Head vs Heart.

So i'm completely infatuated with this guy, think about him all the time etc. We're not "together" but we're physical and talk a fair bit and like i do really care for him and my hearts trying to tell me i "love" him but i know i don't.

The thing is, he's already showed signs that he's well.. not very nice.. and i always get with those type of guys.. so i wanna try stop this before i get even worse.. but already it's so hard..

Any suggestions to help me like slowly grow further apart from this guy?

Try talking to other guys or even dating someone else. what i did when i find myself like that is i started to focuse on the negative things about him and if we were to date and it slowly made me stop liken him like that..
hope this helps

For starters, try not talking to him as much. Slowly drift away and focus on other things.

"...he's already showed signs that he's well... not very nice..."

^ Do you mean he's shown he's "not very nice" as in he's been physically, verbally or abusive in any other way to you? If so, no matter to what extent that abuse is or his "reasons", I would cease to have any kind of contact with him. "Love" just isn't enough. I say, quote, love, unquote, because I truly don't believe that if someone loved you that they would abuse you in any way, that just because you may love them doesn't mean that you should turn the other cheek and that love isn't enough to make the relationship work.I would not call him, text him, email him, meet with him or answer any of his calls, texts or emails. I would not pursue to have a relationship with him nor even a friendship.

Or, do you mean he's shown that he's "not very nice" as in to other people? Again, I don't think I would personally want to have any kind of contact with him except maybe as a friend, if he's lucky. Depending how he mistreats others, if he does so frequently and without justification, that's just ~not~ the type of person I would be looking to be in a relationship with nor would find attractive in another person. It doesn't matter if you're family, my boyfriend, a friend or a stranger (and in your case, not even if he was my crush), I do not like to see people treat others with disrespect or indecency of any kind, do not take it lightly and would not put up with it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't pursue a relationship with him or that you shouldn't even be friends with him, that's completely your choice, but it certainly isn't behavior I would condone.

I think you should follow both your head; because you ~know~ what is right and what is wrong, and your heart; because you know what ~feels~ right and what doesn't.

He's not abusive, he just makes really horrible comments to me occasionally. and um with the comment that you "truly don't believe that if someone loved you that they would abuse you in any way".. i respect thats your personal opinion, but my last boyfriend abused me and i know he loved me. he didnt see he's actions as wrong, and never really realised the effects they had on me. but we both loved eachother a hell of alot, and the fact that he made mistakes doesnt change that at all.

i really like what you said lastly though like the whole "I think you should follow both your head; because you ~know~ what is right and what is wrong, and your heart; because you know what ~feels~ right and what doesn't." I hadnt really thought of that so thanks.

and thanks for your advice everyone :)

What im saying is people make mistakes, im not saying abuse is right or anything, but just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you cant love someone.

"He didn't love himself which in turn could have never loved you. Someone who love someone else doesn't hurt them in that manner... guess he's an ex for a reason eh?"

With all do respect you cant really say whether he loved me or not. you dont know the situation, i get that your just trying to help and i really appreciate that, just yeh.. please dont jump to conclusions.. and the reason he's an ex is because he's dead.

and also on that, i dont love myself, at all, but theres no way that anyone can tell me that ive never loved someone. atleast half the people in this world dont love themselves, it seems abit illogical to say that all those people dont have the capacity to love anyone.

also with
"I think you need to seek counseling for your past relationship. Any PROFESSIONAL WILL tell you that someone who does that does NOT love you and Does NOT love themselves."
I've been in counselling for years and every psychologist i saw when we were together told me that he didnt love himself, and what he was doing was wrong, but he did love me.

anyway, i appreciate your answer, and i understand that its really not a good idea. i was just kinda more looking for how to break away from this guy before it gets worse. because im finding extremely hard to stay away from him and yeah..

thankyou for answering :)

No ones actually answering my question now.

im not gonna even bother arguing bout the love thing cause neither of us are gonna change our minds and its just making me really upset thinking about it.

and i know its not good to be around this guy, i've said that since the beginning. i just want some suggestions on how to get away from him without just randomly stopping all contact cause i just cant do that, and your gonna say well thats stupid you just deserve it then etc etc but i cant just break it off like that and thats just the way i am, i've done that before and its only made things far worse, so im just asking for alternatives....

