Still, he was in mangod mode now and whilst Sherry and Britt mulled over the moral implications of silencing the Terminators using programming and the power of their ancient ancestor, Dainz Lord of the underworld, Bob sweated some more.

He grunted at them from time to time when they asked him for an opinion on how best to befriend their foes. Illuminati arrived carring Itallion Stallion over one shoulder.

"what the duece!" yelled Sherry, pullling her first aid kit from her shellsuit pockets. Illuminati dropped Stallion and straightened out his floral silk shirt.

"Joe tried to counsel Kevin and Abby using spiritual maxims and quasi religious ideas....they turned his third eye insideout and he collapsed like a new born giraffe and started screaming for bella Nanny"

Bob wiped grease over his face and smirked.

"It's elephant gun time!" he whispered, slinking off into the shadows alone.

Illuminati sauntered over to a rock and sat down.

"You know this is all rather ridiculous, I mean why fight them at all? We have the power and all we have to do is sit in our castle and pat our own backs and saving the universe. We can shout at them from the parapits and refuse to meet them for anything! Look at Joe, he's a wreck...DO YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT?...no no no, if you choose to fight I'll not be part of it...no, I'll let you do the battling and I'll just nip in with some choice glib remarks about the horrors of war and how the first casualty of war is innocence"

Sherry and Britt realized they didn't know what language Illuminati was speaking, nor if he even knew anyone way there as he seemed to be talking to a small handheld mirror.

Suddenly, off in the distance a feral roar was heard...

"it the club..they are risen" said Britt..

But twas not "The Club" bewitched spell watches. No not at all, but the Mod terminators at the Rub-a-dub-dub, buck naked scrubbing frantically at their old suits of innocence and righteousness, in the forlorn hope they could slink amongst the Mods, infiltrate unnoticed and practice their skulduggery from within. Spreading more slime and corruption with filthy words and oath breaking amongst the slowly putrefying jungle, where once fairies glided mischievously, Poe walked, talked and sat upon the park bench beside a leaking tap that dripped wax lyrical.

Bob sat unnoticed astride his war machine the hum of the massive engine warming the cockles of his heart, his recovering lieutenants spread, hidden amongst the few surviving trees and branches of the besieged jungle, the odd baked bean still seen among the green and gold leaf litter that covered the ground in a blood silent hue.

All the while Janz and Danz skipping fitfully amongst the shadows whispering "they seek him here, they seek him there, that dammed elusive pimpernel" Yet they, they alone held the power, the power to cleanse and rid the jungle of misguided perceptions and unholy corruptions, they held the key! the key of power that unlocked the great fountain of Sour Sherbet.........a dusty pink coloured powder, covering all in life enhancement and friendliness, magic stuff (you know the type) that instantly rejuvenates the jungle, which..... to be honest is pretty bloody cool to watch, or a mere figment of the watchers imagination.....

Flabby Abby.... who had just patented a new 3 cup bra and was in the process of syndicating a chain of stores to market the hugely popular body hugging apparel... especially the army camouflage design that she currently was struggling into after her trip through the Rub-a-dub-dub... Kevin was all in a tangle with his and had his left leg stuck in the middle cup......was noticeably cleaner but the stench still emanated from him as it did from all the terminators, there futile attempt to remove their "The Club" tattoos had also failed miserably . Once all the terminators had donned their 3 cup bras, hats jocks and socks, they put there heads together to formulate a ministry of war....center to this was Sibs who must be said was a total distraction wearing the pink 3 cup with the lovely lace.....and more than one terminator was heard to say..... Yum! None more so than Noir who spied from a distance, hidden amongst the undergrowth

No sooner had they put there heads together than the horrendous roar of Bob's war machine shattered there corruptive revelry......

