Ex problems..

My ex and I had been together for about 1yr and 4 months. We broke up a couple of times through that but the longest we ever broke up for was almost a month. This last time he broke up with me saying he didn't want to hurt me or fight anymore, but he still loved me and stuff. This happened a few days before Halloween.

We've had some seriously rocky patches in our relationship and I've come to the conclusion that I can't date him again. That I don't want to. So I'm moving on and wanting to do my own thing, hang out with people, play the field a little. But it seems I cant because of my ex.

The other day I took one of our mutual friends (who happens to live with my ex) to court because he didn't have any other ride. Well, my ex pretty much freaked about it, not wanting me around him or vice-versa. And when we got back into town and I dropped my friend off, we were going to hang out and play video games for a bit before I had to leave. Well, my ex and his sister pretty much kicked me out with an excuse that they needed my friend to help them with something, so I couldn't hang out with my friend.

My ex doesn't want me to date or hang out with my friend or any other guy for that matter. Which is really dumb because he's the one that broke up with me AND he even has another girlfriend (which he lied to me about). It's like he doesn't want me but he wants to have a claim on me so no one else can have me either. Which I'm so not okay with. I'm a very free spirit so that doesn't sit very well with my personality. So I don't know what to do. I really like my friend, but I can't even hang out with him without my ex throwing a hissy fit. And I don't want my friend to catch hell from my ex because of all of this. Advice on how to deal with a jealous, controlling ex would be wonderful and extremely helpful. :)

Thanks Britt. You give some wicked awesome advice.

And my ex and I were friends before all this drama started up. (We were really close friends before we started dating. I guess it was kind of dumb to try and recreate that friendship, at least so soon after breaking up.) But that's why I didn't really see it all that awkward to be at his house.

But you're right. We should find somewhere else to hang out. That will be kind of difficult though because my ex *thinks* he still has control over who I hang out with or who our friend hangs out with. They've already threatened my friend about him dating me. Which is seriously irritating and extremely dumb. (Especially when he asked out and dated my ex-friend the last time we broke up just to get back at me for something I did.)

And I have been trying not to let it get to me and to ignore it, but the whole thing is extremely frustrating and irritating. And I'm not one who is good about holding my tounge. But I am trying.

"...I've come to the conclusion that I can't date him again. That I don't want to. So I'm moving on and wanting to do my own thing, hang out with people, play the field a little. But it seems I cant because of my ex."

^ The only person getting in your way of moving on is yourself. No one has the right to make decisions for you or tell you what to do, the one person whose right that is is yours. Don't let your ex, let alone anyone, have a say in who you decide to see, especially when he himself is dating other girls. He may not realize that, but what he does or doesn't isn't of any importance. What is important is that you realize that you are in control of yourself and all aspects of your life.

I'm not taking sides with your ex or his sister, but I can see why your ex and his sister would be "annoyed" or kick you out if they wanted his help with things around the [house, apartment or other], provided that is that's the real reason why (although I highly doubt it is the reason why the are or did). My roommate annoyed me because he was never home and didn't have any responsibility. He thought that all he had to do was pay rent and that the apartment was just a place for him to sleep. He was told months in advance before moving in, and reminded continuously before he moved in and after he was moved in, that he had responsibilities to tend to: to help with doing the dishes, take out the trash, clean the bathroom as well as clean up after himself. I didn't think that was too much to ask or was too big of a request to ask for, but apparently to him it was. I was under so much stress because of my academics, because I lived over four hours away from my family and friends and because my best friend passed away, I didn't need that extra stress when I came home to the one place that was my sanctuary. Since talking to him about it he's taken responsibility for his responsibilities as a roommate and around the apartment. Now, so long as he pays rent and continues to take responsibility around the apartment I don't have a problem with him going out at anytime with his friends or girlfriend (provided that if it is late and I am asleep, he doesn't make a commotion when he comes home). If I were your friends roommate, I could say the same thing for him. So long as he paid his rent (if he's required to pay rent that is) and took responsibility for helping around the apartment I would be okay with him going out with you anytime. :)

