Flirting without meaning to

Can some guys flirt with you without meaning to? i'm not quite sure how to describe this... someone on campus that i'm around A LOT, he's 35 and has a family. he just says thing so me that he probably shouldn't say, but he know i'm not gonna care.
for example, last september he was trying to get me to join our college rugby team. then yesterday we were walking though the gym next to his office. and he says to me "i still think you should play rugby, or you could be on of those girls down there playin volleyball... there are a lot of cute girls down there. i'd like to be down there" and he gives me this really weird look like i should be down there too.
it's a fact that he flirts with me, but he may or may not mean it. i haven't quite figured it out yet. what do you think??

I think it's pretty weird for a 35 year old with a family to say that...

I think he does mean it, it's obvious that he's flirting with you in a creepy sort of way. Is he your friend since you say you're around him a lot? Are you comfortable with this?

Yes, some guys and even girls "flirt" without intending to. I say, quote, flirt, unquote, in that way because I'm a skeptic. I think some people misinterpret something as flirting when it's something else, for example, simple kindness. Around six years ago in high school one of our students had an accident and either broke or sprained his foot so he had to use crutches. It was lunch and as he was walking down the hall when his books in his back pack slipped out and fell to the floor. I ran up to pick up his books, stuffed them in his back pack and zipped it up. I even opened the doors for him because he was going home for lunch. One of the girls who hung around with a few of my friends started cooing, "Awwwe, that's cute, you're flirting with him." Really, I thought, simply showing another person kindness you consider "flirting"? Cause simply lending a hand to someone such as picking up someone's things or opening a door for them so that they don't have to struggle to pick them up or get it open themselves can't be anything other than "flirting". Hahaha.

Simply suggesting that you should play ruby is not flirting. Saying that "...there are a lot of cute girls down there. i'd like to be down there" may or may not be flirting. I wouldn't say for a "fact" or that it's "obvious" he's flirting, for one, because I don't personally know that he is. Second, he sounds like a very extroverted character; whose "flirting" could be in good-nature and who's not afraid to admit who he thinks are attractive.

Whether he is or is not flirting with you; whether it's intentional or not; and whether you consider him a friend or not, if you're uncomfortable with it then speak up.

Thanks guys for being understanding about this. i guess when i read it back to myself it don't sound like much. but i don't think it's nothing. yeah i would call him my friend. my "superior" actually, but not my boss.

^yeah i agree that the whole situation of helping someone with books isn't flirting. that is just being nice. and yes, i would call him extroverted to say the least. like another time, i was in the dining center with him and two other guys my age. we were eating and one of the other guys says "hey i saw that. eyes up" apparently he was either looking at me or someone who walked by. and replied somethin back like "hey i can look at whatever i want" (something like that) but then he gave me that look like "i am so busted" so yeah, he's pretty much busted.
no, i'm not really uncomfortable with it, i just think it's weird. i disregarded it the first few times, but now i just notice it more and more. and the more i think about it, the more intentional i think it is.

I think you like the attention lol

...not quite

Well wether you do or not it matters what kinda person he is and how close of friends or whatever yall are as to if and how he means it cuz some people just have a flirty personality and will flirt with you and not mean to be i am one of these people but i honestly dont know how to flirt its just how i am and people get mislead by it all the time so you might wanna talk and clear somethings up before you make any rash decisions

When you say you feel he's intentionally flirting with you, do you mean in a "he's attracted to me way"? And if you're not uncomfortable then why does it "bother" you; why even bother posting about it? Is it because he's 35 with a family and you just think it's morally wrong of him to be "flirting" when he's 35 and has a family?

I still say flirting with quotations because to me, like Mercy said, it just sounds like that is his personality type. Also, you haven't really told us anything, in my opinion, that indefinitely proves he is intentionally flirting with you. During dinner, you said you didn't actually see whether or not he was "looking" at you or at someone behind you. Is it a crime to simply look at someone? Also, when he suggested you join the volleyball team because there are a lot of cute girls he didn't directly say that you were cute, even if he indirectly implied that, it may have been improper for him to say, seeing he's a family man and that what he said could be misinterpretted, but doesn't mean he is flirting.

Yeah, there are some guys that flirt without even knowing it because it's part of their personality. I've even told a guy and said "You're such a flirt!" and he was surprised and was wondering how he was a flirt! lol so yeah, he might not even know it.

But I'm confused, I don't understand what would be the point of posting this discussion if you say you're comfortable with him flirting with you. Honestly, does it matter if it's intentional or not? What exactly is the problem?

