What the most important thing in a relationship?

I have a boy friend and he refers to things mostly sex-wise. And we're opposites but that attracts us to each other....i know he loves me and we have our ups and downs but what's the most important thing in a relationship?

To me, the most important thing in a relationship is to keep that spark...that connection between the two lovers. And I dont care what anyone says, SEX is something that helps keep the spark ablaze.
But it is just my opinion.

Sex can make or break a relationship, but isn't necessarily the most important thing in one. Spending time together, being with eachother and happy with eachother is most important, too me anyway.

I understand what everyone is saying because i have an open mind.....but refering to 50% of our convos to sex...?

What do you mean by "he refers to things mostly sex-wise; 50% of the time"? Do you mean he's pressuring you or is he just making sexual puns, jokes and the like?

What is the most important thing in a relationship? So many different things come to mind. I don't think there can be ever just one overall important thing. That's not realistic. Love, friendship, happiness, passion, communication, commitment, trust, loyalty, respect and maturity are just a few that come to mind at the moment. One, particularly, in your case would be HONESTY! If talking about sex makes you uncomfortable and if you're not ready, then you have to be honest with him and tell him so.

Thanx LIZ!!!! lol it's not that i'm scared to talk about sex it's like basically he jokes about it alot....we could be having a normal convo and some sex jokes might pop up....and i don't want sex to be the epitome of our relationship.

My partner and I have been in a relationship for over 4 years and we still make sexual references and gestures all the time, haha! It doesn't mean that it is the only thing your relationship is, or is going to be, based on. In the several months before we even started dating, when we first became good friends, we were cracking jokes left and right and we continued to even when our friendship grew into something more. Why? We're completely comfortable with each other to make them, we're adults, it's completely innocent and good-natured. Just because we make them doesn't necessarily mean we want to "do it" right then and there or are even in "the mood", The first time we were intimate was when we were 18 (and we met at 16).

If it still concerns you, then talk to him about it. Although that might make him feel embarrassed and self-conscious about making them. If you want a more subtle approach, the next time he makes a sexual joke, respond back, jokingly, "I can see what's been on your mind today!" or something goofy like that. He may make a comeback with another joke, but he also might just honestly open up and tell you that he didn't mean anything by it or even if it's been something he's been thinking about.

Trust

Well i would say trust,love.
Trust comes before love. If u trust someone then u would be able to love.. Without trust there cant be any relation at all..

I think love and trust as well.

Thank you....that's such a better way of looking at it....

Trust, he needs to care about you not about sex!

I think you're lucky I had a boyfriend who thought sex was a chore even if we didnt do it that much but ultimaltey I think thats a very feminist way of approaching a relationship the man should be willing to please his woman as the woman should be willing to please him. Sex is very important in a relationship only second to connection and comfort between the people.

They dont have to be nice to each other or even admit their feelings but they can have a wonderful relationship because each has the connection and know inside. Most people would prefer open relationships but I think in the old days it was because everyone didnt spill their guts out in the first week of meeting that the relationships lasted. It feels like you really worked at it and built it and who wants to just tear that down? I dont know if that made any sense but thats what I think.

"Understanding"
knowledge that even tho ya love each other you can lose one another.

people should go into relationships full well knowing that it could not work out and if ya lit a flame know it could one day die out.

to me understanding that nothing is ever going to always go your way and if you have one two or three special days love them but don't get use to those ways, it's that ever wanting perfection
the hope that no matter what nothing will go wrong
and that can never be
cause life my friends is simply not easy
and love and relationship are no exception

I understand what you're saying Marcus but wouldn't you be actually lying to yourself in the beginning of the relationship and giving the person that you're with false hope or impressions?

Attraction, Trust, Honesty

I think friendship is the most important...being in love is great.. being in love with ur best friend is amazing

I am in love with my best friend even though we have our problems

In completely honesty, i could not single handedly choose the most important aspect of a relationship. There are so many factors Love, Trust, physical attraction, mental attraction, lust, sexual contact, belief, inner peace etc.

"I understand what you're saying Marcus but wouldn't you be actually lying to yourself in the beginning of the relationship and giving the person that you're with false hope or impressions?"

^ What Marcus has said is profound and I couldn't agree more. "Understanding", on so many levels, is definitely important, whether your are in a short or long term relationship. For example(s): It seems a lot of young teens, some I know and some I've seen here on P&Q, expect the first person they [date, sleep with or love] to be The One. They expect to always get along. Or they expect that they'll have everything in common. Yet, when that relationship doesn't work out, they don't get along or don't agree on the same things, they're heartbroken, angry or disappointed. The truth is, that first person, second or even third, isn't always going to be The One, sometimes it takes longer. You're not always going get along with each, just like you might not always get along with you parents, siblings, friends or other people in your life. And you won't always agree on everything, no more than you would agree or disagree with what I have to say. When a person doesn't understand that, it is they who are lying to themselves and have given themselves false hope, not those who understand it.