However, I can see why, in your friend's case, it would be problematic. Like I said before, I highly doubt your ex and his sister were "annoyed" and kicked you out just because he wasn't helping out around the [house, apartment or other] enough. Most likely, it was in retaliation against you. Considering they have a problem with you dating someone let alone spending time with your friend and because your friend lives with them, they will most likely use that against your friend and as their excuse to blackmail him or kick him out if the two of you continue to see one another. From what you tell us about them and their actions thus far, I wouldn't put it past them to do just that... This whole situation and your ex is just pathetic. He needs to grow up, get over himself, get over you, move on and let you (let yourself) move on.

I agree with Britt. You should ignore your ex and avoid their [house, apartment or other], it will make things more easier for you and your friend. I'm not sure if it will create less drama or not, your ex seems to make drama where ever he goes or with whatever he can, lol. I wouldn't doubt it if he through a hissy fit because the two of you would be hanging out, supposedly, "behind his back". Either way, just let him continue to throw his hissy fits. He's the one who's got problems, he's going to have to deal with them on his own and move on.

I advise you to advise your friend to keep an eye out or actually start looking for a new place. As far as I'm concerned, that is an unhealthy environment and relationship for him to be in. He doesn't deserve that.

Britt, you're right. Less is definitely more in this situation.

^I could understand them saying "Hey, we have stuff to do, mind leaving for awhile" or something along those lines. But they were hateful and it was just an excuse for them to make me leave. As you said, it was just in retaliation against me. They really didn't have anything to do.

I agree that he should move out and doesn't deserve that, but I don't think he has anywhere else to go. The only reason he's living with them in the first place is because he moved out of his parents house the day he turned 17 because his dad abused him.

And I'm trying to ignore my ex, but it's so frustrating to have to "sneak" around to see my friend.

Speaking of, we made plans to hang out tomorrow after he gets out of school. (He's going to walk to a nearby store and I'll pick him up and we'll go somewhere and hang out.) Hopefully word won't get back to my ex and he won't throw a big temper tantrum and start a whole bunch of drama. But that's probably unlikely, seeing as this is a small town where everyone is in everyone else's business.

"...No one has the right to make decisions for you or tell you what to do, the one person whose right that is is yours. Don't let your ex, let alone anyone, have a say in who you decide to see, especially when he himself is dating other girls..."

^My point exactly, but try telling that to my ex. He thinks he's in the right so he just does as he pleases and expects me to stand around waiting for him. It's like he thinks he still has claims on me. But he relinquished what claims he had on me when he broke up with me, which he doesn't understand or doesn't want to.

And how I am, I don't take being told 'no' well. I'll either do it anyway, try and go after, or fight it depending on the situation.

Well, all hell has broke loose. Last night my friend and my ex got kicked out of their house so they stayed the night here cuz they didn't have anywhere else to stay.

Well, my ex got suspisious about me and my friend and I guess he asked my friend what was going on between me and him and he finally told him (sort of) what was up. (We're dating by the way.)

As you can imagine, my ex flipped shit. And this morning he started calling me a lier and saying all of this stuff. So I got pissed and told him off. (I told you I wasn't good at holding my tounge.) Basically I told him that he was a lier as well and immature and selfish and on a 24/7 pity party. I said a whole bunch of things and that just kind of made the situation worse. Oops.

Right now they are in the living room and I'm sitting in my room writing this and listening to music. Bah. This sucks.

I was going to comment on what you'd said previously, but you'gone an updated the situation already, lol. I guess what I had to say is irrelevant now. But I still want to congratulate you for standing up to yourself!