((eh, you know Bob I'm sure a manly man like you doesn't have alot of experience in shared story writing and RP, but what you just did there is called "Godmoding" and it's considered very bad patter in stories. You don't just cut off someones hand or knock someone out, because that is writing important things about someone elses character. Plus, you are supposed to be writing from the point of view of one of us, not yourself. Read the original post and respect the wishes of the OP, plus an old Dog like you could never best a sly fox like me in combat...^^)

Then it all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Illu, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling excessively worried, Illu deflowered a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that Joe's beloved diary was missing! His eyes widened and his focus was on Abby. Illu had known Abby for 155 years, the majority of which were enticing ones, but nonetheless, he knew it was her or one of her friends. Abby was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... selfish. Illu just knew it had to be her.

It didn't take long before Illu got side-tracked from the subject at hand: Joe's diary. He was sneaking a view of Sherry getting dressed, 'what a view' he thought to himself, only if I could...he smiled. Smacked across his face, Amanda yelled at him for his secret peepshow, 'you should know better than that...' Britt concured with Amanda, 'yeah, you should know better...stupid men, argh!'

Joe, woke up in a haunted thicket and in pain. It was the sixth time it had happened to him. Feeling scarcely displeased, Joe backhanded Bob, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Gi Jane. Joe had known Gi Jane for (plus or minus) one million years. Gi Jane was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little, overboard with her analysis of people. Joe called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Gi Jane picked up to a very nervous Joe. Gi Jane calmly assured him that most spotted animals will cringe before mating, yet non-spotted animals usually scandalously turn red after mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Joe. Why was Gi Jane trying to distract Joe? Because she had snuck out from Joe's with the diary only ten days prior. It was a sassy little diary... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Joe got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Gi Jane panicked. Relunctantly, Gi Jane invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Joe grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Gi Jane realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Joe took the deliciously practical 4-door, she had take at least two minutes before Joe would get there. But if he took Bob's magical machine? Then Gi Jane would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Gi Jane was interrupted by three abrasive ant eaters that were lured by the diary. Gi Jane panicked; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she carefully reached for her banana and thoughtfully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard Bob's magical machine rolling up. It was Joe.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Joe was off Bob's magical machine and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Gi Jane's front door. Meanwhile inside, Gi Jane was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Gi Jane was stunned but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Gi Jane earnestly purred. With a calculated push, Joe opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless genocidal maniac in a noise-polluting import,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Gi Jane assured him. Joe took a seat just perfectly far from where Gi Jane had hidden the diary. Gi Jane sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Joe was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Gi Jane noticed a stupid look on Joe's face. Joe slowly opened his mouth to speak. '...What's that smell?'

Gi Jane felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Joe asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Joe's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just abby's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Joe nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Gi Jane could react, Joe aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.

Joe stared at Gi Jane for what what must've been four seconds. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Gi Jane groped scandalously in Joe's direction, clearly desperate. Joe grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Gi Jane let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Joe,' she rebuked. Gi Jane always had been a little dimwitted, so Joe knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Gi Jane did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headfirst through the glass panels.

Gi Jane looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Joe. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Joe. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Gi Jane walked over to the window and looked down. Joe was gone.

Just yonder, Joe was struggling to make his way through the thick grassed words behind Gi Jane's shack. Joe had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral enemies suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Joe. Already weakened from his injury, Joe yielded to the smelly onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was the vibrant smile of kevin running off with his diary with several others.

About seven hours later, Joe awoke. It was dark and Joe did not know where he was. Deep in the hazy foxy forest, Joe was excessively lost. Just as his enemies didn't expect he remembered that his diary was taken by Kevin and serveral others. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, Nicko emerged from the disease-infested jungle. He was the murderer of his group. Joe opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when Nicko slit his throat. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Joe's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than five miles away, Gi Jane was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened blade. With a skillful thrust, she buried it deeply into her chin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Joe... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she once loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant group members, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come...