Hope I explained that well enough, lol.

For me it is, RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING and TRUST...

Love, trust and laughter!

HONESTY

One more important thing, in my opinion, in a relationship that I was just reminded of is spontaneity.

I totally agree

In my opinion, I don't think sex is that important in a relationship. I could live without it and I hope if I chose to not have sex the relationship would still last. I wouldn't want a relationship that is based on sex but some people might think that the relationship would be boring without it. Well, in my opinon, if a relationship gets dull then it's either YOU or the other person that is making it dull not 'cause of not engaging in sex.

I think if you had trust, respect, LOVE, etc. then your relationship will last.

I totally agree

Just building off my last post about spontaneity. I don't mean that my partner and myself have to, for example, take an unexpected vacation to an unknown destination, engage in a risky or risque activity, etc (although, I wouldn't refuse or rule out any ideas without considering them first). However, making ~small~ changes to our everyday routine, such as trying a new restaurant, going for a walk on a different route than we usually take, working out together, etc., would be absolutely welcomed! I'm always open to trying different things, not just in terms of our relationship but also simply in terms of my life in general!

"Variety is the spice of life!" --American Proverb

Hmm honesty in communication, for me would be one of the most important. You have to communicate and always be honest while doing so.
Of course trust, loyalty, understanding, having fun! :) Lots of things.

Btw Elizabeth, I agree with spontaneity as well. Keeps things interesting for long term. One of the things that I find sad is that at the beginning most guys (or the ones I know at least) are pretty good at being spontaneous and putting in much effort to please and impress their ladies. However, once they have us and are sure we won't leave them because we are deeply in love some of that beginning romance and effort disappears. I'm not saying this always happens. There are many wonderful guys who keep that initial effort going even years into it, but I've just been noticing a bit of a pattern lately, so I decided to bring it up.

I totally agree Viola this happened to my friend and she's getting pretty weary of the situation.

To me the most important thing in a relationship is that you guys agree on the important things because otherwise you'll pull in separate directions sometimes and maybe end up not working out at all. Then trust, then open communication. Honesty. of course a physical attraction. But be careful because half the time if there is a lot of the physical there is a BIG chance he's just using you to satisfy himself. So it's important to focus your relationship on simplicity sometimes. enjoying each other but doing other things too you know? go out on a bike ride. play some nintendo 64.. Make sure he enjoys you all the time and not just when he's enjoying your body.

The most important thing in a relationship is communication and understanding each other. Then there's trust, if you can't trust one another then what's the point on trying. Honesty. Physical attraction, just be careful beacuse 50% of the time there's a chance that he's just using you for his personal game. The important thing is to enjoy one another not just your bodys.

The most important thing in a relationship is communication and understanding each other. Then there's trust, if you can't trust one another then what's the point on trying. Honesty. Physical attraction, just be careful beacuse 50% of the time there's a chance that he's just using you for his personal game. The important thing is to enjoy one another not just your bodys.

Communication and trust.

Trust, Truth, and commitment.

To me it would be trust...Sex is just an extra thing in the relationship that makes you closer in a way but it isn't the most important thing. Trust and love is what is important.

I also think it is important to have the same goals and interests in life.

I don't believe any of that opposites attract bull. Naturally, my boyfriend and I didn't have all the same interests at the beginning of our relationship when we were just getting to know one another, but after getting to know one another and having spent so much time together we've learned to take an interest in and get involved in with each others interest. Now, we share the same interests. My cousin is another perfect example. She'd never been hunting in her life, never killed anything and couldn't see herself doing either. But after meeting her now husband they go out hunting all the time and she enjoys it. A total shock to the whole family.

The most important thing? Hm, well trust is important. Even though trust can be broken, it can always be earned and built back (even though it's tough.)

I think the most important thing is always having those butterflies in the stomach. When being with a person just becomes a routine in your day..then to me that is just a red flag. As long as you wake up everyday with a smile and are excited to see them and talk to them, then nothing is impossible.

I consider having a good relationship with each others families (whether you are as close with them as you are your own family or at least have a mutual, respectable relationship) as important to a relationship as well.

I would say that open communication along with mutual trust and respect are the most fundamental requirements for a lasting relationship.