Should i give another chance?

Hey, umm. I'm really confused this moment. You see, there is this guy and.. we've been through a lot. And i don't want to waste those. Umm. He left me for the first time because they had this big family issue/problem and he's reason for leaving is that he doesn't want me to get involved. Then when the school yr. started again. He started courting me again. So after thinking about it.. I GAVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE. This time we were happy.. but i couldn't bare his closeness with his BEST FRIEND which is also his past and FIRST love. We keep on discussing about that matter but.. it doesn't help. It just keeps on hurting and hurting me. So i just asked him whom he would like to keep. Me or his Best friend. Darn!! so there i was again. alone. But when i received a news from his friend which is also mine's, this friend told me that.. he did stop having communication with his BEST FRIEND[the reason why we split up]. And now... he's asking for another chance. He told me that he knows i'm gonna have a hard time thnking about this one. Ehiii yeah. I need help guys. I know i still love him. Please. ASAP.

One: Unless he was continually ditching you for his friend or flirting with her all the time or showing any interest in her other than friendship (which you didn't mention any of these), I don't think it was right making him choose between you and his best friend. Yeah, I completely understand where you are coming from, but still. That is completely unfair.

What wouldv'e happened if he did drop his best friend on the spot and continued to date you and you two broke up in the near future? He would be without you [the reason he stopped talking to his best friend in the first place] AND his best friend. Seems like a lose-lose situation for him to me.

But although since he did stop having communication with his best friend it shows that he really does want to be with you. But we can't tell you to date him or not. That choice is completely up to you.

Two: I've actually been in this kind of situation but with ME being the one to choose between a boyfriend and a best friend and it completely sucks. My ex was super jealous of my best guy friend. He would come over sometimes and we would just hang out (I didn't get to see my friend all that much). And as time continued on, my ex started to throw a big hissy fit about it. He didn't ask me straight up to choose between them (he knew I would totally flip shit on him) but he continued to complain and gripe and moan about it, so finally I quit having communication with my best guy friend just to please him. (Before that though, I even stopped telling my ex when me and my friend hung out, but when we fought, something would be brought up about him, even if it was a completely different thing that we were fighting about.) Then, when me and my ex broke up, I tried getting ahold of my friend and we've talked some, but our friendship isn't the same and not nearly as strong as it was. Honestly, I wish I would have dropped my ex instead of my friend.

The reasons why my ex acted that was because he was jealous and insecure about our relationship, even though he had no reason to be. And more importantly he was insecure about himself. But isn't that normally why people do those kinds of things?

"One: Unless he was continually ditching you for his friend or flirting with her all the time or showing any interest in her other than friendship (which you didn't mention any of these), I don't think it was right making him choose between you and his best friend. Yeah, I completely understand where you are coming from, but still. That is completely unfair."

^ I completely agree.

Was he actually acting like they were more than just friends, or, is it just jealousy or your insecurity? To me, it sounds like jealousy (because he's still friends with his ex) and insecurity (in yourself and the relationship). You also said that she was his first love. It's completely normal and not uncommon that he still has feelings for her, even if it's just as friends now, you can't expect him to just forget about how he'd felt about her or their past relationship. After all, you said that you and him have been through a lot, likewise I'm sure they have too. It's not fair to make him choose, especially if he hasn't done anything wrong and because you're jealous or insecure (unless he has done some of the things that Mis had mentioned).

I can understand why you would be debating on whether or not to take him back IF (it hasn't been established yet) he has been acting like they were more than just friends and because you'd broken up several times as is. However, he has shown you that he does want to be with you by choosing to abandon his friend and their friendship for you and your relationship, as you requested and like you wanted.

Now if you excuse me I'm going to go watch "The Ugly Truth", lol.

I completly agree with both of the above responses completly, and I have been in the best friends shoes before, and when she talked to me about it, I simply told her that any guy who truely cares about you would trust you enoph not to control who you hang out with, and im going to tell you the same thing, in my eyes, completly one guys opinion, I dont think the question is rather or not HE deserves a second chance, but rather or not you do, your the one that screwd things up after all.

^ I completely agree. I think he should be the one to ask the question on whether or not you deserve a second chance too.

Despite that he dumped his friend and their friendship at your request and it's what you wanted him to do, you might not take him back. Wasn't the sacrifice of his friendship enough? What more do you want? What was the point of making him choose in the first place if you're not going to take him back? That was his whole reason for abandoning his friendship, because you gave him hope for your relationship. Like I said, I think it was your jealous and your insecurity that caused all this (just by gathering everything you've said thus far). And like Mis said, this seems like a lose-lose situation on HIS part; either he loses you, loses his best friend or loses both of you (which seems to be where this is all leading). If you do decide not to take him back what do you think will happen? I'm sure his friend feels betrayed and highly doubt she would forgive him. He'll have lost both his "girlfriend" and his best friend. And here I thought relationships were supposed to be a compromise and that partners were equal, but here he is meeting you at and giving you 70% and you're only meeting him at and giving him 30%.

As far as I'm concerned, anyone who tries to make another person choose between them or their friends and family isn't the type of person they should have a relationship with of any kind. I think it's a shame he second guessed his first decision. If I could talk to him and give him any advice, I would tell him not to abandon his friend or their friendship for you and to not have a relationship with you of any kind if that's how you're going to treat him or that's what the relationship going to come down to. Much like the saying boys come and go, so do girls.

So in essence, no, I don't think you should give him another chance if only for his own sake. Let him go. Let him try to rekindle his friendship.

However, you haven't replied yet so we still don't know all the details; such as if they're acting more than just friends (such as the examples Mis explained) and if it's only one-sided or on both parties, or if it is just your own jealousy or insecurity.

I think you know exactly what you should do. You're just looking for someone to say "no, he is worth it, stay with him"

But....no one's going to say that. Because he sounds like a real jerk who doesn't deserve you at all. I agree with what every other person in this post just said to you. So, stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your brain for a sec and ask yourself "am I really respecting myself by going back with him?"

Okay guys, i've read your posts. And it made me actually feel SOOOOO STUPID. Sorry for being a jerk. I'M NOT WORTH IT. Okay, you're right.. he has proven me enough that he loves me. There's no reason not to give him another chance. Besides.. okay.. it's my fault. EVERYTHING is because of me. I'll accept it. And yes, i should feel bad about his bestfriend.. SHE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR HIM. But.. it's not my problem anymore right? As long as i put my trust on my partner.. RIGHT??

Well I've been the one with the untrusting boyfriend the the best friend ex. The issue was I still did have feeling for my ex. What you should do is talk to them both together and make sure nothing is going on you shouldn't risk getting hurt again you'll feel better knowing you can trust the both of them. And if that's not the case no second chances