But just as the last moments of fleeting light faded from the swaying vision of GI Jane, she crumpled and an abnormally strong arm reached about her waist and laid her weak body down gently on the wooden floor. Her hair spread around her head in rich ringlets and her neck leaked a crimson that dripped down and soaked into her clothing. Her lips were parted and her eyes halfway open but she did not know whom it was before her or even if he was really there. "If this is death, it is so peaceful," she thought and exhaled a final breath. But then a second breath came.. and a third.. and with it an excruciating pain. The pain grew stronger and her vision grew clearer. The face before her eyes was licking blood from his lips; her blood. He was holding her arms down with icy hands as she was unwillingly convulsing and staring up at him with wide eyes in disbelief. "Edward Cullen?"
He whispered, "Shh.. it's me. It will be over soon. I know it hurts."
And hurt like hell it did! The poison seeped into her veins from her neck into her arms and stomach and legs.. her toes and fingers and finally her heart felt as if a steel hand clenched it and caused it to explode. She was near delirious, shaking on the ground feeling as if this time she would *surely* die, but death was not to be in her future.. probably ever again.
When GI Jane awoke, the pain had gone, Edward was sitting at a nearby table watching her by candlelight. She tried to sit up, but instead simply rose to the ground as if pushed by invisible hands. She then took a step towards the table but felt so light, it was almost difficult to plant her feet.
Never taking his eyes off her, Edward said casually as if reading her mind, "Now you see how futile this battle is you are fighting."
She looked from her feet up to his glimmering gold eyes. "Yes, now I see."
"And you will come with me?"
"No. I will watch over my friends and help them."
"You could end this battle in minutes."
A gripping desire took over.. to shred apart the entire mod squad.. and anyone who stood in her way. But the frenzy did not last. "No. I will watch and wait and only appear again to my friends if I am truly needed. I still believe in fairness."
"Then you are like me. Good."
He walked out the door slowly and closed it behind him, never looking back. GI Jane looked out her broken window to watch him leave, but there was a flash.. a blur.. and he was gone. She knew she would see him again but at that moment she thought only, "I must find Abby."
Feeling athletic beyond belief, she dove out her window, rolled and landed on her feet. She could *smell* Abby. How strange. Her stomach grumbled. She shook her head and took off running toward Abby's scent. Upon finding her friend, her mouth seemed to water uncontrollably, so she stopped before Abby had seen her. She covered her mouth and gagged, then climbed the nearest tree and watched Abs stand patiently in one spot for minutes.. then suddenly take off at a brisk walk.. where to..? Ah, in Kevin's direction. GI Jane could smell him not far off. She started following Abby by leaping from tree to tree, but then thought better of it. She sat between branches and leaves and mulled over her options and questioned how well she could control her thirst.. for the blood of her own friends.
{Hahaha, sorry everyone. Had to do it. There's no way I'm dying this early on in the story.. and Joe, wtf? You *wish* I once loved you!? Haha, c'mon! And I realize this entry is pretty much entirely from my point of view.. and doesn't mean much in general..}

(Jane, just couldn't resist could you, you just had to survive...lmao I wish for nothing, it is a story, nothing more, nothing less. I'll make another post after a few more people post something.)

Hey, I don't think it's boring. I'm having fun. I think this is funny..
Royalty threads? Remind me.
I remember the pirate story.. and the dating stories. Those were heaps of fun!
By the way, Joe I just made you out to look like a dope.. I didn't actually call your character dim-witted or anything of the like ;) But thanks for that adjective as well as a few others strewn in your last post. C'mon! You can make me out to look dumb without actually calling me dumb. Or make me seem elitist without calling me it. Nah mean?
And no I couldn't let myself die like that. Heck no!

Anyway, Bob and Kev, what the hell? Stop insulting each other and write something that's actually linear with the story we're meant to be writing......

