A tricky situation. Can you truely change somone?

I need a little help. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year it's pretty serious and we've had problems like this before but we shouldn't ignor it now if were gunna have a future. I'm very open minded I forgive easily I don't get stressed or try not to I let things go and accept every one. He on the other hand gets very stressed a lot holds me and others to things they've don't has his own opponions. I don't mind this at all just cuz of how accepting I am I just want him to have acceptance of me and my choices because I'm open to any life experience and things he won't agree with yet I have reasons for my actions I have reasons why I am who I am how I can forgive but he won't accept that because he thinks he'll get hurt. I've already changes myself for him buy I realize that's not good for myself or him. It's like lying. Neither of us know what to do. Feedback please I'm begging you.

Honestly? if you feel like you need to change yourself or him then I don't believe it will work. I have been in situations like that many times and it has never worked out. For two people to be able to be together happily you need to be able to love them for them, not what they could be.

"Honestly? if you feel like you need to change yourself or him then I don't believe it will work."

^I completely agree. I recently have gotten out of a year and a half relationship like that. I changed so many things to make him happy and he claimed to have changed things for me. We both felt that we were lying to ourselves and each other. Not only that but we both pushed each other to try and change this or that and we ended up resenting each other for it.

Moral of the story: You can't change someone. Only they can change themselves and they have to really WANT to change. Also, you shouldn't change who you are for anyone other than yourself.

People can't change, believe me I've tried.

It's really the individual's decision and choice to change or not. You can't "force" someone to change just because you don't like the way they are. He's isn't your little experiment. He's a human being that has flaws and to really love someone, you have to live with and accept those flaws and if you can't, you should reevaluate your relationship.

Someone could change for the relationship, they could change for YOU, but they aren't changing for themselves. Even if he did change his behaviors and everything, once you guys break up, he'll be the same person he was when you first met him. You can't change him and you shouldn't try. If he wants to change, he eventually will on his own. Good luck! :]

He thinks that by accepting how I act he'll get hurt how can I show him that I won't hurt him. Like the reason I stressed him out before was like the way I said things my friends what I beleived in society how my "mentality" wasn't striat. He acts like I'm giong to do drugs or cheat or somyhing crazy. How can I show him I won't hurt him or make him accept me? Cuz I can't feel like I'm the one wrong anymore or I'm the one who has to change.

^I mean to say that I know I can't change him or make him accept what he beleives is wrong but how can I show that I won't hurt him and that I'm responcible enough to make good disisions for us

Well, he has to trust that you'll be responsible. By jumping into a relationship with you he should know that there is a chance that he'll get hurt and since he's in a relationship with you, he's already taking a risk. You can't really show him right now at this moment, it really takes time. Just don't do anything foolish and...go with the flow and see how it goes.

I believe a person can change, but it has to be THEIR choice. That you can't force someone to change.

I think change is always difficult,most of the time we are afraid of changing,we need a great willpower to do that.

If you find out that you are really making great efforts to change for your boyfriend then chances are you are not really satisfied with your relationship,you don't have to be another person than yourself he has to accept you like you are and respect your points of you.

Try to talk to him,to make him understand that you are taking more than your share of your responsibility in this relationship and that you can lose yourself for him.

My contention is that:you can't change anyone unless they are willing to do so.

Good luck.

Your boyfriend needs to realize that he can have you, with all your "faults" or traits he doesn't particularly like, or he can just plain not have you. Tell him that he has to decide whether or not you are worth your "faults" to him.

He has no tolerance^ :/ but I think he will love me I mean he loved me before I changed. He's just afraid that things will be like they used to like him worrying that I'll get hurt by doing stupid things. Exept he also doesn't wanna say oh yeah my gfs the one with that tatoos and in the black. But he can't change the things I like right? Appearance shouldn't matter even tho I don't want him grossed out by me

I'm pretty sure everyone that's in a relationship is afraid of getting hurt. You have to have trust in the relationship and trust that the person won't hurt you. He has to stop freaking out and have faith in you and the relationship.

I kinda think appearance does matter in a certain extent. I mean I understand that you should look "good" sometimes for your bf or something, or you have to dress a certain way in certain occasions but in general, he shouldn't care what you look like. He knew what you looked like before you went out with him so he already knew what he got himself into so it's really not fair that you should change that.

Also, he shouldn't care what others think. If he really does "love" you then he shouldn't be grossed out at all...and he should be fine with how you are.

If you guys umm let's say like getting tatoos for example and ur boyfriend didn't like it would you stop for him or would u continue it?

Regardless of his feeling and disgust for them?

Uh, yeah...it's your choice, it's your body. You can do whatever you want.

If you don't want to then don't. There's a lot of people in the world that have people stop them from doing what they want, but at the end of the day it's really your choice if you want to or not.

I feel like all of these opponions are true and yet I don't want them to be they all point to signs of separation. Which can't happen cuz we really do love each other

Well, the truth is the truth, you can either face it or try to avoid it but it'll always be there...Love never fails only people make it fail. If you love each other then find a way to compromise.

But, if he doesn't accept who you are, then is he really in love with YOU or who he wishes you could be? And think about it, there's probably a guy out there that would LOVE to be with you and wouldn't want to change you and thinks you're perfect...think about it.

Oh and I noticed that you're only 16. I know you probably think he's your "true love" or that it's "forever" but you're young. You have A LOT to experience, believe me I've been in your shoes, I'm sure everyone has. I'm guessing he's probably your first love...I know you don't want it to end and you don't want to get hurt but if he can't love you for YOU then I don't see the point...he's trying to change you to someone you're not, it's not right. You need to talk to him and tell him you're going to stay the way you are.

Just to point this out he's not my first love. This other guy was and he reason why this all fustrates me so much is that my ex was so in love with everything I did he didn't care how I acted he only cared about if I were to get hurt and that was good. This guy is a bit over protective and acts like he's my parent it's stupid that I still want this to work with this but I love him and his company. I'm pretty good at letting go of people for a 16 year old I could let him go even though I don't want to just cuz this is ridiculous but I won't because he's good to me like no other guy was, not even my first love and he's good to my family and neice. He makes me feel happy generally.

I see^^

So you have to do what you feel comfortable doing,but you shouldn't completely lose yourself for him because you may regret it later.

I felt that you want really to keep this relationship,if you are convinced that it's worth of a try then go for it and don't try to compare him to your ex,
each one is different from the other,you have to find out if he really loves you and cares about you this is what matters most.

Haha I totally still rock the barbie dolls. He's being so ridiculous right now were fighting and it just lead to more stuff like how he doesn't trust my friends and I'm like you need to tolerate them cuz I'm not giving them up for you. And he's like well just treat me like a girlfriend should. I told him that I won't be put up to his expectations of a good girlfriend but he still has input in the relationship. He started being so hysterical about it as if I made this whole relatio ship bad. I'm the one who changed for him! It him that has the problem with us not me I was fine with how we were until he showed me that I can't change because I do care about my personality.