Because I tried that before and it ended up turning so bad that he killed himself so i dont want to cut it all off straight away and make the same mistake. im just asking for help, suggestions thats all i wanted, i really dont want to argue...

Yeah, I agree. Thankyou very much for not personally attacking me with that answer either :) I really do want to learn how to change the way i act in relationships, do you have any ideas on how i can?

Thanks heaps :)

Wow, thanks, will do :)

There's a lot I'd like to comment on regarding your latest replies, but for the moment all I want to say is that I agree with everything Kiko has said (especially about how love isn't enough because that is what I had told you). As well as, in regards to what BabyGurl said about "talking to other guys or even dating someone else", I would not even bother with guys for now. Go out with your friends and with family, meet new people and make new friendships, and have fun. Focus on you, because it seems that you have issues regarding your past, have trouble communicating your needs, setting healthy boundaries, etc. that should be addressed first. Seek out and make use of the many therapies available to you, such as group. You can also do your own homework, as Britt and Kiko have said, and read self-help books on how to deal with and overcome abuse, how to forgive yourself, etc.

Being 16 and feeling like you "know" what you're talking about can be a disaster. Take what the people in here are telling you seriously...there really was some great advsie that you should be utilizing.

I come from an abusive family. My father was VERY abusive to my siblings and my mother. I was too young so I never experienced it. However, let me tell you that my father doesn't have a care in the world. In my 25 years of life and my sister's 30 year run the only time we spent with him was when he was beating my family. He didn't love my mother and surely didn't love his children. My sister spent holidays in the hospital on account of his hand...can you classify that as love? I don't think so. Can you call is a mistake when it happened over and over again? Not quite.

I had a boyfriend who never "hit" me but he was that guy that would slam me against a wall when he got mad...I almost married him...however, before I said I do I realized that couldn't be love. A man who loves you would NEVER hurt you. People do make mistakes but mistakes happen ONE time and when they see that it's affected you negatively they never do it again...that is a mistake. An abusive man will continuously do it regardless of your feelings. Know the difference. You're 16...love isn't quite developed yet. I do know that a 16 year is capable of loving, don't get me wrong...but as you get older the meaning and the intensity will surely change. Be weary of a fella that is "abusive" in ANY way. Verbal and emotional asbuse can be just as damaging as physical.

Instead of trying to figure out love and trying to form a "serious" relationship you should enjoy being young. Run free and experience the world and all it has to offer. I know you'll probably do the opposite but one day you'll wish you didn't try to settle....

Be aware of the dangers that lurk out there...and don't let anyone put you down. It starts with a disrespect comment and spirals out of control from there. Be careful my friend.

On another note....NEVER MAKE EXCUSES FOR ANYONE THAT HAS HURT YOU. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND BE STRONG. KNOW THAT ANYONE WHO LOVES YOU WOULD NEVER HURT YOU INTENTIONALLY....ABUSE IS INTENTONAL!!!

I Liked this guy so much like it hurt to be away from him becasue we were always together. But after awhile of all the hanging out and talking a lot he started showing me his true self. Everytime I went to his house we would make out and hold one another then again he would try to get me to smoke with him and I did not want to. Well there was this one day he beat me up like I mean fists hitting me. But the thing is he only hit my thighs I didnt cry I didnt say anything until I got home. When I got home I told a few friends who all tried to convince me that I should tell my dad and his gf but I thought that no I cant 'cause I like him to much. But I thought about it all the next day at school and like I realized that I did like him until he hit me. I liked him until he showed me that I do not like him. I convinced myself in that day that he does not deserve a person like me. That I am to nice for this abusive stuff. At first I was sticking up for him and he beat me. that was not right so I went home and told my dads gf about what happened showed her my legs and she called the police and once my dad came home and saw the police and my thighs he cried. They told me that this all could have been delt with the right way. It's weird but an abusive person starts off with all of the signs like verbal and things like that then one day they are not going to like something you said or did and they are going to do something to you that you are not going to like. I am not saying every guy is like this some men cannot show their softer side but I cannot trust many guys anymore. My new bf plays around with the hitting but I take it seriously. I say to get over him is to just not think about him. Do not text him, have sex with him, do not look at him. Have your friends and or family consume al of your time and you will end up one day thinking who the heck is this guy. I mean it may be hard at first but after awhile then it all just comes easily.