Bob and Joe woke simultaneously breathing hard they looked at each other. Christ that was a bad dream you remember Melrose Place Joe gasped, I do I do replied Bob kneeling down on the ground noticing a baked bean stuck to his little finger. Hell I had a bloody nightmare, thought I'd died and moved in with Danz and Janz and was destined to toll the Moderator bell from hear to eternity.....shit I had that exact same dream exclaimed Bob in amazement

Memories of the previous nights battle came flooding back....instinctively Joe grasped his back pocket, relief flowed through him, his Precious was still there, his rumpled diary pressed firmly against his left butt cheek. Casting there eyes around the clearing was a scene of total destruction. At that precise moment a battle and bruised Britt, Ann Marie, Amanda, Sherry and Noir wandered up having performed their morning ablutions. "Noir what are you doing here"? asked an incredulous Joe, you're not in our team. You fool replied Noir I'm here to see that you play by the rules! and with that he turned on his heels and skipped out of the clearing in the direction of the Terminators.

What the hells that? asked Amanda it might fit me. Lying crumpled against a tree trunk was a 3 cup bra in army camouflage design. If I'm not mistaken that belongs to Abby Flabby aaarrg she carries wounds more grievous than ours remarked Anne Marie

Bob was walking in ever increasing circles, anybody seen my big machine. It's in your pocket ~winked ~ illumination as he dropped down from a large branch where he'd slept the night. Not that smart arse, swore Bob, my big blue war machine, its not where I parked it.

Shit they all exclaimed as one, the ruddy Terminators have it. Bob walked up to the closest tree slowly thumping it, hells teeth I just know what will happen, I just know it, Kevin will get his pesky fingers on it and try to tune the bloody thing, its taken me years to get it just right, shit shit shit.....

Sherry wandered up and patted Bob on the shoulder, don't worry Bob we'll get it back, just you watch

Mean while.....some where else....

Kevin for Christ sake leave it alone, if you keep fiddling with it, it will fall off, or at worst your arm will get tired.....But Abby you know how I like to fiddle, hey I have a better idea why don't you come over and fiddle with it?.....Not on my three nellies exclaimed Abby.....its to big for me!....besides, it belongs to Bob and blues not my favourite colour.....The War Machine lay in bits under an umbrella tree, Bob will have a fits if saw this, he may never recover said Kevin looking appreciably at Abby a tilt in his kilt......

The rest of the Terminators sat in a blood drenched group exhausted from their nights exertions, still smarting from being bested by the Mods

A sullen Nicko looked up, do you think we'll ever win this infernal war? I hate it when I'm bloody right I'm always bloody right why aren't we winning

Sibs looked up, her pink 3 cup bra now a 2 cup thanks to Amanda and her triple somersault back cut. Stop whinging will you, you had Bob on the ground and you let him get away again, how many times has he escaped your clutches now! Sibs lapsed back into silence thinking about her dream of Noir and their last date together, Oh it had ended badly yet she still felt his lips on hers....

Sibs Sibs you ok.....she came to, Noir standing over her, you ok? what happened to your bra....Oh Sibs, that, that's nothing just a wee run in with Amanda, you know how it is with us girls when it comes down to under garments....

Noir what are you doing here you're not a Terminator any more a righteous Nicko exclaimed, remember you left taking our enigma machine with you, ever since then the Mods have known our every move. Noir had stopped ogling Sibs. Well it was for your own good, if you'd just look at what I said back there as being wrong knowing that I was right then you'd know that you were wrong even if I said you were right knowing that you were wrong and that's just the half of it.....so there, you have it and i'll do it again if I have to.....Nicko looked somewhat perplexed and walked off shaking his head......Sibs stood up, took Noir by the hand leading him off into a thicket.

Anybody seen GI Jane asked Michael D, the Skull and crossbones necklace he always wore shinning in the sunlight......nope replied John Jordan and Karl Wild, all still tucking into the Baked beans they'd stolen from the Mod camp....

Mo, in need of the 3 cup more than anyone, stood stretched like a feline placing her newborns upon the sheepskin she'd borrowed from Nicko.....I saw her, she was with Joe, she had a handful of bananas yelling something about....mmmm what was she yelling, ok let me think..... remember my brains shrunk, yep that's it she was yelling something about Ed Cullen or some such person, Jane and Joe were riding an elephant, but that was hours ago

With that the sun peeked through the trees throwing light upon the Motley Crew, Sibs broke into song..... but wait she was singing Noirs tune

Another day had dawned......what would it bring

Sluvious, thanks for including sherry and Lis in this. That meant a lot to me.