I personally haven't experienced what it's like to have an ex try to control me, however I have experienced what it's like to have someone I was "dating" try to control me. Over 7yrs ago I had "dated" a boy for a couple weeks. His friends would constantly message me trying to tell that as his "girlfriend" I should be doing my "job" (aka, have sex with him). Another time, he and his friends came to my house to ask if I'd like to come for a walk and hang out, but I had chores to do and homework so I said not today. After they left, for half an hour, every 5 minutes, he would get one of his friends to come over to my house and try to convince me to come out. They even went so far as to call my house to tell me that he was threatening to kill himself, that he'd drank a whole bottle of drain cleaner from under the sink or something along those lines. I told them that if he had done all that they better stop wasting time calling me and get busy calling 911. You know how I knew they were lying? I could see them talking on a cell outside my house through the window. He looked fine to me. Because of those several incidences, I ended things with him. And to my "surprise", he and his friends, once again, would message me constantly telling me to take him back. Much like you, I didn't, take being told what to do from people like them too well either. In fact, I still don't!

You're right, you and your friend (boyfriend now, right, lol) don't need to be "sneaking" around just to see each other or hiding your relationship. So... Just don't! You've got nothing to hide; nothing to be guilty or ashamed of. I guess now that your boyfriend spilled the beans to your ex you don't have to hide anything.

I can only imagine how frustrating it is and I know it's easier said than done to ignore him or avoid him, but sometimes there aren't always alternative solutions and sometimes the most obvious is the right one, you just have to put your foot down. It's YOUR life, don't let anyone tell you have to live it. Make a pledge to and for yourself, to, for example, do the opposite of what you would normally do. Kind of like in "Yes Man", just don't get carried away or ahead of yourself like Carl, lol.

I remember you'd said that it's like your ex expects you to "wait for him". In much the same way, you are also "waiting for him". You are waiting for him to realize that what he's doing is unfair, to admit it's not his right, to accept that it's your right to be with who you want and give you permission to live your life and date who you want. Do you get what I'm trying to say (that's just what it seems to me because it's still he, him, and his and not me, myself and I, does that also make sense, lol)? You can't be "waiting" for him. You got to move on with your life on your own. What he does and doesn't come to realize, admit, accept or whatever isn't important to you. Let him move on on his own time. Forget him. He's an ex for a reason and that "relationship" is in the past for a reason. Like Britt said, you should cut all ties with him.

:)

Yeah, I know, big mistake. But jerk of an ex or not, I couldn't leave him without a place to stay, that's just the kind of person I am.

And actually, it gets better.. Later on this morning we were arguing again (can't remember about what exactly) and he smarted off something like, "I was just a shitty boyfriend wasn't I?" or something like that. So I go, "Actually, yeah you were. You treated me like shit." Well that set things off. He called me a "whorey slut of a girlfriend", I think his exact words were.

Well, I completely flipped shit. No joke. For like.. 10 seconds I just sat there and stared at him with my mouth open and then I started yelling at him. Then I got up, put my coat on, walked outside slamming the door closed. I came back in a minute later and the boys were downstairs about to eat breakfast and I walk downstairs and tell my mom that I'd be back later and she's all "Oh just quit acting like this" and stuff. (She didn't know what had happened yet.)

Anyway, that made it worse so I yell, "he just called me a whore and slut!" My mom turns to look at him with her mouth open as he tries to explain and I start screaming at him again, telling him to "shut the f up and I'm not a whore". My bf is just sitting there looking at me like I was possessed by a demon from hell. (That part is kinda funny now that I think about it.)

After I yell, I grabbed the keys and slammed the door again. (which I messed up cuz when I got home I couldn't open the door) and went driving around so I could calm down. But yeah. I have a really really bad temper if you can tell. lol.

After I calmed down I came home and he apologized and everything and then I left for work. They left not too long after that. I'm not sure where my ex is but my bf is at his parents house because he promised them that he would stop by. So yeah.

