Do I deserve better?

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I don't think you were being completely materialistic, you don't always expect him to buy you something, just a nice gesture like cooking you dinner or making you a card or a CD or anything to let you know he was thinking of you. You don't have to be a prince charming to show someone they're as important as you make them feel and it doesn't take money either. The only one who knows for sure what you deserve, is you because you the one living it everyday, we are just spectators.

I do not feel that I am a materialistic person. I do understand that he doesn't have money. I just asked for ice cream this ONE time, I never do that. It was more of a test of how he would respond because I never ask him for things. Before I asked him for the ice cream, he told me he wanted to go to DQ and I knew I would most likely have to pay for it, so I decided to ask him if he could get me some ice cream and he responded in a harsh manner. I don't ask people for things, everything I own I work for it, and bought it myself. I RARELY ask my parents for anything.

I buy him things because I LOVE him and I can't help it. I like making people happy but I guess my actions have failed because he doesn't enjoy anything I give him, and it hurts.

I PUSH him to get a job, I PUSH him to get his freakin' license, and he KNOWS that but no matter how hard you might push a person, it is THEIR choice to do it or not, he hasn't done any of those things. I'm not even asking for materialistic things, it would be great if he made me like a card that simply says 'I love you' or cooked for me. I've had BF's that had money and I didn't ask them for things.

I've told him I would be glad if he gave me something simple, and he won't do it. I am expecting too much, I'm expecting more than anyone in his life expects from him and that I know, is my mistake. Expecting so much has hurt me because I'm putting my hopes to high but I've given up on giving him things. Most of the time he asks me for food. Sometimes I just feel used but I'm trying to stop. He's even asked for things that are like $100...

But, even after all the crap we've been through, I can tell he loves me...

Btw, we don't live with each other.

I know, I know, I know...
Everything you're saying, I've heard before and they're all true.

I mentioned all the gifts I gave him because yes, I guess, I do expect SOMETHING in return. And to show what I bring into this relationship. I mean, the fact that I give him nice things and the fact that he can't even enjoy them. It hurts, no doubt. I wasted so much time trying to find him a nice gift and what I end up getting is tears, but yet, it was my fault for giving him a gift in the first place.

It just makes me angry, disappointed, depressed, and feeling stupid because of my choices. We're complete opposites, but yet, somehow fell in love. I'm very motivated, if I want something, I eventually will get it on my own. He on the other hand, doesn't really do anything, but he 'says' he's trying. He's applied to some jobs but never got a call back so I guess, he's trying but I just don't think he's trying ENOUGH. He doesn't even have his permit and could've taken the test a LONG time ago.

I know relationships are about giving and giving but I feel like it's so unbalanced. But, yeah I guess he shows that he cares differently...I don't know what I want to do because I've broken up with him a couple of times but he never leaves me alone...so it's hard to actually 'move on'. And I don't want to regret my decision and I don't want to give up that easily...but it's true, we're going on different paths and leading different lives...

Thanks for the advice, you've let me see things that I haven't really thought about.

You know what, chica? we both are young. I was in the same boat as you for a while. long story short, I waited for this guy to accept me as a girlfriend. when we finally did date, he had on and off again moments. I always thought I expected too much out of people; it made me feel really low and selfish. then I realized, the heart wants what it wants. we all want different things, and we all want to be with certain kinds of people. there is nothing wrong with that.

if you feel he isin't giving you what you need in a relationship, then break it off. there is always more opportunities out there. and remember, we are at the age where a guy shouldn't put weight on the choices we make.

You guys are right, but it's so hard to walk away and I guess, I've known that eventually I wouldn't be with him because I only can handle so much. I know there is a better guy out there for me...I guess I'm scared of being alone and the fact that I know that he loves me, I just know that, so I feel like he just doesn't know how to act? Or..I'm just making excuses for him...

He isn't giving me what I need in the relationship and he probably never will, and I should stop expecting that one day he'll change. I've been in a more serious relationship than this one that lasted over 2 years and after that, I told myself that I would leave a relationship ASAP when I KNOW the guy isn't right...and I did break up with him before..but didn't have the strength to completely walk away...

Sigh..it's just hard and it's hard to know that you guys are completely right...everytime I try to break up with him, he does something sweet that makes me wanna stay, or in person, he'll block my way...

Thanks everyone, I really need to face the truth and open my eyes.

You are very welcome! best of luck with everything, and keep your head held high :]

^^ Ultimitly, from what you've just told us, that's the best choice for you that you could make.

Gosh, I just broke it off with him today...I'm not sure if it's totally official because we're so on and off..but I HAVE to have the strength to let go this time...it was really hard :/

It was our year anniversary today and he didn't even know, I expected that though, but still disappointed. He didn't plan anything, he didn't get me or make me anything..nothing at all...I wish he would've at least remembered the date..sigh I started crying about everything and then I just decided to end it, I can't waste another year or day with him.