:(

Abby was thoughtful. She was thoughtful about being considered fabby and flabby and abalone all at once. She was thoughtful about the fact that she was thinking from her own persepective in the third person, when she should be thinking from the Moderators' perspective in the third person (but the laws of the jungle never were very clear and she suffered from peer pressure). She was also thoughtful about the fact that everyone in the jungle appeared to choose to live in a completely non-sequential, oblivious, incomprehensive, destructive, and not even remotely parallel fashion to one another.

But she was clear about a few things: Nicko had a fetish for triplet breasts; Joe had some mysterious diary with mysterious relevance; Rikki was tripping on sunbeams; Bob had a warmachine; Jane was a vampire; Edward Cullen had wandered into the jungle; Noir was shagging Sib; there were baked beans everywhere; and Kevin had an erection.

Right. Times were tough, but the spirit of the jungle echoed around the mountains, lifting her hair and brushing her third nipple. "Don't lose heart," she told herself. "And above all, don't lose the plot. And bloody well stop losing your bras as well. Three cups ain't cheap."

^ HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh man I just died.

This is really good stuff

If I attempted to improve any of these post I ould feel like a third nipple

Please carry on

The sun was up and it was day which was good because if it wasn't it would be dark and I wouldn't be able to see anybody wandering around in the jungle therefore unable to bring you up to speed with whats happening......

After bucket loads of hot coffee and toast (you guessed it! as someone had stolen all their baked beans) the Mods sat in a tight group, Knit one Pearl one, Knit one Pearl one, they all chanted! Group knitting sessions seemed to help the team bonding process somewhat.

Well firstly how are we going to get Bobs War-machine back? asked Britt, still munching on her jam toast. We could exchange it for Joe's diary suggested Illumination! Joe jumped up, "Over my dead left butt cheek" he yelled, stabbing himself with his knitting needle in the process

Shhhhhhhhh whats that noise interjected Bob? Out of a hole in the clearing emerged the most unusual machine driven by what resembled a Muppet. WTF they all exclaimed !

The Muppet like thing jumped down. Let me introduce myself.

My friends, he announced in a voice clear and clean,
My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean. I've heard of Your troubles.
I've heard you're unhappy.
But I can fix that, I'm the Fix-It-Up Chappie.

Then, quickly, Sylvester McMonkey McBean
Put together a very peculiar machine.
You want moderator status then have it you shall
Friends pay me your money, run through here like hell

And my prices are low. And I work with great speed.
And my work is one hundred per cent guaranteed!

.....Stop stop stop roared Bob.....back up the bus McBean you have your wires crossed we are Moderators already! I think you are after the Terminators......

"Oh shit" exclaimed McBean and with that he packed up his contraption and disappeared.....

"Hells teeth! what do we do now said Ann Marie, what if he turns them all into Mods we'll be sunk.........??? Hey guys, guys don't worry, said Joe, they are only stick on transfers, they will peel off in less than a week, remember Kevin, he's already tried that and his fell off.....

Meanwhile, over at the Terminator camp....

Hells teeth said Nicko holding a hand over his nose.........flatulence was becoming a real problem within the camp.....You know stealing those beans wasn't such a good idea after all, he mumbled into the stench fill air.

Reminds me of Haggis said Kevin with a knowing smile......as he lifted his left leg

GI Jane had at last returned during the night carrying a large wooden box in the shape of a coffin, where she now slept.......John had taken a peek at her sleeping. She'd been traveling through sun drenched counties for months and months and had the best suntan he had ever seen, now she was deadly white, Wooooo he thought, that's the worst case of sun peel he'd ever seen

Abby stole a glance at her gang and wondering if this was all worth it, after all the Mods were human just like her. She'd left the enchanted forest before only to find upon her return things weren't that different, having a purifying forest wasn't all that enchanting after all. She shook her head......snap out of it girl, with revolution there's always pain......and I'm into PAIN........and whips........oh suspenders are good too......

