I JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE....

Well my bf and i got back together after being apart for about a year. hes moving back in with me so he can help take care of our baby and be there for us. but we were talking and he told me that he found out that he has a two year old boy that he never meet or knew about.. the problem is that the reason he found out is that his kid was taken away from the mom cause she was doing drugs and other stuff so CPS called him and asked if he was willing to take him if not the grandmother is willing to.

so we were talking about the options and he asked if i would think about maybe takeing him and having him stay with us even if its not my kid. i dont have a problem with that its just i have a 3 bedroom house and its me,him our son, and my friend that leave in my house. i was thinking maybe that i could change the den (that is the play room and computer room) into a room so both the kids can sleep in there and turn my babys room into the play room. i just dont know if we can afford taking in another baby.

so if any of you guys can help me or give me advice i would greatly accepted it.. i kinda need some advice before i go a lil crazy

I agree with Amanda.

I hope she wasn't doing drugs when she was pregnant and hope, at least, she didn't do drugs with him around. My aunt works in the hospital and helps to take care of babies after the delivery. She's told me that after over half of the births in that hospital in most cases the child is taken away because the "mother" was doing drugs (illegal drugs or misusing legal drugs) during the pregnancy. Sometimes the "mother" would get them back right away (I don't see how), sometimes while they are in someone else' care the "mother" would have to go into rehabilitation (which should be mandatory) before they could get them back, sometimes they would be placed in the care of another relative (whether that is permanent or until the mother gets herself cleaned up) and sometimes they would be put up for adoption. She told me about one baby who's mother was doing drugs during her pregnancy (what drug it was I don't remember) and how he would scream until he passed out, not a normal baby's cry but a painful and violent scream, and when he woke up again he would scream some more. Whether he was laying down or someone was holding him he always had his back arched, head thrown back, arms and legs outstretched, and whole body tense. He left quite a few scratches on the nurses tending to him. It breaks my heart.

I have a question. Just to clarify things, who's grandmother is she?

I'm sure both of you have a hard enough time raising the one child you have together financially, emotionally and physically as is. Also since you're both still very young, since you've just gotten back together after a year, are working and going to school. If neither of you are, but more importantly if he is, not able to financially provide for or is not emotionally ready to raise a second child at this time on your own, then the best thing for the little boy would be to let the grandmother take custody of him. Your boyfriend and the grandmother can come to an agreement in terms visitation rights and child support (which doesn't always necessarily mean you have to go through court, if both parties are on good terms or can come to an agreement then it wouldn't be needed, unless someone doesn't follow up on that agreement).

Well he contacted CPS ealier and we found out more info about the issue and she is not going to get him back this time i guess its been over 3 times that they toke him away from her so she will no longer have any of her kids. CPS is willing to set up a meeting with the boy and grandma so we can talk about stuff.

its the girls stepmother. i think both of you are right about it cause he doesnt even know us and he knows hes grandma. johnathan (my bf) can always go visit him or have his son come over any time.
who knows maybe after im out of collage and we are both working he can come and live with us

Three times! Once is by far enough and should be all it takes to get a child taken away from that person and out of that kind of environment. The parent or other guardian should not be able to get custody of that child until they have gone through rehabilitation, and even then, slow steps should be taken to ensure they will not fall into a relapse as opposed to taking it in strides. When someone is doing drugs, and I highly doubt it matters what drug it is or the extent to which it is used, and has (a) dependent(s) I expect that there is, varying in degree, child neglect or abuse. Sometimes, even worse. It seems likely, but I hope that wasn't the case this time for this little boy.

It's great your boyfriend is making an effort and taking the steps to ensure he can be a part of his sons life. Although I agree with Britt, I don't think it would be wise to juggle him back and forth between his grandmother and people he doesn't know or shuffle him from place to place, especially at his age. He doesn't need to come from one dysfunctional "home" (when in his "mother's" care) to another, he needs stability. I hope him and the grandmother are on good terms and can come to an agreement as to what his responsibilities are in terms of providing for his son and how often he can come to visit. As well as they should discuss as to if that visitation includes you and your child. I definitely think, and I'm sure you, your boyfriend and the grandmother agree as well, that these two children should be introduced to one another and be intergraded into each others lives in order to establish a relationship.

Well today my bf, me and the baby went to go see the lilttle boy for easter. he was so happy when we gave him an easter basket full of stuff.
we stayed for about 2 hours just talkin with the grandma and the lil boy.
Its amazing how much he looks like my son but i guess the reason for that is they look like their dad.

the boys didnt get along at first cause they wanted what the other had but after a lilttle bit they acted like they knew each other their whole life it was so cute how they played and hugged each other.

i really hope that we can get him after awhile when im out of collage and we are both working.
i just cant see how hes mother would do all that knowing he would be taking away. she dosent deserve to be around him.. it gets me so mad thinking about how he was treated and she didnt care as long as she got the drugs she wanted she was happy. im glad she can no long see her kids they desever better then that and im sure they will be in better homes now... ya shes the mother but anyone can be a mother it takes a real woman to be a mom and she isnt one.