Why do I put myself through this?

This guy i was "seeing" at the beginning of the year who, hurt my really badly emotionally has come back into my life. He texts me when things happen and when he's drunk he tells me to come be with him. It's so hard knowing if he's changed or not and makes me wish I was with him more. I don't know what to do and I know I could NEVER trust him again. I love talking to him but my roomies and friends tell me no way. I don't know what to do, I want to be friends but I'm afraid he still secretly likes me..

*Why else would he text me to tell me he shot a deer, or when his favorite team beat my favorite team?

....to tell you that he likes hurting innocent things and having dominance over you, even if its through the avatar of his favorite team? That's one interpretation. : P

He doesn't sound like a winner to me.

^I disagree with this post above me...

He could simply be being friendly. I hunt on occasion and when I shot my first deer, I called up pretty much everyone I knew. (That was several years ago and I don't think I was boycrazy yet.) But if I shot one now, I'd probably call up my ex as well. We were together for a year and a half and we've had alot of problems, but I still consider him one of my really good friends. And as for the team thing.. same concept. Seems like friendly teasing.

Oops. Forgot to finish my post. And as for the drunk thing, well, you can't really hold anything he says accountable when he's drunk since he's not in the right state of mind. People say and do things that they may not mean when they drink.

"This guy i was "seeing" at the beginning of the year who, hurt my really badly emotionally has come back into my life."

^ He hasn't come back into your life. You let him come back into your life.

I agree with Mis, you can't really hold anything he says accountable when he's drunk since he's not in a sound state of mind, people say and do things that they may not mean or even know they said or did. Although, have you ever heard of the saying that or read the short play, "Only drunks and children tell the truth"?

Just because he texts you, whether it's about the deer he shot or his team beating yours, doesn't necessarily mean he's still hung up on you. He could simply just consider you to be friend, the texts about hunting simply friendly banter and the winning team friendly teasing. If you really want to know whether he still likes you or if he just likes you as a friend then you should just ask him, that's the only sure way to know.

What do you really want? You say that "it's so hard knowing if he's changed or not and makes me wish I were with him more" and then the next say "I want to be friends". He's obviously an ex for a reason, considering you say that you "can NEVER trust him again". If you want to just be friends then you have to stop making it complicated to be; stop wishing you were still with him simply based on what-ifs and stop interpreting everything as he's still hung up on you (even if it's true).

If the texting confuses you that much then you should tell him stop texting you. It doesn't sound like you're over this guy, you keep giving yourself false hope. It's no wonder you're still hung up on this guy.

"when he's drunk he tells me to come be with him."

And when he's sober?

I have to agree with the post above me.

Yea, I just can't get over him I realized, a friend of mine talked to me about it. I just need to be his friend, I obviously love being around him.

If something happens it happens but that will not be for along time.
It's the holiday everyone wants to be w/ someone who cares about them at this time.

I got a theory. I think that people are the most honest when theyre very mad, very sad, or very dunk. I dont know why but people usually have a lot of truth to what they say when theyre like this. Im not saying everything is true but if you look carefully youll find out what they mean and feel. Anywho. If he randomly texts you that stuff it means he likes you. Why is that? He thinks about you to the point where he'll text you about random parts of his day. Which means your on his mind at least a few times throughout the day. If he hurt you emotionally though Id like to know what the heck he did. You cant expect 100 percent good help without giving 100 percent good information. And the "If something happens it happens but that will not be for along time." Give me a break. If you still have feelings for him then your gonna tip right over into his lap the second he says the right thing. Come on now. I dont know how many times Ive said that kinda stuff and the next minute "im in love again". And dont use the holidays as an excuse either ;]

We ended things b/c I cared too much, I wanted to be with him when he was here and I guess I was clingy. He got really drunk one night and slept with another girl. He did not tell me but he did tell me that things needed to be over. I found later that he had slept with another girl (i'm guessing because I would not give him any). Last night he was at his dorm and I went out, he texted me and we bascially kept it going all night. He wanted me to come to his school to take care of him I said no. I told him to quit messing with me. He said and i quote. "I'm not messing with you? I just wish someone was here to hold the ice so I can not stop playing call of duty" I told him I'm sure there are other girls. And he changed the subject.

"Yea, I just can't get over him I realized, a friend of mine talked to me about it. I just need to be his friend, I obviously love being around him."
^
Excuse me..we all get over things, forgetting is a bliss that god has awarded us with, but we just don't know how to use it, or more likely, we don't even want to.
I believe you're weak, because the most beautiful thing in life is being strong enough to let go.
And I have to agree with Jenn, what does he tell you when he's sober?

If you don't push yourself to make a move, you will never ever get over him by sticking in your place.

I wish we knew what love is anyway..because none of the threads here are talking about love..it is a different thing...

As much as I would like to be as positive as the other poster, I have to say the flip side of the coin is he knows you still have feelings for him so he exploits that when it is convenient for him, random texting, drunken slips. He cheated and still seems to be playing, hell he didn't even tell you, he just broke up with you. Like Nee said it's not a love thing around these boards, but something else all together, lack of self confidence and this undying need to be with people who don't respect you.

Thanks! Tough Advice is the right thing :)

My goal is to not talk to him unless he talks to me first and he can keep all conversations going.

"I got a theory. I think that people are the most honest when theyre very mad, very sad, or very dunk. I dont know why but people usually have a lot of truth to what they say when theyre like this. Im not saying everything is true but if you look carefully youll find out what they mean and feel. Anywho. If he randomly texts you that stuff it means he likes you."

^ Plausible. But not always. I think the only sure way for her to know is by asking him.

I agree completely with BC. Although I'm not sure if I'd say he's been using you because he knows you're still hung up on him, I think you're also doing a fine job of that yourself.

"Yea, I just can't get over him I realized."

^ It seems you're trying to make him your true love, but the thing is if he were he wouldn't have cheated on you and would still be with you (at least that's always been my belief). I'm not sure if he was your first boyfriend or not, but not everyone finds their true love the first time a round, the second, the third or even the fourth.

Maybe you can or maybe you can't "get over" him, but you CAN move on from him and learn to share your love again. It doesn't happen over night, it will take time. You CAN move on and share your love again, however, from what I gathered, you don't want to. And if that's the case, then simply just being is friend is not going to be enough for you and will not work out.

If you truly want to move on and just be friend with him, then you've to stay strong, you've got to have some self-confidence and you've got to stop making excuses to get back together with him; stop using the what-ifs and holidays as an excuse. You've got family and friends, don't you want to spend the holiday with the people you know who love you too?

Yes, well him and I got in a fight and he said our friendship will never happen. After that way he talked to me. I decided it is not worth it even trying to care anymore. I have friends and will find the one guy.

I started wondering how my best guy friend can cheer me up with making me listen to stupid sad songs late at night. So I wonder if maybe I just think the first guy is the one but really I'm not even looking in the right spot and the one I really should be going for is right in front of me. Time will only tell.