What next......

GI Jane did not sleep, little did Nicko know. She simply lay in her coffin at night and thought. Thought about what she would be dreaming about if she *could* dream.
And as you might guess, her wake-dreaming of sleep-dreams often pertained to a reunification of the Mod and Terminator forces. Also, of Edward Cullen.. but that's not relevant to this story.
One early morning, perhaps on the 7th night of camping out in the gloomy forrest, she rose for a walk and soon noticed flowers blooming. And the flowering of flowers could only mean the sun was finding its way through the cluttered branches.. for the first time in a long time.
It was a sign!
She picked a dozen flowers.. one for each of her Terminator friends. Seeing that it was still very early morning and none were yet awake, she lay the flowers in the palms of her friend's hands.
Then she zipped over to the Mod Squad camp.. and all but Bob were still asleep. His bed mat was empty.
Paying no heed, GI Jane discovered yet another patch of lovely flowers, flourishing in an array of sunlight. She picked these too and lay them in the Mod's hands as she had done the Term's hands.
Then it was time to search for Bob, who was probably off searching for his despoiled motorbike. GI Jane could smell him in the distance... his tracks. Yes, he was nearing the Terminator camp.
So GI Jane went to find him, and find him she did. In the Terminator camp, squatting over the pieces of his motorbike he had discovered moments before.
She stepped closer but not in sight. Bob appeared to be shaking.. was he crying??
This was too much. "Bob, are you alright?"
He jumped, startled, and looked around.
"I'm here." She stepped out from covering. He looked at her face and cowered, his cheeks sticky and wet. He sought for words.. that he could not find. Something was wrong about GI Jane.. something inhumane.
Wondering at his expression, she quickly remembered her transformation. "Oh... I lost my tan. Anyway, stop crying. It's just an object in the end. You have more important things to worry about.. like mending your site."
He wiped the tears from his face angrily and snarled, "Nothing needs mending! Besides my bike!"
"Alright, whatever. Here's a flower."
"Keep your flower."
"K."
There was a moment of silence where the two gaped at each other. Bob's face turning from anger to fear. GI Jane's face turning from annoyance to anger.
Then she bit him and that was the end of Bob.
Which ruined the whole point of healing the differences of the Terminators and the Mod Squad with flowers.. because who wouldn't notice the untimely disappearance of the old Mod?
Woops!

,What GI Jane forgot was that Bob had downlaoded himself into cyberspace as a charcator called sluviuos. The only mod figure he feared was Dark Vader who had given Kevin Murray supermod powers.
Sluvious vowed revenge for the termination of his mentor Bob

He hacked the South Park database and barrowed all of the annoying habits of Mr Macky .................... Mmkay
He would further modify all of the P.Q. rules
Mmkay

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mmmkay

"1. The first and most important rule is to be respectful to all members. Being disrespectful to other members will not be tolerated.
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Linking to a non member could technically be a violation of his or her copyright so make sure the poet you link to is dead
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However in the history of this site member are most often allowed to bump after an angry member has spamed the forum with balony
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Oh my God we killed Kenny but we loved him mmmkay

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I'll bet my sweet acidophilus I never got a penalty for breaking this rule mmmkay

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Harassment to trouble by repeated attacks, incursions
Attacks are bad mmkay

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In most of the free world we have the right to remain silent but it is just another
privelege here mmmkay

Blimey whats that stuck to me boot......more baked beans?....said Joe with a disgusted look on his face.....WTF No it was indeed deep fried ice cream....yuk!...

He was in the middle of a clearing and on each tree were pasted notes covered in writing....