Hopefully, I can let go...

The only way to let go, is to want to let go, if you don't, you won't.

Frist of, I don't think you're materialistic but you expect things back when you get him something. However, what woman doesn't like something nice once in awhile. I understand that you weren't wanting him to buy anything for you as you know he doesn't have the money with not having a job but he could have atleast made you dinner and if he doesn't know how to cook he could have asked someone to help him and made you feel special on your birthday etc. Yeah, he may not have a job but he could have atleast appreciated what you got him. I think crying about him not getting you ice cream would have been abit silly but I know it wasn't about the ice cream it was about what he actually said to you.
Secondly, I would get out if I were you and tell him the truth about how disrespectful of you and your gifts he was. You're young and theres going to be a few more people like this in the world that you are going to meet.
Last but by all means nto least, you need to let go for your own sanity :)
Good luck!

Good for you.

I mean, the gifts is just part of the problem. He can't even appreciate the things I do for him. He disrespects me and he's controlling. BUT, even after everything, I hate to say this, but I miss him >.< We've had our good times, of course...and I just love how we're completely opposite...but I have to forget how I feel and remember what I DESERVE.

Thanks everyone, I think I'm done with this discussion!

I totally get where you're coming on feeling underappreicated. I'm in a similar situation, but instead of the material things, it's more of a lack of communication. (Him not calling until like 9 or 10 at night, busy with friends and other things, etc etc. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but its everyday.) Anyway, my point being, different situation, but the same resaulting feeling.

The giving should be an equal thing, no matter what's being given, whether it be love, gifts, attention, etc. You give, he gives. From what you've told us, it doesn't seem like there's anything that's being given by him. In any form.

I'd take everyone's advice and drop him. Find someone who appreicates you, and gives back to you. Not someone who just takes.

Oops. I guess I was a little late to reply to the situation. Best of luck. :)

No, I don't think it's a late reply (:

I'm still sadly, doubting my choice. He's still in my mind, of course. I know I deserve better, that I can do better, but can't everyone do better? Yes..he doesn't give me gifts and says mean things sometimes..but I know his heart is right. Gosh, I sound stupid right now.

Anyways, how I feel right now really sucks. It's like my heart and brain are fighting against each other. But, I'm sad to hear that you're going through your situation as well. He needs to realize that he needs to put time for you too. He's taking you for granted and someday, he'll regret that. But, thanks for the advice. I appreciate it (:

Leave. Take it from my advice but this is how my ex Adam acted EXACTLY! But the only thing different is he had a job and a truck.

A guy not even remembering your birthday is the point to end it and Christmas for crying out loud. I know exactly how you feel and I wish I would've left earlier but I was with him like you are, cuz I loved him and I thought he wanted me there. Simple things really matter, just acknowledging you on your birhtday and christmas and valentines day. Couldn't even MAKE you a card if he couldnt afford to buy you one. I'm sorry but I would leave if I was you. Its like a repeat of me and my ex only I dont think your boyfriend abused to at all, I shouldn't say that, hurting you like this is abusing you also.

Just my opinion. I don't want to see you hurt.

Im with a really great guy named Lonnie now and he's a gentleman. He even took me to the movies for a date which NO ONE has EVER done for me and it felt amazing to know that some guy cared.

You deserve better girl!

I know...

Like, he still talks to me and says he's REALLY sorry and that he wants a final chance but I said I want to have some space to think about it but yeah, I love him...it's so hard. Everyone is saying you're stupid, why would you wanna be with him, blah, blah, blah but I don't think I've realized my own mistake yet...

He says he WANTS to change, I don't know what to believe. It's like I'm holding on to this chance that he could change.

I think you should see him CHANGE first, and then decide if you want to take him back or not. I was in a relationship like that as well, he said he wanted a chance to change , i gave it to him, and he never did change. See the progress first and then move fowrd, maybe even try being friends, and see. I dont know. I hope all goes well, and you make the right decision in the end.

^ Yeah, you're right. I know there are better people out there, there are better people for everyone. I know you guys are all right about everything but at the end of the day, it's still up to me. You guys don't know how I feel but I get it, I am being pretty stupid right now, I know that, I just can't help it.

We all know what kind of guy we want to end up with but in reality, the guy we end up being with is always going to be an exception.

I will take your advice and wait and see the progress myself. I have told him I just want to be friends with him but he says he doesn't want that but he has to respect my decision. I guess I just have to wait and see.

I know everyone is going to be disappointed in me if I get back with him but it's my choice and if it's a mistake then i'll suffer the consequences...

Thanks everyone.

Well, I guess I mean that he's not going to be that "perfect" guy you imagined yourself to marry when you were a little kid, you know?

I think whoever you end up with, of course there are going to be flaws, and you'll eventually accept those flaws and the person won't be "perfect" but you'll eventually realize that even with his flaws, you love him, and he's all you ever wanted.

Hopefully, you understand what I mean...