Okay when i said "it doesn't really bother me" i meant that it doesn't creep me out... because we're friends. we all know the type of guy that does creep you out when he tries hitting on you, but that isn't him.
i admit he does kinda have a "bubbly" personality, for lack of a better word. but these things that he says to me, the one's i'm talking about, he only says when we're alone. if there's someone else around, he won't talk to me the same. and it's not just being socially awkward either. i know that type too-the point where being "too bubbly" is weird. no, that's not him.
i know him well enough to say he's not going to do anything, and i wouldn't let him. but the more i think about it and the more i read what you guys have to say about it, the more wrong i think it is.

^^ So, you do you feel it's ~morally~ wrong of him then? If it is wrong, than why do you defend him, as Britt has brought to attention, and why do you choose not to address it? You say that "[you] know him well enough to say he's not going to do anything, and [you] wouldn't let him", but by not addressing it and allowing him to continue to make [said comments] to you, you ~are~ letting him.

Is it just me or does it seem like we're being taken for fools? I still fail to see the point of posting; it doesn't appear you're that bothered by his comments. The more I think about it, looking back at your responses, the more I agree with Bad Romance. I think you like the attention, whether that attention is from him or from us.

First of all, my original question was -can guys flirt without meaning too. and i'm not "defending" him, i'm trying to explain the situation i'm in, which is hard enough becuase there are some things i'd rather not say. why flirt if you cant do anything? and i'm just asking a question. it's not about me, its about "flirting" whether you guys believe it or not.
no offence or anything, but i avoid attention. i get enough from him and i don't necessarily desire it from you, i don't even know you. i just want to see what other people think.

Well, from my own experience, yes it is possible to flirt without meaning to.

As the first lad to post something in this forum, I believe it is 50-50. some lads flirt with girls, and and some lads think there not flirting with girls when they actually are. I think its all about perception to conversation. Like some lad might think he is flirting with a girl, when the girl thinks, this lad is just having a chat with me. both cases are evenly matched i think

What i'm not bringing up, i'm not going to bring up because it is kinda illegal. i didn't mean for this to be about me, i just wanted an answer. its harder then you think to try to explain this. i'm having a hard enough time as it is without more criticism. i thought you guys would be a little more understanding

Actually, if you're 18 years old like your profile says then it isn't illegal, it's just morally wrong.

My advice, if you don't want drama in your life. Get away from this guy. I think inside you want to be with him, that's why it's so important to you if it's intentional or not. You really want to know if he's actually attracted/interested or not. If you are interested in him, you wouldn't want to put yourself in this situation especially when it involves children.

^ Well said again.

No this is different, it's illegal

and maybe that is the truth, i just don't want it to be. i wish he'd stop talking to me like he does

If you're not uncomfortable with him flirting, as you said you aren't, then why would it be "weird" or why would you ~want~ him to stop? If that isn't a definition (connotation) of "uncomfortable" then I don't know what is.

He won't stop if he doesn't know that you want him to stop. As opposed to expecting him to assume to know that you want him to stop and waiting for him to actually stop, if you want him to stop ~you~ have to spell it out for him and be the one to put your foot down! If you continue to not say anything then you're only giving him the impression that it's acceptable and incentive to keep on doing it.

If you want us to be understanding then you can't be selective with the information that you tell us, because our opinions and advise is based on our own experience and what little information we're given. If it's not what you were hoping for, one, that's to be expected because we all have similar and dissimilar views; and two, then you need to explain yourself better.

^ Exactly.

If you wish he'd stop talking to you that way then you stop talking to him. Simple as that.

^ For a moment, lets say that this is Option One. Option Two (what I was originally trying to imply): You can tell him to "Stop [what it is he's doing] because [of whatever reason it is you have]." You don't have to get in his face, yell or be rude by any means, unless you feel that's necessary and unless you still want to be "friends", but get your point across.

A third option I suppose could be to continue to ignore the "problem" (although it is still unestablished as to what the problem, if any, is pertaining to yourself. I also assume that you haven't done anything about it because you haven't responded otherwise saying you have).

Whatever you decided to do, decide not to do or if you even do anything at all, will have consequences. The only difference would be the extent.

Yes, there are many options but I have a feeling you'll choose the third option. But be warned, there are consequences!

Creepy...

However, some men are just overly friendly. I dated a guy like that a few years back and women always thought he was flirting with them...we would go to dinner and they would ask if were family or if I was his friend. Because they thought he was trying to "make a move" with me sitting right there. Some men are just like so you can't really judge him so if you don't truly know him. I wouldn't anyway....