Why did I...?

Well there's no way to sugar coat this so i'll just come out and say it.
I was in an affair with a man who already had a girlfriend.
He and his girlfriend had been going out for almost four years.
When he and i met, there really wasnt any attraction.
He was just some guy i knew. Didnt really matter to me.
But as the time passed by we became close friends.
We talked almost everyday, and well it just came towards the point where we would call eachother all the time.
I always kept his girlfriend in my mind.
And it wasnt until last summer that i started to realize my feelings towards him.
I was foolish i know, but i couldnt't help falling in love with him.
He came over many times, sometimes him alone. And sometimes with his girlfriend.
(and believe me, seeing him with his gf was like a knife being stabbed into my chest)
Whenever i saw them together, my heart started to ache.
Not because he was with someone else (well partially)
but because it made me realize that i was doing the wrong thing.
He was always there for me.
He listened to me, cared for me.

We started seeing eachother secretly. Every night i would sneek out and we would go all over the city, doing stupid things or enjoying the scene.
Until one night when we both kissed eachother.
Then after kept getting closer and closer.

There were only few people that knew.
They told us me to stop it andThat the only way for me to be with him was for him to break up with his gf and be with me.
Naturally, i agreed. I waited for him.
In hopes that he would break up with her soon.
Even though we continued to see eachother secretly, he never broke up with her.
I just got fed up with him.
if he would decide then i would decide for him.
So i called him one night, and told him that it was over.
But we havent spoken to eachother since.
And yeah there are moment when i regret breaking up with him.
But i know that if i continued living like that, i wouldn't be able to take the guilt of having to backstab her, and sharing him like that.

I guess in the end, i question myself.
Did i do the right thing?
obvisoulsy the answer is no.
i should have never been with him the first place right?
Call me whatever, i"m sure i deserve it.
To this day i still think about him.
what we had and everything we shared.
so what should i do?
forget?
Could you really forget your first love?

Well to be honest you did the right thing by breaking it off with him. I mean you both were playing with fire and knew it. In the end you were the better person by ending it and he showed you his true colors. He really wanted you both and for a while that is what he had. you have to face the fact that was never going to break up with his girlfriend for you because what guy doen't want two girls? he was dragging you along. BUT you were in the wrong by letting the relationship progess and not stopping it. you knew he had a girlfriend and you still pursused him. you should have known better than that, plus if he was really in love with his girlfriend this would not have started at all. that right there should have told you that he is not the type of guy that you would want to date. because if he did leave his girlfriend for you he would have just have done the same thing to you. leave you for another girl. trust me from personal experience I know.

I think you should move on. You will find someone who wants to be with you and only you. no one deserves to be second to anyone. Plus if he decide that you were the one he wanted do you think you would have posted this? I didn't think so, and if I were you and if he called me and wanted to be "friends" again I hang up. Please be smart if he does do that.

As for forgetting your first love...i think you should take this experience and learn from it. Was he really the type of guy that you would want to remember as your first love? Knowing he had a girlfriend and yet pursused you? i don't think he was your first love simply because yall were never actually together and yall were hiding yall's "relationship". you can't be with someone if they are still committed to another person, and in my opinion he was not committed to his girlfriend or you. The samertest thing for you to do is forget him. I hope i helped you. God Bless

Thank you so much for your advice,
It truly has helped me out.

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
Good Bless

You are most welcome! pm me anytime