Scripted upon the posted papers, Joe read, 'Ye whom bloody screams is bound to be hanged. Thee whom my enemy shall not be freed. Dost thyself a favor, flee to the dale, savor every minute for tis your last. Thee not Amorous instead thee Chasms. Shall thou dost thee a favor? Or shall ye die in pain? Tis thous choice: If ye flee, thee shall die, if thee agrees, ye shall stay. Tis upon thy decision for thou shall not judge, but thyself shall love giveth thy judgment...' he sighed finishing with, 'and I shall stay.'

Bewildered, he sat and pondered...'whom will stay? If I flee, I'll be killed? If I don't, my life will be spared? What the hell? What do I do? Should I try and flee to get help? Surely this is were our enemies reside. hrmm....'

Not knowing what to do, he sat till dusk twidling his thumbs. Then he heard a branch break, 'who's there?' he yelled. No answer, he was getting scared, but he rose to his feet and got ready to fight. Out of the depths came Bob, as Joe landed a nice hard punch to his face. Bob yelled, 'What the hell is your problem? You ass, that was my nose.' Joe replied saying he was sorry not knowing it was him. Pointing to the papers as Bob read, then sat, and said, 'oh crap, what do we do?' Replying Joe said, ' I don't know, I've been pondering the same thing.'

They both sat there till morning than decided to sprint back to their headquarters...all out of breath they reached it...trying to escape their mouths was a warning to be ready for battle, but nothing came out.

Sherry, Ann, Amanda and Illu were flustered at Bob and Joe. Hitting them, they asked....

Interlude......

It'd been a holiday for two weeks, with every body retiring to the beach to cleanse their wounds and revitalize........but now the fight resumes

so where were we...........

OK

Britt wondered around in a bit of a daze...muttering include delude include delude refuge poohed glued spewed rude....bugger she'd hit the rhymer button by mistake...when she tripped over Joe falling totally nude at his feet..

At which Joe could only conclude she was no prude but had in fact been pursued by a lewd crude tattooed Terminator.

This is what ensued! Britt, Britt what the hells going on, exclaimed Joe in an incredulous voice, I'm no prude but you are nude and that to be honest is rather rude don't you conclude?

Nude rude no no I don't conclude, I'd just shampooed my! Hey Wait, wait, STOP, for Christ sake turn off that ruddy rhymer button.

Ping...Thats better, here I can help said Joe grabbing a handful of the notes he'd ripped off the Trees and began sticking them all over Britts naked form till she was totally covered and looked like a walking snowman. Hey I bet you would scare the hell out of those Terminators looking like that.

So tell me what are you doing totally naked wondering around here asked Joe. You see said Britt I was taking a shower washing my hair thinking how I could add to this intrepid story line when bam! I fell through the shower and tripped over you

Wow that's weird said Joe, Pff no shit exclaimed Britt I live in a 10 storey condo

So whats the go Joe, whatdaya mean whats the go Joe, whats the go with all these notes, you practicing Shakespeare again? said Britt casting her eyes around the clearing. No no I stumbled upon yonder field now I'm doomed, Joe sat on the ground head clasped in his hands...poppy cock said Britt pulling him up by the arm, lets get back to camp...

Has Bob put his bike back together yet? asked Joe as they ambled along? Hell no said Britt, and he ain't half pissed about it, seems there are still lots of bits missing apparently Abby used some of the bike bits to fashion her new 3 Cup bra's. He's strung up Kevin in the highest tree in the forest but Kevin can't stop laughing saying Abby's dispatched a bucket load of new 3 cups to the 4 corners of the world...and I daren't tell Bob I have 3 new pairs in ma bottom draw...me too said Joe with a sheepish grin

Meanwhile.....