Also, after all this happened and I had a chance to calm down, I asked my boyfriend if he thought we should back off for a bit and he said no. He's banking on the hope that my ex will grow up and act mature about this situation eventually. *shrugs*

I'm totally calm now and not pissed anymore. I pretty much got it all out of my system, so I'm pretty chill now. haha. But you're right. I'm just going to have to cut him totally out of my life. I don't want the drama, so I'm not going to let myself be around it or let it affect me. Thanks so much for the advice Britt. I really apprieciate your feedback.

"I remember you'd said that it's like your ex expects you to "wait for him". In much the same way, you are also "waiting for him". You are waiting for him to realize that what he's doing is unfair, to admit it's not his right, to accept that it's your right to be with who you want and give you permission to live your life and date who you want. Do you get what I'm trying to say (that's just what it seems to me because it's still he, him, and his and not me, myself and I, does that also make sense, lol)? "

^That makes perfect sense and you are completely right.

Although.. my boyfriend didn't exactly tell him. I'm sure he knows by all our hinting around and flirting (I'm such a flirt sometimes and I don't even realize it.. that gets me into trouble occasionally. lol)

I haven't seen Yes Man yet. But I get what you're saying. lol.

And there's no way I'd be able to deal with a situation like you were in with your ex. Like I've said, I don't handle being told no or being controlled well. And obviously I've got bit of a temper. lol.

Thank you so much Elizibeth (Sorry I know I completely spelled that wrong. Lack of sleep messes up my spelling. lol) for the advice and feedback. I really appriecate it. And I'm going to do what you and Britt suggested... cut all ties from my ex and go from there. I need to stop trying to make everyone else happy and worry about myself for a change. :)

"Yes Man". Watch it. I recommend it. It's a good laugh. ;)

I have to admit, I don't even know your ex, but even he's pissing me off! I'm trying to be, and in my posts it may appear to be that I am, collected, but on the other end of this monitor I'm saying, "What a douche bag!" Haha.

"But jerk of an ex or not, I couldn't leave him without a place to stay, that's just the kind of person I am."

^ It's commendable of you to take him in, it just goes to show that you are the bigger person not only in this situation but in whatever relationship the two of you had. Especially when after you did he has the gull to call you a "whore"; to disrespect you, in your own house. And because why? Talk about ungrateful, immature and insecure. I would have thrown his arse out and told him to jog on, lol!

"I asked my boyfriend if he thought we should back off for a bit and he said no. He's banking on the hope that my ex will grow up and act mature about this situation eventually."

^ That's funny, this is actually what I was going to talk to you about. I was going to advise you to talk to your boyfriend about what the two of you should do. If he was opposed to it because he didn't want to get kicked out, if he didn't want to get involved or if he was unsure then no dice, but if he wanted to then to not let anyone get between you. I was even going to say that he probably agrees with all three of us and would be fine with continuing your relationship even with the possible chance that he could be kicked out or your ex freaking out.

You know, I suspected that the two of you were more than just "friends" just by the concern you showed for him.

You're very welcome for the advice. It's not a problem. I hope things work out for you and your boyfriend. And don't change that temper of yours, you wouldn't have gotten to where you are right now without it, lol. You need anything just ask.

:)

Ahaha.. Yeah. He is a douche bag most of the time. And I came so close to punching him in the face and telling him to get the f out when he called me a whore and slut. But I managed to somewhat control myself and hold back. haha.

I think my boyfriend is mostly worried about losing his friendship with my ex because they are supposed to be best friends and have known eachother for awhile. I totally get that and I don't want him to have to choose between us (which my ex would make it that way). I even mentioned that to him and he just told me that he wasn't worried about it. So I don't know.

"You know, I suspected that the two of you were more than just "friends" just by the concern you showed for him."

