My man and my sister....

Ok, there is this guy that I am talking to and he says that he's in love with me and wants to date me, and don't get me wrong, I love him too and more than anything I'd want to be with him. But there is this one problem.. he has this weird "friendship" or whatever with my sister. Now, I am not a jealous person at ALL and I wouldn't even care that they talk, but once, he told me that before me and him started talking, he liked her first. But there's a major age difference between them so he didn't pursue it. I got mad at first when he told me that because I felt like I was his second choice, and I refuse to be anybody's second choice. But he basically made me feel stupid for getting mad because he said that it was a long time ago and that I am overreacting because I'm the one he loves now.

Ok, so I can get over that. But it BOTHERS me that he and my sister still talk. And I don't mean once in a while, I mean they talk EVERY DAY. He texts and calls her every day. And sometimes me and my sis would be hanging out together and he starts texting her but not me. And when we hang out all together, him and my sis are always "play fighting", hitting and tickling each other and stuff. But when I say something to him about it, he gets all defensive and mad and says that my sister is like a guy friend to him. But its just WEIRD for me, and I dont know how to handle it.

And my sister is the most important person in the world to me. She's my best friend, my second half, and fighting with her about this is not an option for me..

Am I overreacting? I don't know what to do about this... any advice?

First off, I'd like to ask a few questions which will help me better answer your question:

1. How old is your sister? How old is he? And how old are you?

2. How long have you known him? Is he a family friend or your friend?

3. How long has he been 'talking to her' and 'play fighting' with her? Has this been more recent or has it been over a period of time?

I think it's awkward. does he kind of ignore you when it's the 3 of you?

Hmm, I think this would bother me too :/

Well, has he done anything that would make him seem like an untrustworthy person? If he hasn't done anything wrong, I think you should trust his words and even if he did like your sister, I don't think your sister would go behind your back and go for him, ya know? But, I do get what you mean by feeling like your the second choice. I don't think you should think that way though because he says he's in love with YOU and he's with YOU, not your sis. That's what counts.

I don't think it would be a bad idea to talk to your sister about it though. Maybe if your sister backs off a little, they wouldn't be so close and wouldn't she already know it bothers you? Since, she is your other half and all...

Well we met a year ago at a party, and I was actually with my sister there, so he met us together, at the same time. It was his cousin's party, and his cousin and my sister are good friends, so he introduced us. So I think that's another reason why he didn't go for it with her, because he respects his cousin.

I'm 19 years old, he's 18, and my sister is 23.

He doesn't so much ignore me, but he does act different when it's the 3 of us. Like, he'll play around with her and be all loud and fun and they'll dance, but when I'm there he gets all quiet.

And I did try to talk to my sister about it. Like when he first told me he liked her, we were fighting and not talking, but he was still texting her, so I asked her not to be so friendly with him if me and him are not on good terms. But she said that what goes on between me and him has nothing to do with her and she's not gonna stop being friends with him just because me and him "break up". Neither one of them is backing off each other any time soon...

I mean I believe that he loves me and all, but I just can't live with it if he even has the slightest crush on my sister, that would make me feel so low...

I happen to concur with Bob on this matter. If you, yourself feel insecure/can't accept the matter at hand, then truly you should avoid an relationship with him. He obviously still likes your sister very much and like Bob stated has a 'good healthy relationship' with her. By all costs I would say avoid the headache and pain and forget about him and move on.

I didn't know.. I only found out a few weeks ago. I would have never tried anything if I knew he liked my sister first, I'm not one to pick up people's sloppy seconds.
But thanks for the advice, I'll do what I have to.

Sure him liking her in the past has an affect on the subject matter. But it should've been obvious to you the way he acts. He is all happy and playfull when around her, yet 'quiet' when around you. I wouldn't engage in an relationship with him, that doesn't mean you still can't be friends though.

Hmm, it seems that your sister values the relationship very much that she can't even back off just a little for her own sister...I mean, I would do it if I had a sister because I wouldn't want to hurt her and plus, family comes first. That kinda makes me think she likes him too...hmm..

But yeah, this is probably gonna be an ongoing thing if you stay with him. It's your choice but I'm sure you can find a guy that'll give you his whole focus on you and be able to act himself around you. Think about it. Good luck!

Personally, I think he has it bad for her. Sorry to say. Don't hand all your feelings on this guy. At the end of the day, your sister should come before any guy. Don't fight over him because he won't be there all the time but your sister will be and she will always suppost you. Move on :) Just what I think x