What does it mean when a guy....

Okay so this has a lot of back ground so ima explain

**ill take anyones advice =]

so theres the boy, and we have been talking for about 7 months.. the only thing is that he lives in florida and i live in texas.. he tells me he loves me all the time but we dont go out cuz he says he cant do long relationships but he want to still talk and that maybe when we meet that we can date.. we talk a lot. we usually talk about our possible future together and the things we are struggling with in our lifes.. but i dont know if hes just sayin that or does he really mean it.. and am i making a mistake talking to him

None of us can answer those questions, we don't know him or his intentions. LD is hard, but it can be done, one good point, it seems he is being honest about it.

"he says he cant do long relationships"

You never know what can happen, go with your gut.

Thats what im afraid of.. cuz i having feelings for him .. sometimes i dont think he does then other times i do... i just dont know.. but thats for ur advice

Go with your gut feeling.

^^^^
I agree
and I'm kinda sorta doing the same thing except me nd my boyfriend met twice and he only lives two hours away. but go with how u feel if it doesnt well dang.

I couldn't tell you whether or not he really loves you or if he's just saying that, obviously because I don't personally know him or his intentions.

Long distance relationships can be hard, but they can work out. I know, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 long, beautiful years. Two years into that relationship, for one year, we had a long distance relationship. It was hard at times being so far away from one another, but we kept in constant contact through phone, msn & webcam and even made arrangements to visit one another on the weekends (provided the weather permits it & provided we had time). From that experience it only made our relationship stronger, and it was worth every millisecond of it.

You'll never know if it could work out if you don't give it a chance... But then again, it isn't only your decision to make. You can't force him into having one. He has already told you that he "can't do long relationships" and that itself should have rang a bell, loud and clear. Some people really can't do long distance relationships; they don't have the patience, or the commitment, or the emotional stamina, etc. Obviously he isn't "ready" for that kind of relationship with you. Consider yourself lucky that he was honest enough to tell you, now take the hint.

It isn't fair of him to ask you or expect you to wait for him and isn't fair to yourself if you do...

You said yourself, you even have your doubts. In that case, my honest advice is to forget about having a long distance relationship... forget about waiting... forget about having that kind of relationship altogether...

Stick to friendship.

Long distance relationships can be hard, I've been in one but we were ok. It was when he moved closer it got complicated :) good luck

Yea we say we will move to a different state when im 18 but idk....

thanks for all the advice =]

Dont move for this dude, your only 18 and hardly really know him. Im not saying he dosnt love you or you him, im saying dont throw away your life for a maybe.

Love is much easier when you can be with the person. i live with my girlfriend and i know for a fact that if we didn't live together we definately would fight more. being close, even if it's not living together, provides a certain intimacy for the couple. but i'm just talking from past expierence, and everyone is different so i can't judge. it's about what you feel but just remember that if he really did love you distance would not be a factor. love crosses all territory and can cross even oceans.

Well im not moving because of him.. i want to go live some where different than texas and he is willing to move with me.
he dosent like georgia that much

If i were you i would meet him first and go out a few times and make sure your into him and hes into you before you do anything. wanna make sure you know who he is.

^ Agreed! I almost didn't catch that one.

You haven't even met him before right? Yeah, definitly moving in with someone you DON'T even know, that's a big no-no.

I agrre with both of you guys..
im tryin to go visit him during his birthday.

Okay so on friday we were talking on the phone and eveything was good and then he asked me if he could ask me something and i was like yea u can he asked " is it okay with you if i have a fake girlfriend" and i ask why do u want a fake gf for?
he said its cuz so the girls at his school will leave him alone.

i told him i would have to think about it.

do u guys think hes telling the truth or does he just want a gf cuz im so far away right now?

Whether he is telling the truth or not, and I highly doubt he is, don't fall for that lame, old excuse...

Why does he need a "fake" girlfriend for to get other girls to leave him alone? It is NOT hard at all to tell other girls to leave him alone, that he's interested in someone else or that he's seeing someone else, etc.

It's a load of BS.

.......

I dont know he just said that they are always talking to him and like him...

thats what im kinda think that he just wants a gf cuz i dont have trouble with guys not leaving me alone when i tell them im talking to someone

^ Exactly. If constantly having to refuse them still doesn't stop them from coming on to you then ignoring them will. Actions speak louder than words.

One thing I don't understand is why he needed to ask you? At these times when these girls were bothering him he could have just said that he has a girlfriend. Why would he need to wait to ask you first? Unless of course he does have feelings for you, in which case if he does then why is it so hard to tell other girls that he's interested in someone else or say that YOU are his girlfriend even if you're not? I think it's just an excuse for him to use if or when he is with another girl, you find out and become upset to say that you were okay with it and knew about it.

It just doesn't make sense. It sounds like he's leading you on; giving you false hope, or using you as a spare; rebound. But then again the two of you aren't in a relationship and he's already told you he can't do long distance relationships, that should have been your biggest clue even before this! He obviously doesn't want to be with you. So why does this even matter and why do you still pursue him?

