Two guys, one girl >.<

Complicated situation. So I've been dating this guy, lets call him... Matt Parker (from Heroes), and he's been a good guy to me, faithful, loving with the best intentions but you know, a lot of relationship problems.

Then recently, I've been having feelings for a friend I've known for years, lets call him Sylar (you lovin the Heroes rerf's? lol). I do what I usually do when I get a crush on a guy (cuz come on, 8 years, it's bound to happen a couple times), I put a barrier up and distant myself. but Sylar is a really good friend and when I told him I didn't want to be his friend anymore, he pushed. So for the first time I confessed to a guy I liked, other than Matt, fearing it would ruin our friendship.

Well, it didn't, he was really cool about it and actually told me it was natural but because I was in a relationship, was why he never tried anything before. Direct words "Has too much respect for Matt to have ever tried anything." So we laughed about it, but the feelings kept getting more intense and wouldn't go away. Sylar gave me his number (and work one) to call him whenever, which I did on Monday. We talked and I felt no feelings whatsoever, except friendship. He told me to call him Wednesday night when I had to go. I was so excited after that that the feelings just got so intense I wrote facebook status updates (on a private account which I use only for fb games & not friends or family) to let them out.

I called on Wednesday night like a girl excited that it was Christmas morning. Voicemail. Called an hour later, two rings then voicemail. It's Friday now and no word. He's never been the type who just avoids people. Plus I was ready to tell him on Wednesday "Hey, I get it. You're just not that into me but it's okay. I can't help liking you more than a friend now but I don't want to stop being your friend either." I want to email him but I feel like I've done too much damage as it is.

What do you think? Should I email Sylar or wait it out? I feel like I come off needy if I email him. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it cuz everyone knows I'm with Matt (which btw I feel bad enough about already!!) I feel like I'm one foot in the door and one foot out, which isn't fair to Matt. Our problems are a lot but you don't spend almost a decade with someone and not love them still, which is why I stay.

"you don't spend almost a decade with someone and not love them still, which is why I stay."

Love changes just like everything else in life, you might still love him, but are you IN love with him? That's the real question because if you are, Sylar wouldn't be anything but a passing thought.

No, I don't feel that I am, or haven't been for a long time. But no one can stay IN love forever right? I thought those feelings were supposed to fade away after the three month mark lol. But if you created a strong bond in friendship & kept it interesting in the sack, then it was a good relationship. We have a lot of other issues besides that. But there's still enough to stay.

I wrote to Sylar this morning, pretty much telling him that I care for him but I don't want it to ruin our friendship and I can still just be friends if he can. (And if that's what he wants) I also explained how I already had a plan called "Project Independent Woman" that started long before any feelings for Sylar. PIW is just a way for me to feel less co-dependent on Matt and become a strong independent woman. I say co-dependent cuz I have to rely on him for a lot of things that I should be able to do for myself. But I think I made myself pretty clear, to Sylar, over all that I'm fine either way he wants to go, that I just want him in my life. Then called him about 20 mins ago, left a message on his machine that I hoped he was okay, that I sent him an email and to give me a call later. I figure the ball is in his court now. Good move or not?

"But no one can stay IN love forever right? I thought those feelings were supposed to fade away after the three month mark"

12 years later and yes I am still IN love, if it is fading after 3 months how much love can there be? lol By your posts it sounds like you are pining over Sylar whether you admit it or not, you wrote him, you called him, you emailed him, all this discussion with him, but what have you discuss with your actual bf?

Well I am happy for you & your partner, but not everyone is like that. And I was joking about the 3 month, as a stereotype.

I talk to Matt almost every night except for a couple nights this week because he's been sick. (We lived together for a 2 years but both had to move back in with our parents due to finances.) But I know what you meant by that. There isn't much TO talk to him about that. It's pointless. Like I said, we have problems, or maybe it's just I have problems with him, and they never change no matter how hard I try talking to him about them. And they're not even good ones without me coming off as a complete witch for dumping him over. But he's there for me in every other way and technically is a great catch. To help make you understand what those issues are, I'll try to explain.

1.) Trust issues. When we first started dating we were both in high school and I had very strong moral issues about smoking. EVERYONE in his family smokes. He told me he quit for me and I admit, for a long time I was kinda smug about getting the only member who wasn't a smoker. (Plus my grandma died from Lung cancer so it was a very strong issue for me) I found out two days before New Years last year that not only had he been smoking all these years and SNEAKING behind my back to do it, but he specifically TOLD his family to tell me that if I ever became suspicious and ask them, to LIE to me! I almost left him that night except his little brother's girlfriend (who was living with us temporary) stopped me. It wasn't even the fact that he smoked, the fact he was so sneaky and LIED to me about it. Simply because he was "afraid of disappointing me." We talked and he kept promising he'd stop, I would ask every now and then, cuz I didn't care but was concerned if this was really hard for him, I wanted to be there. Proof enough that I had changed enough in the several years to love him for him, not what he did. I just can't trust him anymore because I keep getting conflicting information that he is behind my back and him denying it. He just can't be man enough to tell me the truth.
2.) Doesn't share finances. He hates sharing a budget, especially when we were living together (which was kinda needed cuz he couldn't budget his money and I'm great at budgeting)
3.) Never does what needs to get done and I come off as a nag. And I'm not even talking about stuff I ask him to do, like send me my story/writing files I have on his computer for TWO MONTHS and keeps saying "he will get to it." But his own personal finances are so bad, he got pulled over for having expired tabs (we both didn't know your tabs don't expire at the end of the month but had a date on em) but had to community service for em. He only did the community service when I was out of town for my mother's surgery even tho I constantly offered to go with him when we were together. Then not getting off his butt and contacting the court after the due date was going on. This was last October and he STILL doesn't have his license back!!!!
4.) Biggest mama's boy. Well not just his mom but whole family. It's obsessive. Even when we could afford all our rent our weekend nights HAD to always be spent at his parents house. He's always there.

So these are his faults. Everywhere else he's amazing. I just can't consider these deal breaker's when everywhere else he is such an amazing guy. Can always pick me up when I'm down, make me laugh harder than anyone I know. Sex is amazing. An insanely hard worker & loyal, always tries to put a 100% in everything. Because of his morals, would rather die than cheat and I know if there were a bullet he'd jump in front of it for me. Great with children, like I said a very family man. He's my opposite in interests but we're so much alike when it comes to everything else.

So see how can I talk to him about issues like those when he is such a great guy in other ways and I know we've had those talks a million times before but nothing every changes. Sylar's different. I've known him for years and seen how he is with girls. He's a complete romantic (which Matt isn't) with a bad boy edge. I swear to god it's like someone wrote him out of a romance novel. Abbs and all LOL. So of course I would be pinning over him!

P.S. I know I'm pining lol! But at least it's realistic pinning because I know I can never have him.

I agree with Britt, you take longer than 3 months to be IN love with somebody. Whatever else you decide wait it out with Sylar. Where does Matt come in all this? Does he know?