GI Jane levered open the lid of her coffin, clambered out and sat on the top, dusk was upon her the camp was deserted only the caw caw caw from the large black Crow perched high in the branch above her disturbed the silence. She thought of Bob, the taste of his blood on her pale lips, how the rest of the moderators had pulled him from her deadly embrace, breathing life back into his pale translucent body. Were they too late? would he make the final transformation to become one with her? Christ she was still thirsty, thirsty for blood, she slid off the lid like a lithe cat, adjusting her 3 cup and disappeared from view

While High in the tree upside down Kevin swung backwards and forwards backwards and forwards tied by his ankles, a smile still touched his lips as he thought of Bob's bike, hell he was hungry which was made all the worse by a baked bean that was stuck to his left ear it had been dislodged from one of his boots before falling and sticking to his ear, man I wish my tongue was longer but that only made him think of Abby...Abby where the hell was she?

She should have saved me by now...it was then that he spied GI Jane with a pale hungry look on her face she eyed him from a distance licking her lips.....

GI Jane licked her lips, spacing out and contemplating about her beloved and how delicious his lips would taste. Suddenly, she felt an icy hand grip her shoulder. There he was! Her beloved! GI Jane sighed, "Oh Edward." And they proceeded to make out in a tree for 8 hours.

[Didn't read any of what you wrote, Nicko... well except for the parts where I saw my name. Yes, I am that egotistic.]

Later gators!

An exhausted Abby stood stock still, high above her in the tree strung by his ankles swung Kevin, his kilt dangling down his thighs exposing his baked beans to all....perched to his left lay GI Jane with her mysterious lover Edward Cullen, there blood love juices still trickling down there fanged lips to drip drip drip upon the leaf litter far far below

Anger twitched at the corner of Abbys mouth as she clambered up the tree to release Kevin from his entanglement. With a quick flick from her trusty 3 cup, she sent Kevin crashing to the ground far far below. She cast a quick glance at Jane, meeting in 10 at the camp be there and ditch the blood sucking B Grade actor while you're at it

10 minutes later the Terminators camp was bustling with excitement Mo had just returned after a long absence, her twins harnessed to her back the old glint had returned to her eye and she looked more than menacing in her white 3 cup, let me at them, let me at them, she kept repeating.
Abby strode up, right you mangy flea bitten Terminators its time to end this infernal war, I don't like the way this story line has gone, and the war has not progressed at all as I had envisaged it in my dream, not once has anybody stuck to my rules set out at the begining of this thread, so now I'm going to finish it once and for all, Fall into file here, the other 21 Terminators quickly formed up in single file with Abby positioned at the front

She silently extracted the Moderator Terminator from her clothing, in one quick movement swung around and placed the explosive weapon high on Sibs chest
She silently mouthed the word sorry then discharged the exterminator, the sound echoed around the clearing blinding all momentarily

In the ensuing silence A lone tear made its way down Abby's dirt stained cheek, at her feet lay all the Terminators a single discharge from the
Exterminator enough to destroy them all

She averted her tear stained eyes from the destruction she had caused then set off in the direction of the Moderators

Meanwhile......

For Christs sake Joe get up Britt was shaking Joe with her left boot but he didn't move he was dead, a note from the clearing that he found himself in was still clasped in his hand, fore filling its deadly prediction. A stillness invaded the Moderator camp as they all stared at Joe's lifeless form.

With that a boom shattered the silence, As one they all looked in the direction of the Terminator camp. What the hell was that exclaimed Ann Marie as into the clearing stepped Abby

I've come to finish this once and for all, I'm the only Terminator left so come, do your dandiest, but first I have three requests, first I ask that my 3 cup bra's all be burnt I couldn't bare the thought of somebody profiting from my invention.
Second that my fellow Terminators all be buried and a plaque erected in their honour saying "Up yours" and Lastly, mmmmm gather round I don't want any unseen ears to overhear this, when all the surviving Moderators had gathered around Abby the last great Terminator, she pulled off her three cup bra exposing deadly explosives strapped to her chest, with a flourish she hit the detonator sending her and all the moderators into blissful oblivion.....

And so thank god ends this intrepid story, as creativity was somewhat waning towards the end...

Can't wait for the sequel when everyone rises up from the dead. It's my favorite.