Obviously if you're bothered by this then being friends is not enough. Honestly, I think you should just let him go; cut all ties with him including friendship, and forget about hoping to have a relationship with him. Don't lead yourself on; give yourself false hope, or let yourself be used; a rebound.

Well we did talk about it and he said that if i wasnt okay with it then he wouldnt do it cuz he dont want to lose me but i didnt say anything i was just like watever...

i really dont know anymore if he has feelings for me or not he tells me he loves me and when we dont talk for awhile he always says he misses talkin to me but i dont know. he says he wants a relathionship with me but he wants to wait till we move close to each other..

it matters to me cause i really do have feelings for him.

but i do understand what your saying but im going to have to think about it for awhile..

I understand it matters to you because you have feelings for him, it was a rhetorical question, lol. To me it just seems like pursuing a relationship in this case is a lost cause and he's not serious about you. Then again, I don't know him, what his his feelings or intentions are, what the "relationship" or the situation is. I could be wrong.

You sound like a very smart young woman who can handle herself and keeps her wits about herself. If you still want to pursue a relationship, wait to be with him and give him the A-OK to say he has a girlfriend, then that's your choice; right or wrong. Just remember to keep your wits about you.

Yea i understand what your sayin..

well we decided just to be friends for now nothing more then that and we can do what we want and when we go see each other during the summer then we can see if we want this to be a real relationship.

its kinda hard for me cuz i know that hes dating some girl now and i cant see what they are doing or know how he feels about her but i know this was coming....

i really dont think we will ever be more than friends
cuz at the end of this summer im going to mexico for a year or two.. and he doesnt want to go to mexico ( we talked about me moving before)
so the more i think about it the more i know its not going to work but i really want it to but thats life i guess.

sometimes i think the whole reason he doesnt want to be in a relationship is because i already have a baby boy from someone else but he says that not the reason but idk about that

maybe ill find someone who wants to be in a relationship and is okay with me having a bay already..

Im 17 with a child and i am raising my child all be myself and dont need help with that....
just because i have a baby dosent mean i cant have a relationship with someone too..

I am in no way meaning to brag when I say I told you so but like I said, from the beginning, as I can see from this thread, it appears he's not serious about you and has just been stringing you along. Although you had known that he was, yet you continued to give yourself false hope for a relationship and put false hope into him.

He's already got a girlfriend and you don't believe that you can ever be more than friends, I think that you know you have all the answers you need and, because you have a baby, I think you know what you need to do as a responsible mother.

As opposed to wanting to "find" someone, you should just wait for somebody who actually would want to be with you knowing that you have a baby. Besides that you are a mother now and need to be thinking about your baby first, you are also still young and don't need to rush into anything such as having a boyfriend. Focus on you and your baby, I'm sure between the two of you you've got enough stress and what else to handle besides having a boyfriend on the side. Be patient and wait till things in your life balance out. You have all the time in the world to work on having a relationship with someone, but only one chance at building a relationship between you and your baby. And that is the most important and lifelong relationship that you could ever have.

:)

Ill make sure to do that..
i understand what ur saying Britt but im not going to have anymore kids till im ready and thats a long time from now..

Elizabeth i guess i did know it but i just didnt want to think about that cause i do have feelings for him and have for a long time now..
i still want it to work out later on but I dont know anymore..
i am trying really hard to be a responsible mom...
yea i guess i should just wait to have a relationship but sometimes its just hard.. im not use to being single.
maybe the father of my baby will want to be in our lifes again and i wont have to be single but who knows thats all up to him and he needs to grow up before he comes back.. lets just hope for the best on that one
yea i do have lots of stress with school and work and the baby.. the most thing im worried about is the baby growing up with out a dad around.. but i do understand what ur saying about building a relationship with my baby and thats what i am doing. hes my world.

***but i do have a question for you guys to answer...
do you think its a bad idea to go visit him during the summer??

I am raising the one i already have..
no ones helping me with that and i will always be raising him i would do anything for my baby

I see what your saying..
i know more then likely im going to have to take care of my child by myself and i think im okay with that right now. i just wish if i have to be single the father of my baby will be in his life.. he doesnt have to be in mine life but i just dont want my baby to grow up with out a dad like i did..

there is some boys who are okay with me having a child but im not so into them. i see that know it scared the dad away too. i dont see why he doesnt want to be around his baby.. hes own mom sees it at least twice a week and the father cant even see him... thats just gets me mad. he was all okay with it before now he dosent even go see him like he use too.

yea i see what your saying.. im just not use to having to do this..
but i know i can do it.. its just hard too.. your right about bringing men after men into my babys life will mess his up.. i never really thought about that before. thnx for that. that might be just what i needed to hear to get this.
i see why some guys dont want to be with me it would be hard if you got attached to someone and then you had to leave.

i found that out when i got pregant after just doing that just once..
but im really am going to try hard to not want to date and spend all my time with my baby boy.. cause no matter what he will always be here not like the other guys.

