Ex girlfriend sttaying at his house.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 months now and about 3 months before me and him started dating him and his girlfriend of a year (on and off relationship) broke up. She lives in Florida and wants to come visit. I trust him and all, but i just feel like there is a respect issue with him letting her come and stay at his house. I would never let my ex boyfriend come and stay in my house. I've brought up to him a few times how uncomfortable it makes me, but he just says "quit trippin" it's not a big deal..Also she sends him little messages on myspace, texts him, calls him and she knows were together i've talked to her and she's seen my comments to him on myspace and what now..but i'm just curious am i over reacting? Or is this a serious concern.

p.s. he's older then me he's 21 im 17

It is a concern if it is one to you i would say.

Trust is something which can be hard to establish in a relationship and you will naturally find it hard to trust him if you two don't talk through your concerns properly.

Maybe there are no hidden intentions between him and her, however it does not mean he can't offer you better support and understanding than what he's currently doing by dismissing your concern.

Trust is a must for a relationship. Ask yourself do you Trust him? not her but him after all he is the one you are dating.

I don't think you're overreacting.

His ex obviously still has feelings for your bf since she's able to buy a plane ticket just to see him. I don't understand why she has to stay with him. Can't she get a hotel or something? It's disrespectful for her to barge into your relationship like that. She knows what she's doing and your bf isn't stopping her.

I think we could say this has to do with trust, respect and security. You might trust him, but obviously you don't trust her or maybe it is just the fact that at some point they had an intimate relationship. He should respect and understand your feelings, but that door also swings both ways. None of this would even be bothering you of you were secure with your relationship, so obviously there is something there that makes you think your relationship can't withstand it. They were together off and on for a year, but how long were they friends? I have 3 ex's off the top of my head who have come to visit me and stayed with me because it is just cheaper that way.

I think you're not overreacting at all.
When people put themselves in situations like this, they're only asking for trouble.
If he wants to avoid trouble, he should politely give her money for a nice motel or hotel room to avoid the temptation that staying the night together would bring.
I know how it is to be around your ex and to have those feelings come back to you, and how it can go farther than you want it to.
Good luck :)

I don't think you're overreacting at all hun. Like Britt said, it's a matter of respect. Clearly he's not respecting your feelings and concerns and it's not respecting your partner to have a ex stay the night, that's just common sense.
I don't really think it has much to do with her not being secure though, I'm secure in my relationship and would most definitely be having problems over this as well. I'd try talking to him about your concerns again and that him not respecting your feelings at all on it upsets you some and why since instead of brushing them off he should be trying to reassure your concerns at least and respecting you by accepting that it makes you uncomfortable and finding someplace else for her to stay.

If my partner ever told me that his ex was coming down (which I don't see happening since they were together over 6 years ago for less than a year in a long distance relationship, she cheated on him, "broke his heart", are no longer friends and don't speak to one another, lol, but hypothetically...) and was going to be staying with us I would be okay. We've been together for over 4 years; he loves me and I love him, and I trust him; he hasn't done anything for me to distrust him. Not to mention we live together, which means, first off, we share a bed and she would be sleeping in a spare room or in the living room, and second, they wouldn't be spending time alone together because she is a guest and like a good host I would be there to entertain her. However, if she even once tried to seduce him; said something or acted inappropriately (for example, talked about their previous sex life or slept or walked around in just her underwear) he would, without a doubt, tell me and he would; we would, send her on her way whether it be 2 o'clock in the morning or not. However, I definitely can't say I would be as "okay" with it if I were in your shoes especially if we'd only been dating for 6 months, it had only been 9 months ago that they broke up, they'd been together for over a year, we don't live together...

I think more emphasis should be put on your BOYFRIEND rather than his ex, for one, because you don't have a relationship with her; you're in a relationship with him, and two, HE is inviting her to stay, or at least is okay with her staying, with him with little regard to how you feel about the situation. Although, I have to agree, it sounds to me like she still has feelings for him, whether or not he still shares those feelings, and tells me that, since she knows you two are in a relationship together and has seen your responses on Myspace, she knows what she's doing but doesn't have any respect for you or your relationship. I'm sorry to say, because I don't want to put the idea into your head and don't know him, but I definitly wouldn't put it past your boyfriend to try to seduce her or let her seduce him, simply because of the way he's been acting. But like BC said, the situation isn't completely incomprehensible. People can still be good friends with their exes. Not to mention it would be cheaper to stay with a friend than in a hotel if she doesn't have any other friends or family to stay with. I however don't think that is the case. And even if it was; even if they were just friends, the way he's been treating the situation and your feelings so flippantly is disrespectful...

I agree with BC, the "door swings both ways". It appears your relationship has respect, security and trust issues; it doesn't sound like your boyfriend has any respect for you or your relationship and it doesn't sound like you're secure in your relationship or that you have a lot of trust in him. However, that is natural and I don't blame you one bit. You've only been together 6 months. Not to mention your boyfriend hasn't exactly inspire confidence in you in him. When you say that you try to talk to him about it and how you feel, that "...he just says 'quit trippin' it's not a big deal", which SCREAMS to me that there is something more going on than he's letting on. Personally, I find that kind of language, especially in the way he's using it to talk to you, to be very disrespectful (not to mention it's a pet peeve of mine that I would never tolerate). It seems, like Amanda said, he's testing you to see how far you'll let him go and if he can get away with it. But then again, maybe he isn't planning anything, maybe he's just being ignorant about the whole situation and about you're feelings. Which is by no means better...

Which leads me to question, like Amanda; whether he is planning something or whether something does happen or not, just what kind of "boyfriend" is he really? Acting so blatantly about the situation and towards you, is that really someone you want to be with?

I agree with all of you and thank you for the advice. I had trust in him until this came up because if you have a girlfriend why would an ex need to come stay at his house. She has no FAMILY here. No FRIENDS here except for him and nothing to come for except for him. There should be a level of respect that hes not giving me. Very disrespectful.

I agree COMPLETELY with Britt. this has nothing to do with trust. You told him you had a problem with this and he ignored your concern. He sounds like a complete jerk for not listening to you. So disrespectful. This is crossing the line. You are not overreacting and you need to tell him straight up that this is NOT okay with you and that he needs to understand. She can get a hotel or something. Just think about why she would want to be there...beats me, but it sounds suspicious. Sure, you trust him but I sure as heck wouldn't trust her.

Her staying with him....for what? What could be so important that she would need to stay with him? Does she not have any friends or what?

This is actually making me furious listening to the people who are saying "you need to trust him" because trust has nothing to do with this. I would be just as concerned.

^ Don't get your panties in a bunch over nothing, no one said "[she] need[s] to trust him". The issue of a lack of trust was brought up because we do not know for a fact that he would, or did, cheat. No one said she "needed" to trust him, as you put it. From what I read everyone, including myself, thought that the real issue, whether he cheated or not, was just how disrespectful of her he was and that she shouldn't tolerate it.