^Ahaha.. If its that obvious over the computer then I'm positive that my ex definitely caught on faster than I thought. He may be a lot of things, but he's not totally stupid. lol

Thanks, if I do, I'll definitely hit you up. :)

Totally off subject, but at first my mom didn't like my bf. Reason why.. she caught him in my room at like 5:30 this morning. (Yeah I know that sounds really bad, but it was nothing like that. lol) I couldn't sleep so I went and woke him up and dragged him to my room. (I love to cuddle and I hate sleeping alone.) But anyway.. we were just laying there talking and stuff and my mom comes in and sees him and gets pissed and kicked him out of my room. Luckily, as the day went on she gave him a chance and started to like him. lol.

^ Haha, I had the same experience. My partner and I started seeing each other when we were both 16 and it was 3 months into our "relationship". We would always meet each other, at either his house or mine, so that we could walk to school together. We didn't get a lot of time to spend alone together; we were always spending time with our friends, with each others family, had schoolwork to do, part-time jobs and extra curricular activities, so I told him to come over earlier one morning just so that we could spend some time together. He came over at 6:30 am. I'd already gotten up earlier; showered, gotten dressed, eaten breakfast and packed my bags, by the time he got there. We were both in my room talking, lights on, door open. I went upstairs to grab something and my mom was in the kitchen. She ask me what we were doing and I told her we were talking and waiting till it was time to go, then told me, "You're 16 not 26..." I don't think I need to tell you what she assumed we were doing. How she came to that conclusion I don't know. I wasn't hurt by what she said, I was hurt that that was her first thought; that my own mother didn't even KNOW me... I know that she was only looking out for her only baby and can understand and respect that, but it made me feel dirty; like a "whore", even though I knew I hadn't done anything. In fact, my partner was the first person I ever gave myself to; body, mind and soul, wholly and we weren't intimate until we were both 18. I am not, and never have been, the type of girl to just give myself to just anyone. I have more respect for myself and my morals than that as an individual and a woman. I was waiting, and wanted to wait, to be in a relationship with someone I could see myself spending my life with and waiting to give myself to someone wholly that I loved. My mother knows that now, but I wish she'd known it then... I'm still hurt now that I think about (it's one of the three things that she's said/done that has still left a scar on my heart) but that was 4 years ago, I'm trying to move on for the sake of our relationship. We have always had, both me and my parents, an open, honest, trusting and happy relationship. She's accepted my partner long ago and considers him to be part of the family.

It's a parent thing. She's only looking out for you.

:)

Haha, yeah I know. But it ticked me off a little bit because she didn't have any problem what-so-ever with me and my ex doing that. (She even had walked in on us a couple of times and kinda shook it off.)

And I know what you mean. I'm not that type of girl either. (Although I have made a couple of bad choices.) My ex is only the third guy I've ever "been with". My ex before him, I was with for awhile and I really thought we'd be together longer than what we were and I did think that I loved him, so I completely gave myself to him. But being that close to someone really freaked me out so I broke up with him shortly after that. And the other guy, I wish I could take back even though I learned from the expirence. (It was over the summer during a time when me and my ex broke up and it just sort of happened. I fooled myself into thinking there was more there than what there was [we had been close friends before this] and he took advantage of the situation just to get some ass.) But like I said, even though I wish I could take it back, I did learn a whole lot from the expirence and I'm way more careful about who I date or get close with.

Grr.. So I'm kinda annoyed right now. I guess my ex told his sister that we got into it or whatever, making me look like the bad guy of course. And she messaged me on fb and sort of threatened me. I didn't even bother to reply back.

And my boyfriend has kind of been MIA since last night. I finally just got ahold of him a few minutes ago though. (His phone only has texting on it, and I can't send texts from my phone so I gotta use the computer to talk to him.) PLUS I'm outta town for the week staying with my brother. (And on top of that.. I'm grounded from driving for a looong time.)

But anyway, I just got ahold of him and I guess he's at the movies right now. I hate being the paranoid girlfriend, but sometimes I get bad feelings about things (which usually they are right) and this is one of those things. I'm playing it cool though and trying to shove it out of my mind. Bah. Guys suck sometimes. I really hope I don't get screwed over on this because I'm REALLY starting to like the kid. :/