I finally decided that i dont want NOTHING to do with him anymore.. even if i have feelings for him still

In the end a kid doesnt need their real parents there for them. They dont need two parents. They need someone to take care of them. They need someone to love them and teach them right from wrong. They need someone to look up to. And they need someone strong to do that. That doesnt mean you need any guy to raise your kid. All it means is you have to give it your best shot and never give up. Being a single mother is going to be hard. But dont let that keep you from going to college and trying to better yourself and finding someone to be in love with. Let your child be your inspiration and push yourself to give him AND you a great life. You got the motivation right there. Nut up or shut up. ;]

Sometimes merely just having "feelings" for someone isn't enough of a reason, especially in your case being a young teenage mother. I still can't imagine why you would want it to "work out". Much like the father of your child, he was a lot of growing up to do before he can begin to have a relationship with you and before he can come into your child's life. Just take a look at everything you've told us, it should be obvious where he needs to improve. Besides, he has a girlfriend now, who is physically there with and for him. No doubt he will be spending time with her and even grow feelings of his own. He might not want to dump her for you.

You don't honestly believe you have a hard time being a single girl do you? Being a single mother yes, but not a single girl. We aren't born into relationships (not even with our parents, all relationships grow). To me, it doesn't sound like you're looking for a boyfriend, but moreso a father. But like Amanda said, with teenage pregnancies, you have to face the fact that you just might have to raise the child on your own and be a single mom, for now. It's a sacrifice you must make for the sake of your child. Also, you can't go off in search of or go publish an ad in "daddyfind" for one. A father, much like his child and/or through experience, is born. The title is earned. A boy can't raise a child and a man not ready to be father can't either. I'm guessing the "father" of your child isn't around; in your child's life, for a reason. You say because he needs to grow up first, which is a reasonable decision and request. I can understand that you don't want your child to grow up without a father like you did, but you shouldn't settle for just anyone. And you have to understand that some guys aren't looking to be daddies or aren't ready to take on that responsibility. You can't blame them.

Do you have family helping you raise the child; your parents, other family members, your ex's mother? Is there any men in the family in your child's life; a grandfather, uncle? If so, they can be the father figure(s) in your child's life.

I agree with Amanda, what can be more devastating to a child than an absent father is men being brought into and out of their lives. It can cause so many short term and long term effects. Sometimes, not having the child's biological father in their lives is of more benefit than if he was there. My little cousin, Carson's, sperm donor (ie., biological "father", unfortunately), Jason (and I say this with great bitterness), was not ready to be a father. Like your child's "father" he needed to grow up; he was immature, disrespectful, through fits, etc., as well as was not a great father figure let alone role model; he drank past the point of drunk, started getting into heavy drugs, was in and out of Carson's life, and even in a drunken and high state broke into my cousin's; Carson's mother, apartment, trashed the place and beat her with Carson there, putting his life at risk. Jason is no longer even allowed visitation rights (when he did have supervised visitation he wouldn't show as well as hadn't cleaned himself up of his disgusting habits) and unfortunately his parents; Carson's grandparents, don't get see him often let alone at all either, and all because of their son's bad habit and his bad choices. During all of that, Carson began to make himself estrange to men, including his own Papa, great Grandpa and uncles, and even through fits if any man; stranger or family, talked to him or came close to him. The only ones he wanted or who could console him were his mother, Nana, great Grandma, aunty and myself. Today, he is 5 years old and has come out of his shell. He now speaks freely with and engages with men; stranger or family, although still favors women. His mother is now trying dating again. She had been dating a man, Greg, for half a year, who Carson had become extremely attached to. In fact, one night when Jason called to talk to Carson, Carson told him, "I don't need you anymore, I already got my Teddy Bear (Greg)." then preceeded to hang up on him. Greg always fond the time to play with Carson. But unfortunately Greg had some growing up to do as well as was not ready to become a father; he and my cousin moved in too soon, he lacked the ability to discipline, left things out Carson could hurt himself within his reach and even once took his eyes off Carson in the parking lot and let Carson run out on his own. Even though he wanted to there, my cousin had to let him go. That had a significant impact on Carson. He constantly asked where his Teddy was, through fits and cried. It's been some time since then, and Carson has moved on. Now my cousin has been in a relationship with another man for over a year now. To me, he is immature, and I don't like him for that fact as well as that when he and my cousin had dated in high school he dumped her because she wasn't thin enough for him. He isn't afraid to discipline Carson when it is called for and is aware of Carson. So far, so good. I hope. Carson has turned out to be one great little man, even with an absent father and despite everything he's been through. He at least has father figures; his Papa and his uncles, in his life.

Do I think it's a bad idea to go visit this guy during the summer? Yes, I do think it is bad. I'm glad you finally decided to not have anything to do with him anymore. You deserved better than that. It would have only cause you more heartache and confusion in the end and in the long run than good.

Yes he does have family members in his life..
the father of my childs mom sees him all the time and his older sister does too..
i understand what ur trying to say about have guys in my life and i been thinking about it and decided that i dont need one in my life i got my baby and thats all i need right now..
im no longer talk to johnathan (the guy i was talkin to and planning to see in the summer)

im okay with being single i need to spend time with my baby and start getting ready for college.. and possibly moving to a different state where more of my family is so i can have help talking care of my baby while im working and going to school